How To Start A Conversation On Tinder with A Guy That Swipes Right On You

By: Sarah Fader

Updated December 15, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Tanya Harell

Dating can be challenging, and finding someone that you connect with can be frustrating. Tinder is an app that people use to find others that they're interested in seeing. It's based primarily on looks. Physical attraction plays a role in dating, but it's important to remember that that's merely an opening when you're looking for someone to pursue romantically. You can be attracted to how someone looks, but that's only the beginning.

Then, you need to get to know who they are. When a guy expresses interest in how you look or another first-impression aspect of who you are, it's a good sign that they want to get to know you better. Now, you may feel that the pressure is on. A guy has acknowledged that he's attracted to you, but what do you say? There are ways to start a conversation with a guy that swipes right on you so that he'll ask you out on a date or vice versa.

Approaching A Guy Who Thinks You're Attractive

Finding The Right Words Can Be Difficult
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Starting a conversation on Tinder doesn't have to be complicated. You can open with, "Hey, how's it going?" You already know that the guy finds you attracted, so that's a plus; you've already got the upper hand here. Asking how it's going opens up a conversation and allows the guy to let you into his world. You may feel that this question is too vague, and that's fair. Here are some more specific tips to help you start a dialogue with a guy who finds you attractive on Tinder.

Give Compliments

If you look at the guy's profile and his pictures, you can find something to compliment him on. For example, you might see a photo of the guy and his dog on his Tinder profile. It gives you an opening to praise him on being an animal person, and it's an icebreaker, too. If he seems to be someone who likes animals, you can say, "Your dog is so cute! What's their name?" If you see a photo that you like with the guy wearing a particular shirt, you can compliment him on that. It can be as simple as, "I like that picture of you. You're cute." Then, you can ask a question like, "Where was that picture taken?" Compliments are a great way to open up a conversation because they make people feel special and give you something to discuss.

Be A Detective

By looking at someone's pictures, you'll find out things about them. If you survey a guy's gallery on Tinder, you can get some insight into who they are and what they like to do. Maybe the guy has photos of him out on a hike, or there are a lot of vacation photos on his profile. From that, you can see that he's an adventurous type. You can ask him questions about where the images were taken, if he likes to travel, and if so, where he's traveled in the world, or where he'd like to travel in the future. You can look at his photos and find a relevant topic to bring up with him to start a conversation and see what you have in common.

People Like To Talk About Themselves - So Let Them!

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One thing that's for sure is that most people like to talk about themselves. If you ask the appropriate question, a guy will tell you about who he is. Let's say that the guy has a photo of him with a musical instrument. That gives you an opening to ask about something that might be a major passion of his. If you see him playing the guitar, ask how long he's been playing for or what genre he likes to play. If you see a photo of him dressed up for Halloween, you can ask him about the costume. Maybe he dressed up as a character from a movie that you both like, or maybe you don't recognize the costume and want to ask him what it is. Find something you're curious about, and open up a dialogue about it. You never know what interesting information your new guy will reveal.

Keep It Light

Many people go on Tinder to have fun. That's not to say you won't find a serious relationship from someone you meet on the app, but don't start off psychoanalyzing your new love interest. You don't have to go into great detail about your past relationships or talk about serious topics like politics when you're first getting to know someone from Tinder. If it's your first conversation, keep it lighthearted. One thing that's safe to start with is asking someone what they're interested in or what they do for a living. Someone's job will tell you a lot about them. You can ask what made them want to go into that field or if they like what they do. They picked their occupation for a reason, so you can ask them what drew them to the career and gain insight into what drives them.

It doesn't need to sound like a job interview; keep the conversation flowing organically. You can ask them about their favorite books or TV shows, and you can ask if they've ever seen your favorite TV show or movie, and so on. There are countless lighthearted questions that you can ask to get to know a person better. Just remember that you don't have to dig deep and ask personal questions right at first. You're just getting to know this person, so you don't want to overstep their boundaries.

Stay Away From Past-Relationship Questions

You don't want to delve into talking about ex-girlfriends or ex-partners. Not only is it awkward, but it's also not information that you need to know upfront. It's about living in the present. You're getting to know about the guy that you're interested in right now. You don't want to focus on the past. It's is an opportunity to explore likes and dislikes, talk about your families, and so on. Note that the more that you share about yourself, the more likely someone is to open up about themselves, so if you talk about your family, where you grew up, what you're passionate about, what your pet peeves are, or anything else along those lines he'll be likely to reciprocate and share information about himself. Just as there's no need to ask about his exes, stay away from talking about your own. Talking about people that you've ended things with in the past might give off the message that you're not over them, and that can kill a conversation between you and a new love interest quickly.

