10 Marriage Tips For Newlyweds
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated March 21, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
Congratulations newlyweds! The start of your marriage is an exciting time that can also bring newfound and possibly unexpected challenges. If you find yourself wishing there was a magic instruction book that came with marriage, you're not alone. At the same time, there isn't a book to guide you through your marriage transition, the following 10 pieces of marriage advice.
1. Decide how you're going to handle holidays
At first thought, you might think that this isn't a big deal. But holidays can cause a lot of stress for couples in the early years of marriage. If it's not properly dealt with, it can continue to cause stress year after year.
Before the holidays arrive, discuss how you're going to celebrate them. Talk about what traditions are important to each of you and find a way to blend them and make new ones. If you have an extended family that likes to celebrate together, find a schedule that you can agree on for who you will be celebrating with for each holiday.
Then, confidently share it with your family members, so they know what to expect as well. If your family is used to having you home for every holiday, the thought of you being away with the in-laws might take some time for them to adjust to.
2. Make sure your expectations are real
Unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of problems in marriage. If you went through premarital counseling before tying the knot, then you most likely discussed some areas where this is true. If you didn't, it's something you should spend some time thinking about.
You and your spouse are two individual people who grew up with two different backgrounds. Things were done one way in your family and another with your in-laws. Naturally, people expect the same type of thing when they enter marriage as what they saw with their own parents or how their household ran when they were a child.
Take the time to discuss your expectations in different areas of your marriage with your spouse and ask them what expectations they have. This will quickly help you find the areas to address.
3. Discuss roles and who is going to handle what in the household
This goes along with #2 above. There are household chores that are going to need to be done. Things like grocery shopping, cleaning, vehicle maintenance, balancing the bank account, etc. It's helpful to talk through how each of these things will be handled.
The division of tasks might need to be revisited later or adjusted as you see what works for you both and what doesn't.
4. Spend time together and focused on your marriage
The first two years of your marriage are very important to the long-term success of your marriage. This is why you must work on your marriage from the start. This is the time to build a strong foundation for the future of your marriage.
Spend time with your spouse. Find activities that you like to do together. Please continue to make the effort that you made with them before you got married. Look for red flags in your marriage and address them as soon as possible.
5. Remember that difficult times don't mean it's over
There will most likely be things that come up that you didn't expect in your early stages of marriage. This can make it easy to question your decision to get married. You might think that your partner's behavior has completely changed after getting married. You might find that as you work on navigating the first year, there are many challenges and arguments that you didn't expect. You might have thought everything was going to be smooth sailing once you got married.
Every marriage faces struggles from time to time. If you think you're the only one struggling, it can lead you to feel like giving up. Knowing that it's normal for relationships to go through ups and downs can be the encouragement you need to stick to it.
6. Ask for and offer forgiveness
Forgiveness can be a struggle in any relationship, and it's different for men and women. But, being able to both ask forgiveness and extend it is crucial for a happy marriage. There are going to be times when you do something that hurts or upsets your spouse. You must acknowledge it and take responsibility while also asking for forgiveness. There will also be times when the same will be true for your spouse.
Keeping score, tracking how often your spouse has wronged you only leads to more hurt and pain in marriage. True forgiveness within your marriage will require you to choose to forgive your spouse even if you don't always feel like it and then forget about it. Once you forgive them, please don't continue to bring it up to them anymore.
7. Tell the other what you need
In a perfect world, your spouse would always know what you need. But this isn't a perfect world, and you can't expect your spouse always to read your mind or anticipate your needs. If there is something that you would like from your spouse, you need to communicate it clearly to them.
Expecting them to figure it out on their own will only be setting them up for failure. When you tell them what you want, you're giving them a fair chance to meet your needs or desires.
8. Have a plan for your finances
According to businessman Dave Ramsey, money is one topic that couples avoid talking about with each other. This is a problem for many reasons, including the fact that it's the 2nd leading cause of divorce. There's a good chance that you and your spouse don't have the same ideas about handling finances. If you avoid talking about it, you won't be on the same page, leading to disagreements.
It may not be fun, but creating a plan for your finances can help you avoid many problems before they start. Sit down and discuss a budget and spending. You may want to work with a financial planner to help you out.
9. Cut the cord and establish your new family
Some people have a harder time than others forming a new family. When you're trying to establish yourself and your spouse as a family unit, you will generally require you to pull back a little from your parents, siblings, or other family members you have relied on.
This doesn't mean that you drop having a relationship with them, but you need to make sure that you're putting your spouse first. Their opinion is the one that should matter when you are working on making decisions. Not all parents have an easy time of letting go in this area. It's important that you politely set boundaries and then stick to them.
10. Don't be afraid to ask for help
Going to couples counseling is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be the difference between working through the challenges of deciding to call it quits. The statistics show that the chance of marriage counseling helping your marriage is very good. According to Bradley University, "93 percent of couples also reported that counseling gave them the tools they needed to deal with their problems."
There are times when you can benefit from asking people like family and friends for advice. Still, it's important to understand the difference between talking with someone you know personally and talking with a therapist.
A therapist can help both you and your partner by staying in a role where they don't take sides as friends and family can. They can help you get to the root of your problems and learn the skills that can help you to improve your marriage.
Regain Offers Online Couples Counseling
If you are getting ready to get married or in the newlywed phase, counseling can improve your chance of having a successful and happy marriage. ReGain has online therapists that can work with you from anywhere you're located. This makes it easy for you to find a qualified therapist that both you and your spouse connect with and trust.
Online therapy also makes it easy for you and your spouse to work with a therapist without taking too much time out of your schedule. You have 24/7 access to your therapist and can set up phone call or video call sessions.
Adjusting to life as a married couple can be challenging. If you find that you have areas that you're struggling in, don't be embarrassed. It's something that every couple goes through from time to time. Don't ignore the problems. Ensure that you are focusing on your marriage and building a strong foundation, and don't hesitate to work with a therapist for additional help.
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