How To Win Someone Back After Some Time Apart

Updated September 6, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Relationships can be complicated. There may be rough patches and moments that put both of you to the test, and sometimes, one or both of you may decide it’s time to end the relationship. But a breakup or separation doesn’t always mean a permanent end—in some cases, you may realize that you want to rekindle things with your ex and try again. If this is something you’re experiencing, and you’re feeling like you want to do what you can to try to win your former partner back, read on for a few tips to consider. 

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Relationships Can Be Complicated

Tips For Reconnecting With Someone After Time Apart

Every relationship is unique, so determining how to navigate the breakup and the attempt to rekindle things will vary from one person and situation to the next. But if you’re trying to figure out how to reconnect with your ex after some time apart, below are a few ideas to consider.

  1. Respect The Need For Time Apart 

If you and your ex broke up and decided that one or both of you needed time apart, it’s important to respect that need. There is likely a reason you broke up and needed space from each other, so even if you are feeling an urge to get back together, honor that initial need for space—even though it may be difficult. These things take time to rebuild, so try to be patient with yourself, your ex, and the process. By respecting this need for space, you may both be more likely to be in a better spot when or if you want to try again. It can give you both time to process, reflect, heal, and grow before rekindling a relationship. 

  1. Use That Time To Work On Yourself

As you’re taking this time apart, consider how you can best utilize this time. It can be tempting to spend this time thinking about your ex, worrying about how they’re doing, or reliving memories from your time together. But, during this time apart, it may be more useful to instead focus on taking care of yourself, investing time in other parts of your life, and improving in ways you care about. You can turn your focus to what makes you happy in life, designate time for your hobbies and passions, and set some personal goals for yourself. Working on yourself may help you to be a better future partner—whether with your ex or someone else—while also enriching your life regardless. 

  1. Reassess Your True Feelings About The Person

Once you’ve spent some quality time apart and have focused on finding new joy in your life, you may want to spend some time reflecting and have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want. Now that you’ve had some distance from the relationship and focused on other parts of yourself, you can reassess your feelings about this person. As you reflect, you may realize that this time apart has confirmed for that you want to be back together with this person; or you may realize that time apart has made it clear that you two aren’t actually a great fit for each other. By waiting to do this reflection until after you’ve spent time apart may help you to make a more informed decision and avoid making one largely based on loneliness and heartbreak. 

Getty/AnnaStills
  1.  Reach Out When Ready

So, let’s say you’ve sat yourself down and decided that this person is too special to let walk away, and you do in fact want to try again. The next step in the process is to reach out to them. This can be a nerve-wracking time, especially if you haven’t spoken to this person in a while. Despite the nerves, it may be best to keep it simple and remain honest and direct about why you decided to reach out. You might consider saying things like asking them how they’ve been, letting them know you still care about them, and asking if they’re ready to talk again, too. It may be a little awkward at first, but don’t let that discourage you. Try to stay patient and consider the fact that they might need more time.

  1.  Ask If They Would Be Interested In Meeting Up With You

You took a huge step when you decided to reach out to your ex after some time apart. In the event they’re responding well to the initial conversation, you can try to keep moving things forward, remaining honest and direct. You could let them know you’d like to meet and catch up if they would be interested. If they agree to this, you may want to choose a casual meeting place where you would both feel comfortable, such as a favorite coffee shop. 

  1. Express Your True Feelings To Them

When you meet up, try to communicate openly and honestly. You can let your ex know your intentions and let them know how you truly feel. For instance, if your time apart has allowed you to realize that you know you want to get back together, you know what went wrong previously, and you know how to improve things next time, you can communicate all of that to them. Express what you’ve realized and what you want, and then you can ask them how they feel in response. 

Getty/MoMo Productions
Relationships Can Be Complicated
  1. Demonstrate Your Commitment Through Actions

Oftentimes, actions do in fact speak louder than words. So, beyond simply telling them how you feel, what you want, and how you’ll work to make sure things are different, try to back these words up with actions. For instance, if communication was an issue in your relationship and your ex felt like you often interrupted them, rather than simply saying you will try harder, be sure to practice this when you see them—showing them how you’ve grown. 

Get Support Throughout This Process

All throughout this process—from the breakup to time apart, to reflecting on what you want, to reconnecting with them, to expressing your feelings—there can be a lot of thoughts and emotions to wade through. It can be helpful to have a strong support system behind you to help you get through it, whether that includes a best friend, family, or professional. 

If you are interested in seeking help from a professional, online therapy is one option to consider. As you navigate this process, you may find that thoughts, concerns, and emotions pop up at unexpected times, and it may be helpful to reach out for support in these exact moments when things rush up. With online therapy through Regain, you can use in-app messaging to reach out to your therapist at any time, and they will respond as soon as they can. 

Plus, research has shown that online therapy can be an effective option for a range of concerns, including relationship distress. For instance, one research study concluded that an online couples therapy program “was effective in significantly improving both relationship and individual functioning” for couples. 

Read on for reviews from individuals with similar concerns.  

“Dr. Burklow literally saved our relationship. I was honestly ready to call it quits. We joined Regain approximately two months before our wedding: that was six months ago. Needless to say we are now husband and wife. Since then, we learned tolerance and acceptance, not only of each other, but of ourselves. We began feeling and behaving like teammates as opposed to opponents. Though we looked forward to our weekly Tuesday night video sessions we knew couples therapy was not meant to be long term. In the short amount of time, Dr. Burklow provided us with the necessary tools to deal with conflict and ensuring a successful and healthy union. Thank you again Dr. Burklow!”

“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”

Takeaway

If you’re interested in trying to rekindle a relationship with your ex, you can try some of the ideas above to help you approach the situation. For instance, you may find it helpful to respect the need for time apart, use that time apart to work on yourself, reflect on your true feelings, and communicate your feelings clearly to your ex. If you need additional help, you can connect with an online therapist for support.  

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