Does Helicopter Parenting Hurt Your Child’s Future?
Medically Reviewed By Karen Devlin, LPC
Are you a helicopter guardian? Do you even really know what a helicopter guardian is? If you don't, then you're not alone, but it's something that you definitely should find out more about. Knowing your parenting style is the key to finding out some healthy (and not so healthy) aspects of that style. You want to know what you're doing to help your child and what you might be doing that hurts them, which is why knowing how each type of parenting can affect their future is crucial.
What is helicopter parenting? Helicopter parents tend to pay extremely close attention to their children. They tend to be extremely involved in everything that happens to their child, whether in their personal life or any other aspect of their life as they get older. These parents always know what their child is going through and any problems they may have. This is especially true while the child is in school.
Helicopter parenting is considered smothering the child because it involves helping and watching the child at all times, even when the child does not need it. These parents may not be critical and may, in fact, be extremely loving and supportive. However, they also tend to jump in when they are not needed. They may do this in all areas of the child's life, leading to several different 'side effects that we'll get to in just a minute. In general, helicopter parenting involves hovering and being overly involved (as compared to other parents).
These types of parents tend to have a problem letting their children fail. They don't like the idea of their child experiencing something negative that they don't need to, and they hate the idea of letting their child do less than the absolute best. In reality, it's important to let those children experience things themselves and go through their failures. Children who don't go through these things themselves will have a hard time doing so in the future, which means trouble for them when they get to college or even the workforce.
The Good On Helicopter Parenting
In general, helicopter parents believe that by micromanaging their child's lives, they will give their children an edge on their future. They believe that they can help their child get ahead and be more successful. They feel like they are helping their children in every way possible by using their knowledge and experience to help. In general, these parents feel like their children can benefit from everything they have been through without experiencing it themselves. In theory, this seems like a great idea and a good way to help the child advance.
The Bad On Helicopter Parenting
Much research has been done on this type of parenting, and it has been found that there are several negatives tied to it. For example, children who helicopter parents raise may experience a higher anxiety level, especially if they have tendencies toward anxiety already. This is because the child is never allowed to complete their activities, solve problems or learn decision-making independently. Because the parent always inserts themselves into the child's life and makes decisions or points for them, this increases their anxiety level and their belief that they can't make those decisions for themselves.
These types of children are more likely to experience depression as well. The research suggests that children with helicopter parentals are not often allowed to make their own choices and their own mistakes. Because their parents try to keep them from making mistakes, it keeps them from learning what to do when they make mistakes, which increases anxiety levels. As a result, mistakes, failure, and anxiety can all build up to a point where they lead to depression. This can continue to cause increased trouble in their overall life.
Adding to the problems, these children can have more academic problems than their peers. Even though the helicopter guardian is constantly watching the child and trying to solve their problems, this isn't always possible, and the child may have trouble in other areas. Tests and exams can prove difficult because there is no one out there to help them during the experience. This can lead to increased problems. As they continue in school and start in college or areas where the helicopter guardian cannot help, this can lead to even more homework and other assignments.
Unfortunately, children who have helicopter parents are prone to some negative behaviors, and that's why it's so important to look at what you are doing with your child. If you don't know whether you're a helicopter parent, take a look at the qualities we've discussed. Then you'll be able to decide what to do for the future. Helicopter parenting leads to difficulties, but you're going to have some time to shift the way that you parent and decide how to help your child in an entirely new way. You want to help them, after all, so do your best.
Getting Help For Yourself
If you are a helicopter parent or a helicopter parent raised you, it's important to look for new teaching methods. If a helicopter parent raised you, then the chances you will become yourself are likely high. Because you often become what you have seen modeled, it's likely that you'll start to exhibit a number of these traits, and that isn't going to help your child with their future. If you already see some of the signs, you'll also want to look for ways to change your current parenting behavior.
Talking to a professional can help you change your parent and determine what you can do to improve how you work with your child. Letting a professional work with you to determine your strengths and weaknesses and build on those will be a great first step. It's going to help your child and your future (as well as theirs). By working with that therapist, you'll have an edge for yourself, and you'll be on your way to parenting even better.
Getting Help For Your Child
If you have already started helicopter parenting your child, you may want to help your child. Putting them in some form of counseling will help them learn more about the skills they haven't learned. That means they'll be able to learn about solving problems on their own or completing work on their own, or even dealing with failure or mistakes. These things are crucial to their overall well-being and their ability to survive and thrive in the future. Getting them into therapy as quickly as possible will help them to develop these skills more quickly.
If you’ve been a helicopter parent, it might be scary to think about providing therapy for your child. It’s important to note that doing so does not suggest any inadequacies on the parents’ part—in fact, giving your child the tools to succeed is exactly what the best parents do.
Your child will have difficulty getting through their life on their own if you have been a helicopter parent, and that will be even more difficult if you suddenly stop being there for them in the same way that they are used to or if you are unable to. That means getting them treatment is crucial to understand what they need to know that they may not have learned or may not quite understand. A professional is going to help them with the process of learning and improving these skills.
