What To Do When Your Partner Has No Interest In Sex At All

By Robert Porter|Updated June 21, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Dawn Brown, LPC

It’s no secret that sex is an important part of most relationships. Traditionally, couples use sex as a way to express their love for one another. It’s also something that satisfies a certain physical need or urges that people have. What should you do when your partner has no interest in sex at all, though? This is a difficult position to be in when you truly love someone. You don’t want to abstain from sexual activity, but you also want to be supportive of your partner’s wishes.

Sometimes your partner will need a bit of time to themselves. They might be going through a stressful time in life and won’t be interested in sex due to what they’re going through. Other times, this lack of interest in sex is an indication of a more serious problem. You’re going to want to learn what to do in this situation so that you can get your relationship back on track.

Determining The Cause

In Need of Some Relationship Support?
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.

The first thing you need to do when your partner stops showing interest in having sex determines the cause. There are a large number of different potential causes. As mentioned earlier, some people will lose interest in sex due to dealing with stress. If someone has been working long hours and has a lot on their mind, they might not be able to put a lot of energy into having sex. This is understandable, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t be disappointing.

Another potential cause of this issue is depression. When people become depressed, they often lose interest in things that they used to enjoy. This can be problematic when it comes to maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. If someone is going through depression, you’re going to need to be supportive to help them get through this tough time. This depression can even make them lose their self-confidence, and your partner is not likely going to feel very sexy during this time.

It’s also possible that this lack of interest in sex could have to do with your relationship. You could be going through a tough time together, and this might be manifesting itself as a lack of attraction. Are you interacting with one another as much as you used to? Does your partner still show you other signs of affection? If not, then you might need to have a serious conversation about what is going on.

Physical Causes

Certain physical causes could be the reason for your partner’s lack of interest in sex, too. A good example of this is erectile dysfunction. A man might be developing erectile dysfunction issues, and this could leave him feeling very embarrassed. Some medicines can help with this problem, which can lead to continuing having a satisfying sex life.

Women can also develop physical problems that prevent them from wanting to have sex. If a woman has some vaginal pain during intercourse, this might cause her to avoid sex. There are topical creams that can help to alleviate the pain so that intercourse can be more pleasurable. If a physical problem is the cause of your sexual woes, then you should take the time to speak to your doctor.

Talking About Sex

Eventually, you’re going to need to sit down and talk about what is going on. If it has been months since you have had sex with your significant other, that is likely not normal. Of course, different couples will have different standards for how long it is normal to go without having intercourse. You should be able to tell if the pattern is different than it usually is. Once you have noted that something has changed, it will be time to discuss what is wrong.

To get to the bottom of this issue, you’re going to have to initiate an honest discussion. Talking about what is going on should be taken very seriously. You also need to approach this discussion in the right way. You don’t want to come across as confrontational or demanding. Sex is not a commodity that you are owed for being in a relationship with someone. Even so, a lack of sex is something that can be damaging to you.

If you approach this conversation from the standpoint of love, then you’ll have better results. Let your partner know that you’re concerned about what is going on. Tell her/him that you love them and that you want to know if something is wrong. Hopefully, your partner will open up to you, and you can determine what is causing this sexual rift between the two of you. You might be surprised by what you hear, or you might wind up completely understanding what the problem is.

Either way, you will be able to fix things so long as you’re willing to move forward together. Unless your partner wants to leave you, it’s going to be important to try to fix your sex life. There are many things that you can try to do to get that old spark back. You have to be sure to move forward together while ensuring that you are both comfortable with what you’re attempting.

Bring Back The Romance

Often, couples with problems connecting in the bedroom have lost the romance they once shared. If you have been together for a long time, then you might have grown complacent. This happens to many couples, and it can harm your sex life. Have you been going out on dates regularly? If not, it might be a good idea to try to take your partner out somewhere special and show them how much they mean to you.

A little bit of romance and affection might be able to turn things around completely. When you have children, it can be difficult to find the time to connect romantically. You have to put some effort into it to maintain that romantic spark. This sexual problem that has been occurring could be due to both of you’s lack of effort. That can change now, and you can start to reignite your romance.

Try to do the little things that made you fall in love in the first place. Hold hands and watch a movie together. Go out on a bike ride and look at the sunset. Whatever you think is going to be romantic, do that. You want to make sure that you’re spending time together and that you’re enjoying yourselves. If things go well, then the interest in sex might be reignited, and you can finally start hitting it off again.

Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

There are also situations where people will lose interest in sex due to being bored with the same old routine. If your sex life has become fairly mundane, then you might want to consider mixing things up. You could try initiating sex in a different place or spot than you usually do. Even changing up your sexual position might be enough to make things seem more exciting.

There are a large number of things that you could do to spice up your sex life. How far you’re willing to go with that depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. Some people are a bit more reserved when it comes to sex than others. You might be a very open book, though. Discuss with your partner and see what they might be interested in doing.

You might find that your partner has some sexual needs or desires that you haven’t been fulfilling. If you can keep an open mind about this, then you might be able to turn things around. Just remember that you don’t have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. You could find out that you aren’t sexually compatible with your partner, which could lead to you wanting to part ways. Most people will be able to come to terms with a sex life that works for both individuals, though.

Couples Counseling Might Help Too

In Need of Some Relationship Support?

Couples counseling might come in handy as well. You don’t even have to leave your house to get this type of help. You can turn to online couples counseling to get assistance. Your issues might have to do with communication problems or other things you need to work on in your relationship. Solving these problems might help you to develop a healthy sex life once more.

Dedicated online counselors will be able to work with you as a couple. You can also receive counseling individually if you have specific issues you’d like to work through alone. These licensed therapists will always be there to assist you. You can reach out to them at any time, and you don’t have to worry about adhering to normal office hours. This type of therapy is so convenient due to being available to you whenever you want.

Don’t hesitate to sign up for online counseling if you need to work through your relationship problems. You can figure out what is wrong, and you will be able to fix things. Having the help of a counselor who understands what you’re going through will make a huge difference. Sign up today if you want to get started.

Helpful resources for relationships & more in your inbox
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak With A Licensed Therapist
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.