Is He Attracted To Me? 5 Reasons He's Not Just Being Nice

By Lindsay Hamilton|Updated June 21, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Lauren Guilbeault, LMHC

Women often can convince themselves that the man they are interested in doesn’t like them back. This can be linked to a theory known as error management. It states that men are biologically more likely to think that women are attracted to them, even if they aren’t. And women are more likely to think men have not attracted them, even if they are. Because of this, women miss chances at romantic relationships because they didn’t think there was a chance at all. Women often find themselves asking, “Does he like me or is he just being nice?”

Women look for commitment in their partner. They want to be sure that if they put in the time for a relationship, that their time isn’t wasted. It’s easy to brush off someone’s intentions by saying, “he’s just nice.” But if a guy is interested, he will go out of his way to let you know so. This will be obvious from signs like prolonged eye contact and body language. You’ll start to see that there’s more there than just politeness. Both men and women are also subtly attuned to flirting, especially when it comes to the body language and small but noticeable physical contact that goes into it. If a guy likes you, there are some clear signs that he’ll do unconsciously that you can pick up if you know what to look for.

There are five universal signs in a man’s body language that you can look for to see if a guy is interested in you. Everyone flirts in their way, but if a guy does a version of these five body language indicators while he’s around you, it’s a good sign that he like you and it is safe to say he’d like to be more than friends with you.

If you’re asking yourself, “Does he like me or is he just being nice?” these key indicators can help you find the answer to your question.

1. He Makes Eye Contact

Courteous Or Something More?
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.

If you’re talking with a guy and he makes eye contact with you, that’s a good sign that he’s into you. Eye contact is different from physical contact in that it can me more easily misread. Make sure that he’s actually making eye contact and not just staring “through” you while you’re talking. If a man likes you, his true eye contact will be apparent from the rest of his body language. If the rest of his body language seems open and attuned to what you’re talking about, then chance are, his eye contact is genuine.

If he’s always looking at you when you’re speaking and making an effort to maintain eye contact, even during lulls in the conversation, there is no question he is attracted to you. When he makes eye contact, he’s paying attention to what you are saying. If he’s just nice, he might listen to you, but his eyes will probably be elsewhere. But a guy giving true, prolonged, and frequent eye contact is a clear sign that the guy is interested in you romantically. Increased eye contact doesn’t look like staring. He won’t make you uncomfortable with his gaze. Instead, he’ll look you in the eyes while you’re talking, showing interest and understanding. He’ll smile, laugh, and make sure you are comfortable. His eye contact will put you at ease and may even make you feel important to him.

2. He’ll Playfully Touch You

Where girls will do gentle touches to show affection, guys are playful with their touch. Making excuses for physical contact is a sure sign that a guy is interested in you. If he finds out you’re ticklish, he’ll randomly start to tickle you to get you to laugh. He’ll put a hand behind your back when you walk together into a building. He’ll hug you, hello and goodbye. These are common when a guy is into you. Also, if he notices a loose strand of hair on your shirt or a piece of lint and picks it off for you, that’s a sign he likes you too. This is a clear sign that it’s more than he’s just being nice. This is called “preening.” It’s a form of physical contact that is meant to show the other person that they are valued and cared for.

Guys act attentive to even a small touch when they like you, even if they’re not usually a touchy feely person. Touching in a budding relationship is how physical intimacy starts. If a guy reaches out to touch you, and it’s a touch that you want, he probably likes you. This is a sure sign of romantic interest, and it usually means that a guy is genuinely interested in you.

3. He Leans Forward When He Talks To You

Along with eye contact, if he leans forward when he talks to you, he’s creating a space for the two of you to communicate. The closer he wants to be to you, the more he probably likes you. This body language is a minute way that guys go for physical contact. People who are just being nice don’t want to get closer and closer to another person. Instead, they’ll keep a safe distance and might lean away if you try to touch them. However, a guy who likes you won’t shy away from that physical contact! His whole body language will actually be leaning into the physical contact. Also, while he’s leaning in for that physical contact, he’ll be maintaining eye contact the whole time.

You’ll be able to tell if he’s getting closer to you. A guy who likes you might lean in when he’s talking, or he might inch closer to you on the couch. Before you know it, your thighs could be touching. This is how those butterflies get started. When you can tell that a person is doing everything they can to be closer to you. Of course, if he doesn’t do this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not interested in you. He could be genuinely interested in you but also a bit nervous when it comes to physical touch.

