Is He Attracted To Me? 5 Reasons He's Not Just Being Nice
By: Lindsay Hamilton
Updated September 18, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
Women often can convince themselves that the man they are interested in doesn't like them back. This can be linked to a theory known as error management. It states that men are biologically more likely to think that women are attracted to them, even if they aren't. And women are more likely to think men have not attracted them, even if they are. Because of this, women miss chances at romantic relationships because they didn't think there was a chance at all. Women often find themselves asking, “Does he like me or is he just being nice?”
Women look for commitment in their partner. They want to be sure that if they put in the time for a relationship, that their time isn't wasted. It's easy to brush off someone's intentions by saying, "he's just nice." But if a guy is interested, he will go out of his way to let you know so. This will be obvious from signs like prolonged eye contact and body language. You'll start to see that there's more there than just politeness. Both men and women are also subtly attuned to flirting, especially when it comes to the body language and small but noticeable physical contact that goes into it. If a guy likes you, there are some clear signs that he'll do unconsciously that you can pick up if you know what to look for.
There are five universal signs in a man’s body language that you can look for to see if a guy is interested in you. Everyone flirts in their way, but if a guy does a version of these five body language indicators while he's around you, it’s a good sign that he like you and it is safe to say he'd like to be more than friends with you.
If you’re asking yourself, “Does he like me or is he just being nice?” these key indicators can help you find the answer to your question.
- He Makes Eye Contact
If you're talking with a guy and he makes eye contact with you, that's a good sign that he's into you. Eye contact is different from physical contact in that it can me more easily misread. Make sure that he’s actually making eye contact and not just staring “through” you while you’re talking. If a man likes you, his true eye contact will be apparent from the rest of his body language. If the rest of his body language seems open and attuned to what you’re talking about, then chance are, his eye contact is genuine.
If he’s always looking at you when you’re speaking and making an effort to maintain eye contact, even during lulls in the conversation, there is no question he is attracted to you. When he makes eye contact, he's paying attention to what you are saying. If he's just nice, he might listen to you, but his eyes will probably be elsewhere. But a guy giving true, prolonged, and frequent eye contact is a clear sign that the guy is interested in you romantically. Increased eye contact doesn't look like staring. He won't make you uncomfortable with his gaze. Instead, he'll look you in the eyes while you're talking, showing interest and understanding. He'll smile, laugh, and make sure you are comfortable. His eye contact will put you at ease and may even make you feel important to him.
- He'll Playfully Touch You
Where girls will do gentle touches to show affection, guys are playful with their touch. Making excuses for physical contact is a sure sign that a guy is interested in you. If he finds out you're ticklish, he'll randomly start to tickle you to get you to laugh. He'll put a hand behind your back when you walk together into a building. He'll hug you, hello and goodbye. These are common when a guy is into you. Also, if he notices a loose strand of hair on your shirt or a piece of lint and picks it off for you, that's a sign he likes you too. This is a clear sign that it’s more than he’s just being nice. This is called "preening." It’s a form of physical contact that is meant to show the other person that they are valued and cared for. Guys act attentive to even a small touch when they like you, even if they’re not usually a touchy feely person. Touching in a budding relationship is how physical intimacy starts. If a guy reaches out to touch you, and it's a touch that you want, he probably likes you. This is a sure sign of romantic interest, and it usually means that a guy is genuinely interested in you.
- He Leans Forward When He Talks To You
Along with eye contact, if he leans forward when he talks to you, he's creating a space for the two of you to communicate. The closer he wants to be to you, the more he probably likes you. This body language is a minute way that guys go for physical contact. People who are just being nice don't want to get closer and closer to another person. Instead, they'll keep a safe distance and might lean away if you try to touch them. However, a guy who likes you won’t shy away from that physical contact! His whole body language will actually be leaning into the physical contact. Also, while he’s leaning in for that physical contact, he’ll be maintaining eye contact the whole time.
