How Marriage Counseling Can Help With The Pressures Of Military Life
It can feel especially hard to maintain a happy, mutually satisfying marriage when one or both partners are in the armed forces. Military service presents some unique challenges to a couple’s sense of stability, and this added mental strain may lead to friction or distance between spouses. Many people in this situation discover that marriage counseling from a trained professional — especially one experienced in working with military couples — can help a great deal.
Military marriage counseling can teach you effective ways to cope with the stress resulting from things like deployment, relocation, and frustrating bureaucracy. It can also help you and your spouse work on your communication skills while providing a space to talk through the things which are bothering you in your relationship. An experienced therapist may be able to help your marriage survive and grow stronger in spite of the many hardships of military life.
Why marriage can be hard for military members
When you or your spouse first began the path to military service, you were most likely well aware that it would mean making sacrifices. Those in the armed services must quickly get used to the idea that their time is not their own. Decisions about things like where they will live and when they’re able to see their families may not be up to them.
However, the lived experience of serving in the military — or being married to a servicemember — can take a psychological toll over time. And these effects often spill over into married life. In one study of 300 couples in which one partner was recently deployed, participants reported numerous sources of stress. Those commonly rated as “very stressful” included:
- Fear of death, injury, and combat-associated risks
- Loneliness
- Sexual frustration
- Worries about personality changes or mental health effects resulting from service
- Psychological effects on the children
- Concerns about difficulty reintegrating into civilian life
Perhaps not surprisingly, high levels of stress were related to lower marital satisfaction. It can be harder to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship when you’re grappling with significant mental strain.
This may be part of the reason the divorce rate for military personnel is generally higher than the US average. This may not be true in all cases — for instance, officers may actually be less likely to divorce than the average American. But rates are higher among enlisted personnel. And for reasons that aren’t yet fully understood, female servicemembers are significantly more likely to see their marriages end in divorce.
Given these statistics, it’s easy to see why many military couples choose to receive marriage counseling.
What is military marriage counseling?
When we talk about military marriage counseling, we’re referring to any kind of couples therapy for married partners involved with the military. There are many different evidence-based treatments that can help with relationship challenges, and a marriage therapist will often employ techniques drawn from more than one counseling philosophy. The most widely used evidence-backed types of marriage counseling include:
- Cognitive behavioral couples therapy (CBCT). This approach teaches participants to recognize and modify the mental, emotional, and behavioral habits that are interfering with their marriage, often resulting in greater relationship satisfaction.
- Solution-focused therapy (SFT). Couples in SFT work together to identify their relationship goals and come up with practical ways to reach them.
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT). EFT’s primary aim is to repair and deepen the bond of affection, trust, and compassion between spouses, which can lead to improvements in many facets of the relationship.
- Gottman method: This technique works primarily on a couple’s communication strategies, helping them work through their issues by adopting healthier ways of expressing their emotions.
These trained mental health professionals have obtained advanced degrees and completed several thousand hours (the exact amount varies by state) of clinical practice under the supervision of more experienced counselors. An MFLC therapist will have firsthand experience assisting families with the kinds of stresses you’re facing.
What are the benefits of military marriage counseling?
Effective mental health care of any kind can often have wide-ranging positive effects on your life, and it would be hard to list every possible benefit here. However, we’ll review some of the most common and important types of assistance that military couples can receive from counseling.
Better stress management
As we noted earlier, one of the biggest threats to marital happiness can be the cumulative effect of small, mundane sources of life stress. Without healthy coping strategies, these everyday challenges can drain your emotional energy, leaving you with less to put into your relationship. Counseling can teach you evidence-based techniques for dealing with stress without letting it erode your marital satisfaction.
Strengthening your emotional connection
The day-to-day effects of life stress aren’t the only hurdle you may face. Going long-distance for months at a time may make it harder to maintain your usual loving rapport with your partner, especially because your experiences during your time apart can be so different. Couples therapy can be very helpful for building, maintaining, and repairing your emotional bonds.
Restoring intimacy
It may also be difficult for servicemembers to reestablish a physical connection with spouses following time away. This can be exacerbated by the effects of trauma related to military service. Fortunately, studies from clinical practice have found that couples counseling can be effective at restoring and improving sexual intimacy.
