How To Not Let Things Bother You And The Best Ways To Cope
How often has someone told you not to let something bother you? How often have they told you that it’s ‘no big deal’ and you should ‘just move on?’ Just about everyone has heard some version of those statements before. But letting things go can be much more difficult than it seems. In fact, many people struggle to ‘let it go.’ However, holding onto those thoughts and feelings can be just as hard on your life as releasing them. So, what can you do?
The Downside Of Letting Things Bother You
When you allow something to bother you for a period of time, it has the potential to ruin your day. More than that, it could ruin your entire week, month, or even year. It all depends on what that ‘something is and how long you allow it to continue to bother you. The good news is that you have control over how long you allow it to do so. You need to learn some skills to help with the process. Once you’ve mastered those skills, you’ll be on track to start living your life the way you want, without letting anything ruin your day.
Stop Letting Things Bother You
Understand Yourself
When it comes to not letting things bother you, the first thing is learning how to stop it before it starts. But how are you going to stop yourself from letting something get to you in the first place? One of the best things to do is start working on the person that you want to be. By learning how to love yourself for who you are and to forgive yourself for mistakes or things that don’t go exactly as planned, you’re going to have a much better chance of not letting something ruin your day. That’s because a lot of the time, when you let something bother you, it’s because you’re feeling wrong about yourself.
When someone insults you, and you don’t believe what they say, it doesn’t affect you, or you might be surprised but then able to brush it off easily. However, if you understand what they say, or you allow yourself to think about it for any period of time, that’s when it starts to bother you. By becoming more confident in who you are and being willing to accept and forgive your mistakes, you can cut down on the number of times something gets to you like that. And you can make sure that you’re able to work through it faster as well.
Know Why It’s Bothering You
But what else is there, and how can you make sure that you’re moving forward and not letting things get to you? Well, another step is to think about why that thing (whatever it might be) is bothering you. What is it about that statement or that action by yourself or someone else that is bothering you? Is it because you think it’s true? Is it because you’re disappointed in yourself or disappointed in them? Maybe it’s because you feel like they’ve betrayed your trust or that you’ve betrayed their trust. If that’s the case, you’ll need to work through the feelings.
If you feel that you’re the one who has done something wrong, the best thing to do is own up to it. Talk to the person that you have hurt and tell them what happened. You don’t need to explain yourself, and you likely shouldn’t because it sounds like you’re defending your actions. Instead, explain what you did and apologize. Acknowledge that what you did was wrong, and you hope they can forgive you.
On the other hand, if you feel that someone else has wronged you somehow, you’ll want to focus on what it is about the thing they’ve done that hurt you. Then, revert to step one. This is where you need to recognize whatever truth there may be in what someone else says about you or acknowledge that you are not perfect and make mistakes. From there, you have to be willing to forgive yourself for those thoughts and feelings or for those mistakes you’ve made.
Don’t Bottle It Up
If you bottle up your thoughts and feelings, it will not help prevent something from bothering you. Instead, it’s going to bother you for a whole lot longer because those thoughts and feelings are still rattling around in your mind. When you bottle up emotions, it means that you’re pushing them down and not feeling them. And when you do that, you’re going to have trouble at different times. So, you might start to feel those emotions or think those thoughts again at a highly inconvenient time. Or you might struggle to get past those emotions at all. Not to mention, it can affect your relationship with the person who said or did those things.
Instead, it’s essential to reach out to the person and let them know what’s going on. It’s not always possible to talk to someone about how they have hurt you, but if at all possible, it’s something you absolutely should do. After all, the only way to stop them from those behaviors in the future is to make sure they understand that they’re not okay in the present. Otherwise, they might assume that it’s not a big deal or that you thought it was funny or that it’s ‘okay.’ Even if you can’t talk to them about what you’re experiencing, it’s still important to let those thoughts and emotions out on your own.
You might want to find a quiet place where you can talk things out entirely alone. Or maybe you want to scream and yell at a pillow. Perhaps you want to sit down and journal it out or write a letter that you never send. All of these things can help you get the thoughts and feelings out of your head entirely right at the moment. That way, you don’t have to worry about them coming up later and causing you even more problems.
Control Your Reactions
Sometimes it isn’t easy to put things into perspective, but you must do it. If you find yourself blowing things out of proportion or jumping to conclusions, it could be that you’re letting your emotions control you rather than the other way around. Instead, focus on precisely what’s happening without looking too deep into it. Now, if you recognize a pattern of behavior in a friend or acquaintance, you might need to look at the big picture, but in general, you want to look at things on a smaller scale.
If your friend forgot to pick up the snacks you asked for at the grocery store, it might be that he has a lot on his mind or she was in a hurry and not that they don’t care what you want. If your brother didn’t make the reservation, you asked for it; It might be that he thought you would do it or that the time you wanted was already booked and not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Instead of assuming that one little thing is a sign of something major, look at it as just what it is, a little thing, and be willing to let it go.
Creating A Calming Strategy
Another important part of the process is to have a strategy in place for what you’re going to do when something bad happens or when something negatively impacts you in any way. You want to have an idea of something that will help you relax, take a few deep breaths and reset. That means setting up some form of a stress management plan that will help you move forward. The more you learn ways to stop yourself from focusing on what has happened, the more you’re going to be able to move past it. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt or that you don’t have to deal with it in other ways, but taking a little time to walk away might help you do exactly that.
