Not Attracted To Boyfriend Anymore: End The Relationship Or Try To Work Things Out?

Updated September 15, 2023by Regain Editorial Team
“Attraction will naturally ebb and flow as well as change what parts of someone you are attracted to. Think through what your heart is telling you versus what your mind is telling you. Doing that should hopefully lead you to a balanced decision between your emotions and the facts.” - Ryan Smith, LPC, NCC

When you initially got together with your boyfriend, those beginning stages of the relationship were likely filled with passion, chemistry, and attraction that only grew with time. Maybe you were first drawn to your boyfriend because of their looks and then developed an even deeper attraction when you got to know their personality and quirks. While feelings of attraction can change over time, if you’re suddenly finding that you’re no longer attracted to your boyfriend, you may find yourself questioning the relationship. Perceiving your significant other differently can mean making a difficult choice in your relationship. However, before making a decision, there can be several different factors to consider. 

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You Don’t Have To Figure Everything Out Alone

Can The Relationship Be Saved?

You may be facing a painful truth when acknowledging certain factors are no longer present in your relationship. Reaching this point may define your relationship moving forward. Think about what is most important to you and what you want in the relationship. It can be important to recognize the difference between love and lust because it may influence the intimate aspects of the relationship. Although a relationship can survive without attraction if you and your boyfriend are comfortable with it, if there’s an imbalance in how you perceive one another, it can cause issues. 

If you feel that the relationship is ending because of a lack of attraction, consider whether it’s something you’d like to save. If the relationship is worth it to you, there are steps you can take to reignite the spark with your boyfriend. It can be important to be open and honest about how you’re feeling, particularly to avoid resentment from building up. Talking with your boyfriend can be just one step in deciding what to do next. Additionally, speaking with a professional could help you work out your feelings and achieve a healthy outcome for you and your boyfriend. 

Understanding Your Relationship Perception Of Attraction

When you notice a change in the dynamics of your relationship, you may wonder what happened and why things changed. Maybe you feel your boyfriend isn’t enough in terms of what they have to offer physically, intellectually, socially, etc. Perhaps you desire more emotional connection or love from your boyfriend, but you’re not sure how to get it. In some cases, you may even have vocalized these needs, but the boyfriend cannot meet them. Assessing the situation and being open about your feelings can be important for the health of the relationship and the individuals involved. 

When thinking about attraction, it can be crucial to consider the situation from different standpoints. Elements such as compatibility, chemistry, and passion can change with time. Some relationship studies note that the level of attraction decreases months into a relationship simply because keeping the spark alive isn't easy. So, if there was an element of attraction initially, it might be possible to try and work things out. Others may say it is not worth the effort to decide if the element of attraction isn't there. Ultimately, it is a personal decision what you choose to do when you’re no longer attracted to your boyfriend. 

11 Signs You Are No Longer Attracted To Your Boyfriend

It can be natural for attraction to fade in relationships. Keeping the spark alive can be essential for some relationships to continue to flourish. If you’re wondering why your relationship feels different, it may because you’ve lost your sense of attraction to your boyfriend. Here are some signs that you’re no longer attracted to them:

1. You're not interested in date night anymore. You no longer feel excited or look forward to going out on a date with your boyfriend. If you do go out, you lack effort into your looks to make yourself look more desirable.

2. You've stopped texting or calling them. In the past, you may have gotten excited and rushed to get your phone upon receiving a text notification or a phone call. Maybe you liked sending cute text messages to them during the day. Now, not only are you not sending messages, if you have free time or an extended break such as a weekend, you might not feel like calling them.

3. You're thinking about someone else. If you have someone else in your head and you can't stop thinking about them, this could cause problems in your current relationship. You may compare this individual to your boyfriend and have other questionable thoughts. You may have grown apart from your boyfriend upon realizing you fell in love with only certain parts of them. The desire to learn more about someone new may be stronger than your desire to make things work out with your boyfriend. 

4. You grow more annoyed by their actions. Things that didn't bother you as much earlier in the relationship might be getting on your last nerves. Maybe it's the way they comb their hair, how they eat, or tell a joke. You might get bored quickly at whatever they choose to discuss. These actions could mean that you're avoiding being intimate, or you decide to put up with it out of fear of not finding someone better.

