How To Win Someone Back After Some Time Apart
Updated August 03, 2021
Relationships can be complicated. They’ll have their rough patches, the moments where you stop talking or stop texting, and the moments that’ll put both of you to the test. When writing your own fairytale with someone else, sometimes things will keep that long story short. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.
No one said these things were supposed to be easy, but isn’t that what makes it so beautiful? After all, they say that two people will always find their way back to each other from time to time if they’re truly meant to be together.
When you decided to break up with each other, you likely entered a world of emotions you weren’t prepared for — everything, including sadness, relief, regret, guilt, anger, and joy. Eventually, your true feelings will start to show again, and if those true feelings point towards possibly reuniting with your partner, then nothing should stop you from opening that door again.
Remember, many couples will start moving too fast early on, and time apart could be the best cure before they’re ready to talk again. In some cases, there’s a chance they don’t want to talk to you anyway.
As much as you wanted to work things out right away, as much as you hate the idea of dating someone new, and as much as you hate that you allowed it to happen, it’s something you’ll have to live with from time to time.
Still, you should move forward with caution. You’re not the first person that ever wanted to “win back” their ex, and while that means you’re not alone, there have been many that have failed. This will be an extremely delicate time in both of your lives, and it must be handled with gentle care if you want to avoid giving them another excuse to leave.
As we said, nothing should stop you from trying to rekindle an old flame — especially if you feel there’s definitely a spark there. At the same time, you should make sure it’s 100% what you want and ensure that it’s done right. That’s why it’s important to stop talking to and stop texting your ex for a while and give yourself some time to work things out.
If this sounds like you, we’re here to help. We understand how much you didn’t want to stop talking and wanted to work something out quickly, but being patient is often better in the long run.
We have nine tips to help you along this challenging journey for those of you that decided to break up with someone you’re still interested in. You can view these tips as stages or milestones that must be achieved before you’re ready to talk and start something back up with an old companion.
Let’s see how you can turn a failed relationship into one of those success stories everyone reads about!
1. Understand That Time Apart Is Needed
When two people decide to break up, there will typically be one side taking the hit harder than the other. If you find yourself struggling to grasp the fact that they’ve decided to move on, then you might be finding it difficult to understand the importance of taking time apart.
It’s highly unrealistic to think the two of you will jump right back into a relationship, and everything will go back to how it was before. These things take time to rebuild, and you have to be patient with yourself. If you don’t have the time to wait, you don’t have the time to rebuild what was once great.
It will be hard for most people to fight the temptations, but this means you should refrain from wanting to talk to them, send them “good morning” and “good night” texts, or ask them where they were last weekend. These things manipulate the healing process.
Time apart means time, and it’s crucial you learn to respect their space. If you genuinely want to get back together with them, you wouldn’t want to do anything that would make them think less of you. For anyone that hasn’t stopped contacting their ex since you decided to break up, there’s never been a better time to do so than right now.
- Use That Time To Work On Yourself
We’ve established the importance of time apart when you decide to give each other space, now let’s discuss the importance of what you do during that time — until you’re both ready to speak again.
Most people spend their time worrying about their ex, playing back everything their girlfriend or boyfriend told them, thinking about how they’re going to win them back, and trying to keep a tab on them 24/7. That might seem like the right thing to do, but it will likely damage your chances of rekindling anything.
Instead, you should use this time working on yourself. That means you should stop talking to them, stop texting them, and stop watching old Instagram stories of you two. After all, that’s what your ex should be doing as well. It’s time to move on, even if it’s just temporary.
Turn your focus to what makes you happy in life, designate time for your hobbies, passions, and set some personal goals for yourself. Try to get a sense of a normal, day-to-day life again — it could be just what you need!
At the end of the day, you want to come out of this breakup a better person from head to toe — with or without winning back your ex. There’s a much better chance of winning them back when you’ve proven that you’ve worked on yourself first. They might see that as a reason to spark things back up instead of an excuse to leave for good.
- Choose Your Words Wisely: There’s A Difference Between Venting And Belittling
We mentioned the world of emotions you’ll experience when going through a breakup. You mustn’t let these emotions get the best of you. We all have best friends we vent to, and we all have moments where we might say things we don’t really mean.
“He told me he wanted to stay together forever, he told me he loved me, he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, how could he do this?” These are healthy thoughts to have after someone decided to break up with you. This might’ve been someone you were ready to marry, yet out of nowhere, they just wanted to be friends all along — and that can be tough to swallow.
The key here is to be careful about what you say — and definitely who you tell it to. As a general rule of thumb, it’s best not to say anything hateful or deceitful about your ex to anyone. Even if you believe they’re someone you can trust, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Chances are you’ll regret it later on.
If you genuinely want to get back together with someone, you’d only want to say good things about them whenever they get brought up — no matter how hurt you’re feeling.
And if someone is trying to give you advice, always take a moment to stop and listen to your friends.
