The Secret To Married Dating: How To Date Your Spouse

By: Hailey Davis

Updated November 26, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC

Just because you and your spouse are married does not mean going on regular dates together should stop. Many couples find that they are less satisfied with their marriage when they do not spend intentional time with their spouse. It is very common to get stuck in the routine cycle and stop devoting time to spend with your spouse. Maybe you and your spouse have experienced the dullness of everyday routine. This is why dating, even if you’re married, is so important to practice. Dating is crucial to keep your marriage exciting and to ignite the spark you two have continuously. Let’s discuss why it is so important to practice eating while you’re married and how to continue dating your spouse.

Why is it Important to Date Your Spouse?

Dating Your Spouse Can Be More Important Than You Think
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Some couples feel that making time for dates is unimportant and a waste of time. After all, you see your spouse at home every day and get plenty of them. The truth is, when couples continue to date after getting married, they develop better communication skills, are usually much happier and more committed to each other, and tend to have lower divorce rates. When you dedicate one night a week, every other week, or even once a month to date nights, you’re going to feel like you started dating your spouse all over again. You’re going to feel much more connected to them than before. Additionally, you have something to look forward to throughout your busy week. Here are some of the reasons it is so important to practice eating while you’re married:

To Keep the Spark Alive

When you feel like you and your spouse is starting to date again, it can be very exciting. Therefore, the romantic spark between the two of you will begin to get much brighter. You will start getting butterflies back in your stomach. Your spouse may learn more about you, and you can learn more about them. It will strengthen your relationship and make it feel like a new experience with your special person. Whether you have been married for a few years or married for decades, taking time to date, your spouse is not a waste of time.

Setting aside time to go out to dinner or see a movie with your spouse can seem like a pain. You are likely very busy with work, school, kids, and everything else that may be demanding your time. Taking the time to go out on a date can feel like an added responsibility for your weekly to-do list. The truth is, ignoring the need for setting time aside to develop your marriage is one of the most common reasons for low satisfaction levels in marriage. Once you are on the date, you may feel relieved to forget about your other responsibilities. When you schedule a time to have fun, one-on-one time with your spouse, you will treasure date nights and the spark they bring back to your marriage.

To Have a Deep Friendship to Fall Back On

Not only will dating your spouse reignite the flame, but also it will strengthen your friendship. It is important to know that you and your spouse are more than just a married couple. You are a unit that works together. According to Zach Brittle of the Gottman Institute, you should have a meaningful friendship with your spouse as it can lead to higher marriage satisfaction and a lower chance of divorce. When you and your spouse experience conflict, having a deep and meaningful friendship with your spouse to fall back on makes managing the conflict much easier.

Going on dates in your marriage can help you and your spouse develops your friendship. As you spend more time together, you will likely find you and your spouse connect much more than you did before. You can help grow your relationship and create many happy memories together. Every marriage faces problems, so when times get tough, having these great memories can help you feel more motivated to make up with your spouse.

To Slow Down and Make Time for Each Other

Making date night a habit can help you and your spouse remembers to make time for each other. Slowing down and spending an hour or two hours with your spouse can make life much more enjoyable. According to a study by Sarah Flood and Katie Genadek, people tend to be twice as happy when spending time with their spouses. So, try your best to make time for your partner, no matter how busy your schedule is.

When pushing through your morning and nighttime routines, try to slow down and make a date out of it. In the mornings, instead of just passing by each other, try spending some of that time together. Try to eat breakfast together or have a cup of coffee together. At night, do the same and enjoy dinner together and be intentional when talking to each other. In today’s world, making time for someone when you have a hectic schedule is very meaningful. Being intentional when you two spend time together will make your relationship much stronger and enjoyable. If you feel you and your spouse haven’t been making time for each other, try making going on dates a regular occurrence.

How to Date Your Spouse

You may want to date your spouse but have a hard time thinking of things to do for dates. The thought of coming up with ideas for dates with your spouse may sound complicated at first, but once you start, you will find it isn’t that difficult. Remember back when you were first dating your partner? Go back to doing those activities and have new experiences with your person. Here are a few tips to help you get started with this exciting time.

Do Something Both of You Enjoy

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To start, try doing something you both enjoy to help you two bond over a shared interest. If you or your spouse are hesitant about regularly devoting time to dates, this can be a big motivator. Your dates should be exciting for both of you, so doing an activity you both enjoy is a great way to kick off dating while you’re married. Whether that is a hiking, biking, going to comedy shows, shopping, going out to eat, or going to the movies, do an activity with your spouse. You could also try to take a road trip to a town neither of you has ever been to before. This way, you can make a whole day of your special date with your spouse.

If you and your spouse are in a place where you don’t know much about each other anymore, don’t worry. Try to sit down with your spouse and ask them what they enjoy doing in their free time. From there, brainstorm ideas for what you two will enjoy doing together. You and your spouse likely have at least one common interest, so try to start a date night with that activity.

Turn Off Your Phone and Other Distractions

When you and your spouse start dating again, remember to turn off your phone and any other distraction. This can be difficult, as many people worry about missing calls from work or don’t want to miss out on news alerts. Everything will still be there when you turn it back on, and you will feel better once you start having more fun without it. Having constant distractions can hinder your conversations and turn your attention away from your spouse.

One of the biggest distractions on cell phones is social media. Taking a break from social media can be very beneficial for your mental health and self-esteem. Many people get wrapped up in comparisons to other people, which can negatively affect your thoughts about yourself and your marriage. Additionally, social media can be very addictive, taking away hours of your day from spending time with your spouse. So, try taking a break from your social media and your phone, and be present with your spouse when you are on dates.

Make a date Night a Habit

Do your best to make date nights a habit for you and your spouse’s routines. If your schedules and budget allow for it, try to go on a date at least one night per week. When you make date night a habit, you are both making each other a priority. That is something that can slowly fade when you’re married for a long time. However, when you make date nights a habit, you will be prioritizing your spouse amidst your busy schedule.

Mark your dates on the calendar and make it a priority, so you are not tempted to cancel. Just like you would do when you have plans with a friend, stay committed to the plans you have with your spouse. Unless you both agree that your date needs to be rescheduled, do your best never to cancel. Be sure you make plans for a new date shortly if you do have to cancel.

Start Practicing Married Dating

Dating Your Spouse Can Be More Important Than You Think
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Date night can be the highlight of your week again. It does take some effort to make sure you have space in your schedule, hire a babysitter, and make room in the budget, but it is worth it. Remember, not every date has to be a big and expensive event. It can be something as simple as talking over breakfast while the kids are still asleep. Once you start dating while you’re married, you will never want to go back.

If you feel dating while you’re married will not resolve the issues you and your partner face, don’t hesitate to try couples counseling. A licensed counselor can help you two work out your problems healthily and effectively so you can enjoy dates again and feel more connected.


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