I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: 7 Ways To Move On
Updated July 08, 2020
No one goes into a long-term relationship expecting to break up with their partner someday. However, when a relationship becomes unhealthy, and you and your partner can’t seem to get along, then choosing to end the relationship may be the best solution for both of you.
From multiple studies, the weeks and months after a break up are the most difficult because you are still coming to terms with your new reality. There are times you may even feel like you can’t move on from your ex-girlfriend. You need to understand that it may take a while to regain confidence and get to a point where you no longer felt sad or angry about the breakup.
If you have recently broken up with your girlfriend and you are struggling to move on from them, or you are worried you may not be able to move on from breaking up with your girlfriend, then have in mind that there many success stories of people who have recovered from the pain of a failed relationship. This article discusses seven ways that can help you move on from your girlfriend.
Accept That It’s Over
Your ex-girlfriend is not coming back, and you can’t change her mind. Let that sink in and draw strength from it. In the early days after you broke up with your girlfriend, you may find yourself staying up at night wondering if you made the right decision, or if you would ever find happiness without her in your life. You may even be tempted to imagine the possibility of you and her getting back together years after.
But with each passing day, you would need to get used to the fact she is no longer a part of your life, and that it is in your best interest not to think there is a chance you could get back together. Rather than expecting your girlfriend to change her mind, in the instance that she’s the one that ended the relationship, save yourself from the pain of failed expectations.
Accept that your relationship got as good as it could have been, and like all good things came to an end when it seemed to have run its course. Holding on to the false hope that things can go back to the way they used to be is pointless because sweet memories and good intentions aren’t enough to win back a love that is gone.
Get Rid Of Mementos
After breaking up with your girlfriend, make sure you avoid her social media activities. Checking up on your ex-girlfriend online will only keep you in a state of emotional turmoil and may create the wrong impression that you are obsessed with her.
When you remove your ex-girlfriend from your physical and digital world, it increases your chances of finding closure. This may involve deleting their pictures and contacts from your phone. You could also unfollow them from all social media accounts, which could be very helpful if you do not want to feel nostalgic.
You could also limit the possibility of you running into them in public. In case you can’t escape not seeing her, then you must restrict your interactions to conversations that don’t bore down to personal matters. Doing this will help you avoid awkward questions and situations that may end up getting you to feel the emotions all over.
Find A New Purpose
In the aftermath of a breakup, you’re likely to be uncertain what to do next. Getting more focused on work is one way to go, but developing a new interest provides you with a novelty of purpose. You may suddenly realize there were a lot of things you have wanted to do but didn’t do because of spending all of your time with her.
Sometimes, you need a positive outlet that will relieve you of all the negative emotions you may be dealing with in the aftermath of a breakup. But ensure that whatever new interests you take up makes you happy and confident. You could join a fitness club, sign up for an online program, become a volunteer at your local charity, start a blog or podcast, or commence work on that project you have always wanted to accomplish but never had the motivation to begin.
The aim is not to distract yourself from pain with mundane activities that serve no purpose, but to divert your focus towards productive endeavors that will improve your self-esteem and offer you reasons not to feel like the world’s greatest loser.
Give Yourself Time To Heal
There is always the urge to get back into a new relationship either because you feel lonely or you want to prove to your ex that you are over them. This is usually not a good idea, because you should only get back into a relationship when you know you have the emotional and mental capacity to deal with the demands of the relationship.
A rebound relationship is often an ill-thought attempt to feel wanted again, and you may end up feeling disillusioned or guilty for getting into the relationship once you lose interest in your partner. It is advisable to find ways to enjoy your own company for some time until you regain emotional and mental clarity.
This does not mean you should shut yourself away from people, but rather that you do not rush the healing process by pretending that you are unaffected by the breakup. The chances are that if your partner was someone you genuinely cared about, breaking up with them will leave you feeling hurt.
Don’t Be Hard On Yourself
You may feel tempted to think about your flaws and insecurities, especially if your girlfriend broke up with you in mysterious circumstances, but keep in my mind that just as it takes two people for a relationship to work, it also takes more than the shortcomings of one person for a relationship to fail.
Thinking about the things you could have done better, or going over hurtful situations that played out during your relationship, is only going to fill you with guilt, pain, and regret. The more you feel this way, the harder it will be for you to love yourself. Before you started dating your ex, there were things about you that made her fall in love with you, challenge yourself to reconnect with those things and improve on them.
