By: Sarah Khan
Updated April 30, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Horn
There has been a constant argument about whether or not men and women can really be friends. Up until today, there hasn’t been one unanimous decision. There have been many instances where married men become friends with women, regardless of their status. Just as long as they are in a platonic relationship, there seem to have no complications or problems that arise. When somebody’s wife is amicable with a man’s friendship and even feels safe being in it, there are typically very few issues. Friendships should be available for any two individuals, man or woman. However, certain circumstances are required for these friendships to begin, often when the situation gets complicated. In most of these situations, one might not even be conscious that he has already developed feelings for the other.
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Attraction Versus Friendship
If you are a woman who is friends with a married man, you may view him as any of your other friends. You understand and respect that he is in a committed relationship, and even if he weren't, you probably wouldn't be romantically interested in him anyway. If, for some reason, you start to question your friends and wonder if there may be something more going on his end, ask yourself whether you see that there may be any signs of attraction.
It can be very difficult to distinguish between attraction and friendship since both have many similar features. Friends are comfortable with one another, open and honest, and are people you can share your deepest emotions and struggles with. They are people you enjoy spending time with and make an effort to be around because you enjoy each other's company.
Attraction tends to exhibit all of the qualities above, but with the additional feature of romantic emotions. When a man is physically attracted to you, you may notice a lot more touching involved. There's an element of intimacy (this does not mean sex, but simply in the way he interacts with you). You may notice that his marriage and family life come up less in conversation, or there start to be more complaints about married life (he's making it open and clear about any unhappiness in his personal life).
It's not your fault if you don't see the signs that your married male friend has started to like you as more than a friend. However, if you have an inkling that he may have some feelings for you that go further than the platonic nature, it may be time for you and your friend to have a discussion to ensure there are no miscommunications. This would also be a good time to start exploring where you can go from that point forward to decide on whether the friendship can continue or if the dynamic needs to change in some way, or if maybe, it's time to move on from one another entirely.
He Finds Ways To Spend Time With You
Initially, this may seem a bit silly, since you're good friends and good friends should always make time for one another. There's a very subtle difference between making time for your friends and making time for someone you're interested in more than just a platonic nature. When you're friends, your priorities revolve around your biggest commitments. For a married man, his priorities should be his family and his work. Friends are an important part of everyone's lives, but they become a luxury once you're married and share your life with another person.
If your married male friend is blowing off family engagements or thinking of you first over his family, it may indicate that he has feelings for you. When you see that he's looking for more reasons to be around you instead of spending time with his wife and family, that shows that you're becoming more of a priority, which should be cause for concern towards your friendship.
In some cases, you and your male friend may have known each other for many years or even since childhood. In those cases, it's completely natural for you both to feel close to one another. In other cases, you might have met participating in a hobby or sport, which led to more and more time together. These cases are a bit of an exception, but either way, if you start to notice that he's looking for reasons to spend time with you outside of the norm, he may have some feelings for you.
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Body Language
Body language is a major indicator of how people feel about one another. Often, people aren't even consciously aware of just how much they are saying non-verbally. Our bodies naturally show some of what we are feeling. Some of us are better at hiding this than others, but even the best of us show something through moving and interacting with others.
A married man who likes you more than a friend will find ways to be closer to you physically. He may tilt his head sideways as he thinks about what you're saying or find reasons to make physical contact, such as touching your hand, bumping your shoulder, or even patting you on the back. He may touch you on the back when he's next to you, and he will likely always be facing you with his feet pointed towards you when engaged in the conversation because he is so interested in you that he cares about what you are saying. He will laugh when you make jokes and smile a lot while looking at you. These are all signs that indicate he likes you.
However, on the other hand, if you and your married friend are hanging out with his wife or family, you may notice that you're getting a bit of the cold shoulder. This is often the case when he likes you more than just a friend and is trying to compensate for that in front of his family by 'ignoring' you to some extent. He may be less attentive, speak to you less, and may not be as physically interactive, as this may cause suspicion by his spouse. He might not even be aware that he changes based on the situation. To him, the attraction may still be unconscious.
He Gives You Compliments And Gifts
Friends who have known one another for a long time tend to get comfortable with one another to the point of being like family when they get together, regardless of their gender. However, there are some subtle ways to tell the difference between regular friendly comfort and romantic feelings.