You'll be able to tell if he's getting closer to you. A guy who likes you might lean in when he's talking, or he might inch closer to you on the couch. Before you know it, your thighs could be touching. This is how those butterflies get started. When you can tell that a person is doing everything they can to be closer to you. Of course, if he doesn’t do this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not interested in you. He could be genuinely interested in you but also a bit nervous when it comes to physical touch.
- He Removes Barriers Between The Two Of You
This is something super interesting that guys do when they like someone. Say you meet up for a cup of coffee with a guy you aren't sure you like. You go to a coffee house and order something to drink. When the drinks come, you both have the coffee cups in front of you, maybe your phone is there, sugar, napkins, etc. Without either of you being aware, throughout the conversation, all of those items between you will be moved out of the way. Perhaps the guy who likes you moves all of these objects to the side of the table. Maybe he'll take your coffee cup once you're done the drinking. This is considered to be removing barriers between the two of you. This is a subtle change in his body language, and he might not even realize himself that he’s doing it! They aren't big, physical barriers, but things that exist in the space between you two. If a guy does this, he most definitely has a crush on you.
- He Texts You First
Finally, if a guy likes you, he'll likely text you first. Now, playing the text waiting game is never fun. So, if you like a guy, don't be afraid to text him first. If he likes you, he'll text back. But say a guy texts you out of the blue that you think is kind of cute, but you hadn't noticed him that way before. If he's texting you, asking you questions, and wants to get together, chances are he's hinting that he likes you as more than a friend. However, if you text a lot, but it doesn't end up on a date, he might just be being nice to you. For a relationship to flourish, you need to have face to face time. A relationship made of texting will fizzle out fast. This is because when you’re only texting, you don’t have the benefit of eye contact and body language to enhance the conversation. Without body language especially, it can be difficult to catch the full meaning and intention of another person’s communication.
Remember, ladies, that these signs are great when the advance is wanted. But if you are being pursued by a guy you aren't interested in, make it clear that you don't want a relationship with them. It's better to let them know than to string them along. A lot of guys are clueless when they're already attracted, so you need to be as clear as possible to make sure they understand. If you’re not romantically interested in him, it’s best to hand a man a clear statement to that effect. Be clear and direct, and even if you enjoy the attention that he is giving you, don’t just wait a bit longer to call him out on his persistent and insistent behavior. This will be best for both of you in the long run.
So, there you have it, all the way from the eye contact to the whole of his body language. These are the top five signs that a guy is into you, and isn't just being the nice guy. But navigating the dating world is tricky, and even this list leaves room for interpretation. Eye contact and body language aren’t always a breeze to read and interpret in a guy. It's so easy to bring bias into a situation where you're trying to read someone's mind. That's why it is important to not decide off of one sign alone. There should be many signs that he likes you. You should be looking at more than just his words or his body language separately. Instead, you should look at his behavior and actions as a whole.
He should be pursuing you and making moves to get to know you better. Guys don't usually spend a long amount of time with girls, making them laugh and finding different ways to touch you if they don't want something more than friendship. There could be guys that are just naturally affectionate, but they will find other ways to make it known they want to be just friends.
If you want some help or at least someone to talk to about dating, try to ReGain. ReGain is a text therapy platform of licensed mental health counselors and therapists specializing in relationship counseling. You can come as a single person or bring a significant other along. The counseling is completely confidential and takes place in a secure chat room where you, your significant other if you bring one, and a therapist will chat back and forth through messages. If you are in a relationship but don't want your significant other to be in the therapy sessions, that is also okay. The therapists are there to help you in whatever way you need. You can also change your mind and add a significant other to the sessions at a later date.
ReGain is a platform that allows people to get questions answered about relationships without needing to talk in person to a therapist. This platform is for people who want the help, but don't have the time or money to put into an in-person session. ReGain does offer phone or video chatting by request if you would like to do so. It is not required. ReGain is also subscription based so you can decide to do the therapy month by month.
Relationships are hard. Figuring out if someone wants to be in one with you is even harder. That's why these therapy programs exist. To help you if you need someone to walk you through the messy web of it. Trying to figure out if someone likes you can get stressful. These tangible signs can help you, but you won't truly know if someone likes you until they tell you themselves. That's why it can help to talk to someone. They can listen to you if you're feeling unrequited love. They can help you ask someone out if you're not sure you have enough courage. They can even be there for you during heartbreak.