Engage Your Support Network
It’s normal to feel lonely and crave some form of emotional support after a breakup, and this is where your friends and family come in.
It is possible that while you were in a relationship, you really didn’t have much time to hang out with your friends and family, and this means they are likely going to be excited with the prospect of spending quality time with you. Make sure to visit all the places you have always wanted to go and have as much fun as you can, making new memories with your loved ones.
Of course, it is natural that some people may ask about your ex-girlfriend or want to talk about them. Be honest when you share your feelings because keeping your emotions bottled up is unhealthy and could hinder your efforts to move on from her. However, avoid the urge to badmouth your ex because your mental health and happiness shouldn’t come at the expense of making someone you used to love to look bad.
The end of a relationship, no matter how memorable and serious the relationship was, should not mean the end of your life. It may not seem likely in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, but there’s always a chance you could fall in love with someone better in the future.
You must keep your heart open for pleasant surprises, and build healthy relationships with people who will inspire you to be the best version of yourself. Maintain a positive attitude towards others, be selfless and compassionate, and commit to healthy lifestyle choices that keep you attractive. You should also be willing to change certain aspects of your life if this would hold you back from moving forward.
If you find yourself unable to deal with the end of your relationship or you need a dedicated professional to talk to, click here to begin your journey towards a better life.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What should I do if I broke up with my girlfriend?
The answer to this question depends on your situation. If you are hurt about the breakup, it’s essential to process your feelings. Let yourself cry if you need to. Reach out to friends, family, and a therapist if applicable. If time passes and you find yourself experiencing depressive symptoms or other mental health symptoms, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional.
Additionally, if you are stuck on the breakup and can’t seem to let go of the relationship even after time has passed, a mental health professional can help. When you break up with someone, make sure that you separate yourself from them, at least for a while. Distance from them both in-person and online so that you can take time for yourself. If you have kids together, maintaining low to no contact with someone you broke up with might be a little more complicated, but it is possible. Keep your communication polite and infrequent if your circumstances allow it. Communicate only about the children, and don’t overstep when chatting about your ex’s life. If you just broke up and are still living together, try to find a separate living situation as soon as you can.
Why do I regret breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are several reasons why a person may regret breaking up with their girlfriend. For example, you may regret breaking up someone if you still love them. If you fear commitment or an avoidant attachment style, you may have left the relationship when things started to get serious out of nervousness and have deep regrets surrounding this action as a result. If this was the case for you, it’s essential to acknowledge that this was likely extremely hurtful for your ex before you try to reach out.
Loving someone is not the only reason that you might regret a breakup. You may also have regrets if you hurt the person by cheating on them or using other actions that impacted the relationship. Feelings of regret can be painful. What you can do is learn from this experience and become a better person. If you can’t seem to stop feeling regret, it’s essential to reach out to a mental health provider. Talking to friends and family is normal and can be helpful to some degree, but these relationships are not a replacement for help from medical, mental health, or relationship professional.
Does no contact work if I broke up with her?
Cutting off contact with an ex is one of the most effective ways to help yourself get over them. You need to discover who you are outside of this relationship and focus on yourself. If you find yourself looking at your ex’s social media or trying to get back together with them when they aren’t interested, it’s imperative to mute or block them so that you can clear your mind of the relationship. If you keep looking at your ex’s social media, you will always be filing input about your ex in your brain, and you won’t be able to stop thinking about them. No contact is important when you break up with somebody because you need to take the time to develop your life away from them. Focus on your life, your hobbies, and your accomplishments. Engage in a hobby that you wanted to engage in for a while but haven’t been able to. Think about your own personal goals. Imagine what you want for your life in your future. Ponder how to be the best person you can be. If you’re still in contact with your ex, it can hold you back and keep you in a place where you are still thinking about the relationship when you don’t need to be, which is why this step is such a vital one. In the future, perhaps you’ll be friends. In the meantime, you both must have space to heal.
Can breaking up save a relationship?
