What Is Libido? Definition, Psychology, And Application For Your Relationship
When you hear the word 'libido,' what comes to your mind? Many people have heard the term before, but may not necessarily know what it means. Libido is important for your relationship and refers to the sexual drive you have. Note that your sexual energy and drive will vary distinctly from person to person, including your personal preferences and your life circumstances. In this article, we will cover the definition of libido, the psychology of sexual drive, and how it affects your relationship.
What is libido?
Libido is your sexual drive or your desire for sexual activity. For some people, libido is high, meaning that they want sexual contact or interaction smore frequently. For others, libido could be low, thus they want sexual contact or interaction as little as possible. Some people consider themselves asexual, which means that they may have no interest in sex with anyone. It is important to note that asexuality is considered a sexual orientation or identity that describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, they may still choose to engage in sexual behaviors. Lastly, a person’s libido can range anywhere on the scale of high, low, and no libido.
Now, for some people, their libido is not a problem. Wherever they fall on the scale, They are content with wherever they fall on the scale and do no not need to make any changes in their life. For others, their libido is a problem for them or their relationship. This can happen whether you have a high libido or a low one, and generally, it happens when one partner has a higher libido than the other partner. If one partner wants to have sex more frequently than the other, it can cause tension and frustration for the both in the relationship. In this case, understanding the psychology of sex and seeking help from a couples counselor or sex therapist is an appropriate next step.
Where does libido come from?
According to Freud and psychoanalytic theory, libido is not only sexual in nature, but a type of psychic energy derived from a person’s instincts or drive that directs their behavior. According to Freud, this energy includes sexual instincts and more. The libido includes any expression of self-preservation, pleasure, and love that promotes the drive of life. In this article, we will discuss the libido that specifies the sexual drive of an individual.
A person’s libido is complex, connected to their psychology, biology, and socialization. All three factors will interact differently in each person, making your libido completely specific to you. Even a person experiencing the same upbringing and genetics will not necessarily share the same libido. For example , even with a twin sibling who is exactly like you biologically, who grows up in the same situation and more will still not mean you share the same personality and psychological makeup. The following factors can influence a person’s libido:
Biological influences
There is a biological origin of sex drive that involves neurotransmitters and the way that they interact with testosterone and dopamine. While you may relate this hormone only to men, the sex drive of both men and women is affected by the levels of testosterone in the body. Low levels of testosterone are directly correlated to lower libido. If you are concerned your or your spouse’s libido is being affected by low levels of testosterone, you can make an appointment with a medical professional to affirm the cause.
Social influences
Social factors that contribute to libido include cultural and societal influences, including your family, your religion, your cultural background, and contemporary society. Some religions or cultures may place judgement upon certain sexual behaviors, especially women, which can cause a person to intentionally stay away from sex. Even social media can influence your libido. For example, frequently looking at pornography can cause desensitization to sexual stimulus and decrease your libido.
Psychological influences
Psychological factors that can affect your libido include your mental health and any stress stemming from your work, family, or social environments. Stress can play a major factor in lowering your sex drive along with managing depressive or anxiety disorders. A history of sexual trauma can also have a serious impact on your libido. Lastly, relationship issues, such as problems with communication and trust, can lead to a person not feeling open to sex, especially if a betrayal or infidelity has occurred.
Medical factors
If you have different medical conditions or start taking or stopping taking medications, you could also see changes to your libido. Several health conditions can decrease your sex drive, such as heart disease, chronic kidney disease, headaches, hypothyroidism, and cancer. Some medications, including anti-depressants, high blood-pressure medications, and chemotherapy drugs, can affect the way you feel about your libido.
The effect of libido on your relationship
If you are in a relationship with someone or you are just starting a relationship that has not reached a sexual stage yet, you might be wondering just what will happen going forward. For those who have a low libido, it might seem strange to talk about it with someone, even if you have been in a relationship with them for a long time, let alone if you are just beginning. However, being open about your personal sexual desires and boundaries is important so you both understand where the other is coming from.
