Why Do I Hate Being A Mom?

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated June 17, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Robin Brock , LISW

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by being a parent? At one point or another, most parents do. However, if you feel like you are struggling too much, there might be something you can do to address and mitigate the feeling.

If I Hate Being A Mom, What Does It Say About Me?

Being A Parent Can Be Overwhelming
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There are days when a parent might think, I hate being a mom. This does not mean, however, that they hate their children. They might hate that they do not have more support or hate how their child is acting that day. Even that, though, doesn’t mean that they really hate being a mom. And even if you are feeling like you hate being a parent, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have tremendous love for your kids.

Most days of raising children are not merely about enjoying motherhood. And, while all parents experience it differently, not everyone has an easy time financially, emotionally, socially, or otherwise. If you experience guilt for feeling the way that you do, understand that you’re not alone in feeling this way. If everything doesn’t feel like sunshine and rainbows, you are not a bad parent for that, and it doesn’t say anything negative about you as a human being.

If you are a new mom, there may be many times that you do not enjoy raising a newborn. When you are up at 2 a.m. for the seventh time that night and have an inconsolable child, this is not generally a fun experience. While you may have very warm feelings for the overall joys of parenthood, you may simultaneously dislike a lot of the difficult moments that arise.

However, most people understand that these challenges will not last forever. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night, and so will you. When your child goes to school for the first day, you will most likely cry and not know what you will do with them gone all day.

These experiences are all quite common and summarize what a mom looks like in the beginning. You may be tired, stressed, and in need of some alone time. You may ask whether you were really cut out for motherhood. The answer is yes—and many moms ask themselves the same question.

However, when you are in distress, it’s vital to take care of yourself. It can be a big emotional challenge to have thoughts like, I don’t like being a parent. One thing that can be helpful is to look at what the root of your difficult experience with motherhood could be.

What Are Some Reasons That You May Say, “I Hate Being A Mom”?

What is making you feel the way you do? Here are some of the most common reasons why you may feel like you hate being a mom.

I Feel Like I Have To Be Perfect At It

If you feel that you need to be the perfect parent, you can throw that idea out with the dirty diapers. No parent is perfect, and anyone who tells you they can do everything 100% perfectly all the time is lying.

The truth is that babies do not come with rule books, and you will almost certainly make mistakes. Sure, there will be times that, no matter what you do, you can’t seem to console your crying baby, and that can be exhausting. This does not mean that you’re not doing a good job, though. Just do your best. Having unrealistic expectations about parenthood could be causing you to feel inadequate when you don’t live up to them.

I’m Exhausted All The Time

No one can adequately prepare you for how tired you will be after having a baby. Even if you have help, getting enough sleep at night will likely be challenging until your baby starts sleeping through the night.

Experts recommend that you sleep when the baby sleeps so that you don’t become so fatigued you cannot function. Naps can also help to ward off postpartum depression symptoms.

However, many new moms feel like they need to get work done around the house when their new baby is sleeping. While getting laundry, dishes, and cleaning done may be pressing, you need to make sure that you take at least one nap while your baby is napping. Even if you cannot sleep, resting your eyes and body are essential. Remember, your body is still recovering from being a human incubator, and it needs adequate rest to heal properly.

I Have Postpartum Depression

Being A Parent Can Be Overwhelming

If you often cry, are extremely tired, or lack the motivation to do everyday tasks, you may have postpartum depression. You may also have strong feelings that you are not cut out for motherhood. These feelings are not facts, and it is very common to have them.

After having a baby, your body goes through significant changes. Your hormone levels are different than they were before your pregnancy and while you were pregnant. This dramatic fluctuation can make you feel sad or mad. If you find that you are struggling significantly to function, consider talking to your doctor.

Postpartum depression is common and very treatable—and it does not make you a bad mom. However, if left untreated, it may lead to more uncomfortable feelings. Should feelings like hating being a mother arise, consider talking to your doctor. You may also benefit from speaking with a mental health provider.

I Don’t Like Asking For Help

It’s not infrequent that parents, or people in general, have difficulty asking for help.

When people offer to help, it’s okay to say yes. Some people will refuse help from family and friends because they want to prove to others that they can handle raising their babies independently. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. If someone offers to help, it’s okay to say yes.

Whether people offer to make you a meal or stop by the house so that you can rest or shower, saying yes does not make you inadequate. Your friends and family genuinely want to help you, especially if they have children of their own and know what you are going through. Let them come and get some cuddle time with your baby while you attend to your needs for a little while.

Remember, it can be difficult to take care of others if you do not take care of yourself. Additionally, if you can’t seem to shake the feeling that you hate being a parent, or if you need someone to talk to and find solutions with, a therapist can help. No matter how you build your support system, it’s vital that you do. Parents are people, and people often need support.

Online Therapy

Online therapy is a great option for parents who know that they need support but don’t know how they’ll find the time. Online therapy through a platform like ReGain means that you don’t have to make a long commute to see your therapist, and it can be more affordable, too. The counselors at ReGain are all licensed, independent, and have experience in various areas. You can find couples or individual therapy on ReGain at any point in time. A therapist will help you work through your feelings, make a stronger connection with your baby, improve your mental health, or work toward any other goal you might have. Even if things are difficult right now, don’t give up—and know that reaching out for care can help.

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