I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: What Now?
Updated July 01, 2020
Going through a breakup is never easy, whether you broke up with her or if your girlfriend broke your heart. Even if it was received well and you’ve decided to stay friends, a breakup affects all aspects of your life. It can feel like there’s a piece of your life missing, even if breaking up was the best and healthiest decision to make. But now that you’ve broken up with your girlfriend, what’s next? How can you recover well and get ready to move on to healthier and better relationships?
Here, we’ll explore the intricacies of a breakup, as well as some dos and don’ts when it comes to moving on and getting over breaking up with your girlfriend.
Describe The End Of The Relationship
One of the most beneficial and maybe less obvious things that you should do right after you break up with your girlfriend is to describe the end of the relationship. This means that you should look back at the days, weeks, and months leading up to the end of the relationship and really analyze what happened between you and your girlfriend. Remember, you’re not describing it to others for their benefit: you’re recounting what happened to yourself.
You may be thinking I broke up with my girlfriend, and I’m a terrible person. You probably have at least one solid reason why you decided to break up with your girlfriend, and now is the time to look back on those reasons critically.
While you’re looking back and describing everything from when you first started dating to the last part of the relationship, be sure to approach the analysis with an open mind. It is vital to approach this process and exploration with honesty and non-judgment. This means that you shouldn’t try to sugar-coat the situation by saying things like, “It wasn’t so bad, and I’ve already bounced back from it!” Likewise, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself by thinking, “I’ve ruined everything; breaking up with her makes me a terrible person, and I’ll never find love again!” Start with simply, “I broke up with my girlfriend, and now I’m feeling…” and let the feelings and thoughts flow freely from there.
Instead, opt for a healthy middle way, where you look at exactly what happened between you and your girlfriend. Don’t try to read too much into each little interaction. Instead, write these interactions down in a journal, or explain them to a trusted friend or professional counselor.
Define Your Feelings
After you’ve looked at the end of the relationship, it’s time to really define how you feel after you’ve broken up with your girlfriend. To get a healthy and honest perspective, you might try explaining your feelings throughout the breakup. For example, it’s common for someone to feel hurt or sad at the moment of the breakup, but those feelings can evolve into anger or apathy with time. Instead of just looking at how you feel right now, at this moment, look at how your feelings have changed in the time leading up to the breakup, during the breakup, and after the breakup. Once you can see how your feelings and emotions have evolved, you’ll have a better grasp of defining your feelings.
When you have a firmer hold on how you’re feeling, you’ll be able to make healthier and more objective decisions. Plus, you’ll be able to move through the emotions in a constructive way instead of one that hurts yourself or others. This way requires a lot of emotional support, but you can easily find it from friends and family who have also experienced a bad breakup.
Please note that this is not the time to squash all of your feelings down or “ignore them until they go away”! The only way out of your feelings is through them, and it’s essential to move through them with your mind focused on health outcomes.
Ask For Advice
While this may feel like the most dramatic thing to have ever happened to you, remember that you’re not the first one who’s lived through a breakup! A quick poll among your friends and family will likely reveal that the people around you have also had their fair share of breakups. A few might even have success stories!
You should ask the friends and family members that you trust for advice in this situation. Ask them pointed and specific questions about their experience and apply what you learn from their answers to your own situation.
Supportive friends and family members won’t tease or mock you for breaking up with your girlfriend. Instead, they’ll offer heartfelt, empathetic advice that they believe will help you. Even though you may not agree with all of the advice that they give, it’s important to lean into their support and empathy during the tumultuous time after you ended the relationship.
If you find yourself thinking, “I broke up with my girlfriend, but now I’m not sure what to do,” then there are a few courses of action that you should consider. Here, we’ll look at some of the things to do that will help you move on in a healthy way.
Accept Your Emotions
Right now, it might feel like you have a lot of conflicting emotions. You may feel overwhelmed or unsure of what you’re actually feeling. That’s why it’s vital to approach all of your feelings with a sense of non-judgment and acceptance. Don’t tell yourself that what you’re feeling is wrong or shameful; instead, embrace all of your emotions as the path to moving on.
Limit Social Media
Social media is a massive part of our lives, but it is also a portal to the best versions of our friends’ lives. Being always surrounded by the smiling faces of your friends and family, or even your ex can make your pain and sadness really stand out. So, limiting social media after you break up with your girlfriend is an excellent way to prevent extra, unnecessary negative feelings.
Change Up Your Routine
Right after a breakup, it’s important to take yourself away from the routines that defined that relationship. This could mean hanging out at new cafes or bars or taking up a new hobby to fill the time that used to go to your girlfriend. This can be especially hard if you’re coming out of a long-term relationship. Many people recommend staying a bit busy during this new routine so that you don’t spend endless hours pining for your ex. This is also an excellent opportunity to add healthy habits, like cooking at home or working out, to your daily routine!
Now that we’ve looked at a few surefire ways to help get over breaking up with your girlfriend let’s look at some things to absolutely avoid. In the time after a breakup, it’s important to not only go towards positive and healthy choices but also to prevent damaging decisions.
Make Huge Changes To Your Physical Appearance
If you’ve just broken up with your girlfriend, then now is definitely not a great time to get a drastic new haircut or a heartbroken tattoo. While it may seem like a great way to mark the end of the relationship, drastically changing your appearance only draws attention to the fact that you’re trying to change more than just your relationship status. Instead of making any significant changes to your presentation after a breakup, take some time to really look at yourself and point out the parts of your appearance that you appreciate.
Rush To Find A New Girlfriend
Even though “I broke up with my girlfriend” is a valid excuse to search for a new girlfriend, don’t rush it! Take plenty of time to take stock of your recently ended relationship. If you go straight into a new relationship after you’ve broken up with your girlfriend, you don’t give your ex any time to change her mind. Running too quickly into a new relationship could damage the healing process, and ultimately lead to another broken relationship and more heartbreak.
Let The Breakup Define You
Sure, breaking up with your girlfriend is a big part of your life right now. But you should remember that it isn’t the only part of your life. Even without that relationship, you are a person with value! Don’t let the breakup become a part of your identity. Instead, focus on honing skills that bring you happiness and talk to your friends about things that aren’t the breakup. Don’t lose interest in yourself just because you’re experiencing a breakup!
There’s an old cliché that says, “Time heals all wounds.” When it comes to breaking up with your girlfriend, this adage holds true! While each person will take a different amount of time to heal from a breakup, remember that there is no rush to move on.
You may find that you don’t want to go out or see mutual friends of you and your ex-girlfriend for a while, and that’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself to act like everything is normal and fine, especially if you feel terrible being around things and/or people that may remind you of your ended relationship.
There’s no guarantee that she’ll change her mind or that you’ll feel better overnight. In fact, you’ll probably find that this will be a lengthy process, but with the right support and approach, you’ll be able to make healthy decisions along the way and move on.
Right after a breakup, you’re probably not ready to move on, but give it a few months or a couple years, and you’ll be prepared to love again!
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