5 Ways To Overcome Love Scars And Heal From The Past
Updated September 30, 2021
Have you experienced a breakup, separation from your real love, or other love-related trauma that you can’t seem to recover from fully?
If you have, you’re definitely not alone. Millions of people experience emotional pain from a broken relationship or a lost love. While these experiences are common, it doesn’t take away from the fact that breaking up and separation can be physically and emotionally painful.
For some people, a breakup can be one of the most painful experiences of their lives. Others bounce back — like nothing ever happened. Regardless of which side of the fence you happen to be, breaking up and separating from someone you love is never fun. In this article, we talk about five ways to overcome love scars so you can heal from your past.
It’s Not Anyone’s Fault
Remember the first time you ever fell in love? In those first precious moments, you probably wished that those feelings could last forever. While some love relationships stand the test of time, unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. When relationships end, they can feel devastating and have a lasting effect on your mind and body in the form of emotional scars.
The first thing many of us are inclined to do when things go wrong — is to blame ourselves. This negative cycle of self-blame can go on for years. This is especially true if we don’t learn that some situations and relationships in our lives are only meant to be temporary or prepare us to find the love and lasting relationship that is intended for us.
The key to understanding the concept of how to overcome love scars is to be willing to allow yourself to heal and stop mourning a lost love. This means not holding on to all the negative aspects from the past that caused the relationship to end and being willing to look at the scars left by the relationship with an objective perspective. Often, we try to fool ourselves into believing that we are happy or satisfied to avoid having to do the work to start over or actually learn how to love.
Most of us really don’t like to start over. When it comes to weighing the consequences of staying in a failing, toxic, or inappropriate relationship, surprisingly, many of us choose to stay if for no other reason than habit, that we actually don’t know what to do next or fear of what may be on the other side if we decide to brave the waters and make a fresh start. This is one of the best ways to find yourself stuck in the wrong relationship.
Feeling the pain of losing a romantic relationship, marriage, friendship, or other intimate relationship can take a lasting toll on our mental health — if we don’t address it adequately and allow our wounds to heal. Facing heartbreak head-on on your own can be a daunting task, but being honest with yourself is one of the best ways to begin healing. This is why it’s important to enlist the support of family, close friends, and therapy professionals to help guide you through the process.
Unresolved heartbreak can lead to serious mental health challenges if left unaddressed. Issues like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other mental ailments can set in (if we don’t take the time or get the help we need to heal).
Getting help from a licensed therapist is one of the best ways to overcome unresolved heartbreak.
Physical And Emotional Symptoms of Heartbreak
Finding ways to overcome the physical symptoms of heartbreak can feel debilitating at times as your mind and body work through the pain of a loss and learn how to function without your loved one. Many people report feeling unbearable pain in their stomachs, chest, and other parts of the body. The loss of a loved one in any capacity can trigger the emotion of grief that feels like the death of a loved one and the resulting symptoms that accompany that grief.
5 Stages of Grief — The Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Model
- Denial – during the denial stage, we may refuse to admit that an adverse event has occurred and become stuck in our thinking. This causes a negative pattern of thinking and behavior that can keep us from healing as we naturally progress through the stages of grief.
- Anger – feeling angry toward the other person involved in the loss, the situation itself, and even yourself is also a part of the grieving process. Anger can set in as you feel the weight of the unfairness of the situation bearing down and helpless to resolve the issue.
- Depression – following the loss of a loved one, it’s not uncommon for some people to sink into depression as they contemplate living life without their loved ones. Some people have built long-term relationships over many years that they lose unexpectedly and can become devastated and experience a combination of depression and shock.
- Bargaining – this stage of grief is happening when you start to reach out to your higher power or others for help to “undo” the situation. In most cases, bargaining only results in more pain and can also lead to experiencing complicated grief when we refuse to accept reality.
- Acceptance – The final stage of grief is achieved when we’ve gone through the other four and finally come to terms with the loss and the reality of the situation. When you reach the acceptance stage, you have a clearer perspective on the situation that has passed and a renewed sense of how to move forward with your life.
Feeling grief and its related symptoms after losing or ending an important relationship is entirely normal. This is also a sign of how important the relationship was to you. The pain of the severing of ties can feel unbearable for some people. It’s important to move through grief-related stages related to the loss of a love to prevent long-term mental health issues like complicated grief, depression, and other negative mental health aspects from setting in.
People who have experienced the emotional pain of losing a loved one often have mental health symptoms that mirror depression. Lack of energy, motivation, and deep sadness are all common feelings to experience in the grief process. Trying to hold back these feelings is one of the worst things you can do.
To progress more smoothly through the grief process (and avoid becoming stuck in complicated grief), getting help from a licensed therapy professional is a better way to go. A licensed therapy professional can help walk you through the grief process and uncover new revelations about yourself and the love lost along the way.
After a few sessions with your therapist, you may be surprised if your feelings start to change the situation. In some cases, we hold on so tight to our loved ones or toxic relationships with the hope of fixing them that we don’t realize that those relationships are irretrievably broken. Knowing when you’ve reached your limit and given as much as you can give is the key to peacefully ending relationships.
ReGain provides always-on and 24-hour access to licensed and board-certified therapists online. People who are having issues with overcoming love scars benefit from confidential conversations with a licensed therapy professional from the comfort and privacy of home.
Online therapy sessions at ReGain are conducted via chat, phone, video, and SMS. Getting online therapy is a great option for people who feel down in the dumps, have no energy to leave home, or are under lockdown, quarantine, or stay-at-home orders related to the coronavirus.
5 Ways To Overcome Love Scars
1 – Don’t try to go it alone. Remember that it’s normal to feel hurt, upset, and sad after losing someone you love. However, these feelings don’t have to last forever. Talking to people, trusting your honest feelings is a great way to heal and allow your loved ones to support you.
2 – It’s okay to need space. After losing a loved one, you may feel like you want to be alone to process your feelings. It’s okay to ask for space and explain to your family and friends that you need to be alone to deal with your emotions. Remember that it’s okay to take some space from family, friends, and loved ones to clear your thoughts, but spending too much time alone can become unhealthy if done for a long period of time.
3 – Learn to accept the situation. Moving through the stages of grief to get to acceptance is a process that is different for everyone. When going through the stages of the grief process, the important thing to remember is to understand that the emotions you feel about the loss are normal, valid, and will pass with time — if you let them.
4 – Focus on the positives. While we all know that life has both its ups and downs, many of us get caught in the negative circumstances of our lives and have trouble moving forward. The key to moving on is to focus on the positives of the situation instead of focusing on the negatives. Whether you learned something new about love, yourself, or your partner — if you look hard enough, you’ll learn how to uncover the positives in any situation.
5 – Get professional help. If you’re stuck in the past and can’t seem to move beyond thoughts of your lost love, it’s time to get help. Talk to a licensed therapy professional to learn how to progress through the stages of grief so you can become “unstuck” and move on with your life.
“He’s amazing – he’s gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I’m not made of super human strength – that I’m human with normal emotions and it is in fact okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup.”
“Nadja was very supportive and listened to my concerns in a non-judgmental way while offering helpful advice to get me through a very rough time in my relationship. Ultimately she helped me see that that the relationship hadn’t been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!”
If you’re struggling with healing from the pain of the loss of love and you need help to heal your past, reach out to one of the love and relationship experts at ReGain. The licensed therapy professionals at ReGain can provide professional guidance and advice to help you heal from the past and move forward with your life.
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