Ways To Say Hi

You may have a difficult time opening up the conversation and reading a guy, but there are a ton of cute and easy ways to say hello. One of them covered above is, "Hey, how's it going?" Another thing that you can do is ask about how a person's downtime went. For example, you could ask, "How was your weekend?" or "Hope your day is going well! What are you up to today?" Feel free to be flirty or intermittently use emojis to add a personal touch. Open-ended questions are always good. Questions about what someone's up to or what they did that day are superior to questions that only allow the person to give yes or no answers.

Using The Right Photos

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You know that expression, "A picture says a thousand words?" Remember that on Tinder - it's important to post pictures that show who you are as well as what you look like. If you're wearing a hat, standing far away from the camera, or covering your face in photos, he won't be able to see what you look like. It's important to post interesting photos where you're doing something that you love or showing off your smile. If you don't have any photos that accurately showcase your personality right now, there's no shame in asking a friend to have a little photoshoot with you!

The Importance Of Questions

When it comes to getting to know somebody new, asking the right questions is key. First of all, they will care that you want to know more about them. Secondly, you will learn so much new information about your love interest, and you will become closer. Asking questions is integral when you're getting to know someone because the questions you ask are indicative of your interest in that person. The guy is paying attention to the kind of questions you ask him, and through them, he'll be able to see if you're interested in getting to know him as a person. Another factor to consider is you're going to know about them before you meet up for the first time, so you'll have something more to talk about on your first date. By asking thoughtful questions about your new love interest, you are prepping for a great time together.

It's Okay To Be Nervous

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You may feel nervous when you're talking to a guy on Tinder for the first time. Embrace that anxiety, and be honest. Maybe this is the first time that you've tried online dating. You can make a joke about your nervousness. Perhaps you have social anxiety, and you are an introvert. Be honest with a hint of sarcasm. You could say something like, "Normally I hide from people, but you're cool." It's slightly deprecating, but also gets the point across that you find the guy interesting enough to devote time getting to know.

Online Counseling And Dating

Dating isn't easy, but online counseling can help you if you're looking to figure out what your barriers are in your romantic life. Once you do find that person who's special, you might find yourself at an end when it comes to how to keep the partnership going strong, and that's where couples counseling comes in. If you've found that perfect match on Tinder and things are going well, but you've now hit a bump in the road, you can consult a couples counselor. At ReGain, the counselors are trained in navigating communication and intimacy issues with couples, so if you're having trouble with your romantic life, feel free to consult the counselors at ReGain and find someone that's right for you. Relationships can be challenging, but they're also rewarding, so if you're having trouble with online dating, don't give up. Stay true to yourself, and you'll find the right match in the end.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do you start a conversation with a guy on Tinder?

To start a conversation with a guy on Tinder, or on any other dating apps, ask a question. An open ended question specifically will help you start a conversation and keep it going. An open ended question, as opposed to a yes or no question, requires that the person answers with more than a single word. Remember that it takes two to tango. Or, in this case, to have a conversation. Not only do you have to make an effort to keep things going, but he does, too. If you put in all of the effort to ask questions and keep things interesting but keep getting "okay," "no," "yeah," or other single-word responses, there's not much you can do. Some people struggle with messaging because they prefer getting to know someone in real life. This is understandable, and it can be tough to get over that initial hurdle, but it's necessary to do so to have a successful Tinder conversation. 

What should I message a guy on Tinder?

When it comes to dating online dating in particular, conversation is everything. When you talk to your matches on Tinder, it's best to read their profile first and to ask a question when you reach out to them. You might even ask what brought them to Tinder. On the Tinder home page, there's a link to their blog, which features a variety of posts on why connecting with others is important, app updates, and tips for using Tinder. If you're new to the app, this is a great place to start. 

How do I talk to a match on Tinder?

Talk to your matches on Tinder like you're trying to get to know them better. After all, if you have a Tinder account, that's likely what you're there for. You want to know what kind of guy he is so that you'll know if you'd click in real life. Ask about his interests, hobbies, work, or use an icebreaker. You might even initiate a game of 20 questions or two truths and a lie. Playing a game is an excellent way to keep a conversation going. 

Of course, some people use Tinder for hookups rather than finding a relationship or dating, and this may change the way that you initiate a Tinder conversation or talk to your matches on Tinder. If you're looking for a hookup, make it known in your profile so that you'll match with people who want the same thing. 

Is it OK to just say hey on Tinder?

Saying "hey" is unlikely to start an effective or long-lasting tinder conversation. It's one of the biggest and most common mistakes people make when engaging in online dating or using dating apps. You need a conversation starter, even if it's simple. Send a funny GIF or ask an open ended question so that the girls on Tinder or guys on Tinder you're talking to have something to reply to. 

