Understanding Love And Lies And How They Affect You
When you first fall in love with someone, everything may seem pretty perfect. You may feel like you can do absolutely anything in the world now that you have this new and amazing person at your side. Unfortunately, it's not always that easy. Love and relationships take work—a lot of it. When you find yourself in a mixture of both the joyousness of being in love and the disappointment of being in a relationship riddled with lies, it can take even more work. Simultaneously, you may wonder if the relationship is real or even worth the extra effort. You should always be able to trust your partner, but what happens if that trust is damaged or broken entirely?
Love And Lies
We've all told little white lies at some point in our lives and believed that it wasn't a "big deal." Maybe you told a friend that you liked their new jacket when you really didn't, or maybe you told your sibling that you think they sing well when they were actually pretty awful. Still, you told the white lie because you didn't want to hurt their feelings and damage their enthusiasm for something they love and enjoy.
However, these little white lies that you tell people to make them feel better can lead to something else entirely if they get a bit too out of control. As we continue to make each other feel better, we grow more comfortable with lying and expand the list of things we lie about simply out of habit or convenience. This can lead to the telling of ever bigger lies. We may feel the need to lie to ourselves about why we're lying in the first place.
Unfortunately, as the lies someone tells continue to grow bigger and bigger, we must keep coming up with new and more manipulative ways to keep justifying them. This digs the hole of deception deeper and deeper. Before we know what is even happening, we're at the point that we're telling lies to make ourselves feel better or to try to hide something we know we shouldn't be doing. This particular point (if it hasn't before now) is when the lies may start to affect our relationships with our family and friends.
If you find yourself falling into this type of situation, you may want to start taking a closer look at your life and your habits and fixing things before they spiral out of control.
Telling The Truth
Little white lies, like telling your friend that their not-so-flattering jacket looks really cute on them or telling your sibling that their off-pitch singing voice is actually great, are not particularly harmful and will not hurt anyone unless they find out you feel otherwise. And these less significant little white lies will generally make your friend, your sibling, or whoever it may be feel better, which seems like a pretty good reason to keep telling them.
Telling your partner that you must work late when you don't actually have to and when it's really just an excuse not to have to be around them, however, is not a "little white lie." But sometimes, telling your partner that you aren't happy in the relationship is a tough thing to do, and very few people know how to express this without causing even more problems. That's why so many unhappy partners decide to keep their feelings from their other half and hide away as much as possible from them, whether it's simply for the sake of avoiding their significant other or (even worse) because they've decided to have an affair outside of the relationship.
No matter what may be going on, the important thing in a relationship is to be open and honest with your partner about how you feel, even if it may not always be what they want to hear. Saving a relationship that seems to be struggling is most definitely possible—if you and your partner are both willing to give it a try and put in the effort to fix it. If you find that you and your significant other can't seem to get along well anymore, resolve anything together, or that you're starting to think about straying outside of your relationship, this may be a good time to evaluate exactly where you are, what you're feeling about your relationship, and where exactly you want to be heading in your life.
Improving Your Relationship
If you aren't happy, then consider what, instead, would make you happy in your relationship. No matter how unrealistic it may be, it's important to try to figure out what it would take for you to be happy enough to stay in your relationship. This process will allow you to analyze your situation, and that can help you to make the changes necessary for potential improvement.
Once you feel like you have a good grasp of what's really going on and your wants and needs, it's time to talk to your partner. If you and your partner can come to a consensus about what would make both of you happy, then congratulations! You're on a path to fixing your relationship, perhaps making it even better than it was to begin with. If you cannot reach a compromise or a resolution of some sort, then it may be time to seek out further help if you truly want to salvage the bond and commitment you have with your partner. A professional counselor can help you talk through your feelings, gain a better understanding of the circumstances from both perspectives, and see what path you're on compared to the path you may either want or need to be on instead.
Working with a professional trained in handling these types of situations can be a great step to take no matter what may be happening in your relationship. Having that guidance and learning the skills to understand yourself and your relationship and make the changes needed are excellent tools for maintaining things in the longer term.