If your child is between the ages of 13-19 years old, then you may want to consider TeenCounseling.com, a platform dedicated to helping children thrive.
It may also be helpful for you to speak with a mental health professional yourself so that you can learn how to be a present, helpful parent without helicoptering. A licensed therapist specializing in children’s mental health is equipped to answer any questions or concerns you may have.
The ReGain Difference
When you're looking for your therapist, it's important to look at all of your options. Working with someone in your area can be great because you can easily meet with them, but what happens when you go on vacation, or you have to make a business trip, or even if there's bad weather in your area? You have to cancel your appointment, right? With ReGain, you don't have to worry about that because ReGain takes place entirely online. No matter where you are or what's going on in the area, you'll still be able to make your appointment because you have to turn on your computer.
With this process, you're also going to have a whole lot more freedom to find a therapist that you're comfortable with. You won't have to worry about finding someone nearby because you can feel comfortable with whoever you have. You're also not going to have to worry about visiting that office and feeling judged. You're not going to have to worry about the receptionist or the other patients seeing you there and wondering what you're doing there. Instead, you turn on your computer (or any other device that connects to the internet) and sign in for your session, just like that.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Why is helicopter parenting bad?
There are several reasons why it’s believed that the helicopter parenting style of parenting can cause problems, including a strain on the parent-child relationship. While many parents believe that being a helicopter parent means simply that they are an involved parent, it is more than just that.
Helicopter parents tend to hover over their children. They are always there, involved in what their child is trying to do. Here are some of the negative effects of helicopter parenting:
- Children don’t learn to do things for themselves. One of the goals of parenting is to help raise children that will be successful adults. However, when parents hover over their children, the children can begin to rely on the parents to do everything for them.
- Children can have low self-esteem. One of the effects of helicopter parenting styles is that children can struggle to develop healthy self-confidence and self-esteem. Parents hover over their children and tend to correct everything that their child does. This can make a child feel like they can’t do anything right.
- Children can experience anxiety. The two effects of the helicopter parenting style described above can lead children to deal with high anxiety levels. They may experience anxiety if their parent is there to help them with a task or experience anxiety that they will do something wrong and be corrected.
- Children don’t learn to overcome failure. When parents are always there to correct their children's things, they may not experience failures and set back the same. This means they may struggle to learn that failure is OK and that they can recover from it.
What are the signs of a helicopter parent?
Some of the common signs of the helicopter parenting style can include:
- You do their homework for them
- If they play a sport, you are constantly trying to correct or help the coach.
- You stick around your child constantly (you stay at birthday parties when the other parents leave, you chaperone every field trip, you text them constantly)
- You clean their room for them and pick up after their mess
- You don’t allow them to do anything where they could get hurt, like climbing trees or riding a skateboard
- They’re not allowed to make mistakes
Many of these signs also apply to the Lawnmower Parenting style. This is when parents refuse to let their child experience any obstacles, so they mow over every obstacle for them.
Free-range parenting, on the other hand, is another one of the styles of parenting. However, with free-range parenting, parents allow their child to experience their own natural consequences. Some parents might be tempted to go this route to avoid helicopter parenting, but this can have negative consequences. Some parents who go this route seeming like uninvolved parents as they sometimes let their child do things they might not be ready for. The most effective parenting style is authoritative parenting, which combines high warmth with high responsiveness.
How does helicopter parenting affect a child?
Every type of parenting style impacts the child in one way or another. If you’re looking for a positive parenting approach, it can be tempting to think that helicopter parenting is the way to go because it means you are a really involved parent. However, this style of parenting can have a negative effect on the parent-child relationship, both in the present and the future. You can see above in the article some of the ways that helicopter parenting impacts the child.
What generation are helicopter parents?
Dr. Haim Ginott first used the term helicopter parent in his book titled Parents & Teenagers. The book was originally published back in 1969. Dr. Ginott has other books out as well, including the book titled Between Parent and Child. His books are geared towards creating a successful and positive parenting experience for both the parent and child.
However, while the term first showed up at that time, it wasn’t until the 90’s that it became really well-known. The millennial generation is largely believed to have been raised by helicopter-style parents. However, just because the name was around and popular at that time doesn’t mean it didn’t start until then. There have always been parents that fall on all different realms of the parenting spectrum.
What helicopter parents do?
Helicopter parents hover over their children, watching almost their every move. They don’t want their child to struggle or fail. They take responsibility for both the success and failure of their child. Therefore, they take on tasks that their child should be doing on their own or fix things their child has tried to do.
What is bulldozer parenting?
Bulldozer parenting is another term for lawnmower parenting and is similar to helicopter parenting. Bulldozer parents are going to remove any obstacle in their child’s path to success. They don’t want their child to experience any setbacks or difficulties, so they remove them for the child instead of allowing the child to learn how to handle it on their own.
Bulldozer parents tend to be the ones that are constantly at the school trying to get teachers to change a grade or the principal to excuse a tardy so it won’t show on their child’s record. This is just one example of something that a bulldozer parent might do.
