Couples Therapy: How Seeing A Psychologist Online Can Help Your Relationship

Running into difficulties in a long-term relationship can be a major source of distress. Your spouse or romantic partner may normally be the first person you turn to in times of emotional turmoil. So where can you go for support when your relationship is what’s making you unhappy? And how can you restore the bond between you after it’s been damaged by conflict, neglect, or misunderstandings?

Online couples therapy offers a helpful way forward for many people in troubled relationships. An experienced practitioner may be able to help you and your partner understand each other’s needs while suggesting ways to rebuild trust and intimacy. And working with a therapist over the Internet may avoid some of the obstacles to relationship therapy. This article will explain how couples therapy can help you reconnect with your partner and why you might want to consider online treatment.

Couples therapy works well for many people

Some people are very skeptical of the idea that couples counseling could help them. Movies and TV may play a role in this attitude — screenwriters love using scenes of spouses bickering in therapy sessions to demonstrate how “wrong for each other” the characters are. You might worry that if your relationship has reached the point where it needs help from a mental health professional, it’s beyond saving.

We have good news: studies have found that 70% of couples who pursue relationship counseling wind up resolving many of their differences and building happier partnerships. That number could even be higher if you leave out the cases where one person has already decided to leave and is simply using therapy as a way to soften the blow. 

Types of couples therapy

The various techniques of couples counseling have been studied, refined, and improved over many decades of practice. Different therapists may employ different approaches based on their particular training and experience, or on the particular needs of their clients. Some of the most common kinds of couples therapy include:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Sometimes called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, or EFCT, this method strives to strengthen the emotional bond between partners. Participants learn to let go of insecurities and defensiveness, address each other’s emotional needs, and develop enough trust to communicate their feelings honestly. Repeated studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of EFT in couples counseling.
• Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT): Cognitive behavioral therapy is among the best-studied types of mental health treatment, showing high effectiveness in many trials. It focuses on helping clients change distorted habits of thought and consciously modify their behavior. CBCT applies this approach to couples therapy, with success rates similar to EFT.
• Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT): SFT takes a pragmatic approach to couples counseling. Both participants discuss what they want from their ideal relationship and work together — with guidance from the therapist — to come up with ways to make that relationship a reality. This technique helps couples feel empowered to overcome the obstacles in the way of their happiness.
• The Gottman Method: Developed by a married pair of couples therapists named John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-backed method is based on the idea that relationships often break down due to predictable, avoidable communication problems like contempt and defensiveness. Gottman therapists teach romantic partners to connect through mutual respect and empathy. 

These are far from the only types of relationship counseling available. Your therapist may use techniques drawn from many different theoretical approaches to find solutions that work for you and your partner.

What can couples therapy do for your relationship?

We’ve explained that couples counseling can help many couples in crisis work through their differences — but can it help with the specific problems you’re facing? We’ll review some of the most important benefits of relationship therapy to help you understand how it may help you. Keep in mind that this isn’t an exhaustive list, and there may be many other benefits we don’t have space to mention!

Improve communication

Even if you and your partner love each other deeply, you might have a hard time showing it, especially when you’re stressed or your feelings are hurt. Therapy helps many couples learn to discuss their emotions, needs, and desires without causing bad blood. It might also help you to be more honest with each other, giving voice to the things that have gone unsaid for too long.

Break bad habits

Some relationships feel like they can get caught in an endless loop, in which the same arguments keep coming up again and again. A counselor may be able to help you recognize when your actions will aggravate your partner and choose a different approach.

Address mental health issues

Couples therapy is still therapy, and it can often be helpful in treating psychological illnesses as well as restoring the bond between partners. For instance, there’s substantial evidence that couples therapy can be more effective at treating substance use disorders than individual therapy. Confronting the things getting between you and the person you love may also improve your own mental health.

Bring back a sense of connection

Not all couples run into difficulty due to specific, identifiable issues like persistent disagreements or infidelity. Some may simply find that they’ve lost the sense of closeness they once had. Relationship therapy can help you restore the affection, intimacy, and sense of fun you once appreaciated.

Re-energize your sex life

Problems in the bedroom are a very common source of tension between long-term partners. Luckily, there’s evidence that couples counseling can lead to long-lasting improvements in sexual satisfaction. 

Why online couples therapy might be right for you

When you picture couples counseling, are you imagining yourself and your partner sitting at opposite ends of an uncomfortable couch while a therapist sits across from you taking notes? Though in-person treatment for relationship challenges can be a very helpful option, many couples today are choosing online therapy instead. Here are some reasons why:

Online couples therapy is easier to schedule

Therapy of any kind requires a time commitment, and it works best when you can attend sessions regularly and consistently. Unfortunately, many people may have difficulty fitting it into their calendars, and it only gets more difficult when you’re trying to work with two schedules instead of one. This can lead to further arguments and resentment if one partner repeatedly misses sessions or shows up late.

It’s often easier to attend couples therapy online since you’re taking the commute to the therapist’s office out of the equation. You may even be able to continue sessions while you’re traveling or quarantining. Also, if you find it hard to schedule sessions during business hours, you might be able to choose a therapist in a different time zone.

Connecting online gives you more options

When you’re participating in couples therapy over the Internet, you’re not limited to the providers who are located physically near you. That means you may be able to choose from a wider range of specialties and techniques. 

For example, if you really need to talk with someone who’s worked with couples with substance use disorders, it could be easier when you can talk online. This benefit can be especially important if you live in a relatively small town without lots of local counselors.

Talking online can increase your comfort

Opening up to a stranger about your intimate relationship may not be easy. And you might feel even more awkward and vulnerable if you’re in an unfamiliar space. Online couples therapy can be attended from home, where the familiar, comfortable surroundings may make it easier to talk honestly.

Discussing things with a therapist who’s not physically in the room might also help you feel more at ease with the process. A 2020 paper examining the experience of online relationship counseling found that many clients felt a greater sense of comfort and safety due to the added physical distance. 

Evidence suggests online therapy is effective

You might be concerned that therapy over the Internet would be less effective, despite the advantages described above. After all, don’t therapists need to observe your nonverbal behavior and forge a connection in order to treat you effectively?

Evidence suggests that this may not be the case. Couples often report that they have no problem developing a rapport with their therapists over the Internet, and some say the online approach actually made this process easier. In addition, a systematic review of published research into online therapy found “no difference in effectiveness” when compared to face-to-face counseling.