Your calming strategy might be reading a book or listening to your favorite song or writing in a journal, or any number of things. No matter what it is, it can be instrumental in making sure that you can help yourself. That, after all, is the most important part of the process.
Getting Help
For those who struggle with these steps and accept their own mistakes, you might need to seek professional help. It’s not easy to forgive yourself or to admit that you are not perfect. In fact, many people live their entire lives striving for perfection, and the idea that they can never achieve it may not be acceptable. That’s where it can help to have a professional to talk to. They can help you recognize the truth about perfection and mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect.
If you are in need of professional help, you can contact ReGain to get in touch with a mental health professional entirely online. All you have to do is find someone that you feel comfortable with, and you’ll be able to set up an appointment in no time. That way, you can start working on improving your self-confidence and self-esteem to learn more about stopping letting things bother you.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I stop letting things bother me?
Let’s face it, we all know those people – the ones who always seem to keep their cool when little daily annoyances come up. While it might be difficult to control how you react, especially when you find yourself getting upset by what feels like a big deal, there are simple ways to stop letting little things get to you. Some ways to stop letting things bother you include acknowledging what’s out of your control, journaling, and leaning on your friends and family.
When you acknowledge that some things are out of control, you are also releasing the inevitable feeling of guilt when you constantly want to fix everything that goes wrong. Traffic is a good example of a situation that’s highly annoying but completely out of your control. By realizing that there is absolutely nothing you can do about the traffic you’re sitting in, you begin to set yourself free from feeling failure about changes that would be impossible to make.
Journaling about your emotions and the things that bother you will allow you to have an outlet for both the positive and negative emotions that you might feel. By sharing your story on the page, you’ll be getting those negative feelings out of your mind, but by seeing them on the page, you’ll have the opportunity to work through the negative feelings, which can counteract the negative feelings. I’ve noticed by taking a moment to pause and write down what I’m feeling; I’m more likely to realize how insignificant the annoyance really is and be more inclined to move on with my day. Without so many negative feelings
When you’re annoyed, talking to friends or family might be the last thing that’s on your mind, and let’s face it, your friends or family may be what’s bothering you in the first place. However, it’s difficult to deal with things when you feel like you’re going through it alone. By confiding or venting to your friends about what’s bothering you, they will likely completely understand and be willing to help you process what you’re feeling. I’ve noticed that by talking to friends and family about the little stressors that arise daily, they will share their own experiences and help normalize the frustrations you’re feeling and help you stop letting things bother you.
You’ll notice that when you stop letting things bother you, you’ll end up feeling less stressed, happier, and more in control of your emotions.
How do you let go of things that upset you?
It’s normal to feel upset from time to time. It’s also normal to mull over what’s upsetting you and to let it affect your day. However, it’s important to deal with the pain that the upsetting situation has brought up for you so that you can let it go and move on with your life. One of the best ways to heal from upsetting situations is by learning lessons from the situations and focusing on growth and the future. While that might seem easier said than done, there are many ways to let go of things that upset you, such as acknowledging the hurt and letting it go in the moment, journaling, mindful exercising, or just simply keeping yourself busy. It’s also important to allow yourself to feel whatever negative emotions arise to work through that emotion. You're in a place of acceptance regardless of whether you receive an apology or the situation arises again.
Why do I have a hard time letting go of things?
Letting go can be difficult because it means that you’re letting go of a piece of the past which can be scary and bring up many emotions such as anxiety, pain, grief, and resentment. Letting go might also mean letting go of your expectations about how things should have been or what should have happened, which can feel like you’re settling or not staying true to your core values and beliefs. However, when we continue to hold on to pain caused by upsetting or difficult situations, we prevent ourselves from moving forward and living a fuller, brighter, and happier life. To truly let go, you need to work first to accept the situation for what it was and then forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive the wrong that was done. By doing this, you’ll be able to stay more present and likely feel less stressed and overwhelmed when little daily annoyances arise.
How not take things so personally?
When things go wrong, or life doesn’t go your way, you might feel like it’s all your fault. If you want to stop taking things personally, one of the best ways to do it is to stop worrying about what other people think, not jump to conclusions, and let things go. When you acknowledge and accept things for what they truly are, regardless of whether you had anything to do with whether there is a positive or negative outcome associated with the situation, taking away the blame from yours, making keys the situation feel less negative. By acknowledging that the situations are difficult and recognizing and accepting that the outcome is out of your control or that there was nothing you could do to change the outcome of the situation, you become freer. You are less likely to feel like the outcome is a direct result of anything that you did.
Why do I let everything bother me?
It can be easy to let things bother you, especially when difficult situations arise. You might feel like the difficult situation results from something you did or could have done differently, even if this is not the case. By taking a step back and thinking through the various factors that could have influenced the situation, you are more likely to feel like the negative situation is directly related to you and will feel less bothered by what’s happening. You also might be a highly sensitive person who takes in and internalizes people’s feelings and emotions around situations more than the average person. By recognizing that this is something you do, you’ll recognize at least that this is the case even if you continue to feel bothered by whatever situation is taking place.
