The Nature Vs. Nurture Debate And What It Means For Raising Your Children

When you observe your child's traits and behavior, you may well wonder where they got them. Are they something you passed down to them, or are they the product of the way you're raising them? These questions fall under the umbrella of the nature vs. nurture debate. 

There's quite a bit of information out there about just what nature vs. nurture means, and there's been a lot of research done to try to understand what makes kids the way they are. As you might expect, there are plenty of people on each side of the debate.

In this article, we'll begin by examining what this debate is all about, then we'll talk about what you can do to help raise your child to become a well-rounded adult, no matter where you fall in the debate.

What is nature vs. nurture?

When it comes down to it, the debate of nature vs. nurture is about which aspect of your child's life has the most influence on their personality and how they turn out. Researchers have done many studies related to this, and they've worked hard at figuring out just how to create the most well-adjusted and healthy children. What they've found is that, for the most part, there's a little bit of everything that goes into turning your children into whoever they are going to be.

Nature takes the side that your children are born with some innate characteristics. These are determined by genetics (what they get from you and your partner) and other things that are inherently them. These things can't be changed (or can be very difficult to change) because they're already hard-wired into your child from the time they are born. These innate characteristics could explain why your child is so much like you, or they could explain why your child is so much different from you because they get some characteristics from genetics and some that occur on their own.

On the other hand, Nurture takes the side that your child becomes who they are because of the environment they are in. That means that the way that you and your partner parent play a part in how your child develops into an adult. It means the siblings they have, the lifestyle they experience, their friends, their community, and everything that is outside of them. The idea is that if you take any child and put them in a similar environment, they will turn out similarly based on the understanding that their environment shapes them as they grow.

So which is right?

The truth is that we don't know which of these has the bigger influence. What research suggests, however, is that both of them are very important to your child. There are several ways that you can use nurture to help your child with areas that they innately seem to struggle with. Your child could be very shy and quiet, but by nurturing them and helping them throughout their life, you may help them become more outgoing. On the other hand, there is evidence that seems to suggest that no matter what kind of environment your child grows up in, they could turn out a specific way just because that's who they are.

It seems apparent that there is something to the nature of a person who can triumph over how they are raised. Yet, we all know children who go from being troubled youth to being well-adjusted and successful adults by going from a difficult home life to a healthy home life, which shows that nurture definitely can't be discounted.

Raising your children in the best way

So, what does this mean for you? If there's no consensus on whether nature or nurture has the strongest influence, how are you supposed to know what to do as a parent? How are you supposed to make sure that your children are getting the best possible care and that they'll turn into the best possible adults? Well, the best thing you can do is to work on nurturing them. After all, the nature part has already been done, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about that.

From the time your children are born, they are soaking up the nurturing that you provide to them. This means that everything you're doing is going to influence them in some way. Now, that doesn't mean those little mistakes that you made as a new parent or even throughout their life will stay with them forever. You don't need to beat yourself up over the fact that you forgot to put sunscreen on their arms, and they got sunburned when they were an infant at the beach, or that you used to let the dog lick their face, or that you let them sleep on their back or their stomach instead of the way they were supposed to.

Even though the things you do will impact them and influence their lives, children are also resilient. There are always going to be things that will affect them in the moment but won't influence the entirety of their lives. Punishing yourself or believing that everything you do could hurt your children irreparably is only going to make things harder on you, and that could make it harder for you to be a good parent.

Supporting your child

When it comes down to it, giving your children love and attention will be the most important thing that you can do for them. Showing them that you care, doing things with them, and just encouraging the things they love will help them become healthy and happy individuals. Also, understanding that they will be their own person and not an extension of you is a crucial aspect to making sure your child loves the person they already are, not just who they could become.

That doesn't mean just sitting back and letting your child do their own thing all the time. If your child struggles with making friends on their own, you could help them learn new ways to make friends, for example. There are some things that your child may struggle with because of their nature, but through nurturing, you could help them along. In a similar way to getting a tutor for a child struggling in school, you can work with them to develop new skills and habits that will help them improve themselves.

Ask your child what they need, as well. It's not just about what you think your child wants or what you may have wanted when you were their age. Instead, it's about helping them to feel more comfortable and happier with themselves. Of course, it's also about not getting too overwhelmed. Getting wrapped up in the idea of raising the "perfect child" can be stressful for a parent, and it can be completely overwhelming for a child. They want to enjoy their life and have fun, and constantly trying to micromanage them to be perfect is only going to make them stressed and unhappy.

We all want what's best for our children, and we all want to make sure that they have all the opportunities that we didn't get to have as children. We all want to make sure that they are happy and healthy and have plenty of friends and experiences. We want them to grow up to be successful, well-adjusted adults. 

Getting professional help

If you struggle with how to be a good parent to your child, you may want to seek professional help to find out more about where that struggle is coming from. A mental health professional may help relieve some of your stress or figure out new methods of parenting that will be more successful for your health and happiness—and your child's. If your child seems to be struggling in any way, you could also help them with mental health support. The stigma around mental health keeps many people from seeking help when they're uncertain or have questions, and that's why it's so important that you reach out and get the help you need.

Online therapy has worked for both adults and children. It can be a convenient method of getting the help you need. Sessions can take place anywhere there's internet access, and they can be scheduled at a time that works best for everyone. Research is showing that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, and that children, especially, do well with online therapy, since they tend to be comfortable with technology.

Regain is one way that you can get the help you need to have a healthy and successful relationship with your child and make sure that your child gets the love and support they need throughout their lives. Licensed Regain therapists can work with you alone or with your partner to address anything causing you stress—be it parenting or something else going on in your lives.

There is no such thing as a "perfect child" or a "perfect parent," and relieving some of that stress from both of you can make life a great deal better. It's all about recognizing the things that make both of you perfect for each other and how you can use nurturing to help along the way.