There's no reason to go through dating life alone. For more information about ReGain and to get matched with a therapist, go to www.regain.us/start. It's time to get the help you deserve.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you tell if a man is attracted to you?
If he’s interested in you, he will want to be around you as much as possible. He will find ways to make spending time with you possible. He might strike up a conversation out of the blue, or make excuses for spending time with you alone. He will show sexual attraction to you by complimenting you on your personality or appearance. He will want to spend time with you as much as possible. One of the signs of attraction is when a man reaches out to you without prompting. When a guy is interested in you, it’s obvious because you don’t have to ask him to call you back or text you or hang out. After all, he’s the one initiating. Another clear sign he likes you is if he is actively trying to hang out with you, or help you, or find out more about you. There are also indicators like eye contact or compliments, and showing that he’s interested in your physical appearance, or who you are as a person. It’s essential to pay attention to the actions guys take because actions, about men, often speak louder than words. If a man is attracted to you, there will be no mistaking it. He will show you through actions.
How do you tell if a man is attracted to you but hiding it?
It’s a common question to ask yourself, “Is he attracted to me?” Especially when you like a man. Most guys don’t hide physical attraction. Not to discount some men that are more verbose and forward in their language. But when a man is attracted to you, he will show it, often through action first. However, some men are shyer. Sometimes you can tell physically if a guy is attracted to you, and trying to hide it if he licks his lips in nervousness. This may be an indicator that he’s attracted to you but doesn’t know how to hide it. It might be strange to think that this could be a reason for somebody being attracted to you. But when he licks his lips, he could be flirting with you, or he could be showing that he’s uncomfortable in a sexual way. You may see a man puff out his chest. If he likes to go to the gym, he wants to show you how fit he is.
You may be wondering, is he attracted to me? Perhaps you are getting mixed signals. If you’re talking to a guy and find that you’re unsure of how he feels about you, you might want to give him signals that you’re attracted to him. It’s natural to question and think, “Is he attracted to me?” But the only way to know is to ask directly. That can be intimidating because you’re afraid you may be rejected. You may not realize this, but some men are afraid of becoming emotionally attached in a relationship and hide their feelings. Sexual attraction is often a considerable part of a romantic relationship, and it’s essential to be open in your actions regarding how you feel about a guy that you like. It’s not just a one-way street. A guy needs to know that you like him too, and sometimes knowing that information will encourage the guy to reciprocate in kind. It might be unclear whether he likes you or not because he’s not sure if you’re going to match his feelings. One piece of advice for women is to be as open and honest about your emotions as you can without actually saying it, but rather, showing it. This is because guys generally understand body language and actions more than words. Actions such as touching his arm or making eye contact or laughing at something funny he says, are strong indicators of interest. You may be thinking, I’m attracted to people who are honest and out there, but some great guys are shy to show their feelings. This can be especially true if they really like you and are worried about being rejected. It’s difficult to know exactly what someone may be thinking. But the only way to know if a guy is attracted to you is if they reciprocate your affection or are wanting to see you or spend time with you.
How do you know if a guy likes you secretly?
There are so many tips for women trying to find out if a man is secretly attracted to them. If a guy is secretly attracted to you, then he might not show it outwardly. If a man likes you but the guy doesn’t want to say it outright, he might want to spend time with you and construe it as friendship when, in reality, there’s a sexual attraction. But you can tell if a guy is secretly attracted to you if he shows that he’s emotionally attached. That is one of the signs that he could be attracted to you and trying to hide it; he’s making excuses to spend time with you or calling or texting you for seemingly no reason. But, eventually, if you want to be with him, his attraction has to come out of the shadows.
What is unspoken attraction?
