Tips To Inspire A Lazy Wife To Be More Active

Updated June 14, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

You may wonder how you can motivate your wife to be more physically active. It can be a complex subject to bring up, and you may not know how to inspire changes that last. Read on to learn useful tips that may help your wife be more active and how therapy can support her as she works to make meaningful changes to her behavior patterns. 

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Does your wife lack motivation or act lazy?

What can you do to motivate your wife?

When trying to figure out what you can do to motivate your wife, you may not know how to discuss the topic without hurting her feelings. She could be having emotional or physical problems that are affecting her energy levels or dealing with something that makes activity or decision-making feel overwhelming. 

Talk to her—is her laziness a habit or a sign of another issue? 

The best place to start is by talking to your wife. Sit down and have an open, honest conversation where you express your concerns and listen to what she has to say. Is she having trouble with depression? Low energy is one of the symptoms. If she isn’t dealing with any underlying issues, she may have a pattern of lazy behavior. Perhaps she never had to complete chores or be active before. 

Calling her lazy will likely result in an adverse reaction, so consider saying something like, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t had a lot of energy lately. What can I do to help?”

Conditions that can cause lack of energy may include:

  • Anemia
  • Depression
  • Grief
  • Some medications
  • Persistent pain
  • Sleep disorders
  • Thyroid issues
  • Alcohol or substance use
  • Various medical conditions

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline  at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Is she lazy or overwhelmed?

Many people who feel overwhelmed can avoid tasks until they feel insurmountable. When this happens, they may not know where to start, which can result in not doing anything at all. Is her lack of activity new behavior? Has she been through a significant change in her responsibilities lately? If so, maybe she is having trouble feeling overwhelmed. 


Help her find her ideal self

While talking to your wife, try to discover what she views as the ideal version of herself. What does she want to improve? How does she want to behave and present herself to the world? Who does she want to be? For some people, visualizing the best version of themselves and working toward it can help inspire meaningful changes. 

Inspire by example

Asking your wife to be more active when you aren’t willing to do the same can lead to conflict in your marriage. Instead, try leading by example and asking her to make this lifestyle change with you. Studies show that an inactive partner is five times more likely to take up an active lifestyle when their partner is active.

Suggest exercising together

If you’re hoping to get your wife to be more physically active, suggest exercising together, either at home or in a gym with a personal trainer. Working out together can help you get healthier while making activity part of your normal lifestyle. Try making exercise fun. Race each other through the park or find fun ways to be active together.  

Ask her to complete specific tasks around the house

While trying to inspire your wife to be more active, ask her to complete specific tasks around the house. If you don’t have time to do something, like doing the laundry to have clean work clothes, try asking her if she could do it for you. A direct, specific request may make it more likely she will help. Over time, she may do more around the house independently because it feels natural. 

Is her lack of motivation due to difficulty making decisions? 

Studies show that decision-making can be cognitively exhausting. The effect can compound over time and make it harder to pick a course of action in the future. If you want her to make a choice that doesn’t matter to you, let her know that you don’t care about the outcome one way or the other as long as it gets done. For example, if you need a new couch but don’t care what it looks like, give her a budget, and ask her to pick something she likes.

Instead of assuming how the problem “should” be solved, work together

Let go of how you think your wife “should” get more active, of how you think she should behave. Remembering that you're not dealing with just yourself can be crucial. Your ideas about how she should change her habits or get more active may not align with her ideas. Abandon your assumptions about how things should work and get creative, working together to find solutions. 

Be supportive as she works to change habits

Changing thought and behavior patterns can be a complicated, emotionally charged process. Your wife will likely need and appreciate your support as she works to take on a more active lifestyle. If you’ve noticed that she's made progress, offer praise. Tell her you've seen how hard she'd been working to change and appreciate the effort. Recognition and positive interactions can be motivating factors, and if she feels you notice her attempts, she may continue to work hard. 

Use your knowledge of what works for her and proceed accordingly

Whether you’ve been married for years or are newlyweds, you presumably know your wife. Use your knowledge of what strategies work for her to tailor your approach. Find ways to work together to distribute household chores so neither of you feels overwhelmed. Compromise and communication are often at the core of healthy, successful relationships, so approach issues with that in mind. 

Compliment her and make her feel valued

Studies show that appearance-related compliments can improve a woman’s mood but may impair cognitive function. Praise things that aren’t related to her appearance when giving compliments. Make her feel valued and appreciated by letting her know when you notice something positive. Focusing on her progress and reinforcing positive changes can help her maintain motivation.

Does your wife lack motivation or act lazy?

Work on physical and emotional intimacy

It can be essential to remember that the physical and emotional intimacy in your marriage can affect her mood and behavior. If you have a healthy sex life, it can affect overall satisfaction and boost self-esteem—and it can be a great source of exercise. Studies show that sexual satisfaction can be a crucial aspect of marital satisfaction.  

Examine the words you use

Paying close attention to the words you use when speaking to your wife can significantly affect how well she responds to them. Studies show that language use in romantic relationships can affect communication and satisfaction

Tips to help motivate a lazy partner

  • Try making a good-natured bet to inspire them to reach a goal. 
  • Build up their ego.
  • Talk to a couples therapist for help. 
  • Identify lazy habits and provide alternatives.
  • Set small, achievable goals.
  • Celebrate progress
  • Create a plan of action
  • Focus on their strengths
  • Promote a healthy diet
  • Prioritize self-care
  • Develop practical coping skills
  • Talk to a professional
  • Avoid comparisons
  • Promote healthy sleep hygiene

Reach out for help

Inspiring your wife to make changes to her behavior patterns can be challenging. You may not know how to bring up the topic without hurting her feelings or effective methods you can use to inspire her. If that’s the case, you may benefit from speaking with a therapist for the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

How therapy can help change behavior patterns

If you’ve been trying to inspire your wife into a more active lifestyle but haven’t had much luck counteracting laziness, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a relationship-focused virtual therapy platform like Regain. Individual or couples therapy can help identify whether an underlying mental health condition causes her lazy behavior, teach practical coping skills to manage stress, and offer helpful tips to change behavior patterns. 

According to researchers at the American Psychological Association, online and in-person therapy offer similar results, though virtual treatment is often more cost-effective with shorter wait times. Studies show face-to-face and online therapy also provide comparable outcomes. Digital platforms also offer access to a much wider variety of therapists, making it simple to find someone who fits your personality and situation well. 


Many people want to inspire their wives to be more active but don’t know how to help them make meaningful lifestyle changes. The information in this article may offer insight into how you can motivate your wife to get more daily activity and how therapy can help change behavior patterns. 

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