Not Attracted To Boyfriend Anymore: End The Relationship Or Try To Work Things Out?

Updated July 28, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault

Things were great when you initially got together. Maybe you were attracted to his looks at first and developed a further attraction even through his quirks. There may be some pet peeves here and there, but you enjoyed his company until recently. You notice your feelings for him have changed, and the way you perceive him is different from earlier in the relationship. The attraction appeal has faded, but you may wonder - what does this mean for your relationship? Should you end it or try to work through it? There are a few aspects to consider before making a decision.

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Understanding Your Relationship Perception Of Attraction

When you notice a change in the dynamics of your relationship, you may wonder what happened and why things changed. Some experience relationship anxiety where they want more emotional connection or love from their boyfriend, but they're not getting it. Maybe the aspect of the boyfriend being "not enough" comes into the picture while thinking about what they have to offer physically, intellectually, socially, etc. Having an attraction is important, but it is time to assess the situation when it's not there because it will continue to bother you unless things change.

When deciding the relationship, it is crucial to consider the situation from different standpoints. You'll want to assess your feelings and consider sharing your feelings with your boyfriend. Elements such as compatibility, chemistry, and passion change with time. Some relationship studies note that the level of attraction decreases months into a relationship simply because keeping the spark alive isn't easy. So if there was an element of attraction initially, it might be possible to try and work things out. But others may say it is not worth the effort to decide if the element of attraction isn't there.

11 Signs You Are No Longer Attracted To Him

It is common for attraction to fade in relationships. You may try to make things exciting, but things haven't changed. Keeping things interesting is essential for any relationship to encourage growth in both partners. However, there may be signs along the way that things have faded to where you may need to consider advice from a relationship expert or couples' therapy. Here are things to look for signaling you're no longer attracted to him:

1. You're not interested in date night anymore. You no longer feel excited or look forward to going out on a date with your boyfriend. If you do go out, you lack effort into your looks to make yourself look more desirable.

2. You've stopped texting or calling him. You would get excited and rush to get your phone upon receiving a text notification or when the phone rings. You liked sending cute text messages to him during the day. Now, not only are you not sending messages, if you have free time or an extended break such as a weekend, you don't feel like calling him.

3. You're thinking about someone else. You got a new guy in your head, and you can't stop thinking about him. You may compare him to your boyfriend and have other questionable thoughts. You may have grown apart from your boyfriend upon realizing you fell in love with only certain parts of him. The desire to learn about the new guy may not be as strong as you think while being with your boyfriend, who seems boring at this point.

4. You grow more annoyed by his actions. Things that didn't bother you as much earlier in the relationship are getting on your last nerves. Maybe it's the way he combs his hair, how he eats, or tells a joke. You get bored quickly at whatever he chooses to discuss. These actions may be petty, but they could mean you're avoiding being intimate, or you decide to put up with it out of fear of not hooking up with someone better.

5. You don't talk to his family or friends. Maybe you adored his family or friends at one point or were accepting of them. Now you're avoiding them because things between the two of you have changed.

6. You don't have sex, or you don't think about him while doing it. Your interest in him sexually has gone downhill, and even if you are intimate with him, your mind wanders. Maybe you used to fantasize about being with him. Things haven't changed after talking to him about or trying to do something different and exciting to spice things up.

7. He doesn't impress you like he used to. He makes efforts to impress you, but you don't feel impressed by his actions. You used to smile, but since things have changed, you cringe or feel emotionless.

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8. You don't talk about your day or share your thoughts with him. You used to look forward to talking with him about your day, but now you keep things to yourself or discuss them with a girlfriend. You've started distancing yourself from him or feel trust isn't there anymore. Or, it could be the other way around; he wants to talk about his day, and you don't seem interested to hear about it.

9. You're not excited about him when you talk to friends. At the beginning of the relationship, you were thrilled to talk to your friends about him and the things you were doing together. Now, you spend little, if any, time mentioning him and instead talk about something or someone else.

10. You don't bother introducing him to others, you know. You liked introducing him to other people such as co-workers or other friends because you were so happy and excited to be with him. Now, you could care less about introducing him, and you don't want to take him places.

11. You don't want to do anything special for him. You liked spoiling him sometimes by going out of your way to do something different, such as cooking a meal, planning an outing, or leaving love notes. Now you don't feel like trying to be romantic, and you're not inspired to do anything if he's not on your mind like he used to be.

When not attracted to a girlfriend or boyfriend due to changes in the dynamics of your relationship, it is possible to work things out. An attraction that has faded may signal something isn't right, or you need to focus on something specific that is an underlying problem. It is possible enough time hasn't passed yet to cultivate your feelings for each other. On the other hand, if you feel bored, lost interest, or feel nothing wrong but don't have a reason to pursue a relationship, it may be time to move on.

Defining The Status Of Your Relationship

Understanding where your relationship stands may determine whether you can save it or end it. There are a few things to consider as you understand where each person stands. Even though you will assess your thoughts and how things have been, you need to consider those of your partner because they could be feeling the same. Think about your level of sexual attraction and how it has changed. Do you resent your boyfriend for something he did, or do you have feelings for a past flame? How are things when you tell your boyfriend your feelings or ways to turn you on? When you are ready to talk about your thoughts with your boyfriend, be honest, open, and willing to listen.

Can The Relationship Be Saved?

Reaching this point may define your relationship moving forward. You may be facing a painful truth when acknowledging certain things are no longer there. Think about what is most important to you and what you want in the relationship. Know the difference between love and desire because it may influence the sexual aspects of the relationship. Something isn't right if you dislike your boyfriend to where you don't want to be intimate unless both of you are fine with that.

If the relationship is ending, examine why and is worth it. Think about how things would be if the relationship ends; will you be able to move on without him? If the relationship is over, does your perspective of him change? Come clean about why you feel the attraction has faded. Being honest helps release tension and resentment. Besides talking with each other, work through your concerns with a couple's counselor to further assess your issues to achieve an amicable outcome.

Don't Feel Guilty

Love makes us go through all kinds of emotions. It may also make us go through emotional trials that require a lot of effort. Sometimes outside influences from society affect how we have feelings for another. Relationships have standards set by society that's impossible to meet. It would be great to have a relationship like a Disney movie with a happy ending. Still, we need to realize what matters when having meaningful relationships and why it is important to be true to yourself. Attraction can fade, and it is up to you and your partner to work things out, keep things interesting, and determine the direction of your relationship. Most people experience guilt when lacking attraction to their partner, but it is okay to admit it because it is part of being human.

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It is okay to admit your attraction to your boyfriend isn't there, but you can be productive in determining what steps are necessary for your relationship. Just because the attraction isn't there, it doesn't mean the relationship can't be saved. Reassessing your feelings includes understanding where he stands and if both partners are where you want to be.

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