Helping with adjustment after deployment and return
It may be hard for families to repeatedly adapt as spouses depart and return due to training, deployment, and the other demands the military places on their time. Each change requires the members of the household to shift their routines and schedules, as well as emotionally adjusting to a loved one’s newfound presence or absence. Military marriage therapy can provide constructive ways to work through this turbulence.
Providing emotional support during moves
When military service requires your family to relocate, you and your spouse may need to deal with many different logistical and emotional challenges — all without the support of your familiar social circle. If you have children, they may have an even harder time adjusting to their new surroundings. A marriage counselor can suggest effective ways for you, your partner, and your other family members to support each other and remain emotionally healthy.
Treating mental illness
Though marriage counseling can help military spouses navigate the countless small stressors they encounter each day, it may also be able to address more serious mental health disorders. For example, a 2017 pilot study found that EFT-based couples therapy significantly reduced symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in veterans. Considering the toll that PTSD can take on military relationships, this might make a major difference to the long-term health of your marriage.
Assistance with grief
The loss of a close friend or colleague can be deeply painful. And, sadly, it’s a common experience for military personnel. Spouses and children can be important sources of support in times of loss, but so can a mental health professional. An experience marriage and family counselor may be able to suggest constructive outlets for grief. They can also shoulder some of the emotional burdens that might otherwise fall on family members.
Preparing for future challenges
Counseling doesn’t always have to be a response to marital problems. It can also help you get ready to overcome future challenges. Training yourselves in communication skills, empathy, and relationship problem-solving can leave you better-equipped to handle any threats to your marriage that may arise in the years ahead.
Could online marriage counseling help?
Maintaining regular attendance at therapy can be a challenge for anyone, but it may be particularly hard for military families managing repeated deployments and relocations. Online counseling can be a way around this difficulty — since you can connect with your therapist over the web, you won’t necessarily have to find a new one each time you move. It may also be easier to schedule appointments when you can attend them remotely.
Though the idea of online marriage counseling sounds impersonal to some, evidence suggests it can work very well. According to a 2020 study, most couples who tried it found that they were still able to build a trusting connection with their therapists — some even found it easier, due to an increased perception of “control and comfort”. The majority found the experience helpful and satisfying.
Takeaway
Military life can throw many curveballs at your relationship, and having professional help can make it much easier to deal with these stressors. Military marriage counseling can increase your ability to deal with the stress of deployment, the uncertainty of relocation, and the trauma and grief that can go hand-in-hand with service. Working with a couples therapist could make both your marriage and your mental health more resilient.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is marriage counseling covered by Tricare?
Tricare covers a number of mental health services. According to the Tricare website, Tricare only covers marriage counseling as a form of medical counseling when it is necessary due to a diagnosed condition.
Military onesource is another option for medical counseling or mental health counseling, including marriage counseling. Military onesource is funded by the department of defense, and there are many ways to their services. On the military onesource website, there is a live chat option as well as a phone number and an option to schedule an appointment. When it comes to onesource and the military, onesource is a crucial support for many, whether you're a military spouse or service member. Visit the military onesource website for more information on how military onesource can help military members and their families with military life and other concerns.
There is no reason that the military lifestyle that your family has become accustomed to should be the demise of a relationship. Sure, family military life has its challenges, and marriage is hard for even civilian couples, but there are many military families who have successful marriage and partake in counseling services.
Does the military offer marriage counseling?
If you are a military spouse or service member, you can get specific medical or non medical counseling services, including marriage counseling. As stated in the article above, you can also seek help from a consultant at the support center on base. Depending on your branch, you may seek army community services, marine corps community services, airman services, and so on. These community services are available to those involved in any branch of military life and are only some of the resources military members can. At your support center, you may get a counseling service from licensed providers that can help with a variety of concerns, including stress, crisis intervention, family life, and so on. Depending on your situation, you may also consider a military treatment facility for specific concerns.
If your non-military enlisted spouse has a job off base, their insurance may cover counseling. Many family friendly employers have health insurance programs that support the mental health care of the household. Mental health family benefits are important for all members of a military family. If you cannot get your Tricare military benefits to cover marriage counseling, your family friendly employers healthcare insurance package most likely does. These family benefits should be actively utilized.
If you have clearance jobs with the military, the company you work for may offer a great mental health care insurance package. Clearance jobs exist in all aspects of military life and can impact your family just like those who are service members. Whether you have a family military system or a clearance job employer, there are options available to all for mental healthcare.
Those who engage in community service navy fleet operations may also be able to benefit from counseling resources.
