How Is Infatuation Vs. Love Important For Your Future?

For many, infatuation is a trademark feature at the beginning of a romantic relationship. Once you recognize you’re attracted to someone, you may begin dating (with or without sexual contact), and if things go well, you’ll become a regular part of each other’s lives. You may decide you’d like to build a more serious relationship with this person—from that point, you may experience feelings of infatuation and, if your relationship is successful, love.  

According to many relationship experts, there are five typical stages of a romantic relationship: initial attraction, attachment, commitment, nurturing love, and finally, lasting love and companionship. Infatuation usually emerges during the first stage when a physical attraction is often the most intense, and partners are more likely to feel “swept off their feet.” 

But some find it challenging to recognize infatuation vs. romantic love; in some cases, the two meld together for a while. While they don’t have to be mutually exclusive, at some point, the emotions typically do shift, which can cause confusion about where the relationship is headed in the future. In this post, we’ll examine key differences between the concepts, how those differences affect relationships over time, and how to transition smoothly from infatuation to love for the long haul.

Defining infatuation

Merriam-Webster defines infatuation as “a feeling of foolish or obsessively strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or something : strong and unreasoning attachment.” 

Some people may find the infatuation stage thrilling; others may feel exhausted by the sometimes all-consuming obsession with another person—especially because it can be emotionally painful to be away from them, even for a short time. Research suggests that infatuation can even cause relationship anxiety in otherwise mentally healthy people. So, if you’re stressed out and panicking over a text message that’s gone unanswered for 20 minutes, there’s a good chance you’re infatuated. 

This isn’t to say that infatuation is always unhealthy; it’s typically a necessary stage of a relationship to pave the way for a deeper connection and allow partners to understand each other as individuals better. 

Signs of infatuation may include

• An intense, all-consuming obsession with your partner.
• Feeling jealous and overly possessive of your partner. 
• Seeing your partner as “perfect.” 
• Persistent, intrusive thoughts regarding your partner and relationship. 
• Emotional fatigue, stress, and worry about losing your partner.

How long does infatuation typically last in a relationship?

There is no definitive time frame for infatuation—how long it lasts often depends heavily on the couple. Typically, infatuation begins to fade within the first six months to a year, but some couples may even feel the draw of infatuation for up to three years. 

What happens when infatuation ends?

As infatuation fades, couples often face the reality of the person they’re with. You’ll no longer seem so perfect to each other, and the emotions aren’t usually as intense. This can be a critical phase in the success of a relationship. You are free to see your partner for who they really are, flaws and all. If you like what you find, and vice-versa, you may move on to the later stages of the relationship and forge stronger bonds. If not, you may decide to part ways. 

Defining romantic love

The love that grows from the infatuation phase often passes the realm of physical attraction and obsession (although most couples stay attracted to each other physically) into a state of deeper connectivity. Love typically takes longer to develop than infatuation, but the bond between you will run much deeper when it does. This is a time when you and your partner will recognize that neither of you is perfect, nor is your relationship. Still, you're willing to work through your challenges and make compromises as necessary. It may take more effort, but the payoff is often well worth it. Couples in this phase often begin planning their long-term future together with optimism and excitement. 

Signs of romantic love can look like.

• You can be yourself without worry of judgment from your partner. 
• You can trust each other and be vulnerable in the relationship.
• You want to be there for your partner unconditionally. 
• Your partner makes you want to be a better person.
• You’re confident that you’ll work through arguments and challenges together. 
• You can see a real future with your partner.

Infatuation vs. love: Evolving your relationship for the future

The five-stage model of the phases of a relationship is a typical construct used in an attempt to understand how and why romantic relationships grow and develop a certain way—and why some work out while others don’t. But this model has its exceptions and doesn’t necessarily apply to every successful relationship. Arranged marriages in their varying forms, for example, don’t always follow a straight line from infatuation to lasting, unconditional love. Still, they’re often as fulfilling (or more so for some couples) and successful. 

The infatuation stage of a relationship isn’t always necessary for a loving, lasting bond, but it does have its place in the process. If you and your partner are currently in the midst of infatuation, you might assume that you’ll move seamlessly to the love stage without any problems. (This is a typical feature of infatuation.) But if you both decide that’s what you want for the future, it may take some effort and patience as you let the relationship unfold naturally. 

Getting to know your partner is essential to moving forward in your relationship. The more you get to know them authentically and shed any inaccurate perceptions you may have had in the beginning, the better the chance that your relationship will continue to grow if you like what you find. A few loose indicators may point to whether couples will remain compatible over time. These include but aren’t limited to how well you communicate, your shared interests and values, your willingness to work through challenges together, mutual respect, and loyalty. 

Sometimes, part of getting to know your partner means getting to know the people important to them. How well will you fit into each other’s family and social circle? If you don’t get along with one of these people initially, are you willing to try? Some people put their mates in the complex and unfortunate position of choosing between them and a loved one they don’t get along with. For future success, it’s important that you’ll commit to looking out for each other’s happiness and well-being, even if it means compromising your attitude sometimes. 

Once you’ve gotten to know each other well, understand each other’s flaws and quirks, and are equally invested in the success of your relationship, moving into a stage of love where you’re content and ready to build a life together. 

Takeaway

As you spend more time together, you'll start to notice differences in how you interact and your feelings about each other. These can be positive, negative, or neither—the important thing is that you’re aware and prepared to discuss them as they arise. Once you leave the infatuation phase, you’ll become more involved in each other’s difficulties. This can get complicated, raising new challenges for couples to overcome. 

Many couples choose to communicate with a relationship counselor to work through such challenges and achieve new levels of empathy and intimacy. The success rates for couples in counseling versus those that aren’t are considerably different. A 2011 research review published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy reports, "The research shows that couple therapy positively impacts 70% of couples receiving treatment. The effectiveness rates of couple therapy are comparable to the effectiveness rates of individual therapies and vastly superior to control groups not receiving treatment.”

But there can be obstacles for some couples seeking a relationship counselor. For example, you may have difficulty coordinating schedules to attend appointments or accessibility issues that prevent you from attending appointments in person. Some couples think they can’t afford counseling or feel awkward discussing the intimate details of their relationship. 

Online therapy is an excellent solution to these barriers and more. Through platforms like Regain, couples can find the right counselor, book sessions according to when it’s convenient for them, and speak to their counselor from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Online therapy is also more affordable in some cases than traditional treatment without insurance. 

A broadening scope of research indicates that counseling through online platforms like Regain is as effective as conventional therapy. For example, a 2020 study of 15 couples engaging in video therapy found that not only was it effective in helping the couples resolve their challenges, but the couples reported having a positive experience with the process, a strong sense of control and comfort, and excellent rapport with their counselor.

Takeaway

If you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to the next stage, counseling can help smooth the transition and prepare you for a closer, more loving relationship.