An unspoken attraction is when there is physical or body language, indicating that two people like one another. There is a sexual attraction that people don’t speak about aloud but is acknowledged to be there. You can tell he’s interested in you because of the way that he acts with his body. Maybe you both realize that there is an attraction; he thinks you’re attractive and you feel the same way towards him. You both feel it, and you don’t have to say anything aloud, and yet it’s clear that a man is attracted to you and that you are attracted to him.
How do you know if someone is thinking about you sexually?
You may realize that somebody has sexual attraction to you if they flirt with you, or directly compliment you, or say sexual things to you. It could be from the way that they look at you. These are signs that perhaps he is really attracted to you. Another way to know is if there’s some sort of sexual repartee or dialogue. Maybe you talk directly about sex, and it does not necessarily have to be about you having a sexual relationship with that person, but just sex in general. It really has to do with the chemistry between two people in figuring out if there’s an attraction. You might be asking yourself, is he attracted to me, but not be sure? But, it could be that he is. Time will tell.
How do you tell if he is fighting his feelings?
Only the person can know what they’re thinking, but it’s good to have an open and honest dialogue if you’re wondering if somebody likes you or not. Sometimes, there’s no way to know if a man is attracted to you without just coming out and asking, which I wouldn’t advise you do right away, in most cases. But, it’s important to have this honest dialogue at some point, so you can figure out whether or not it’s worth possibly wasting your time on. Because, ultimately, you don’t want someone who’s fighting their feelings, you want to know that he’s interested in you. It’s not satisfying if he’s fighting his feelings, because then you don’t have the opportunity for him to become emotionally attached to you. You want to know whether a man is attracted to you or not so that you can figure out if you wish to keep seeing him or not. One way to know if a guy is attracted to you is that he holds his breath when he sees you. He seems to be breathless because you’ve literally taken his breath away. He’s stunned and looks like he doesn’t know what to say. Or perhaps he’s out of words, and that might be a sign that he’s fighting his feelings. But, it’s really important to be in a relationship where he is open and honest from early on, so you can avoid further complications down the line.
How do guys feel when they have a crush?
It depends on the guy, but many guys try to play it cool. If a man likes you, he might act like he doesn’t even like you at first, like his attraction doesn’t matter, or he might play hard to get. But if a man is attracted to you, he will come out and show you in some way, shape, or form. When a man likes you, the amount of time he spends with you will strengthen his crush.
How do you know if you have chemistry with someone?
You know if a man is attracted to you and if there’s chemistry if you both feel the energy in the air. You may notice he sits with his legs close to yours. That’s a sign of attraction and shows that a man likes you. When you have a connection with a man, there’s something potent and mysterious about it. When there is chemistry, there is often a sexual attraction that both of you can sense or feel. When you look them in the eye, touch, embrace, kiss, or take things to the next level, there needs to be a feeling of excitement. Sometimes you can’t know if you have chemistry with someone until you give it a shot in the bedroom. And there is no way to really know if this love story is going to work without giving it a chance because everyone’s relationship is different. It may not amount to a love story. A man is attracted to a potential partner who intrigues him.
One of the most compelling aspects of other human beings is the air of mystery. Some men find it challenging to try to figure out what’s inside their love interest’s mind. A man is attracted to what he feels is a challenge. He doesn’t want it to be too easy. Some men like a partner who tells it like it is. In this case, a man is attracted to brutal honesty. He doesn’t have to guess what you’re thinking. He knows because you’re telling him. One of the most important things about chemistry is how the two people think. In some cases, a man is attracted to someone who thinks the same way he does about matters. Having that Sympatico kind of connection is comforting. In other instances, a man is attracted to someone who thinks the opposite way. Both types of people are appealing for different reasons. It could end up being something else. But you have to try to know if there is chemistry. A man is attracted to someone who he feels an unspoken bond with and a person who draws him in with their personality.
How do you know if an attraction is mutual?
Sometimes you may get mixed single and wonder if a man is attracted to you. The only way to know if the attraction is mutual is to have a candid conversation about how you feel about you. If a man is attracted to you, he will let you know, and you can let him know. You don’t want to get emotionally attached if there’s no mutual attraction. It’s best to confirm that you both like one another before moving forward.
