Lackluster Sex Life? Here Are 9 Fun Tips To Rekindle The Spark
With time, even the most loving relationships have lags of enjoyment in the bedroom. While it’s normal for couples to report boredom in the bedroom after being together for a long time, that doesn’t mean your sexual relationship has to stay boring. If you’re dealing with a lackluster sex life, there are many fun ways to bring back the excitement to your relationship. In this post, we’ll examine a few of those and some common reasons couples experience diminished sexual enjoyment.
Why Has Your Sex Life Lost Its Excitement?
To find real solutions to boredom in the bedroom, it may first be prudent to identify the roots of the issues. On the surface, dull sex life may seem to be the byproduct of a familiar style of making love. If you and your partner rarely ever leave missionary positions or regularly have the same kind of sex, the interest might wane.
Sometimes, this is the only issue, which may be simple to change by switching things up in the bedroom. It’s imperative to be open and honest with each other and talk about what you would like to try, what turns you on (that your partner may not know about), and what you could do to enhance the experience for each other. Good lovemaking often comes from communication and consideration.
Often, couples experience problems in the bedroom because of outside issues. Couples who are angry towards each other for various reasons may find it hard to be connected and intimate. Likewise, some people will withhold sex to punish their partner for something that may have happened in the past. If you suspect that might be the case, it can help to take a closer look at your relationship with your partner and ask if any unresolved issues are causing friction or resentment in your relationship.
Even if you are having sex, you will likely have better sex if you and your partner are happy with each other and have a strong relationship. These kinds of issues are common in relationships where both partners are feeling sexually unsatisfied, and with some support and effort, you may be able to resolve them together.
There are cases where medical or physical issues may impact the quality of sex in the bedroom, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, anxiety and depressive disorders, medication side effects, and aging, to name a few. Issues such as these are sometimes left undiscussed, particularly if there are feelings of embarrassment. Although it can be challenging to talk about these things, it is vital. As with other relationship complications, healing begins with time and a safe, open environment where you and your partner can explore these issues more deeply.
How Can I Spice Things Up In The Bedroom? Fun Sexual Things To Do
Here are some tips to get you and your partner back on track to having the sex life you want.
1. Try To Make Your Sexual Sessions More Intimate
In some relationships, sex can feel like a chore. When the responsibilities of daily life take over the bedroom, couples sometimes approach sex with a “get it done” attitude. Part of having a better sex life involves bringing intimacy back into the bedroom. Focus on touching each other more and experiencing the sensations that sex offers. Take things slowly and show them that you love and care about them with physical gestures. When you pour your feelings into your sexual expression, it results in better sex.
2. Focus On More Foreplay
You may still be able to engage in the act, but going straight to sex without foreplay can make it hard for you and your partner to enjoy it as fully. Foreplay can begin before you even get to the bedroom. You may send a sexy text or touch each other flirtatiously during dinner or domestic activities before bed. Regardless of how you decide to flirt, the purpose is to create anticipation for the sex to come.
Once you retire to the bedroom together, you’ll be ready to take your time and use more intimate foreplay to heighten the senses and make it easier for you and your partner to achieve orgasm.
3. Explore Your Fantasies With Your Partner
Most of us have fantasies that turn us on. However, not all of us are open and honest with our partners about some of these fantasies. If you’re ready to be open about them, take some time to sit down and talk with your partner about some of these fantasies. During this time, ask your partner what they would like to do as well. Perhaps you want to do something that involves sexual activity outside of the bedroom. Maybe you have been looking for a sexual fantasy that includes costumes or a setting.
Whatever it is, it helps to be in a place in your relationship where you feel comfortable discussing them openly. When you reach that level of intimacy, if it doesn't involve hurting or making your partner uncomfortable, your partner may be open to it.
4. Consider Trying Toys
If you have a sex life that others would describe as "vanilla," you may want to try different toys designed to make things more fun. For example, you could tie your partner to the headboard and try some light BDSM. You could also purchase sex toys that may stimulate you and your partner in new and different ways. Some people may feel uncomfortable with using such sex-enhancing devices. Though there is sometimes a stigma surrounding some of these products, they are safe when used correctly, and there is nothing wrong with using them between consenting adults.
5. Become More Communicative With Each Other
A lack of communication in the bedroom can contribute to challenges with sex. It helps to be vocal about what you like and what you’d like to change during foreplay or intercourse. When couples express their desires in the bedroom, it can lead to great sex.
6. Try New Positions That You Have Never Done Before
If you and your partner have become accustomed to a couple of positions, keep in mind that there are many potential positions that you can try out. Use your time in the bedroom as an opportunity to try new things and learn more about what each of you enjoys and what you don’t.
7. Extend Your Sexual Sessions
While quick sex can sometimes serve its purpose, it can diminish your intimacy if that’s all you aim for. Taking things slow and steady can be much more exciting than quickly trying to reach climax. The next time you have sex, try to be more mindful of how your partner feels and what they are experiencing. By that same token, what are you feeling and experiencing? Try to take your time and savor these moments. Longer, intense sexual sessions can make things more exciting and get you back in the mood.
8. Turn Off The Lights Or Use Blindfolds
Even though the visual aspects of sex are stimulating, so is the intensity of sensation when the visuals are removed from the experience. Having sex without sight may also put you more fully into your bodies so that you experience sex more sensually. You can do this by using a blindfold when engaging in sexual activity. If you are confident with having sex in the dark, you may want to turn off the lights and use blackout curtains occasionally so that you can both benefit from this activity. Blind sex can heighten your senses and turn you on, especially if you are used to seeing your partner.