Talking to your partner about your libido and what sex means to you is an important part of any relationship. If you have a high libido, this is also something to talk about with your partner. You may find that your partner agrees with you regarding the frequency with which you want sex. But you may find that you have entirely different ideas about what is 'normal' or what is 'acceptable.' The best thing you can do is be open and honest so that the two of you can decide on what works for your relationship.
You may not know if your libido is considered high, low, or average. Talking to your partner will allow the two of you to compare what you are looking for or what you want. From there, you can decide what works best for you or figure out how you are going to approach sex and libido going forward. Remember, it's entirely up to the two of you as individuals and as a couple to decide what will work best in your lives and your overall relationship.
Treating low libido
You may have heard of several different medications used to treat low libido or help those who experience the libido but have trouble otherwise. These medications can help, but here are other options to increase your libido if desired. There may be other reasons that are contributing to the low sex drive that medications will not touch. There may be psychological or emotional influences that are keeping a person from wanting sex.
Again, libido is different for each person, and the amount of sexual drive you have can vary with time, situation, and environment. If you have never had a high sex drive or an 'average' sex drive, you may want to talk with your doctor to find out if there is a reason for this. You may have a medical condition that results in your having no or low libido. If you are interested, there may be medications that your doctor can give you to help you with this. On the other hand, there could be a psychological reason behind your low libido, in which case you may be referred to a mental health professional to get to the bottom of things.
Treating high libido
While many people think that high libido is not a problem, it can be for many people. If your libido is much higher than your partner's, for example, you may want to investigate ways that you can also change this. An excessively high libido may indicate compulsive sexual behavior disorder that is marked by an inability to control sexual urges and behaviors. This disorder can cause an individual distress while also affecting the healthy functioning of their relationship and life in general.
Someone who has a very high sex drive may also have psychological causes that are the basis for this. It could result from something that has happened within your life or something happening in your brain (which does not mean anything wrong). Talking with a mental health professional could help you to understand your high libido better and might be able to bring it down to a more average level if this is what you are looking for.
Seeking help
What happens in your bedroom is often the most personal of connections shared as a couple. However, when one or both of you is finding sexual intimacy difficult, you may not know how to change or improve the physical connection. In some cases, there may be a mental health or physical problem that is affecting your libido. Either case, seeking the help of a professional mental health therapist or medical provide can be the answer to your problems. Couples counselors or relationship therapist are available to support you as an individual or both of you.
Talking about the intimate details of your sexual relationship can be difficult and you may prefer to do so in the comfort of your own home. Online therapy is an effective alternative to in-person therapy that is often preferred by people due to its atmosphere of inconspicuousness and the secure feeling of talking to someone with a screen as a safety barrier. For example, in a recent study published in Technology in Mental Health, therapists reported that their clients appreciated the comfort of being at home and easily developed a therapeutic alliance during counseling sessions. If you think online therapy is a good choice for you alone or the both of you, contact a therapist at Regain at your convenience.
Takeaway
A person’s libido is an integral component of their desire to have sex and can be influenced by several factors, including physical and emotional exhaustion, mental and physical health disorders, and individual variation of sexual drive. In learning these factors, you may now understand your partner’s desire for sex more completely and can more openly talk about your intimate lives. When you find that you and your partner continue to manage unresolved issues in the bedroom or in your relationship in general, reach out for help from a couples’ counselor. You may find this support is just what your relationship needs to get you back on track.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What causes high libido?
If you are experiencing higher than usual libido, there could be several factors involved.
First, it could be caused by physical factors. Taking care of your physical health, such as starting an exercise regimen or overcoming sleep deficits, can increase your sex drive. Or maybe you have been on a medication that interfered with your sex drive, but you are no longer taking it. That could boost libido, too. In addition, women typically go through a phase in their menstrual cycle when their libido increases. This happens around the time of ovulation, which might mean that it evolved to increase the population and help humans survive as a species.