Can you feel an unspoken attraction?
Yes. Unspoken is something that both people can feel because it is an innate human experience. You can be attracted to someone and not tell them and vice versa. If a man is attracted to you and you’re drawn to him, it will be apparent. You won’t have to question his attraction, because you’ll both feel it. It’s like it’s in the air.
What do men look for in a woman physically?
Women may be seeking out a handsome man. But the word ‘“handsome” is subjective. What’s attractive to one woman may not be to another. In the same way, it’s difficult to answer what men look for in a woman’s physical appearance. This is a general question that cannot be answered because it is specific to each man. If he’s really attracted to you, you’ll sense it. Sexual attraction varies from person to person. There is no way of knowing what may appeal to one person or another. The most important thing is to find somebody who shows that they care about you as much as you care about them, and develop your own love story from there.
How do you tell if a guy likes you or is just friendly?
In a case where you are wondering whether or not a guy actually likes you or if he is just being friendly, most of the time, being the person in question, you most likely want the whole situation to favor you, especially if you already have some attraction towards him. Maybe for some time, you think you have been getting some signals from a colleague at work, or a friend you just started hanging out with recently, and you start to think, does he like me or is he just being nice? And since he hasn’t verbally told you he’s interested in you, you may begin to wonder if it’s just your mind playing games on you. If it is someone you really like, your endgame and desire remain that you want him to be interested in you. Truth is, some people are just naturally friendly and nice, and this doesn’t necessarily mean they are seeking a relationship. To get the right answers to the question does he like me or is he just being nice, it is important to separate emotions from reality as you do not want to be left hanging and rue your chances of finding love.
You may need to pay attention to the signs and body language when he is around you; this will help you determine if he’s interested or not. In some cases, he’s just being friendly and may not necessarily be interested in a relationship with you. Other times, it could be that he’s interested in you but doesn’t know for sure if you feel the same and is scared of losing your friendship in case the feeling is not mutual. Although, it is believed that men do not show or express their feelings as much as women do, they, however, give subtle signs and clues which you can decode if you carefully pay attention. Men tend to act all strong when it comes to emotions; sometimes, they may even be acting like they don’t care, but deep inside, they are fighting a surge of emotions. Some of the signs that he’s interested in you may include a combination of the following;
- He wants to spend time with you. If a guy likes you, he will want to spend his free time with you. Sometimes, he may even cancel other appointments to be with you because he enjoys spending time in your company.
- If he’s interested in you, the guy will go out of his way to ensure you are okay at every opportunity he finds. He may even deny himself of some pleasure or comfort just so you are fine, e.g. giving you his jacket if you are cold.
- If he likes you, he will be more affectionate towards you than he is with every other person. He will treat you specially and always seize every opportunity to be around you. Whenever you show up, his face becomes brighter, and he always puts on a smile each time he sees you. if you pay attention, you will see that he acts differently with you and around you in comparison with other coworkers.
- He will always give you undivided attention and listen attentively to you when you talk. It’s easy to spot this because he is going to leave everything, including pressing his mobile phone, and focus on you and listen to you speak whenever you are together.
- Another of the signs that he’s interested in you is that he will try as much as possible not to mention or compare you with other women in and outside his life, or talk about any romantic interests around you. This is to give you a cue that he is into you and is available for a relationship. He’ll make you know that you are the only woman he has eyes for and would always brush off discussing other women whenever you both are together, even if you are the one that brought up the discussion.
To help you answer the question does he like me or is he just being nice and friendly, you may need to think back on the sequence of discussions you both have had in the past. A guy who likes you will always be nice and polite in his approach towards you and he will always look for avenues to spend more time alone with you and get to know more about you- either by going on a date, through constant phone calls or chats- the subtle signs are always there if you pay close attention.
Also, he cannot stop staring at you. If you catch him stealing glances at you and quickly looking away when your eyes meet, he most likely likes you. Anyone can stare but there are stares that pass a message of affection.
How do you tell if a male coworker is interested or just being friendly?