Breaking up can save a relationship in some scenarios. While “if you love them, let them go,” may sound like a cliché, it is sound advice. While the original author of the quote is unknown, it’s known that the full saying is, “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.” The quote is timeless because it has some truth to it. You can’t force someone back into a relationship they don’t want to be in, and begging someone to come back or not to leave at all will often drive them away, particularly if your ask is incessant and they’re uninterested. Say that you broke up with someone when you were young or in a solely long-distance or an online relationship, but later on, you cross paths again and decide to get back together. Forcing yourselves together back then may have strained and ruined the relationship, but allowing yourselves, space likely improved your trust with each other and is a way that you showed respect for each other’s growth. That’s a situation where the split very well may have saved you. A breakup is also time, strangely enough, to show strong character and respect. Take the time to talk about your feelings with loved ones and to mourn (because breakups do come with a sense of grief) but show respect for the other person’s needs and try to understand that while a breakup may feel like rejection, it’s sometimes less about you and more about their needs. Of course, there are so many nuances to this, but they could be taking time for self-discovery, taking time to heal from personal issues in their life, or may feel that they can’t invest what they’d like to invest into a relationship right now.
Do dumpers miss their ex?
Many people who dump their exes miss them. Relationships are complex, and there are many reasons that someone might miss their ex after calling it off. Sometimes, people call a relationship quits because it was unhealthy for them, but that doesn’t stop a person from missing their ex. For example, if your ex cheated on you, it may have broken your trust, which could’ve caused you to break up with your ex even though you still loved them and knew you’d miss them. Other times, people know that the relationship just wasn’t a good fit and call it off for that reason. Missing an ex that hurt you can bring up a lot of unpleasant feelings. You might be wondering why you can’t seem to get over them. Be assured that breakups can indeed be incredibly painful and tough on the mind and that your feelings are normal and valid. If you’re sad or angry, it’s normal. If you’re numb, it’s normal. We all deal with loss differently, and the important thing is that you confront these emotions so that they don’t weigh on you.
Do exes regret breaking up?
Some ex-couples regret breaking up. If both people regret a breakup, they may decide to get back together. If one person regrets a breakup and the other doesn’t, that person mustn’t attempt to pressure their ex-partner back into it if they say no. If you and your ex have made it known that you miss each other and want to give it another shot, it’s crucial to talk about what caused the breakup last time so that you can work through any potential issues before they arise in the future. Did you break up due to long distances or not being ready for a relationship? Was it something more serious such as infidelity? While the feelings of regret could remain in any of these scenarios, this conversation will vary dramatically depending on the past you have with your ex. If there were issues related to trust, cheating, or frequent arguments, you would need to work together and talk through those concerns. If you regret breaking up because you were simply not ready to be in a relationship, evaluate if you’re both genuinely in a good place to be in a relationship now. Be honest with yourself and your ex-partner. Going back to the concept of breaking up actually saving a relationship, this is another time where that might be the case. If you break up with each other and both regret it, you might find a newfound appreciation for what you have and, if applicable and appropriate, a newfound desire to work on matters you didn’t work on before to make it work.
How long should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?
The answer to this question is heavily dependent on your unique circumstances. Do you have children together? If so, you may have to have some form of contact due to child custody. If you don’t have children together or are in a situation where you’re solely responsible for your children, you get to decide when to talk to your ex – if you want to talk to them at all. Make sure to give back any of their meaningful belongings before you cut off contact so that there’s no need for you two to reconnect until you’re ready and have gotten to a place where it’s something you both want to do. You never have to talk to your ex again if you don’t want to, and they don’t have to talk to you. If you want to talk to your ex in the future, it needs to come from a place with no expectations, and it needs to happen only if you’ve both taken the time to heal. Use your discernment as to if this is a healthy move for you and be honest with yourself as to where your desire to reconnect is coming from.
Can true love survive to break up?
True love can survive a breakup. If you and your ex cross paths in the future and want to give the relationship another shot, getting back together is possible. However, it’s not something to depend on. Don’t hold onto the prospect of getting back together after a breakup. You need to give letting go a chance; if you don’t do that, you’re missing an opportunity to grow and learn about yourself and likely won’t be on the same page in terms of personal development if you do decide to reconnect in the future. Additionally, you don’t want to sever any chances for another romantic connection to come into your life. You don’t want a rebound relationship, but you also don’t want to limit yourself if a connection with chemistry comes along later on.
How do I know if my breakup is final?
If you broke up due to a serious issue such as emotional abuse or mistreat, the breakup should remain final. Additionally, if both parties aren’t equally interested in getting back together, the breakup should remain final. You don’t want to repeat the same cycle over and over again, nor do you want to be with someone who’s not fully invested in you. If you’re hung up on an ex and feel stagnant, talking to a mental health provider may be beneficial. Look for a provider in your local area, or reach out to one of the licensed professionals at ReGain for online counseling. It may seem worlds away today, but your life can be full, bright, and better than ever after a breakup.
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