I’m Married But In Love With Another Man! What Should I Do?

By Robert Porter

Updated November 26, 2019

Marriage isn't always going to be perfect. If you have been married to your husband for many years now, then you might find that the passion has started to fade. You might not see your husband the same way that you did all those years ago. You're both busier now and you might not even be sleeping together as often. Things can get even more complicated when you're starting to develop feelings for another man. What should you do when you're married but in love with another man?

Source: unsplash.com

Being married but in love with someone else is a terrible position to be in. You might not have acted on your emotions just yet, but you could still feel like you have cheated on your husband in your heart. Is it okay to have an affair when you really love someone else? Or is cheating wrong no matter what? Take a look at the advice below so that you can try to gather your thoughts. The ideas being presented here should help you to draw your own conclusions. You might be very confused right now, but try to take a deep breath and think before leaping into a situation that you might ultimately regret.

Think About Whether You Still Love Your Husband

Before you jump into the arms of another man, it's good to sit down and think about how you really feel. Your marriage might be somewhat strained right now, but is there a possibility that it could improve? Do you still love your husband deep-down, even if you feel annoyed by him most of the time? It's possible to still be in love with someone even when they frustrate you. Your husband might not be attentive, and he might need to change if your marriage is going to survive. You just need to decide whether working on fixing your marriage is something that you want or not.

There are times when women will just feel like they are completely done with their husbands. Perhaps he cheated on you in the past or maybe he just doesn't seem to want you any longer. If your sex life is non-existent and you aren't feeling the love that you once shared, then it's hard to cling onto hope. Regardless, it's important to be honest with your husband about your doubts. You don't have to tell him that you have your eye on someone else if you don't want to. Just let him know that you're concerned about the marriage and whether you really love each other any longer. If he doesn't reassure you that he loves you, then that is a bad sign that he has checked out from this marriage as well.

Is Divorce An Option?

Is divorce going to be an option for you? Some people won't consider getting divorced for religious reasons. You might be adamantly opposed to the idea of divorce and this could be a big part of why you're so conflicted. Your heart might be screaming, "I'm married but in love with another man" very loudly. Despite your desires, you still might be reluctant to actually get divorced so that you can be with this new guy that you love. Think about how you feel before you proceed.

If you would like to get a divorce, then it's smart to look into things ahead of time and to prepare yourself. Divorces can be very complicated, and it can lead to many dramatic moments. You might be better off hiring a divorce attorney if you are planning on divorcing your husband. If you own a house together, then you'll need to determine who gets to keep it. There are other potential complications to keep in mind such as car ownership, child custody, alimony payments, and much more.

Do You Have Kids?

Having children changes things a lot, too. If you have kids with your husband, then he is always going to be their dad even if you do wind up leaving him. Some women decide to stay with men that they don't love any longer just for the sake of the kids. You don't have to remain in an unhappy marriage if you don't want to, but your kids should be taken into consideration. What is going to happen if you initiate the divorce process? Where will your kids live and are you prepared to raise them by yourself if necessary?

Source: unsplash.com

There is a lot to consider when you're considering leaving your husband. Having kids certainly complicates the issue and you don't want to put your kids in a tough spot. Divorces are going to be tough for children to get through. It can cause emotional problems and it can even make it hard for kids to do well in school while things are getting settled. Even so, divorce is sometimes necessary when two people simply are not compatible. Just consider your children and have a plan for what you're going to do if you do decide to divorce your husband.

Does The New Man You Love Feel The Same Way?

You love this new man in your life, and you want to be with him. It's even possible that you might be wishing for him to come to take you away from it all. Having feelings for someone else while married isn't that unusual, but it can be very complicated if you decide to act on your feelings. Do you know whether this man feels the same way about you? Does he love you or is he simply interested in having sex with you? Sometimes it can be harder to tell than many women realize.

Before you leave your husband and go to the waiting arms of your new lover, it's going to be good to figure out just how serious he is. If your new lover happens to be married as well, then you could be in for a very messy situation. A double affair is not a good idea, and this would put you in a terrible spot. If your new love interest is planning on getting divorced and being with you, then that could change things some. Even so, can you really trust someone willing to cheat on his wife? Can he trust you when you're cheating on your husband already? It's a complex can of worms to open.

If you haven't slept with him yet, then things might be better for you. You could merely love each other and wish to act on it. Waiting for your divorce to finalize is the responsible decision to make. Cheating on someone is never right. Even if your husband isn't the nicest guy in the world, it's still going to be reprehensible to cheat on him. If you can avoid cheating on your spouse, then you should wait to get divorced. If you don't want to be with your husband any longer, then you might just have to accept that reality and get yourself a lawyer.

What Is Going To Make You Happier?

At the end of the day, your happiness is something that truly matters. If you aren't happy in your marriage, then you need to make a decision. You can leave your husband and get a divorce so that you can be with the man that you think you love. It's also possible that you could cheat on your husband and try to keep things a secret. This idea is likely the wrong path to take and it'll make you feel bad about yourself. It's also potentially dangerous for legal reasons and could hurt you if you decide to file for divorce at a later date.

Source: unsplash.com

You might even want to consider whether staying in your marriage would make you happier. Marriage is a commitment and you might want to stick things through. Some couples have been able to bring their marriages back from the brink with professional help. You just have to decide which of the three options before you sound the most appealing. The most logical options are divorce or working on saving your marriage. Cheating is something that many people do, but it isn't good behavior and you should care about your husband more than that.

Search your feelings and then decide what is right. Your heart will likely guide you toward the decision that you're ultimately supposed to make. Some might want to seek the guidance of friends, family members, or religious leaders when they're experiencing doubts. Whatever you do, just make sure that it leads you down a path of happiness.

Online Couples Therapy Could Help Your Marriage

It's worth considering the idea that your marriage could be saved. Unless you are just completely done with your husband and want to get a divorce, it's going to be a good idea to consider online couples' therapy. Many couples have been able to find the help that they need by enlisting the help of an expert counselor. You will be matched with a licensed counselor and you can work with this professional to address the issues that are present in your marriage.

Getting through your marriage problems will take time and you'll need to commit to the process. If you love your husband, then try to save your marriage instead of cheating on him with someone else. The counseling process might show you that you can love each other again. You lost yourselves somewhere along the way, but you can reclaim the love that you once shared. Work with a skilled counselor at times that are convenient for you. This is a discreet form of counseling that you can enjoy without having to leave home. Sign up now if you're willing to give it a shot.


Previous Article

Is A Marriage Compatibility Test Reliable?

Next Article

20 Of The Ultimate "Best Man" Quotes
For Additional Help & Support With Your Concerns
Speak with a Licensed Counselor Today
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.