Second, high libido could be related to mental health factors and the behaviors you choose. For instance, you might have come into a period of lower than usual stress. The definition of libido indicates that it is a drive that is sexual in nature. Basic instinctual drives often have both physical and psychological elements. Thus, psychological factors and physical factors can combine to increase your sex drive. Here's an example: If you have been having a lot of satisfying sex lately, your body will respond by increasing your libido. Libido can also increase if your mental health has recently improved. After all, if you are mentally healthy, you are not overwhelmed by emotional distress and severe relationship issues. You are probably taking better care of yourself physically, too. So, your body has more to put into your sex drive.
What does the libido do?
Since the definition of libido is sex drive, it stands to reason that it does for you what your sex drive does. Remember that it's a drive, meaning that it's something that makes you want to do something. In this case, that something is to have sex. And sex can bring a world of benefits. By having sex, you might create a baby. And that may be exactly what caused humans to evolve the way they have. According to evolutionary theory, libido was advantageous for humans to survive because it led to more births. After all, without babies, the species would die off.
But libido serves other purposes as well. The definition of libido as the sexual drive doesn't preclude other benefits besides procreation. Libido can draw us into close relationships that benefit us emotionally and socially. It can help us have more intimate relationships with our partners. It can add a little spice to our lives and even improve our physical health. Your sex drive may not be necessary to live a full and happy life, but it can certainly contribute to your wellbeing in many ways.
What causes low libido in females?
Many things can cause a decrease in libido in women, but several reasons have to do with women's biology.
Most definitions for libido come with descriptions of the sexual drive. A definition of libido might also include descriptions of decreased libido that can be thought of as symptoms. These include:
- Having little or no interest in engaging in sexual activities, whether with partners or alone.
- Rarely or never having any fantasies or thoughts about sex
- Worrying that you don't have sex or even fantasize as much as normal
The cause of these symptoms can be the same for men or women in some cases. Yet, women have additional physical challenges that cause fluctuations in their libido. And some mental health issues, such as anxiety and poor body image, are more common in women. Here are a few of the issues that can affect libido in women include:
- Having pain during sex
- Not being able to have an orgasm
- Being too tired because you are taking care of babies or young children, especially if you are working and doing household chores on the same days
- Menopause, which decreases your estrogen and causes vaginal dryness
- Hormonal changes during pregnancy and breastfeeding
- Poor body image
- History of being abused physically or sexually
- Not feeling comfortable talking with your partner about sex.
Another part of the definition of libido is whether you think it is necessary to have a sex drive if you want a fulfilling life. Although all these symptoms of low libido might be signs of a physical or mental problem, in other cases, it might just be that you are healthy but not an extremely sexual person. Some people are asexual, which doesn't mean they can't have sex if it fulfills a purpose for them, such as becoming pregnant. Other women have only a little interest in sexual activity. And if that's the case, your challenge is probably more along the lines of learning how to accept yourself for who you are, communicate your wishes with your partner, and come to an agreement about sex that satisfies both of you.
What causes low libido?
In addition to the factors that are specific to women's problems with libido, libido can be caused by many other physical and mental problems. Some of the things that might cause low libido to include:
- Medical illnesses or injuries
- Certain medications
- Drinking too much alcohol
- Using street drugs
- Smoking
- Fatigue
- Stress
- Anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders
- Low self-esteem
- A past hurtful, traumatic, or even just uncomfortable sexual experience
- Feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner
- Having conflicts with your partner that aren't resolved
- Not talking to your partner about what you need from them sexually
- Not discussing your sexual preferences with your partner
- Not trusting your partner
All these issues affect libido, but they can bring challenges to other aspects of your relationship. The definition of libido may be all about sex drive, but having low libido can also cause emotional separation between you and resentment for both of you.
For men, lack of libido can be especially upsetting because many men see high libido as a symbol of manhood. So, if they experience a decrease in libido, they question their fitness as a man. They may spend a lot of time comparing themselves to other men. Lack of libido for these men can prompt them to act out in risky ways or fall into depression. If this happens to you, seeking help is critical to deal with your lack of libido and resolve the mental health issues that came up because of that lack of libido.
Why do I feel sexually excited all the time?
