Lackluster Sex Life? Here Are 9 Fun Tips To Rekindle The Spark

Updated August 21, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

With time, even the most loving relationships have lags of enjoyment in the bedroom. While it’s normal for couples to report boredom in the bedroom after being together for a long time, that doesn’t mean your sexual relationship has to stay boring. If you’re dealing with a lackluster sex life, there are many fun ways to bring back the excitement to your relationship. In this post, we’ll examine a few of those and some common reasons couples experience diminished sexual enjoyment.

Bring The Excitement Back To Your Relationship

Why Has Your Sex Life Lost Its Excitement?

To find real solutions to boredom in the bedroom, it may first be prudent to identify the roots of the issues. On the surface, dull sex life may seem to be the byproduct of a familiar style of making love. If you and your partner rarely ever leave missionary positions or regularly have the same kind of sex, the interest might wane.

Sometimes, this is the only issue, which may be simple to change by switching things up in the bedroom. It’s imperative to be open and honest with each other and talk about what you would like to try, what turns you on (that your partner may not know about), and what you could do to enhance the experience for each other. Good lovemaking often comes from communication and consideration. 

Often, couples experience problems in the bedroom because of outside issues. Couples who are angry towards each other for various reasons may find it hard to be connected and intimate. Likewise, some people will withhold sex to punish their partner for something that may have happened in the past. If you suspect that might be the case, it can help to take a closer look at your relationship with your partner and ask if any unresolved issues are causing friction or resentment in your relationship. 

Even if you are having sex, you will likely have better sex if you and your partner are happy with each other and have a strong relationship. These kinds of issues are common in relationships where both partners are feeling sexually unsatisfied, and with some support and effort, you may be able to resolve them together. 

There are cases where medical or physical issues may impact the quality of sex in the bedroom, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, anxiety and depressive disorders, medication side effects, and aging, to name a few. Issues such as these are sometimes left undiscussed, particularly if there are feelings of embarrassment.  Although it can be challenging to talk about these things, it is vital. As with other relationship complications, healing begins with time and a safe, open environment where you and your partner can explore these issues more deeply. 

How Can I Spice Things Up In The Bedroom? Fun Sexual Things To Do

Here are some tips to get you and your partner back on track to having the sex life you want.

1. Try To Make Your Sexual Sessions More Intimate

In some relationships, sex can feel like a chore. When the responsibilities of daily life take over the bedroom, couples sometimes approach sex with a “get it done” attitude. Part of having a better sex life involves bringing intimacy back into the bedroom. Focus on touching each other more and experiencing the sensations that sex offers. Take things slowly and show them that you love and care about them with physical gestures. When you pour your feelings into your sexual expression, it results in better sex.

2. Focus On More Foreplay 

You may still be able to engage in the act, but going straight to sex without foreplay can make it hard for you and your partner to enjoy it as fully. Foreplay can begin before you even get to the bedroom. You may send a sexy text or touch each other flirtatiously during dinner or domestic activities before bed. Regardless of how you decide to flirt, the purpose is to create anticipation for the sex to come. 

Once you retire to the bedroom together, you’ll be ready to take your time and use more intimate foreplay to heighten the senses and make it easier for you and your partner to achieve orgasm. 

3. Explore Your Fantasies With Your Partner

Most of us have fantasies that turn us on. However, not all of us are open and honest with our partners about some of these fantasies. If you’re ready to be open about them, take some time to sit down and talk with your partner about some of these fantasies. During this time, ask your partner what they would like to do as well. Perhaps you want to do something that involves sexual activity outside of the bedroom. Maybe you have been looking for a sexual fantasy that includes costumes or a setting. 

Whatever it is, it helps to be in a place in your relationship where you feel comfortable discussing them openly. When you reach that level of intimacy, if it doesn't involve hurting or making your partner uncomfortable, your partner may be open to it.

4. Consider Trying Toys

If you have a sex life that others would describe as "vanilla," you may want to try different toys designed to make things more fun. For example, you could tie your partner to the headboard and try some light BDSM. You could also purchase sex toys that may stimulate you and your partner in new and different ways.  Some people may feel uncomfortable with using such sex-enhancing devices. Though there is sometimes a stigma surrounding some of these products, they are safe when used correctly, and there is nothing wrong with using them between consenting adults. 

5. Become More Communicative With Each Other

A lack of communication in the bedroom can contribute to challenges with sex. It helps to be vocal about what you like and what you’d like to change during foreplay or intercourse. When couples express their desires in the bedroom, it can lead to great sex. 

Getty/AnnaStills
Bring The Excitement Back To Your Relationship

6. Try New Positions That You Have Never Done Before

If you and your partner have become accustomed to a couple of positions, keep in mind that there are many potential positions that you can try out. Use your time in the bedroom as an opportunity to try new things and learn more about what each of you enjoys and what you don’t. 

7. Extend Your Sexual Sessions

While quick sex can sometimes serve its purpose, it can diminish your intimacy if that’s all you aim for. Taking things slow and steady can be much more exciting than quickly trying to reach climax. The next time you have sex, try to be more mindful of how your partner feels and what they are experiencing. By that same token, what are you feeling and experiencing? Try to take your time and savor these moments. Longer, intense sexual sessions can make things more exciting and get you back in the mood.

8. Turn Off The Lights Or Use Blindfolds

Even though the visual aspects of sex are stimulating, so is the intensity of sensation when the visuals are removed from the experience. Having sex without sight may also put you more fully into your bodies so that you experience sex more sensually. You can do this by using a blindfold when engaging in sexual activity. If you are confident with having sex in the dark, you may want to turn off the lights and use blackout curtains occasionally so that you can both benefit from this activity. Blind sex can heighten your senses and turn you on, especially if you are used to seeing your partner.

9. Use Sexy Games Or Trivia To Get Things Going

There are plenty of sexy games that couples use to introduce novelty into the bedroom. From trivia games that give you fun sexual questions to ask your partner to dice games that provide instructions for trying new things, games make it easy to get creative and bring more excitement to your sex life.  

Takeaway

Sex is essential to our relationships and ourselves in many ways. For example, experts say that sex builds emotional intimacy, strengthening the bond between couples. A healthy sex life can boost your mood, improve your self-esteem, and benefit your physical health. 

Yet, if emotional intimacy is missing, physical intimacy (sex) may suffer. Because of its cyclical nature, the balance between healthy sex and a healthy emotional bond can be difficult to maintain. When challenges arise, some couples attend relationship counseling to work through them. 

According to the research, relationship counseling is overwhelmingly beneficial for couples. Because of its convenience and affordability, online therapy through platforms like Regain has made it easy for couples to attend counseling when they may not otherwise be able to. Regain matches couples with therapists with a wide range of experience and expertise. You can book appointments with your counselor when convenient for you and your partner, then attend sessions online from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection via online messaging, video chat, text, and phone. 

Therapy through Regain is often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance, and studies show that online treatment is as effective as traditional therapy for helping couples strengthen their communication skills, deepen their emotional bonds, and cultivate an exciting sex life. 

If you’re ready, a Regain counselor can help you and your partner grow intimacy, bring the spark back into the bedroom, and learn valuable ways to communicate with each other about your needs and desires. 

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