- Reassess Your True Feelings About The Person
Once you’ve spent some quality time apart and have focused on finding new joy in your life, you’ll want to have an honest conversation with yourself. This conversation is an essential part of the process because time apart can do one of two things:
- It could help you realize that it’s time to start moving on and consider dating someone new.
- It could help you realize that you’ve never wanted to break up, and you wanted to work things out all along.
Waiting to have this conversation until after you’ve spent quality time apart is the best way to avoid making a decision solely based on loneliness and heartbreak. You must allow yourself to experience life without this person before deciding it’s something you want to pursue again.
Who knows, maybe dating someone new is really what’s best for your future. You must give yourself a chance to know for sure.
- Are You Ready To Reach Out To Them And Spark Up A Conversation?
So, you’ve sat yourself down and decided that this person is too special to let walk away. Since you’ve spent all this time apart, there’s a good chance you’re right.
The next step in the process is to reach out to them. This can be a nerve-wracking time, especially if you haven’t spoken to this person in a while. Despite the nerves, it’s always best to keep it simple and remain honest about why you decided to call.
Asking them how they’ve been, letting them know you’ve never stopped caring about them (even though you’ve stopped contacting them), and giving them the sense that you mean well in talking to them. You can expect it to be awkward at first, but don’t let that discourage you. Remember, stay patient and consider the fact that they might need more time.
- Ask If They Would Be Interested In Meeting Up With You
You took a huge step when you decided to call your ex after some time apart. In the event they’re responding well to the initial conversation, keep the honesty going. Let them know you’d like to meet and catch up. If they agree to this, there’s a chance they don’t have any ill-will towards how the relationship ended last time.
As a rule of thumb, keep the meeting place casual and social if you were in a long-term relationship with this person. Asking them out for coffee is always an excellent way to kick things off again. If you were involved in a short-term relationship with the person, you might want to consider simply asking them to hang out — keep it simple.
- It’s Time To Talk About What Went Wrong In The Relationship
One of the underlying themes here is honesty, and it should never stop. When you meet up, don’t waste anyone’s time. Let your ex know your intentions and let them know how you truly feel, but try not to come off as pushy or desperate. Keep a long story short and get to the juicy details.
If you never received proper closure about the relationship, ask for it. If you know what went wrong in the relationship, address those issues. Let them know you understand why things went the way they did. If you can’t get them to believe that you’ve grown, winning them back will be extremely difficult.
- Do You Understand What Needs To Happen Before Winning Them Back?
Once you’ve properly addressed what went wrong, you need to show them that you’ve thought long and hard about what needs to happen moving forward. Many people believe understanding their wrongs will be enough, but you also must prove you’re ready to right those wrongs.
Every breakup will come with its fair share of lessons and mistakes. If you can’t learn from those lessons and mistakes, it’ll be hard to win any of your exes over.
- Actions Speak Louder Than Words: Show Them You’re For Real
Not everyone will get a second chance at love with someone, but those that do are a lucky bunch and shouldn’t take it for granted. Simultaneously, showing them, you’ve decided to give them another chance will be far from enough here.
It’s cliché, but actions do speak louder than words, and you’ll want to show those actions sooner rather than later. Please don’t hold back this time; give them everything you have to give, and prove to them you aren’t going to let them slip away again. This is the confirmation they’ve wanted all along.
Are You Struggling Throughout This Process?
The fact that someone you cared about decided to move on can be a tough pill to swallow, but it doesn’t mean that relationship is over for good. Choosing to give them another chance is a big step.
With determination, grace, and respect, a rekindling is possible. One moment they only want to be friends, and the next moment, you’re texting your best friend saying, “He told me he wanted to get back together,” or “he told me he loved me again.”
At the end of the day, try to keep an open mind around everything. Whether you wanted to spend forever with each other and are planning to get married, decided to move on, stop talking, decided to give each other a second chance, or remain friends for the rest of your lives, don’t look too far into the future.
From the moment you stop talking to the moment your conversations pick back up again, you’ll have a lot of things to process and get through. To do it successfully, you’ll need a strong support system behind you. Whether that’s a best friend, family, or a therapist, don’t be afraid to reach out for help from time to time.
If a therapist is something you’ve considered, contact one of the licensed professionals at ReGain. We are always ready to help others find their true happiness, no matter what struggles they’re experiencing in their lives.
“Dr. Burklow literally saved our relationship. I was honestly ready to call it quits. I shared this with my partner who stated that our relationship was worth fighting for. We joined Regain approximately two months before our wedding: that was six months ago. Needless to say we are now husband and wife. Since then, we learned tolerance and acceptance, not only of each other, but of ourselves. We began feeling and behaving like teammates as opposed to opponents. Though we looked forward to our weekly Tuesday night video sessions we knew couples therapy was not meant to be long term. In the short amount of time, Dr. Burklow provided us with the necessary tools to deal with conflict and ensuring a successful and healthy union. Thank you again Dr. Burklow!”
“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”
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