Eight Tips For Your First Date With A Girl

In any relationship, the first date might be one of the most highly anticipated moments. Your first meeting can be scary, exciting, and nerve-wracking, all at the same time. 

If you're going on a date with a girl you're interested in, you may feel nervous about finding a place to meet, making a positive impression, and keeping the conversation flowing throughout your date. 

Whether this is your first date ever or you’re simply trying to date more regularly, remember that a date is simply an opportunity for two people to meet and connect. If you’re unsure how to plan the outing and keep your cool from start to finish, these seven tips can help you stay calm and show up as the best version of yourself.

1. Be respectful.

Whether it’s your first date with someone you barely know or a 10-year anniversary dinner, mutual respect is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship.

Opening the door for your date, offering to hold her jacket, or bringing her flowers may seem like small actions, but these acts of respect show that you’re thinking about your date, and want her to feel comfortable and cared for on the first date and beyond.

2. Give a genuine compliment. 

Genuine compliments benefit both the giver and receiver. Research shows that positive feedback can reduce the negative effects of stress on employee creativity, and that the human brain processes social rewards (like verbal affirmation) similarly to monetary rewards.  

In both research and your own life, the power of compliments is palpable. But what makes a sincere, genuine compliment, especially when you’re just getting to know someone? 

While everyone’s approach to compliments will vary, a simple comment can go a long way. Try framing your compliment around a specific trait, like the color of your date’s shirt, the brightness of her smile, or a thoughtful point she made during your discussion. Genuine compliments are focused and thoughtful, and they don’t need to be overly complicated. 

3. Maintain steady eye contact. 

Several studies demonstrate a link between eye contact and romantic attraction, coupled with feelings of trust and closeness. Holding eye contact for extended periods of time might sound intimidating, but if the attraction is mutual, prolonged eye contact may feel natural and even exciting. 

Of course, eye contact can feel awkward for a variety of reasons. In the context of a first date, you might feel nervous and overwhelmed, which can lead both your thoughts and eyes to wander. If you’re prone to look away from your date out of nervousness or distraction, these quick tips may help: 

• Notice the color of your date’s eyes. This simple step reminds you to actively make eye contact (and might also be the basis of a compliment about her eyes). 
• Practice with a friend. If you struggle with eye contact in both romantic and professional contexts, you can ask a trusted friend or colleague to point out when your eyes are wandering in everyday conversations. 
• Push yourself to maintain eye contact for at least 4 to 5 seconds. By sustaining eye contact for a while (but not too long!), you can project confidence and show interest in your date.  

4. Have some questions ready.

While you don’t want a first date to feel like an interview, preparing some light or interesting questions can help you navigate any ebbs and flows in conversation. 

For many people, the first date is an opportunity to have fun and keep things light while getting to know each other. With this in mind, the following questions can keep your conversation flowing: 

• “What is a skill you want to learn or improve? 
• “What is your favorite place in the world?”
• “What does your ideal Sunday (or any other day) look like?”
• “Who are the important people in your life?”
• “How do you relax?”

If you feel comfortable with your date, you may progress from lighter, easier questions to ones with more depth and thought. Regardless of how the conversation evolves, pay close attention to your date's answers: doing so helps you get to know her better, while providing the information you need to ask thoughtful follow-up questions. 

5. Cultivate a calm, positive headspace before the date begins. 

While you can’t control every variable in your environment, you can take time to get in a positive headspace before meeting with your date. Do some light stretching, meditate, breathe deeply, or use another relaxation exercise to clear your head and cultivate calm. 

While it’s usually best to focus on the positive and maintain a fun, light demeanor on your first date, take care to avoid “toxic positivity”, which involves dismissing negative emotions and providing false reassurances in moments of distress. 

Of course, if both parties feel comfortable and the conversation naturally progresses to more serious, emotional topics, you’re allowed to get vulnerable and discuss any feelings or experiences that feel relevant to the conversation. By beginning the date with a positive mindset, you’ll have a sense of calm and clarity to take the conversation to deeper places, if this progression feels natural and interesting. 

6. Be honest. 

Honesty is a matter of authenticity and “being yourself”: a somewhat cliched concept, but an essential aspect of any relationship, and especially a first date. Showing up as your true, authentic self can feel scary, but it doesn’t need to be complicated. 

Most people want to feel like they know the inner working of the person they’re dating, beyond the facade they might present to strangers. Ultimately, you want your date to know and love the “real” and complete you, so start off on the right note from date #1.

Be truthful about who you are, what you’ve done, what you believe, and what you hope to do. Honesty is a pillar of healthy relationships, whether they’re romantic or platonic – so if you’d like this relationship to progress, establish the framework for honesty and realness on the first date. 

7. Be confident and decisive.

The ability to make decisions with confidence is an attractive and generally useful trait. Before, during, and after your first date, there are plenty of decisions to make: your outfit, the meet-up location, how to split the bill, and whether to reach out afterward for a second date. 

Thinking about each of these decisions can feel overwhelming, but remember that you only have to make one choice at a time. Becoming a confident decision-maker takes time, but a first date is an excellent opportunity to practice being decisive and planning a thoughtful, mutually exciting outing. 

Before you meet your date, ask about her interests and create a short list of fun activities that you’d both enjoy doing together. The date doesn't need to be elaborate or expensive: instead, the goal is to plan a thoughtful excursion together, while taking your date’s interests, schedule, and location into account. 

8. Decide how to pay the bill. 

Deciding who pays on a date can feel like another big decision, particularly if this is your first date with a girl you’ve just met. Rest assured: there is no “right” way to approach paying for a date. Ideally, you can make a shared decision that honors each person’s comfort levels and financial situation. 

Some people find that paying for their date is a nice, respectful gesture. Others might ask to split the bill as a symbol of equity. Thinking about this decision beforehand may be helpful, so you have a general idea of your payment plan before the date. 

Alternatively, you can pick a free or low-cost activity, like a long walk or a game night, to eliminate any stress you might be feeling about paying for a date. 

Work with a therapist to enhance your dating life

Whether you’re casually dating or looking for a deeper, long-term romantic connection, a therapist can walk you through the various stages of dating and help you feel more connected to yourself and others. Some people prefer the traditional mode of in-person therapy, but a growing number of couples and individuals are using online therapy to work on their mental health. Using a digital platform like Regain, you can connect with a board-certified therapist within a few hours or a few days, depending on therapists’ availability. Each therapist has a master’s or doctoral degree in their field and at least three years of professional experience, as well as expertise in relationship therapy.

A large body of research suggests that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions. In a 2021 study of couple and family therapists’ experiences with telehealth (online therapy) during the COVID-19 pandemic, several positive themes emerged in the transition to online therapy. These included greater comfort with the online platform over time, a positive first impression of telehealth, and optimism among therapists about the benefits of online therapy. While digital services also present some challenges, online therapy is a powerful tool that can make clients feel safer and more comfortable in their natural environments.

Takeaway

A first date can be one of the most exhilarating occasions of your week, month, or even your life. While the unknowns of this occasion add to the excitement, the uncertainty can also create some nerves. Remember that you’re not alone in these feelings and keep these tips in mind as you plan for the first date – and, hopefully, prepare for the next one.

If you're navigating the dating world on your own, a licensed therapist with expertise in relationships and dating can offer tips and reassurance. The point is to have fun and get to know each other, so take a deep breath, choose an outfit that makes you feel great, and give yourself permission to feel excited. You've got this!