How To Tell If Someone Is A Compulsive Liar: 10 Signs To Look For

Updated March 10, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Most of us know someone who stretches the truth occasionally in certain circumstances. Their reasons are usually harmless and often with well-meaning intentions.

But some people feel the need to lie compulsively, meaning frequently and without discretion. The American Psychological Association defines a compulsive liar as someone with a “persistent, compulsive tendency to tell lies out of proportion to any apparent advantage that can be achieved.” 

The reasons why a compulsive liar lies are varied but usually center around the need to gain favor with others, elaborate the truth for their gain, save face in situations of difficulty, and more. It is important to note that compulsive lying differs from pathological lying, although the two terms are often linked together.

While a pathological liar often uses lies to manipulate others, a compulsive liar usually does not have this aim. For many, lying compulsively is more of a powerful habit and coping mechanism developed from childhood. For a variety of potential reasons, compulsive liars often struggle with telling the truth because lying may seem like a better option. If they have a goal in mind, it is often not malicious.

Getty/Vadym Pastuk
Compulsive lying can indicate something more serious

10 signs of a compulsive liar

Keep in mind that these are generalizations. The patterns of one compulsive liar will likely differ from another, and some may display all of these, while some will display very few. The most productive thing is to pay attention to the overall behaviors.

1. A compulsive liar lies often.

Many compulsive liars lie consistently. They may conjure fictional stories and lies about their past, hobbies, relationship status, or anything else they think they need to lie about. However, it will be much easier to detect a compulsive liar because, unlike pathological liars, they often show the typical stressors accompanying lying. 

2. A compulsive liar lies for no apparent reason.

While pathological lying occurs with a goal in mind, compulsive lying does not. When you catch a compulsive liar lying, you may wonder why they did it in the first place. Often, there is no benefit or apparent reason for a compulsive liar to tell lies or create stories.

3. A compulsive liar gets nervous when lying.

You can probably spot a compulsive liar quickly because they are not comfortable when lying to others. Whether they are telling random lies or more minor “harmless” lies, they will exhibit the typical stressors of lying, such as avoiding eye contact and difficulty with conversation. You will notice these behaviors often if they tell lies a lot.

4. A compulsive liar apologizes when confronted.

If you need to discern whether someone you know is a pathological or compulsive liar, then see how they react when confronted about telling a lie. A pathological liar will deny they are lying and find ways to blame others for the situation. A compulsive liar may be aware of their lying habit and will more likely apologize. They may even come clean with the truth and explain why they lied. 

5. But a compulsive liar may keep lying anyway.

Even if they have good intentions to stop their lying behaviors, compulsive liars often have difficulty stopping. If you confront them and they apologize, you may likely see them lying again soon after. Self-awareness does not “fix” compulsive lying, so the compulsive liar will continue to lie until they get professional help or work much harder at telling the truth.

6. A compulsive liar shows self-awareness.

As mentioned before, compulsive liars often realize that they often lie, while pathological liars have little to no self-awareness. However, compulsive liars may not know how to stop or may self-justify their behaviors. 

7. A compulsive liar exhibits empathy.

This is perhaps the most important difference between a pathological and a compulsive liar. While a pathological liar enjoys manipulating and deceiving others without any care or respect for them, a compulsive liar does care about people but still has a habit of telling lies.

8. A compulsive liar tells the truth as well.

A compulsive liar does not lie continually without discretion. There are many times when they can be completely honest when telling a story or relaying communication. However, depending on how much they tell lies, many people may not be able to recognize or believe them when they are telling the truth.

9. A compulsive liar is sometimes open to seeking professional help.

If you are in a relationship with a compulsive liar or are closely connected with them, then consider having a conversation with them to encourage them to find professional help. A pathological liar will often resist this suggestion, convinced they don’t need help and that everyone else is the problem. But a compulsive liar will likely have more self-awareness and be more open to seeking professional help to stop lying.

10. A compulsive liar has low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem often leads the compulsive liar to tell lies about their accomplishments, relationships, or abilities. Unlike a pathological liar, they aren’t necessarily narcissistic. However, they may still need to come up with stories to boost their esteem and make themselves seem more interesting to other people.

Getty/AnnaStills

Takeaway

If you or someone you know is a compulsive liar, change is possible with professional help. Most compulsive liars can feel empathy and have the self-awareness to see how frequent lying can affect the people around them, even if the lies aren’t intentionally damaging. 

But even though most compulsive liars want to develop healthy relationships, it may be difficult to persuade them to seek therapy. In many cases, it’s probably a good idea to begin by letting them know you care about them, but their lies affect your relationship. Emphasize your desire to establish a healthy relationship but let them know that won’t be possible if they continue lying. This could be a challenging conversation, and you may have to have it more than once. Some compulsive liars may not be ready to admit they have a problem, but some will. 

Compulsive lying isn’t listed as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), but it is a common symptom of several mental health disorders. Examples include but aren’t limited to, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder. It can be connected with traumatic incidents in childhood as well. 

Since compulsive lying is often a symptom of an underlying mental health problem, getting help from a mental health professional as soon as possible is imperative. When left unaddressed, compulsive lying can worsen and seriously damage a person’s quality of life and ability to function. 

Despite the urgency, many people don’t get the treatment they need. Some choose not to seek treatment for scheduling or convenience matters; others may not have connection to therapy in their area. The societal or familial stigma associated with therapy can be a deterrent, as can concerns over the affordability of treatment. 

The rise of online therapy provides an excellent solution to these obstacles to treatment. Online platforms like Regain match individuals with mental health professionals experienced in helping people with issues like compulsive lying and their accompanying disorders. You can speak to a Regain therapist on a schedule that suits you from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Counseling is available via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat. 

Virtual counseling is often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance. A growing body of research indicates it’s just as effective for treating a wide range of disorders like depression, anxiety, trauma, and more. You can choose to visit a counselor individually, as a couple, or both. 

Compulsive lying can adversely affect every aspect of a person’s life, from work to family to intimate relationships. Reach out to an online counselor to begin the journey to healing.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Compulsive lying can indicate something more serious

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