9. Use Sexy Games Or Trivia To Get Things Going
There are plenty of sexy games that couples use to introduce novelty into the bedroom. From trivia games that give you fun sexual questions to ask your partner to dice games that provide instructions for trying new things, games make it easy to get creative and bring more excitement to your sex life.
Sex is essential to our relationships and ourselves in many ways. For example, experts say that sex builds emotional intimacy, strengthening the bond between couples. A healthy sex life can boost your mood, improve your self-esteem, and benefit your physical health.
Yet, if emotional intimacy is missing, physical intimacy (sex) may suffer. Because of its cyclical nature, the balance between healthy sex and a healthy emotional bond can be difficult to maintain. When challenges arise, some couples attend relationship counseling to work through them.
According to the research, relationship counseling is overwhelmingly beneficial for couples. Because of its convenience and affordability, online therapy through platforms like Regain has made it easy for couples to attend counseling when they may not otherwise be able to. Regain matches couples with therapists with a wide range of experience and expertise. You can book appointments with your counselor when convenient for you and your partner, then attend sessions online from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection via online messaging, video chat, text, and phone.
Therapy through Regain is often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance, and studies show that online treatment is as effective as traditional therapy for helping couples strengthen their communication skills, deepen their emotional bonds, and cultivate an exciting sex life.
If you’re ready, a Regain counselor can help you and your partner grow intimacy, bring the spark back into the bedroom, and learn valuable ways to communicate with each other about your needs and desires.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can bad sex ruin a relationship?
You may be wondering if a lackluster sex life can ruin a relationship. For some couples, it can. Sex is often one of the most important parts of a romantic relationship. When your sex life was new, you may have been having more enthusiastic sex, and now it’s not as great. If you feel you have a lackluster sex life, there are ways to fix it to have more enthusiastic sex. It’s important to get to the root of the problem. Possibly your partner is pretty sexually inexperienced. In this case, expressing your needs and sexual desires can open the door to better sex. Sexually playful flirting is another way to have more enthusiastic sex. Sometimes we may have a lackluster sex life if something else is missing in the relationship. Sex actually builds emotional intimacy. This can be a cycle. If intimacy is missing in the relationship, then physical intimacy (sex) may suffer. This can affect the relationship long term. Working on improving emotional intimacy can increase physical kind. Communicate openly and be vulnerable about your needs. This helps to build trust. Compliment your partner daily to let them know you desire and appreciate them. Take time to explore each other in the bedroom and learn each other’s desires, prioritizing their sexual satisfaction first. If lackluster sex life is affecting the quality of your relationship, a relationship therapist can help. They may help you understand the root of the problem and give you tools and guidance to have more enthusiastic sex.
Does sex increase love?
Sex can actually build emotional intimacy, which strengthens the bond between a couple. Sex can make the connection and overall relationship better for both partners. Healthy sex life can boost your mood, improve your self-esteem, and rekindle romance. Regular enthusiastic sex maintains love and intimacy in a relationship. All humans need a sense of love and belongingness, and sex is one of the best ways to achieve that.
Is it okay to have sex every day?
Having sex every day is perfectly okay if both partners enjoy it. If you’re pretty sexually inexperienced, it may cause more discomfort to have sex every day in the beginning. Then it’s important to take it slow and do what you’re comfortable with. Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling and what you want in the bedroom. But regular enthusiastic sex can be healthy and has health benefits. Healthy sex can reduce stress, improve sleep, improve immunity, and can be great exercise. Sex can also boost libido. In addition, sex can build emotional intimacy, so it can be a great way to strengthen the bond in your relationship, bringing you closer together. Talk to your partner about your needs and what feels good for you so you can both be on the same page.
How often should couples have sex?
When your sex life was new, you were probably having a lot of sex. As a relationship progresses and the excitement wears off, it is natural that sex becomes less. Some couples have regular enthusiastic sex, while others may have sex less. It is really dependent on the individuals, their sex drives, and their sexual needs. Quality sex is always more important than quantity. If a lack of sex is affecting your relationship, it’s important to prioritize sex and intimacy. This will strengthen your bond.
How long should good sex last?
Good sex can be subjective. This includes how long it lasts. Some people may enjoy having regular enthusiastic sex for long periods of time. Other couples may prefer shorter sex sessions. According to a recent study, sex typically lasts anywhere between 33 seconds and 44 minutes; the average is 5.4 minutes. Psychologists rated sex lasting 3-7 minutes as adequate, while 7-13 minutes was considered desirable. This really depends on the couple. It’s important to be open with your partner about what you want and what feels good for you. When your sex life was new, the length of enthusiasm may have been shorter from being overly excited. Those who are pretty sexually inexperienced may feel shy to say what they like in the bedroom. It is perfectly okay to express your desires. If you would like your sex to last longer, try sexually playful flirting. This can get both of you excited and prolong the experience. Foreplay is a great way to accomplish this. Explore each other’s bodies before you have sex. If you’re experiencing any sexual dysfunction affecting your relationship, reach out to a trusted healthcare professional. They can help.
What are fun ways to spice up sex?
How do you ask for sex in bed?
What are secret words for sex?
What to do after sex?
How do you start the best sex?
Why is sex fun?
What causes sex to be boring?
How do you tell your partner that sex is no longer enjoyable?
What sexy topics can you talk about before having sex?
How do you flirt with someone?
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