Why Do I Hate Being A Mom?
Updated September 29, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Robin Brock
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by being a parent? At one point or another, every parent does. However, if you feel that you hate being a mom, you need to determine if you hate the ups and downs (mostly the downs) that parenthood brings or genuinely hate being a mother. Some people feel like they are drowning in a marriage and don’t enjoy being tied down to one person for the rest of their life. However, when you have a child, you can’t just go down to the courthouse when you have had enough and get a divorce from your children. Less turning them over to the state or an adoption agency (which does come with legal ramifications), giving up your children is easier said than done. While some people opt to have their parents or siblings raise their children, these situations typically happen when a child is removed from your custody and a family member steps in to raise your child in your absence. Instead of finding a way out of being a parent, exploring why you hate being a mom is the first critical step when faced with this problem.
What Are Normal Thoughts About Being A Mom?
There are many days where a parent might think, “I hate being a mom,” however, they do not hate their children. They might hate that they do not have more support or help, hate that they are a single parent, or hate how their child is acting that day. However, they do not typically really hate being a mom.
Most days of raising children are not merely about enjoying motherhood. Lots of moms spending time with their children and watching them grow to be successful adults. However, if you hate spending time with your children and enjoy nothing about being a parent, you may want to seek a counselor to find out why you feel this way. More importantly, you should find out how to stop these feelings about motherhood.
If you are a new mom, there will be many times that you do not enjoy raising a newborn. When you are up at 2 a.m. or for the seventh time that night and have an inconsolable chill, this is not a fun experience. If you haven’t slept more than two hours in the last two days and when you finally get the chance to take a five-minute shower, you cry, this is also not a great time in your life. If you are a single parent or a stay-at-home mom and get little help from your baby’s father, you may have a lot of resentment. Again, this is not a great moment in time. However, most people understand that these challenges will not last forever. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night, and so will you. When your child goes to school for the first day, you will most likely cry and not know what you will do with them gone all day. When your partner is home for the weekend, and your child runs into their arms and wants nothing to do with you, you may feel slightly relieved and a little sad at the same time.
These experiences are all quite common and summarize what a mom looking like in the beginning. You are tired, smell funny, are not sure the last time you changed your clothes, and haven’t had a sit-down meal in recent history. Were you really cut out for motherhood? Yes, and most moms ask themselves the same question.
However, if the feeling that you are not cut out for motherhood does not fade and you perpetually ask yourself how you can get out of the situation, you need to consider speaking to a counselor.
What Are Some Reasons That You May Say I Hate Being A Mom?
Here are some of the most common reasons why you may feel like you hate being a mom.
I Hate Being A Mom Because I Feel Like I Have To Be Perfect At It
If you feel that you need to be the perfect moms and dads, you can throw that idealization out with the dirty diapers. No parent is perfect, and anyone who tells you they can do everything 100 percent proper all the time is lying!
The truth is babies do not come with rule books, and you will make mistakes. As long as you feed your baby, change their diaper, and love them, you are doing a great job. Sure, there will be times that, no matter what you do, never seems to console your crying baby, and that can be exhausting. However, babies will cry and sometimes for no reason. Just do your best.
If you need a break from the screaming, you can do this: put your baby in a safe place, such as their crib, and walk out of the room for a few minutes. If your baby is going to cry anyway and feel like you want to cry with them, then put them down and walk away. This is not to say you should leave them there, crying, for an extended amount of time. However, if you need to step outside and get one or two minutes of peace, take that time. Then you can go back into your house, a little calmer, and try to soothe your inconsolable infant. With a level head, you may figure out what is bothering your baby and help make them feel better.
I’m Exhausted All The Time
No one can adequately prepare you for how tired you will be after having a baby. Even if you have help, getting enough sleep at night will be challenging until your baby starts sleeping through the night.
Experts recommend that you sleep when the baby sleeps not to become so fatigued you cannot function. Naps also will help ward off postpartum depression.
However, many new moms feel like they need to get work done around the house when their new baby is sleeping. While getting laundry, dishes, and cleaning is done on your mind, you need to make sure that you take at least one nap while your baby is napping. Even if you cannot sleep, resting your eyes and body are essential. Remember, your body is still recovering from being a human incubator, and it needs adequate rest to heal properly.
Stop Hesitating To Ask for Help
When people offer to help, say yes. Most people will refuse help from family and friends because they want to prove to others that they can handle raising their babies independently. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. If someone offers to help, say yes.
Whether people offer to make you a meal or stop by the house so that you can rest or shower, do not turn your friends away. Your friends and family genuinely want to help you, especially if they have children of their own; they know what you are going through. Let them come and get some cuddle time with your baby while you attend to your needs for a little while.
Remember, you cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself.
You Have Postpartum Depression and Are Having a Hard Time
If you often cry, are extremely tired, or lack the motivation to do everyday tasks, you may have postpartum depression. You may also have strong feelings that you are not cut out for motherhood.
After having a baby, your body goes through significant changes. Your hormone levels are different than they were before your pregnancy and while you were pregnant. This dramatic fluctuation can make you feel sad or mad. If you find that you are struggling significantly to function, talk to your doctor.
OB/GYNS sees patients every day that suffer from postpartum depression. It is not uncommon, and it does not make you a bad mom. However, if left untreated, you may feel yourself saying, I hate being a mom. Should these feelings of hatred arise, you should talk to your doctor. They can offer you medication to help rebalance the chemistry in your body. You may also benefit from speaking with a counselor.
If you do not feel comfortable leaving the house for an extended amount of time, online counseling is a viable option instead of in-person counseling.
A counselor will help you work through your feelings and help you make a stronger connection with your baby, and improve your mental health. There is no shame in seeking help for postpartum depression. Counseling will help you realize that you are, in fact, cut out for motherhood and help you to get past the feelings of “I hate being a mom.” Soon enough, you will enjoy being a mom immensely.
The majority of people genuinely enjoy being a mom. While some people may resent that they became pregnant, they still can bond with their baby if it was not planned. There may be times that you are tired of being a mother, but this is typically tied to extreme fatigue and hormonal changes. However, if you are experiencing intense feelings of disconnect from your child, you may be suffering from postpartum depression. Counseling can help you work through these emotions or lack thereof and help you to find the joys of motherhood.
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