Can veterans get free marriage counseling?
There are free marriage counseling resources for military veterans. The military one source website provides free and online seminars (webinars) for married couples and up to 12 counseling sessions. A service member, as well as a military spouse or another immediate family member involved in military life, can find tools and assistance through the military onesource website.
A military spouse might seek counseling for a variety of reasons. A military spouse may experience anxiety or grief when service members leave, or they might struggle to navigate military life or military and family life. Medical counseling can benefit military veterans, but it can also provide family support and support for a military spouse. Additionally, there are services designated for those currently serving in the air force and other branches who need them.
What is the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy?
Marriage counseling is a form of counseling for married couples. There are many modalities or forms of couples counseling that a couple can seek whether they're married or not. Prior to getting married, a couple might look for couples therapy through the form of premarital counseling, but if they are already married, the couples counseling they get would be interchangeable with the term "marriage counseling."
Does marriage counseling lead to divorce?
Marriage counseling doesn't lead to divorce. In fact, the turn out can be quite the opposite. One of the benefits of marriage counseling is that it can help you build and maintain strong bonds with your partner and work through any concerns that you might have, whether they're related to military life or other matters in your relationship.A marriage counselor isn't there to make decisions related to divorce and will instead support you and your partner in the choices you make, as long as they don't put you or anyone else at risk. Counseling can help many couples, individuals, and families, including service members in the air force, marine corps, or national guard. Those in the marine corps, air force, national guard, or those who are military spouses may all wish to receive mental health services or mental health care for a variety of reasons. Military veterans or service members of the marine corps, air force, national guard, and so on, might seek help for concerns such as anger management, behavioral health conditions, military family life or trouble navigating military and family life, issues related to military spouse employment, marital problems, and more. Military veterans or service members, including those in the marine corps, national guard, air force, have numerous health care resources available that they can use themselves or that a military spouse can benefit from. Military life is not easy, to say the least, and it can put a strain on your marriage, but help is out there.
Are marriage counselors worth it?
Statistically speaking, marriage counselors are most certainly worth it. Forms of couples therapy such as emotionally focused therapy (EFT) have a high success rate. Couples that receive EFT, as an example, have a 75% relationship recovery rate, and an even higher percentage of couples gain skills that they find useful even if they don't consider themselves to reach full relationship recovery. Generally, marriage counseling is short term, so if you are concerned about the time frame, don't fret. You can stay in marriage counseling for almost any duration of time, with health care costs (or the number of sessions covered for those involved in military family life) and other matters considered, and you and your spouse can always switch marriage counselors if you don't like the provider you're seeing.
What is marriage counseling before the wedding?
Premarital counseling is a form of counseling that couples get prior to a wedding. It's a short term form of counseling or therapy that you receive to help you and your partner get ready for life as a married couple. A military family may face unique circumstances, and premarital counseling with a licensed mental health provider can help you work through any questions or concerns you have before you tie the knot. Concerns that service members involved in the air force, national guard, marine corps, and so on, may face include concerns about family readiness, frequent moves and how they affect military family life, or conditions such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Just as service members, including those in the air force, national guard, marine corps, and so on, will get a different level of military pay based on their rankings, their lives will look a bit different, but many military families face similar concerns regardless. Navy fleet and family members also can be affected by these mental health conditions. Premarital counseling can be helpful for couples navigating military life, and if you are navigating military life, you will want to see someone who understands, so seeking medical counseling or non medical counseling through services meant to help services members, close family members, fleet and family support, or a military spouse is often a good place to start.
Can you go to therapy in the military?
You can seek therapy while in the military, though during deployment, your spouse may be the one meeting with your marriage counselor for a while. There are a variety of therapeutic resources for service members, including those in the air force, national guard, marine corps, and so on. Consider short term free counseling services for free non medical counseling such as the ones military onesource offers, or look into other health care options. If a military family needs help with concerns related to the military and family life or military life, they may seek counseling. For example, if you are a military spouse, you might seek individual counseling face to face or remotely while your spouse is away to serve in the air force, national guard, or another branch. Frequent moves and the anxieties that come with military family life or military life in general can be hectic and stressful, but often, there is no love quite like the love that exists in the life of a military family. Whether you are a military spouse, are related to service members such as those in the air force and another way, or if you are a military veteran yourself, there are health care and medical counseling or mental health counseling options available to you.
Will the military pay for marriage counseling?
Do marriages last in the military?
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