Lying About Anything
Of course, sneaking away and staying distant, cheating on your significant other, or simply using lies to hide away from your relationship problems are not the only ways that lying can hurt your relationship. Lying for any reason at all can be detrimental because it tells your partner that you don't trust them enough to tell them the truth, whether about an issue or a situation or about yourself and your feelings. Not only does this beat your partner down and make them feel unloved and inadequate in the relationship, but it also plants the seeds of doubt that can cause problems for many months or years to come if you remain with the same partner.
Whenever you lie to your partner, the message you're sending is that they aren't worthy of knowing the truth. Whether it's something small or something major, it's a huge cause of insecurity, and it can lead to even bigger problems in your relationship down the road. When your significant other starts to see that you lie about even the littlest things, it causes them to worry about what else you might be lying about, and that leads to even more trust problems. As those concerns continue to build over time, it may only make things worse. This is not a healthy way to maintain a relationship with anyone.
By lying so frequently, you're robbing yourself of an opportunity for a true and healthy bond with someone. You're also being completely unfair to your partner, who is left in the dark and wondering what is even going on with your relationship.
If you and your partner are struggling for any reason, whether it be both of you being unhappy in the relationship or just one of you, it's important to consider getting professional help—especially if you want to resolve those problems and make your relationship last. You don't want to get caught up in a web of lies, and you don't want to spend your life with someone that you're not happy with. Working with a professional can help both of you to find the happiness that you once had, whether it's together or on your own, or even make your relationship better than it ever was. However, you will need the right professional to help you get there. That's where ReGain comes in.
ReGain is a completely online system that allows you to talk with licensed and trained professionals without setting foot in a psychologist's or therapist's office. You'll be able to find someone you feel comfortable with without ever having to worry about their physical location. When it's time for your appointment, all you have to do is log on and connect with them from anywhere with an internet connection.
Online therapy has become an effective way for many of those in relationships to make those relationships stronger. Not only is online therapy convenient and often more accordable than in-person therapy, but even if you live in a rural area, you can get the help you need.
If your relationship isn't where you want it to be, you may want to consider seeking out help. With a little support, you and your partner can work together to build a stronger relationship going forward.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is it okay to lie to someone you love?
We tell ourselves that we’re never going to lie to our partners, but that can be an impossible rule to follow. As a species, humans have evolved to lie to fit into complex groups and situations, and sometimes we lie to ones we love because we want to spare their feelings.
If the lie benefits the person being lied to, it could be considered a good thing to lie. However, lies that benefit the teller—or benefit no one—should be avoided.
Frequently telling lies can create a false narrative for your relationship, so honesty should be the true goal in any relationship you want to maintain.
Can lies ruin a relationship?
Lying can have a devastating effect on a relationship. It can even spell the end of your relationship. Love and lies don’t go hand-in-hand at all, and if you start, it can become a difficult habit to break.
What do lies do to a relationship?
Lies are often told to avoid making a situation worse. People may not realize that their lies actually erode the foundations of their relationship with their partner. Lying can result in your partner losing trust, losing respect, and having lowered expectations of getting the true story in any given situation. You end up putting your self-interests ahead of the mutual interests of the relationship, shifting the balance of the relationship until it can no longer stand on its own feet. If nothing is fixed, then the relationship may fall apart.
How do you stop lying to someone you love?
There are steps you can take to stop lying to the person that you love. Although lies may be told for specific reasons, it’s more important to be as honest as possible with your partner. First, you should identify the reasons why you lie. Is it to avoid criticism and conflict? A healthy amount of conflict can be good for a relationship because you’re discussing the important aspects of your relationship.
Understand what your lying can do to your relationship and think before you speak. Lying leads to distrust in your partner, and they may no longer believe anything that you say. Consider your words before you open your mouth so that you don’t easily resort to a lie.
Accept your own faults so that you can take better criticism. It can be a difficult pill to swallow, but at least you’ll be aware of the parts of yourself you can improve upon. And develop the good habit of being truthful with your partner whenever you can.
What are the 5 signs that someone is lying?
There are five obvious signs that someone is lying.
They touch their face and mouth a lot.
They repeat themselves, giving themselves time to think about what to say next.
They may pause a lot before answering a question involving a simple answer.
They may glance towards the door during the conversation. They’re looking for a physical way out of the current conversation.
A lying person doesn’t often blink. They’re trying to act as if they have confidence by making eye contact. They’re trying to cover up how nervous they feel.
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