Advancing The Relationship: What To Text Them After The First Date

Medically reviewed by Majesty Purvis, LCMHC
Updated March 11, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Are you feeling excited after having a successful first date? It can be encouraging to know that you are starting to connect with someone on a romantic level. A great first date conversation is just the beginning, though, because the next important step is knowing what to do after the first date. If you want to continue the relationship, you'll likely want to keep in contact and plan for a second date.

You had the perfect first date – now what?

You might be surprised by how many people wonder what to text someone after they go on a date. Some people wonder if they should send a romantic text after a first date. Even after a first date goes well, many people feel nervous about asking their date out again. It's normal to have a few jitters when you like someone and you want it to work out. 

Take a look at the advice below to learn about your options to text your new romantic interest after the first date.

When to text after the first date

Many people worry about how long they are supposed to wait to text someone after the first date. They second-guess themselves and often hold back even when they really want to reach out to their new interest. Some people hope that their date texts them first so that they don’t have to be the first to make contact. 

People worry about unwritten first date rules that say you should wait a certain amount of time before messaging or calling after going on a date. The truth is that these rules are not set in stone. These rules are really social worries that people have expressed over the years. Some worry that contacting a date too soon after going out makes them seem like they are desperate, but in reality, there's a fair chance your date wants to hear from you, too.

While messaging someone too much could become annoying, you don't have to text your date every few minutes until you get a response. There is nothing wrong with sending out a simple text after your first date to say that you had a good time. You can wait for them to respond to you before sending another one. If it takes several days to get a response, that could mean that your date was busy or that they aren't as interested. Either way, a simple text can be a way to communicate your continuing interest or find out where things stand about a second date.

Some people even text a few hours after a date has ended and simply send a kind message. If you want to tell someone that you had a great time and want to see them again, then that isn't something that you need to hide. Being honest with yourself and with the person you went on a date with can be a good thing. It's also acceptable to wait a day if you'd like to let the buzz from going on a nice date subside before making contact. Ultimately, any decision you make about the timing is valid.

What to text after a first date

Knowing what to text after a first date is also somewhat hard for some people. You might be enamored with this new person in your life, but it may not be easy to find the words. You don’t have to worry if you're drawing a blank when trying to compose that first text after a successful date. Your main goal is to express how you feel while also seeing how your date is doing.

Getty/Halfpoint Images

You might also want to ask this person out on a second date. There are many ways that you can go about this. Some people like to ask when they can expect to go out again boldly. Others feel more comfortable softly suggesting that they should go out again sometime. There is no specific right and wrong way to text someone. It's just about what feels right to you and learning how to communicate honestly.

Below are some examples of simple texts after a first date. You don't have to use these specific text messages. Texting after a first date with a special someone can be enjoyable since it allows you to preserve your connection. When texting, you can use your own style and communicate how you usually would.

These serve as examples in case you're at a loss for words.

  • "I had a great time going out with you. I hope you had fun, too! Let's go out again sometime soon."
  • "I've been thinking about you since our date. That was really fun, and I hope we get to do it again."
  • "Hey, how are you doing? I've been thinking about our date. I had a great time and hope I get to see you again soon."
  • "Hey, you. How is your day going? Our date was really fun, and we should hang out again when you're free."

Whatever you decide to text, you can use your style to ask these sorts of questions or tell your date how you feel. Some people like to use emojis when texting, and others send out gifs to express their sense of humor. You can just be yourself and communicate honestly about how you're feeling.

“Getting to know you” questions

Another thing that you can do is to use texting to get to know your date. Texting can move a relationship forward by helping you to learn more details about the person. Many couples grow closer through texting between dates. There are many types of questions that you can ask to get to know someone better. Below are some sample questions you might ask: 

  • "What's your favorite type of food?"
  • "What's your dream job?"
  • "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
  • "What's your dream vacation?"
  • "Would you like to cook a meal together?"
  • "What's the last show you binge-watched on Netflix?"
  • "Do you have a favorite book?"
  • "What types of music are you into?"
  • "Are you a cuddler?"
  • "Do you like scary movies?"
  • "Do you like spending time outdoors?"
  • "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Some of the questions are very simple, but they may help you learn more about your date. You can also ask some flirty questions and lead the conversation toward something more romantic if your date feels comfortable with it. There are many questions you can ask to build intimacy as well. You may have an easier time planning future dates this way, and you may be able to build chemistry by chatting back and forth.

Remember that some people don't text as often

It's also important to understand that not everyone texts as often as you might like to. Many people use text messages as a main form of communication. It's normal to want to text, and you might want to be able to communicate with your new love interest using texts daily. This is a valid desire, but some people might not be interested in texting that often. If you are dating someone who keeps a busy schedule, they might not have the time to text you back each day. 

You might just remain cognizant of the fact that not everyone is a big texter. Some people still prefer communicating through traditional phone calls rather than sending texts back and forth. You can talk with the person you're dating and figure out how they want to talk and how often they like reaching out. If someone doesn’t want to text dozens of times per day, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't like you. It just might be that they don't communicate like that.

Also, it might help to avoid letting text messaging replace getting to know someone in person. Certain messages and tones can get lost when you're just texting with someone. You can't necessarily read someone's body language over text, and you might miss out on certain aspects of communication. You might try to use text messaging as one way to get to know someone better. Then, you can set up a second date and spend time with them in person. This may be when you're really going to be able to figure out if your budding relationship has a future.

Don't hesitate to contact online couples counselors

Getty/Halfpoint Images
You had the perfect first date – now what?

You don’t need to hesitate to contact couples' counselors if needed. As your relationship continues to evolve, you might find yourself encountering new challenges. Every couple tends to have problems to overcome, and you don’t have to navigate your challenges alone. You can reach out to an online couples counselor to get help. A relationship counselor can usually offer expert advice while also simply being there for you when you need someone to listen. A relationship counselor can also help you approach dating with a healthy mindset if you're just getting started dating.

If you’re interested in speaking with a therapist but don’t want to go to a therapist’s office, you might try online couples counseling, which research has shown to be just as effective as in-person therapy. With Regain, you can talk to a therapist from home or anywhere with an internet connection. In addition to audio and video chat, you can contact your therapist via in-app messaging in between sessions, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.

Counselor reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”


If you have questions about how to approach a new potential relationship, you’re not alone. You can talk to an online therapist about what your next steps might be as you explore this relationship. Take the first step and reach out to Regain today.

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