The Signs Of A Rebound Relationship To Watch Out For
Updated July 12, 2019
The end of a long-term relationship can be rough. You spent a good while with someone, only for the two of you to separate. It's a big life change and one that some will handle differently than others. Some people will spend a good while living the single life. They may have some casual dates here and there, but they're making this period a time to grow and to find themselves. Then, there are those who are in a new relationship, with the dust of their old relationship still on their face. This is known as a rebound relationship. In this post, we'll discuss rebound relationships.
Why Do Rebound Relationships Happen?
To the outside observer, a rebound relationship may be a bit puzzling. The person spent years with their partner, and instead of grieving or having time to themselves, they are now in a new relationship. These relationships are known as rebounds, and they are controversial.
To understand why they happen, you have to put yourself in the shoes of the person. They may have been living with their partner for years. They may have had a stable income because of that and have all their social and sexual needs fulfilled. When that is taken away from them, they're panicking. They want that stability again, and they may rush out to be in a relationship with someone else.
Besides the stability, a rebound relationship hopes that it will make the person forget about their partner. While this may work in some cases, in other cases, it may make the problem worse.
The Problem With Rebound Relationships
The main problem with rebounds is that the person may not be emotionally ready to handle another relationship. What do we mean by this? The person is still more than likely attached to their ex, and the relationship will have that elephant in the room. The person may just think of their new lover as a substitute for their ex instead of an individual. Also, the person is still blinded by emotion and may pursue a new relationship before getting to know the other person. This can make them fall into a bad relationship.
Rebound relationships are usually doomed to fail. About 90 percent of rebound relationships end, and they may last under two months. In some scenarios, the rebound relationship may work, and certain circumstances can make it work better:
- If the previous relationship was short-term, it's likely you can handle a new relationship immediately after. Losing a relationship that lasted a couple of months stings, but it's not as bad as a divorce after ten years.
- If the previous relationship ended on good terms, you might have a better shot at a rebound. Most relationships don't end amicably, which causes an explosion of emotions. You are still emotionally blinded after the end of the relationship, making rebounds difficult. If things ended smoothly, which is rare but does happen, then you may be fit for another relationship.
- If you ended the relationship yourself, then you may have a better shot at a rebound. If your partner ended it, or if it was both of you, then this may affect your self-image, and you may feel more emotional.
It's all circumstantial. Some may be able to handle a rebound, while others may need some time to cool down and find themselves. It's possible that your rebound relationship may be healthy, and you may end up in a long-term relationship. So how can you tell if your rebound relationship is a disaster?
Signs Of A Bad Rebound
You're Still Thinking About Your Ex
A bad rebound relationship usually entails you still thinking about your ex and thinking there is still hope that the two of you will reconnect. It's one thing to feel still a bit sad about the previous relationship, but a failing rebound will feel like you're just replacing your ex until they return. Your new partner is like a substitute teacher to you.
Some signs that you're still obsessed over your ex.
- You still have their number on your phone. If you struggle to delete it, this may be a sign that you're not ready to move on.
- You're holding out hope that your ex will text or call you. When you get a text or call, you may feel excited and think it's your ex, then be upset when it's not.
- You still have pictures of them on your phone or social media. Bonus points if the picture of you two is still your profile pic or phone background.
- Speaking of social media, if you find yourself lurking on your ex's profile, you are not over the relationship. You shouldn't care what your ex is up to, but instead, you're wondering if they miss you, or if they're in a new relationship. There comes a time when you may want to block all social media, but if you feel like you can't, you're not ready to move on.
- You always bring them up in conversation. Alternatively, you don't want to discuss your previous relationship at all. Both extremes are bad in this case.
- You are "still friends" with your ex. This can be bad news. While it may work to be friends with your ex a long time after the relationship ends, being friends during a rebound can be disastrous. You may end up cheating on your new partner, or returning to your ex, breaking your new partner's heart in the process.
The Relationship Feels Rushed
A healthy relationship should have time to build. In most cases, you will go on a couple of dates with someone until you are ready to be in a relationship with them. With a rebound relationship, it doesn't feel this way. Instead, you feel like you must seal the deal as soon as possible. Your dates feel like lightning rounds. You project your feelings of your previous partner onto your new one, and this makes you fall in love with them unnaturally, and soon you're moved in together before the month ends.
These circumstances can get even more extreme. For example, you may feel like you have to get married before the relationship even has time to blossom. In even more extreme circumstances, you may want to have a child with the partner because you feel like this will bring you closer together.
Slow down! Rushed relationships rarely work. You don't get enough time to know your partner. You may soon discover they have problems or quirks that you don't like, or the relationship can go sour fast once your emotions from your previous relationship begin to stabilize. It may be an out of the frying pan, into the fire situation. If you find yourself rushing to get a new relationship, take some time to make the relationship grow instead.
There's Substance Abuse
During the rebound relationship, if you find yourself drinking excessively, or needing other drugs to get you by, then there may be a problem. For the other person in the relationship, if you notice that your partner has a drug problem, then it may be worth to discuss it with them.
What You Should Do After A Bad Breakup
The wisest thing for most to do after a tough breakup is to give yourself some me time. Breaking up can be hard, but look on the bright side. You now have some time to be more independent. If there's something you wanted to do, but you couldn't because of your relationship, give it a try. Just make sure to be safe in the process. It's okay to get into casual flings or dates, but don't rush into a serious relationship if you can avoid it.
With that said, how long does it take before you're truly ready to start a relationship? There is no answer. Every person is different. Some people can move on from the end of a long-term relationship rather fast. Others may need months, if not years before they feel like they're ready to be in a relationship again. It's all circumstantial. The circumstances may be based on your self-esteem or mental health, or it may be based on how bad your breakup is.
If you're going through a hard breakup, you may be blinded by emotions and may need some guidance to avoid falling into a bad rebound. Alternatively, you may want to talk with someone and air out the grievances of your past relationship or want to learn how to cope healthily. Talking to a relationship counselor can help you move on from your relationship in a healthy manner, and help you avoid a rebound relationship.
While your breakup period can be a time for you to try new things, you shouldn't feel rushed into a relationship. During a period of great emotion, try being logical. It's quite difficult, but you'll feel better in the end.