If you've noticed that the married man showers you with sweet compliments that are specific to you and even help negate anything you may not like about yourself, he may like you as more than a friend. Friends do give each other compliments, sure, but the nature of the compliments says a lot. When a man is married, the way he compliments women other than his wife should change. The compliments are less personal, more generic, and tame. If your friend starts to give you very personal compliments or takes the time to comment on something very specific, it shows that he is paying extra attention to you. If this is the case, he has an interest in you that may extend past the scope of a regular friendship. Additionally, if the way he compliments you when you're one-on-one is different from how he compliments you around his friends or family, there may be some hidden feelings.
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Gifts are common in all types of relationships. However, if you're friends with a married man, pay attention to the type of gift you're getting as well as the meaning behind them. This may not be easy if you're very close friends, as closer friends tend to know more about one another and their preferences.
If he gives you personal gifts that show he is listening to what you say, what you like, and what you want, this shows additional attention to detail that may mean he likes you. If he's sending you gifts 'just because' or 'because they reminded him of you' or something you like, this shows an element of intimacy.
If you are familiar with his wife, consider what he's given her. Do you notice him sending her gifts for no reason? Does he know what she likes or wants? Is he confident in his gift-giving to his wife? If you can confidently answer no, but see that he knows you well and pays more attention to you, there's cause to think he has some feelings for you.
Flirty Behavior
This one goes hand in hand with body language. If a married man is flirty with you, he might be “testing the waters” to see how you respond. If your conversations are dancing on the edge of joking and intimate, this is not typically acceptable in a marriage. This is especially the case if his wife is not aware of how you guys speak. There is a saying that mentions there is some truth to every joke. If you are consistently making flirty comments or jokes, while you may be doing so innocently, he may be feeling more.
You may notice he looks you directly in the eye when you speak and even accompanies this with a smile. There is a correlation between prolonged eye contact and attraction. It's also been said that you can tell what another person is feeling through the eyes. After all, "the eyes are the windows to the soul." Please pay attention to the way he looks at you, how often you catch him staring at you, the feeling you get when you see him gazing at you. If you start to feel like there's an intensity, he may actually like you.
Friendships between two heterosexual individuals of the opposite sex can become difficult. Many start completely innocent, while others begin with one person feeling romantic feelings but being comfortable with remaining in the friend zone. When a man is married, being his friend can become toxic to his relationship if he develops feelings for you, so if you care about him, try to look out for the subtle differences that show there's more going on than just a friendship.
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Marriages are difficult, and there's temptation everywhere a married person looks, even if they are happy in their relationship. Sometimes, you feel closer to your friend than you do to your spouse, and that's where feelings become confused. If you're worried about whether your married male friend has feelings for you, spend some time observing your interactions from the outside. Look for signs that show he's paying some special interest in you, maybe more so than he is his wife. Once you notice the signs pointing towards romantic feelings, try to have the difficult discussion to clear the air and set the necessary boundaries for your friendship to continue. Unfortunately, this may not be an option in some cases, so be ready to accept the end of your friendship if feelings are not reciprocated.
If you're struggling with your friendship with a married man and would like to learn more about how to tell if he likes you as more than a friend, reach out to a certified counselor at https://www.regain.us/start/.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How do you tell if a married man is falling for you?
When you're with a man, there are signs that he's falling for you. With a married man, there are extra complications involved. He has someone else that he is involved with, and that makes your relationship more complex. When you fall in love with someone who has a long-term partner, you're in a risky situation. One of the signs a married man falls in love with you is that he spends more of his moments seeing you than with his wife or family.
When you fall in love with someone, they become the person you call for everything. You want to spend time with them and build a life with them. In a healthy relationship, there will be trust, honesty, and communication. If he's going behind his wife's back, remind yourself that this is a married man who shouldn't be stepping outside of the relationship. This is not consensual non-monogamy, and it is not grounds to build healthy romantic love on. You want someone who puts in extra effort to do the right thing, not someone who lies or sneaks around.
Should I tell a married man that I have feelings for him?
If a man is married, it's best to move on and find someone who isn't attached to a partner. But, if you feel like you need to express your feelings, it's okay, to be honest. Those are your feelings, and they are valid. If he reciprocates those feelings, you have a choice to make. Do you pursue a relationship or find someone who doesn't have a partner? If you feel that this man is in love with you, you might move forward. An important question to ask yourself is, do you want the sort of life issues that come with dating a married man? Remember that there will be many concerns about your love life. The choice is yours as to whether you reveal your feelings and make a married man part of your life. You may want to consult a relationship expert, such as a licensed therapist, to figure out what to do with your feelings.
Can a married man fall in love with someone else?
