A Couple Therapy Questionnaire For The Individual

Updated September 04, 2018

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The first step towards resolving the problems in any relationship, however minor or serious they may be, is for one or the other partner to realize that things can be better between them. This is by no means a sign that the relationship is about to end; rather, it's just an admission that no individual or couple has ever been perfect, but that we retain the ability to improve both together and separately. The second step is to clearly verbalize what may be bothering either of the people involved, for which a couple therapy questionnaire is a very useful tool.

The Function Of An Individual Couple Therapy Questionnaire

Many relationship therapists ask those who visit them to prepare by filling out a questionnaire together at home before their first appointment. Almost all counselors will spend a great deal of time getting to know you and your relationship before offering any kind of opinion on it, the time in between being occupied with a variety of guided conversations and cooperative exercises.

It's far less common for a relationship counselor to ask to see the spouses separately. After all, a couple that is unwilling to discuss their individual problems in front of each other is probably not going to be a model of domestic bliss. Both have to be willing to work together towards their mutual happiness. On the other hand, this really does require each to "know their own mind" as far as their expectations and feelings go, and each partner thinking about their own answers to certain key questions can be part of this process.

What Initially Attracted You To Your Partner?

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More importantly, does that still form the basis for your affection?

Different couples find each other for any of a multitude of different reasons, including physical appeal. As time goes on and a relationship strengthens and deepens, though, we often begin to see unexpected sides and qualities to our romantic partners. Plenty of happy marriages are based on only one or two dimensions of attraction, but not being able to think of at least a few admirable traits in each other may be an indication that you should get to know each other better.

How Much Time Do You Devote per Day or Week to Making Your Partner Happy?

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This could mean cooking their favorite meal, going grocery shopping on the weekend because you know they hate it, or simply phoning them to hear how they're doing. Every minute you spend on their well-being counts, with the proviso that these should be things they actually do like you to be doing and not because you should.

Every human tie involves some amount of give and take. These interactions can't exactly be tabulated on a balance sheet, but if there's a serious imbalance, the relationship is probably far from healthy.

When Were You Most Disappointed in Your Partner?

In the honeymoon phase, while they're still getting to know each other, many lovers tend to put their partner on a pedestal and refuse to believe anything bad about them. As time goes on, though, the rosy tint we saw them through begins to wear off and we realize that they aren't angels, but humans after all.

In some cases, this may be unimportant, such as when they become less finicky about their grooming once they're comfortable in your relationship, in others, more serious. In either case, these perceived flaws would have to be accepted and worked around for the relationship to remain strong.

There are numerous other questions that can be asked: how are you similar and how different? What strengths and weaknesses do you each possess, and how do you complement each other? It is only by answering these kinds of questions honestly and thinking about their implications that you can build a relationship that will go the distance.

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