What can I say instead of hey?

Instead of saying "hey" alone, say hello and ask an open ended question that'll help you get to know them better. Even something as simple as, "Hey! What did you do today? I hope that it was a good one" is effective because it includes an open ended question that'll help you get to know even just a little bit more about him. Say that you send that message, and he replies to the Tinder conversation with, "Hey there! My day was great. I just worked and hung out. What about you?" When you receive that response, you can ask a follow-up question such as, "Oh, cool! What do you do for work?" (assuming that his profile doesn't say) and let him know what you did that day, too. If he has a good Tinder profile, he'll likely have some information about himself and his life up in addition to recent profile photos. In that case, you can ask a question about his profile information or profile photos. For example, if he's wearing a band T-shirt and you recognize the band, you can say, "Oh, wow! I like (band name), too. What's your favorite song of theirs?" The key is always to use open ended questions that give someone the chance to talk about themselves. Imagine that every sentence that ends with a period is a door stopper and that every sentence with a question is a door opener; in a metaphorical way, it is. Open the door that you want to open by asking about a person's interests, work, and so on. 

What flirty texts do guys like?

Whether you're dating online dating in person or you're talking both online and in person, you will want to have some flirty texts in mind. Here are some flirty texts you can use when you talk to a guy: 

"Would you want to join me for drinks this Friday night? 6 PM?" 

"You're the hottest person I've ever laid eyes on, just FYI. How's it going?"

"I just have to know - why are you so hot?" 

"What would you say if I invited you over/asked you to join me for coffee on Saturday?" 

"This night would be even better if you were here."

"Dare you to kiss me next time you see me." 

"What are some random facts about you that no one would expect?" 

If you're talking first thing in the morning or later on at night, a classic "Good morning, handsome!" or "Goodnight, handsome! Hope that you have the sweetest of dreams," is always a sweet, flirty message to send. Replace "handsome" with sweetness, babe, sexy, or another name so that it suits your texting style and level of comfort with the guy you're texting. Additionally, you can say, "tell me more" or ask a question about something he says to you if you're already talking. Asking questions is a good thing to do while you flirt, even if asking a question isn't outright flirting. It keeps the conversation going, and that's what you want when it comes to dating online dating in person or using dating apps. 

How do you flirt on Tinder?

Here are some tips for flirting during a Tinder conversation:

  • Ask questions
  • Give compliments
  • Open up the conversation with a joke (or tell him a joke anytime)
  • Send GIFs or memes that'll catch his interest
  • Talk about a common interest 

Referring to someone as "handsome" or "sexy" (for example, saying "Hey, handsome," or "Hey, sexy") shows interest as well. A witty joke is always a good idea, and nearly everyone likes funny or cute memes. If you go that route, try to tailor it to his interests. For example, if his profile says that his dog is his life, send him a cute dog meme or GIF and say, "What kind of dog do you have?" or even, "I love dogs, too! What's your dog's name? You're super attractive, by the way."

Why do guys never message first on Tinder?

If someone's shy, they might be afraid to start the conversation with their matches on Tinder. Someone might also not know how to talk to girls without the fear of rejection getting in the way, or they may fear coming on too strong, especially if they swiped right on you first. There are also plenty of people who download dating apps and fail to use them or check them, which could be another reason that you don't get a message. Don't be afraid to send the first message. A lot of guys find it attractive or see it as a sign of confidence, and someone needs to get things started!  

What should I ask a tinder match?

If there's something that stands out to you on their profile, ask about that. When it comes to dating online dating or talking via apps, asking questions is a must. It literally makes you more likable, and it is crucial if you want to know how to keep a conversation going. Here are some ideas for questions to ask your new Tinder match:

"What brings you to the app?"

"What's your favorite place to travel to?"

"If you could live anywhere, where would you go?"

"What do you do for work?"

"What are some of your biggest life goals?"

"What do you do for fun?"

"What kind of music do you like?" 

"When are you the happiest?"

You can start simple and work your way up as the conversation progresses. A seemingly small question can often give you a great deal of insight. For example, when you ask about his life goals, what he says will tell you a lot about him, even if it is a common question to ask a person. You can also bring up a common personality test, such as the MBTI (Meyer Briggs Type Indicator). First, it's a mutual interest for many people that could connect you and break the ice. Second, it's a great way to get to know notable traits that a person has, such as introversion vs. extroversion. When you're on Tinder, be yourself and have fun. Again, if you're having trouble in your dating life or are struggling with another life concern, a counselor or therapist can help. Don't be afraid to reach out if you need it, and enjoy the time you spend on your dating life and love life. 


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