If his marriage fails, a married man could fall in love with someone else, and that person could be you. Your love life doesn't need to include the complications of being with a man who is taken. You need to choose as to whether to be with him. It could start as a secret crush and then turn into an affair. The next moment the guy is in love with you. The short answer is, yes, a married man has the capability to fall in love with someone else.
That said, it's essential to be careful about this situation. This isn't only an issue as it relates to marriage. Even if he is dating someone, this could be a big warning sign to stay away. This could be a scenario where his current relationship isn't working out, and spending time with another person helps him forget what's going on at home. Regardless, cheating is showing disregard for another person's feelings, and there's no guarantee that he won't do it to another person in the future, including you.
Can a man love two women at the same time?
A man can love two women at the same time. If a married man is falling in love with another woman, he may need some relationship advice. He doesn't know whether to stay with his wife or move on. He's not sure whether or not to act on his feelings. That makes his love life complicated and possibly exciting. However, it's not fair to the two women involved in this scenario. These individuals deserve to have a man who is dedicated to them.
Someone involved with two women in a monogamous marriage could be engaging in other hurtful behaviors. He might lie to your face saying that he will never leave your side and that he's going to leave his wife, or he could be seeing yet another person. Remember that he is going behind his wife's back. He didn't forget his status as a married man, and this is a red flag. That's why, if you encounter this man or a man that engages in these behaviors, it might not be a good idea to build a romantic relationship with him, which could lead to disappointment and heartbreak. He may do things and hopes that you'll fall in love, only for your heart to be broken or for you to find out about more lies in the end.
Can a man love his wife and girlfriend at the same time?
A man can love his wife and girlfriend at the same time. That's a difficult love life to have, but it's possible. A man is in love when he can't stop thinking about someone and sacrifice for that person. In certain cases, that could be relevant to two people - a wife and a girlfriend. When a man is in love with two women, it's because they offer him different things. He could love certain things about his wife and different things about his girlfriend. He's aware that his feelings are strong for each woman. A man might give signals to his wife that he needs space and not explain why. She may not suspect he's having an affair, or she might suspect something is up. Either way, it isn't very easy to have feelings for two people at the same time. Additionally, his feelings for these women do not make what he's doing okay or give him an excuse to do what he's doing. If this is a man at work, he should also consider how acting on his feelings could harm his career. Some things are inappropriate in the workplace, regardless of if someone has mutual feelings or not.
What does it mean when a married man says he misses you?
If he really likes you, a man will open up to you over time. He'll listen to the details of your life, and he'll tell you about his world, his feelings, and his desires in life. Suppose he hopes that you'll fall in love with him. Maybe, you are, and perhaps, he's falling for you, too. It's intoxicating to want to be with someone you can't have. You fall in love with the idea of him rather than who he is. Be wary of this fact and work to discern where your feelings really stem from; are you developing a truly healthy, deep, loving connection, or are you caught up in the rush that comes with this situation? One of the best advice for dating a married man is to consider the effect on your love life. Is it worth the stress? What if his wife finds out?
What should a married man do if he falls in love with another woman?
If a married man falls in love with another woman, he needs to ask himself, does he want to save his marriage? When a man is in love with someone other than his wife, he needs to figure out if he wants to stay married. It's not fair to lead his wife on. If a man is in love with someone other than his spouse, he needs to be honest with both women. He can't pretend that everything is fine, and he must think about the moral issues related to this scenario. He's got to decide between these two women. It's not fair to lead anyone on. When you’re in a new relationship, it’s always important to acknowledge how someone treats other people, whether that’s a waiter or someone in their personal life, and this is a great example of why. His actions here will show his true colors.
If a guy is married and he finds himself in this situation, he must be honest. Some people date when they are separating, and as long as both partners are aware of the situation, it can be ok. Additionally, consensual open relationships are very different from cheating. If a man is falling for another woman and wants to work things out with his wife to continue their relationship, couples therapy can help. Otherwise, they may decide to split. Regardless, honesty and communication are crucial.
How does a married man flirt?
A married man flirts like any other male. If he does something like offer you a ride or say that he misses you, it could be ambiguous, but other things are less. Maybe, in hopes that you'll fall in love or that he will get your attention, he will put in extra effort to do something special for you, like bringing you gifts or coffee. A guy will take care of you or express that he wants to. He may use body language to show he's interested. For example, he might mimic your moves, brush your arm, or wink at you.
Sometimes married men want to make it apparent that though they look taken, they are available.
