Is Marriage Therapy Right For Your Relationship?

Have you been experiencing strain in your relationship and wondering if therapy can make a difference? If so, you’re not alone.

Reasons for seeking marriage therapy

People seek couple’s therapy for a variety of reasons. 

Sometimes one or both partners feel that they are in a bad period that is lasting too long. This may be the result of a single event, or it may be due to something that’s been going on for a while. For couples experiencing a rough patch, marriage therapy might be a useful resource. This article will explore several factors in a relationship that can help you and your partner decide whether to seek a marriage counselor. 

Communication

Couples who do not communicate can get trapped in a silent, confusing relationship. They may have lost touch with knowing what each other is thinking. Maybe one or both partners have become too busy with children or careers and they have put their relationship on the back burner. Other couples may have unhealthy styles of communication, like shouting or avoiding their partner altogether. A marriage therapist is trained to provide couples with a safe setting for open discussion.

Life changes

Major life changes can affect both partners in a relationship, particularly if the affected partner does not receive the support they were expecting from their partner. Whether it’s a death in the family or a job loss, life changes can place significant strain on a relationship. While one partner may need counseling on their own, it can be helpful for both partners to attend marriage therapy together to discuss their concerns. This may be a good idea even if both partners feel their relationship has not been affected. Sometimes preventive therapy can be a valuable option for couples wanting to stay strong during an unexpected life change.

Lack of intimacy

Intimacy can be a difficult topic for couples to discuss. It is commonly thought that intimacy and sex diminish somewhat as couples age, particularly after having children. However, couples don’t have to assume a lack of intimacy is necessarily a component of a relationship. A lack of intimacy and sex could be a symptom of something deeper, such as partner resentment or a lack of trust. A marriage therapist who is familiar with sex therapy can sometimes help couples get to the root of their intimacy problems.

Benefits of marriage therapy

In recent years, the internet has made it easier for couples to see a therapist without having to commute to a counselor's office. Online marriage therapy allows couples to connect with a licensed therapist from home or anywhere with an internet connection. If you and your partner still aren't sure whether you need marriage therapy, you can easily try it online. 

When you decide to seek therapy as a couple, you may find that you are challenged to address certain behaviors. The following is a list of behaviors that you may learn during couples therapy:

• Stop blaming each other. It can be easy to blame each other for conflict in your relationship. Instead, therapy may challenge you both to look at what you have been doing to contribute to the disharmony.
• Stop reacting. This is a choice you have; you can immediately react to the present conflict or choose not to engage. One person cannot sustain an argument. There is no argument if one person will not argue. This stops an argument from escalating into negative and harmful actions or words.
• Step back from an argument and take a good look at what is going on and what prompted the anger. You can try to calm yourself and look at the situation rationally. Was your partner doing something intentionally to make you angry or did you misinterpret any words or actions?
• Stop bringing up old grievances. Address whatever is happening now.
• Observe the patterns of your behavior. What makes you anxious, angry, frustrated, or jealous? Do you feel rejected or inferior? Are your patterns of behavior linked to your past experiences or experiences in your childhood?
• Have some compassion for your partner. Try to see their point of view.
• Communicate your feelings to each other. Communication may help you feel empathy for each other’s concerns and find solutions to your conflicts.

Reasons to seek marriage therapy 

Marriage therapy can facilitate effective communication and listening between partners, but only if both parties are willing to find a solution to the problems that are contributing to disharmony.

There are many reasons for stress in a marriage, and seeking a professional therapist can help a marriage survive and flourish. Besides differences of opinion, parenting styles, and stress due to work, a family crisis can precipitate stress that can benefit from an outsider's counsel. 

There can be feelings of resentment and guilt that can make communication between partners difficult. Chronic depression can result in one partner accepting the role of caretaker and assuming the responsibilities of taking care of the children and the home. It can be a burden that takes a toll on a marriage. Being subjected to an overload of stress can also lead to the caretaker succumbing to illness as well, which can affect the entire family.

When honest communication is a problem and when accusations replace constructive conversation, other stressors, such as infidelity, substance use, sexual inadequacies, and financial pressures, can make the situation worse. When this happens, couples often need to seek professional therapy to help them manage the pressures they are experiencing. 

Relationship therapists are trained not to take sides or declare one partner right and the other wrong. A therapist can help each of the partners to set realistic goals and encourage them to communicate their needs to each other in an honest, non-confrontational way. 

A therapist may also stress that listening is an art and an essential part of effective communication. Many couples complain of their partners not hearing what they say or hearing only what they want to hear. This can lead to misunderstandings and accusations. If one partner thinks they are continually not being heard, they may feel ignored and believe their opinions mean nothing. This can be a severe blow to their self-esteem. 

Getting to the bottom of what is causing tension in a relationship is one of the goals of the therapist. If the cause seems to be a lack of truthful communication and damaged feelings, the therapist will probably assign homework for the couple to work on until the next session.

Online marriage therapy

If you’re considering marriage counseling but are hesitant to go to a therapist’s office with your partner, you might try online marriage therapy, which research has shown to be just as effective as in-person therapy. With Regain, you and your partner can connect with a therapist via audio or video chat from the comfort of your own home or from anywhere with an internet connection. This may be especially helpful if you and your partner are not always in the same city. You can also contact your therapist in between sessions via in-app messaging, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.