Due to the nature of the work environment, a coworker who is interested in you is likely going to be very cautious especially if there are workplace policies against relationships and dating. Most organizations, however, understand the dynamic situation that can ensue in the course of interactions between people of the opposite sex overtime.
If a male coworker is interested in you, you will notice he is always seeking for an excuse to talk to you or be around you, sometimes under the guise of wanting to discuss office business with you. He will also be looking out for you during lunch breaks just to talk with you or you may catch him stealing glances at you during board meetings. When the actions of a colleague begins to make you ask the question does he like me or is he just being nice, you may need to uncover the answers yourself, and one way to know that could be to talk to a colleague he is close to; guys open up to their friends about the girl they like, so you may find some clues there.
How do you tell if a guy has a crush on you at work?
When you notice a guy at work suddenly starts acting all sweet and nice towards you, it is natural to begin to wonder does he like me or is he just being nice. If a guy has a crush on you, he may begin to act differently towards you than he used to. You’ll find him bumping into you almost frequently- this is because he’s always looking around for you and wanting to be close to you all the time. He may offer to help you with some of your workload or always try to bring up conversations with you. He may also begin to work on his looks- dressing differently or wearing a new haircut just to impress you. Also, a guy that is interested in you won’t miss any chance to make you feel good. He will always compliment you, and celebrate your small and big wins and achievements.
If a colleague has a crush on you, he will want to build a connection with you beyond the four walls of the office. He will always reach out to you after work to check if you are home and ask what you’ll have for dinner, and so on. If you have been paying close attention, you would have been seeing the signs on a regular basis.
How do you tell if a guy is fighting his feelings?
There are different reasons a guy may be fighting his feelings- for instance, maybe he is your colleague and your place of work does not allow employee relationships, or if he is a shy person and doesn’t know how to express his feelings to you. The guy may start acting differently towards you; you may notice he just suddenly pulls away and becomes conflicted about talking with you, avoiding eye contact or trying hard not to stare at you like you have known him to do. At this point, the question in your mind moves from “does he like me or he is just being nice” to “why has he stopped being nice all of a sudden?” This is because he is trying so hard to fight his feelings. Doing things the usual ways becomes complicated for him to the point that he may not even know how to act towards you.
How do you tell if a guy is attracted to you?
A guy who is attracted to you will show/act it in different ways. While he may not outrightly confess what he feels to you verbally, there are telltale signs that you are likely going to be noticing if he is into you. The fact that the question “does he like me or he is just being nice?” pops up in your mind is an indication that he may actually be into you. If a guy is attracted to you, he wants to be in your company for a long time discussing different issues. When talking, you may notice he looks deep into your eyes, or that his pupils dilate. These are indicators that he is attracted to you. He will always check up on you when you both are apart while counting down to seeing you again. He may even have the low-key jealous tendencies when he sees you with other guys. He can’t help it because he feels he should be one you are talking with, always. When a guy is attracted to you, he will want to build a cordial and mutual relationship with you. He wants to share his deepest thoughts, desires and feelings with you and he wants you to reciprocate.
Even if the guy is a naturally shy person and does not know how to express what he is feeling to you in words, he will do so through his actions. Flow with the tide, actions are sometimes louder than words.
How can you tell if someone finds you attractive?
Body language is a great gauge for feelings. To get answers to the question does he like me or is he just being nice, pay attention to the person’s body language. If someone finds you attractive, their body language will give him away. Whenever he is around you, he will always like to lean in to close up space between you. You may also notice that his pupils dilate while talking with you. He will always look for opportunities to touch you- hold your hand, touch your shoulder, or even try to remove something from your hair or straighten it for you The signs are always there and it is best to enjoy the ride and reciprocate as much as you can if you feel the same way about the person. When you start to ask does he like me or is he just being nice, the question itself means there are telltale signs you have seen or noticed to warrant such a question. If someone finds you attractive, they will show you that they care about how you feel and react to things, and would constantly seek for ways to be of help to you. They will also always be there for you especially whenever you are going through a tough time or experience. They will also seek ways to always compliment, appreciate you and make you feel special all the time.
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