5. You might not talk to their family or friends. Maybe you adored their family or friends at one point or were accepting of them. Now you may be avoiding them because things between the two of you have changed.

6. You don't have sex, or you don't think about your boyfriend while doing it. Your sexual interest in your boyfriend might have gone downhill, and even if you are intimate with them, your mind might wander. Even if you’ve talked to them about how you’re feeling or tried to spice things up, the situation may not have changed.

7. Your boyfriend doesn’t impress you like they used to. Even if they make efforts to impress you, you might not feel impressed by their actions. You used to smile, but since things have changed, you may experience more apathy than anything.

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8. You used to look forward to talking with your boyfriend about your day, but now you might prefer to keep things to yourself or discuss them with someone else. You've started distancing yourself from them or feel that trust isn't there anymore. Or it could be the other way around; your boyfriend wants to talk about their day, and you don't seem interested to hear about it.

9. You're not excited about your boyfriend when you talk to your friends. At the beginning of the relationship, you were thrilled to talk to your friends about them and the things you were doing together. Now, you may spend little, if any, time mentioning them and instead talk about something or someone else.

10. You don't bother introducing your boyfriend to people that you know. You liked introducing them to other people such as co-workers or other friends because you were happy and excited to be with them. Now, you might not bother introducing them, and you may not want to take them places.

11. You don't want to do anything special for your boyfriend. Perhaps you used to like spoiling them by going out of your way to do something different, such as cooking a meal, planning an outing, or leaving love notes. Now you may not feel like trying to be romantic, and you might not be inspired to do anything if they’re not on your mind like they used to be.

When not attracted to a boyfriend due to changes in the dynamics of your relationship, it is possible to work things out. An attraction that has faded may signal something isn't right, or that you need to focus on something specific that is an underlying problem. It could also be possible that not enough time hast passed yet to cultivate your feelings for each other. On the other hand, if you feel bored, have a complete lack of interest, or don't have a reason to pursue a relationship, it may be time to move on.

Defining The Status Of Your Relationship

Understanding where your relationship stands may determine whether you can save it or not. There are a few things to consider as you determine where each person stands. While you may feel guilty for experiencing a lack of attraction, know that your partner may be having the same thoughts and emotions. When you are ready to talk about your thoughts with your boyfriend, try to remain honest, open, and willing to listen.

Love can cause us to go through all kinds of emotions. It may also involve emotional trials that require a lot of effort. Sometimes outside influences from society can affect the feelings we have for another person. Relationships often have standards set by society that can be difficult if not impossible to meet.

It can be important to recognize what truly matters when having meaningful relationships and why it is important to be true to yourself. Attraction can fade, and it is up to you and your partner to work things out, keep things interesting, and determine the direction of your relationship. Many people experience guilt when lacking attraction to their partner, but it is okay to admit it because it is part of being human. 

It is okay to admit your attraction to your boyfriend isn't there, but you can be productive in determining what steps are necessary for your relationship. Although the attraction may not be there, it doesn't mean the relationship can't be saved. Reassessing your feelings includes understanding where your boyfriend stands and if both partners are willing to work on the relationship and view it as something worth saving. 

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You Don’t Have To Figure Everything Out Alone

Online Counseling With Regain

Navigating issues of attraction can be complex and difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. Regain offers online counseling for couples and individuals alike. Although you and your significant other may have busy, conflicting schedules, online counseling often makes it easier to find a time that works for everyone. You can meet with your therapist from your home or anywhere else you have a stable internet connection. This makes accessing mental health care more convenient without adding additional worries. 

The Efficacy Of Online Counseling 

Couples experiencing issues with attraction in their relationships may benefit from online counseling. In one study, researchers found evidence that couples therapy via videoconferencing was “a viable alternative to face-to-face interventions, especially for those couples who may not have access to the treatment they require.” While the therapeutic alliance did not vary between online and face-to-face groups, it did increase significantly with time for both groups. Additionally, “the results indicated improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and all other outcome scores over time.”

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

The Takeaway

Attraction can ebb and flow within a relationship. Not feeling attracted to your boyfriend at some point does not mean the relationship has to come to an end. Discussing your feelings honestly and openly with your boyfriend can help you both experience a deeper sense of trust. Together, you can decide whether or not to move forward with the relationship. Those experiencing troubles that feel too difficult to manage alone may benefit from online counseling, whether individually or as a couple. 

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