Understanding The Things I Love About You And Those I Don’t
By: Tiffany Bailey
Updated November 29, 2019
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
When you love someone, there are bound to be plenty of things that contribute to making you feel that way about them. There are probably things that they do or say, as well as ways in which they act, that make you smile or laugh. There are things about them that you just couldn't imagine your life without. These are the things you would tell them, "I love about you," when affectionately describing your feelings to your partner. If you are in love and involved with somebody, though, then you also know that there are plenty of things that your partner can do that will make you feel crazy and frustrated with them too. Those are things that you just can't stand when they do them, and every couple has a little bit of both thrown into the mix.
Things I Love About You
The things that you love about your significant other will vary based upon your personal preferences and your tastes. One person may love that their partner is always cracking jokes all the time, while another may want their partner to be more serious because they have far less of a sense of humor themselves and are irritated by it.
Think about the things that you like the most. Are you more of a serious person? Someone else who is also more serious may be a pretty good fit for you in a relationship, but so may be another individual that can get you to laugh and feel that little spark of joy and amusement even when you're feeling more somber and need to lighten up a bit. If you're the type of person who loves to laugh and crack jokes non-stop, you may be able to benefit from being with someone more grounded that can help you to stay focused and possibly even behave a little more maturely when needed. Or you may find yourself to be perfectly content with another person just like you that is outgoing, entertaining, and knows how to have fun regardless of the circumstances. It depends upon what you want out of the relationship and if you want more balance or if you want to have a bit more in common with your significant other.
The things you love about somebody are the things that make you want to spend more time with them. They're things that make you talk about your significant other to any and everybody that will listen when all you want to do is announce how great they are to the world. When you're talking with your friends about your partner, what are the things that you generally want to tell them about your guy or gal? These are usually all positives and things you find beneficial or endearing, and these are the traits and behaviors that you should be encouraging in them. It's always a great idea to let them know that you love these qualities about them and how much joy they bring you in the relationship. Every partner loves a bit of guidance and reassurance in how they're doing in a relationship, as well as receiving some praise to boost their self-esteem and their love for you in return.
Things I Don't Love
What are some of the things that you don't love so much about your significant other? Well, these are going to be all the things that you try to discourage your partner from doing, whether blatantly or discreetly. When you feel like you're just gritting your teeth to get through that one same joke for the 15th time, or when you just can't stand how stiff and solemn your partner maybe when you're trying to have some fun with them, these are a couple of examples of things you may have found that you just plain don't like about them. Sometimes they may have certain habits or quirks that they don't even realize they're doing, but they are still driving you insane. These, along with many other traits depending upon the person, are things that you need to talk with your partner about, whether the dislike is only minor or is something serious and extremely important.
Your partner wants to be happy with you in just the same way that you want to be happy with them. That means that if there is something about them that you genuinely aren't happy about, then it's important that you speak up and say something about it. That is the only way that they will know to fix it or that it even bothers you in the first place. Otherwise, things are going to continue to go the same way that they always have been, and your partner is going to continue to do whatever it is that you don't like and be oblivious about it along the way. That's not going to make you feel any better about the relationship that the two of you are in, nor is it particularly fair to them if they're unaware they're doing something to make you unhappy in the first place.
Talking to your partner about things that you don't like, and even encouraging them to share the things about you that they may not like, is a healthy piece of your relationship, and keeping the lines of communication open is key to making things work their best. When communicating well, you will be able to discuss carefully (while keeping in mind each other's feelings) what it is that you feel about the different things that each of you does and therefore help to resolve some of your differences when they finally become apparent. It might even be possible for you to learn to accept some of the things that your partner does that they may have a particular reason for doing or may struggle to make changes to (such as a nervous habit that they don't have the most control over). Maybe there are some things that they need to work on changing, or you simply won't, be able to make the relationship work if it's that serious. That is something only the two of you will be able to decide upon.
As you discuss the different factors in your relationship, you'll undoubtedly learn about some things that your partner doesn't care for much about you as well. If you expect them to make any changes for you, it's important that you are also willing to make any of the necessary changes for them too. Be understanding about the things that they may not love about you, and understand that they don't have to love every detail and mannerism about you to love you in general. Maybe you love to play golf or video games or some other normal hobby, and they hate it for whatever reason. That doesn't mean you have to give up on the thing you enjoy; it just means that they don't want to have toe to go along with you when you play or sit by and watch all of the time. It simply may just not interest them whatsoever, and that's perfectly fine. It's good for couples to have interests both together and apart from each other. There are plenty of ways to work through differences that seem to be impacting your relationship in a big way, though or find a way, to simply work around them.
Talking To Your Partner
The most important thing when discussing these things with your partner is that you're open and honest, but that you remain conscientious of the other person's feelings. Don't try to keep them from doing the things that they love just because you don't have any interest in doing those things with them. Maybe propose a compromise where you don't have to participate or where you only do those things occasionally with them, rather than all of the time. No one likes being forced into something they don't enjoy, but sometimes it's an act of kindness and consideration to just bite your tongue and indulge your partner's preferred activity and support them in some way. You should never be made to feel guilty for not doing so or not even wanting to do so, but the occasional caving in and joining them can make their day. Making compromises is part of being in a relationship and, when it comes to the things you love and don't about each other, compromises are going to be of even greater importance.
If you have trouble reaching compromises with your partner or if you're having difficulty expressing to them the things that you love or don't love so much about that individual, it's important to seek out professional help if you can't resolve it yourself and don't want your relationship to suffer because of it. A trained professional may be able to help you talk things over or even give a better idea of how you should be going about respectfully discussing these issues with one another. Being provided with the guidance and the skills to do so, you'll be able to work through those differences and start building a better life and future together. A few differences of opinion or things that you like or dislike don't have to be the end of your relationship if you're willing to work it out and figure out how to still incorporate a little bit of both worlds so there's a balance for the both of you.
With ReGain you'll be able to get in touch with someone that you feel comfortable speaking to about your concerns and you'll be able to do it from a location in which you feel comfortable too. Think about the way you normally choose a therapist: it's based on proximity, right? Well, no one wants to be limited to someone they don't particularly like or feel comfortable with just because that professional is located more closely nearby than somebody that would be a much better fit for them. With Regain, you don't have to even worry about having that problem anymore because you can talk to someone from all the way across the country, if you need to. It's an entirely online service. Whether you're most comfortable in your living room, the kitchen, or even your office, you'll be able to hold your sessions wherever you want and whenever you want and get the help, you need to better your relationship.