4. He Removes Barriers Between The Two Of You

This is something super interesting that guys do when they like someone. Say you meet up for a cup of coffee with a guy you aren’t sure you like. You go to a coffee house and order something to drink. When the drinks come, you both have the coffee cups in front of you, maybe your phone is there, sugar, napkins, etc. Without either of you being aware, throughout the conversation, all of those items between you will be moved out of the way. Perhaps the guy who likes you moves all of these objects to the side of the table. Maybe he’ll take your coffee cup once you’re done the drinking. This is considered to be removing barriers between the two of you. This is a subtle change in his body language, and he might not even realize himself that he’s doing it! They aren’t big, physical barriers, but things that exist in the space between you two. If a guy does this, he most definitely has a crush on you.

5. He Texts You First

Finally, if a guy likes you, he’ll likely text you first. Now, playing the text waiting game is never fun. So, if you like a guy, don’t be afraid to text him first. If he likes you, he’ll text back. But say a guy texts you out of the blue that you think is kind of cute, but you hadn’t noticed him that way before. If he’s texting you, asking you questions, and wants to get together, chances are he’s hinting that he likes you as more than a friend. However, if you text a lot, but it doesn’t end up on a date, he might just be being nice to you. For a relationship to flourish, you need to have face to face time. A relationship made of texting will fizzle out fast. This is because when you’re only texting, you don’t have the benefit of eye contact and body language to enhance the conversation. Without body language especially, it can be difficult to catch the full meaning and intention of another person’s communication.

Remember, ladies, that these signs are great when the advance is wanted. But if you are being pursued by a guy you aren’t interested in, make it clear that you don’t want a relationship with them. It’s better to let them know than to string them along. A lot of guys are clueless when they’re already attracted, so you need to be as clear as possible to make sure they understand. If you’re not romantically interested in him, it’s best to hand a man a clear statement to that effect. Be clear and direct, and even if you enjoy the attention that he is giving you, don’t just wait a bit longer to call him out on his persistent and insistent behavior. This will be best for both of you in the long run.

So, there you have it, all the way from the eye contact to the whole of his body language. These are the top five signs that a guy is into you, and isn’t just being the nice guy. But navigating the dating world is tricky, and even this list leaves room for interpretation. Eye contact and body language aren’t always a breeze to read and interpret in a guy. It’s so easy to bring bias into a situation where you’re trying to read someone’s mind. That’s why it is important to not decide off of one sign alone. There should be many signs that he likes you. You should be looking at more than just his words or his body language separately. Instead, you should look at his behavior and actions as a whole.

He should be pursuing you and making moves to get to know you better. Guys don’t usually spend a long amount of time with girls, making them laugh and finding different ways to touch you if they don’t want something more than friendship. There could be guys that are just naturally affectionate, but they will find other ways to make it known they want to be just friends.

Courteous Or Something More?

If you want some help or at least someone to talk to about dating, try ReGain. ReGain is a text therapy platform of licensed mental health counselors and therapists specializing in relationship counseling. You can come as a single person or bring a significant other along. The counseling is completely confidential and takes place in a secure chat room where you, your significant other if you bring one, and a therapist will chat back and forth through messages. If you are in a relationship but don’t want your significant other to be in the therapy sessions, that is also okay. The therapists are there to help you in whatever way you need. You can also change your mind and add a significant other to the sessions at a later date.

ReGain is a platform that allows people to get questions answered about relationships without needing to talk in person to a therapist. This platform is for people who want the help, but don’t have the time or money to put into an in-person session. ReGain does offer phone or video chatting by request if you would like to do so. It is not required. ReGain is also subscription-based so you can decide to do the therapy month-by-month.

Relationships are hard. Figuring out if someone wants to be in one with you is even harder. That’s why these therapy programs exist. To help you if you need someone to walk you through the messy web of it. Trying to figure out if someone likes you can get stressful. These tangible signs can help you, but you won’t truly know if someone likes you until they tell you themselves. That’s why it can help to talk to someone. They can listen to you if you’re feeling unrequited love. They can help you ask someone out if you’re not sure you have enough courage. They can even be there for you during heartbreak.

There’s no reason to go through dating life alone. For more information about ReGain and to get matched with a therapist, go to www.regain.us/start. It’s time to get the help you deserve.

Helpful resources for relationships & more in your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak With A Licensed Therapist
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.