The Psychology Of Love And What You Need To Know

Updated January 25, 2023by ReGain Editorial Team

What Is Love?

While most of us could say that it's a feeling or that it is something that we may have for our partner, our children, or for our family, we may not be able to explain just exactly what it is from a psychological standpoint. The truth, however, is that there is indeed psychology of love, and there is research that says exactly what love is and what it means for us, purely from a background context-related to our mental capabilities, which is going to change the way we all individually think about it.

Psychology Of Love

The psychology of love pertains to all of the things that are happening and that you're experiencing in your brain when you feel the sentiment of love and when a person first starts to fall in love with another. After all, with so much involved, it's hard to imagine that your brain isn't going through something pretty significant and potentially even a bit complex, right? When you fall in love, you will likely experience some different effects that affect your energy, your mental focus, and even your physical body, but what are each of those things and how exactly are they impacting you? Well, we'll take a look.

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What Happens In Love?

When you feel that you're "in love" with another person, you are likely experiencing some different feelings all wrapped up into that one, nice little package with a simplified label on it. You may feel more energetic most of the time, you may notice that you have an even greater ability to focus when it comes to doing or thinking about things, and you'll also probably be overflowing with positive emotions and therefore perceiving even more positive experiences throughout your day. You may also likely notice some things that aren't quite as lovely and pleasant, like the fact that you now seem to have sweaty palms a lot of the time and often experience a feeling of lightheadedness. You may even notice a racing heartbeat, which can be exhilarating or sometimes even a bit scary. All of these things happen because your brain is releasing oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine, each of which participates in causing every one of those feelings and physical responses. When you find somebody special, and you fall in love with them, your brain is reacting by sending out a reward signal to the rest of your body, and this is what is giving you all of those reactions and new, positive feelings.

Triangular Theory Of Love

There are three different aspects to love, according to psychiatrists anyway. These three different components are intimacy, passion, and commitment. When you feel intimate with someone, it isn't just referring to the intimacy of a physical nature. It's referring to you feeling close to them, feeling a sense of attachment and feeling deeply connected to that other person. This can apply to many different people in your life and many different ways, and easily is one of the most important forms of love a person needs to experience in their lives. Passion is about limerence (infatuation with someone and sometimes obsessively so) and often even about sexual attraction to another person. It ties in a lot to those feelings of exhilaration you may experience. Lastly is commitment.  Commitment is about wanting to stay together with someone and wanting to make things work out, regardless of the context. Commitment plays a large part in helping maintain your relationships and keep them healthy, respectful, and long-lasting. Within this triangle of the three types of love, the feelings and thoughts attached to those involved continue to increase more and more over time as the relationships are nurtured and sustained effectively.

Why It Matters

So, why does it matter for you to know the psychology behind love before you tell someone, "I'm understanding the things I love about you"? Well, for the average couple, it can mean quite a few different things. In less fortunate circumstances, couples that break up may be able to seek better treatment for the heartbreak that they experience if they're better able to understand themselves, their brain's wiring in regards to these feelings and the emotions for their most recent partner, and how love and its different types have played a part in the relationship. Seeking the help of a psychologist or therapist of some sort can help them to pinpoint just what it is that makes love happen in the brain, and sometimes the specifics that apply to the individual personally, and therefore how to change it as well. Being able to understand and gain the capability to overcome the disappointments and the disastrous effects that can stem from the dissolution of a relationship (for some people) is a great thing and can help them to move forward more easily once it's all over.

Of course, researchers do say that there is quite a bit more involved than just knowing the basics when it comes to treating individual relationships once they end. The psychologist or counselor of your choice that's involved would still definitely need to know a great deal about the specific relationship itself. But it is likely that they would be able to help considerably by already having a thorough understanding of the generalities of relationships and their effect on the brain (and therefore the emotions and response within the relationships) as well. It is also possible that knowing more about the previous relationships of the individual seeking help would further benefit in assisting the individual to understand what they may or may not be doing in their newer relationships that could potentially be sabotaging the situations before they even start.

Finally, couples that are still actively involved in relationships with their partners could also benefit from seeking professional help by being able to learn more about how to go about improving their relationship and educating themselves on what exactly it is in their brains that may be affecting every aspect of their actions within the relationship, as well as their perception of it and the significant other they've currently chosen. Having a deeper understanding of both themselves and their partner in regards to the brain's processing of love and relationships in general would help them to be able to improve the quality of communication and help them to work towards more changes and improvements in their overall wellbeing, both as part of a couple and as an individual.

There are so many things involved in the process of forming and keeping a relationship going. Understanding more about how it starts and where the feelings come from can be just what you're looking for and, to know more about when it comes to either fixing your relationship or simply maintaining it in great shape for the long run.

What You Need

There are plenty of ways that you can work on your relationship if you find yourself struggling with certain aspects of it, but the number one thing of importance is that you and your partner both need to be ready and willing to talk about what either of you are experiencing, as well as discussing what the two of you want or need out of the relationship. Having these important conversations just between the two of you, however, is not always an easy process, especially if you haven't done so before. This is especially true if things are already starting to break down within the relationship for whatever reasons. If you're already right in the midst of a volatile period of the relationship, this is when you may need a mental health professional or a counselor of some sort to help you stay on the right track. handle things as respectfully and appropriately as possible, and to make sure that that you can understand each other's sentiments regardless of any differing views.

A mental health professional or counselor is required to be completely impartial and does not care who is "right" or "wrong" in your arguments. Instead, their job is to make sure that you and your partner can talk to one another and figure out more about where your differences are coming from and how to resolve them healthily. Their primary purpose is to serve as an understanding and professional mediator for a couple that needs an extra touch of help in sorting out their concerns and problems with each other. There will be fights and arguments in any relationship, and there is nothing wrong with that. Having disagreements prompts the two people in a relationship together to further reevaluate things, learn to communicate better with each other, and learn the skills along the way to help them cope with further obstacles throughout their time together. The most important aspect of having these disagreements though, is learning how to handle them. This skill is going to be your first step towards success and a long and happy relationship, and that's where a mental health professional can help you navigate along the way during the learning process.

Want To Learn More About The Psychology Of Love?

ReGain is one available option that allows you to find a mental health professional that is both ready and willing to help you at your convenience. This website provides an online service that lets you connect with skilled counseling and mental health professionals from all over the country without ever having to set foot in a psychologist's office. Instead, you can log on from your computer, tablet, or another internet capable device from absolutely anywhere you may be. You are the one that sets up the session; you log on from the most comfortable seat in your home or wherever you may be at the time, and you can then have your session right then and there, just like that. It is incredibly easy, super convenient, and a whole lot more comfortable and convenient than sitting in an office for a long time or having to travel just to meet up with your counselor of choice. With nearly minimal effort on your part, you'll still be able to get the help you want and need, and with no additional stress along the way.

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