Maybe he removes his wedding ring to show that he's not attached to his marriage. He might talk about how he plans to get divorced soon to make it appear that he's looking for a new partner. If you're reading this because you're wondering if a married man is flirting with you and you notice signs similar to these, you're probably right. Just remember that even if he presents his marriage as falling apart or says that he's leaving his wife, it may not be true. Some people even lie and say that their wives know about it when in reality, they don't. Be wary of any of these things as a potential issue.
If you're having trouble in a relationship with a married man, it's okay to seek help. Find a therapist to talk with about your relationship issues. Whether you see someone in your local area or work with a therapist remotely through a website like ReGain, a licensed mental health professional can help you work through your feelings and concerns related to this scenario or anything else that’s going on in your life.
How do you tell if a married man loves you?
If you have fallen in love with a married man, you likely are wondering whether he feels the same way. If he says that he has fallen in love with you, too, you might be asking for more proof.
For example, if you need him to consider leaving his wife to prove that he loves you, you’re likely in love conditionally. Knowing what you need and what you want is perfectly understandable. For males and females alike in a relationship, especially single females and males, prioritizing your expectations, values, and desires is important.
So, to decide what to do about being in love with a married man, you’ll want to know what their intentions are. If you do not think they are as serious about you as you are about them, you may even know in your gut.
For professional guidance, be sure to seek assistance from a therapist or another mental health professional like those here at ReGain. Working through relationship stress doesn’t have to be something you do alone.
What if I fall in love with a married man?
If you fall in love with a married man, you have a couple of options regarding how to proceed.
First, you can decide to cut your losses. Being in love with a married man can mean that you are participating in a home-wrecking situation, especially if you officially entered into a relationship with a married man.
The commitment that comes with marriage is certainly not something to take lightly, even if you’re in love. So, you may choose to leave the situation behind and focus on yourself instead.
If you’re in love with a married man and want to continue the relationship, you will likely have to have a serious conversation about coming clean.
To have an honest relationship, you’ll likely need to start living outside the guise of an affair. It’s usually a good idea to discuss the relationship’s potential before acting on your feelings of being in love with a married man.
Is it okay to fall in love with a married man?
Married men can sometimes be the propeller of an affair. No matter why you’re in your situation, taking a step back and thinking about your feelings and wishes is a good first course of action.
Falling in love happens to nearly everyone at some point in their life, and it’s not something that we can control. We can control, though, our reaction to these feelings and our choices after the fact.
While it’s not inherently wrong to be in love with a married man, acting on those feelings, especially secretly, can be very damaging.
If you’re in love with a married man, but he does not know it, it may be best to remove yourself from that situation before anything happens. Distancing yourself can give you the space you need to focus on what’s important to you.
What do you call someone who sleeps with a married man?
Unfortunately, single females who sleep with married men are often called homewreckers. Single females tend to face more societal stigma than single men; they can and maybe called names such as “whore” or “seducer,” too.
Of course, this places the blame on the single females rather than the married man. Females in a relationship who cheat on their significant other with a married man might be called an “adulterer,” Such a term is perhaps the least offensive and most genuine way to describe the actions.
There are many derogatory words to describe those who enter a current relationship with single females (and words to describe these women). Still, most of those terms do not acknowledge the male's fault (or opposite partner) counterpart.
Can a married man love another woman more than his wife?
If you’re in love with a married man or in love with your husband and concerned that he might be in love with someone else, you might be wondering how faithful love itself can be.
It can be difficult for the single woman in love with a married man to say how the man’s feelings compare to his wife's feelings. In theory, it is certainly possible to love another more than your spouse, but it might be a different type of love, in which case both can potentially coexist.
For the married woman, if you’re in love with your spouse and concerned about the sanctity of their love, consider the help of a couple’s therapist to break down these feelings and concerns.
How do you tell if a married man is emotionally attached to you?
Some people think the concept of the hero instinct is interesting. The theory of the hero instinct is that most men want to feel like the hero in the relationship - in other words, they want to feel needed.
In theory, with the hero instinct, a man might feel more obligated to show their love and affection if they feel like they are somewhat of a savior to him.
If you’re in love, and you want to know if someone is emotionally attached to you, it isn’t necessarily healthy to fabricate a sort of “test.” Having an open conversation about how you feel is always the best way to learn whether your partner reciprocates your emotions.
If you prefer a more subtle approach or aren’t in a relationship yet, you can note the little things.
Does he ask you how you are? Is he there for you when you need him? Is he honest and emotionally available?
If you’re in love with a married man, this can be much harder to tell, but noticing behaviors can be just as telling if you cannot have a conversation about it.