If you feel sexually excited all the time, something is going on to increase your libido. Either you always have a high libido or some circumstance or mental or physical health issue has changed.
Let's start with people who always have a high libido. Definitions for libido can describe what it's like to have a high libido. For example, a definition of libido might list signs of a higher than usual libido. But what is your definition of libido that's too high? Here are some signs that your libido might be in the upper range.
- You constantly have sex in one form or another, whether having sex with your partner or watching porn, even though it's causing you problems in your daily life.
- You try to hide your sexual activity from those who might be concerned about you.
- You have sex because you want to escape from your problems.
- You have sex all the time, even though it doesn't make you feel satisfied.
The following things can increase libido and boost libido at certain times in your life.
- Using sex to self-medicate for mental disorders like anxiety.
- Trying to compensate for low self-esteem or shame
- You have a sexual disorder characterized by intense sexual urges
- You are using stimulants, such as caffeine, meth, ecstasy, or cocaine.
- You are taking Wellbutrin or another medication that can increase libido.
If you are concerned that your libido is too high, the best thing you can do is talk with a professional about it. Start with a medical doctor to see if there's a physical cause for your excessive desire for sex. Then, if you are physically in good shape, speak with a psychotherapist to discover any mental issues and behaviors that might be behind your increased sex drive. And, if your high sex drive is affecting your relationship, consider seeing a couples counselor such as those at ReGain.
But take note of this: Just because something can boost libido, that doesn't mean it's beneficial to your life. Many of the causes of ultra-high libido will also cause mental problems, relationship issues, medical conditions, or addictions. If you are tempted to take up any of these destructive habits because you are so distressed about your low sex drive, see medical, mental health, or relationship expert to uncover the problem and find solutions.
What does an orgasm for a woman feel like?
Women describe orgasms in many ways. There might be a feeling that something is flooding over her body. She might feel energized and more alive. When the clitoris is activated, she might get a pulsing sensation there, which comes from pelvic contractions. Some women say an orgasm is similar to the feeling you get when you are on a rollercoaster, and it drops suddenly. Others say it feels ticklish. Sometimes women talk about the feeling of physical warmth. Or, it can feel like an electric current.
Whatever the feeling of orgasm is, there's one certain thing. Having good orgasms can increase your sex drive, which is the same as the definition of libido at its most intense. If you aren't having orgasms or your partner isn't, you may need to address medical, mental health, or relationship issues.
How many times can a woman orgasm in one session?
It's hard to say exactly, and each woman will have a different capacity.
In one case study, a woman had seven orgasms in 16 minutes. Healthline states the number of orgasms most women have in one session is between one and five. However, for some women, it may be even more than any of these numbers. According to one survey, two percent of women in the U.K. reported climaxing 20 times in one session!
But what is the 'right number of orgasms to have in one session? The definition of libido is sex drive, but it doesn't say how many orgasms you are 'supposed to have. The truth is that the answer is different for everyone.
Many people are perfectly happy with one good orgasm. Others prefer to have multiple orgasms. And there are two things to remember here. First, no matter how many orgasms you have, they can't hurt you. Second, putting pressure on yourself to have more orgasms can damage your self-esteem, interfere with your relationship, or increase your stress level. If any of these issues have already come up, talking to a mental health therapist or a relationship counselor can help you get back on the right track.
What is female sperm called?
There is no such thing as female sperm. Only males produce sperm. However, there are two things that people may think of when they say 'female sperm.'
One thing you might think of is sperm as the reproductive cell. In women, these are called ova, or eggs, but not sperm.
The other thing you might be thinking of is the fluid that comes out during female ejaculation. There are two different kinds of fluid that can come out when a woman ejaculates. One is a small amount of milky white fluid that comes out when the woman has an orgasm. This fluid is full of PSA (prostrate-specific antigen), which is present in men's ejaculations. The other kind comes out when the woman 'squirts' during sex. This fluid can either be urine by itself or urine mixed with fluid from paraurethral (Skene's) glands. The prostate contributes a small amount of PSA to this second fluid, but not as much as with the first type.
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