Letting Him Go: How To Know When It's Time And What To Do Next

A lot of mental, emotional, and physical energy often goes into relationships. It is this energy that can allow a relationship to flourish, but it can also make it extremely hard to let go. Having so much invested in the relationship can make it hard to walk away from the relationship, even if you have a feeling that it might be time to break up. It can be difficult to decide between staying together or breaking up, and it often requires a lot of thought and consideration, as it can significantly impact your life one way or another. 

As difficult as it can be to decide to end a romantic relationship, sometimes, it is time to let go. Here, we’ll explore a few signs to consider if you’re trying to determine if it might be time to end the relationship, as well as a few tips for what to do next.

How to know when it's time to let him go

Deciding to break up can be very difficult. Every relationship is unique, but if you’re trying to decide if it might be time to walk away, below are a few signs that it may be time to let go: 

The bad outweighs the good in the relationship

All relationships can have their ups and downs, highs and lows, but if you have found that the bad far outweighs the good in the relationship, it may be time to consider walking away. In a healthy and positive relationship, there is joy, love, connection, support, kindness, and mutual consideration. The relationship can be a huge positive addition to your life. But when your relationship is characterized by annoyance, meanness, anger, irritability, or distance, it can feel like the joy is gone and the relationship is not adding much to your life. When the positive aspects of one's relationship shift to negative or disappear, it's important to consider whether that may be a sign to let go.

There is a lack of respect

Mutual respect is an important part of a healthy relationship. When respect is lacking, it can be very hurtful. Disrespect in a relationship can come in many different forms. It could involve treating your poorly, not listening to your concerns, ignoring your needs, violating your boundaries, disregarding your feelings, or breaking your trust, among other things. If you feel like your partner doesn't respect you, it can be important to have a serious conversation about it. If the behavior doesn't change, it may be time to get out.

You feel like you are giving a lot and getting little in return

All relationships require a bit of give and take. However, if it feels like you're always giving, and your partner is always taking or is just complacent, it may be time to evaluate the relationship. Are you feeling like your needs are being met, or does the relationship feel like a burden? There are indeed moments where the relationship can feel unbalanced—perhaps your partner has fallen ill and cannot be as present for you, or perhaps they have been given an increased amount of responsibility at work and are less available—but these temporary imbalances can be understandable. However, if you feel like you're continuously not receiving as much as you're giving your partner, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

You don’t feel valued

In a healthy relationship, each person will feel valued. But if your partner continually puts himself above you or your needs without regard to how it impacts you, it can cause you to feel used and resentful. In this dynamic, everything is their way or the highway. Your partner intends to make sure that he's content, comfortable, and satisfied, even at your expense. When you express your wants and needs, your partner either says no or ignores your requests. This can be a sign that the relationship is deteriorating or is not serving you, and it may be time to consider letting go. 

You no longer see a future together

If the thought of staying with this person and building a future together fills you with dread, it may be time to consider walking away. Perhaps previously, you loved the thought of building a life together and growing closer over the years, but now, you find it difficult to see the relationship growing and adding to your life moving forward. When you've decided that you can't continue living the way you have been, it may be time to tell your partner that you want to end the relationship. 

What to do next after letting him go

After you've taken the difficult step in breaking up with your partner, what do you do next? It can be challenging to cope, so you can consider some of the ideas below: 

Allow yourself to feel your emotions 

After a breakup, you may have a range of intense emotions. You may feel sad, heartbroken, frustrated, disappointed, angry, and wistful, among other things—even if you are confident that breaking up was the right decision. Try to allow yourself to feel all your emotions and be patient with yourself as you experience a range of feelings. You can allow yourself to grieve. 

Practice self-compassion

As you navigate the aftermath of the breakup, try to practice self-compassion as often as possible. According to a study published in Psychological Science, self-compassion can help mitigate the negative emotional impact of divorce. Try to be kind and loving to yourself; you can try treating yourself as you would treat a good friend in the same situation.

Connect with friends and family

It's important not to isolate yourself after a breakup. As you deal with the pain from the breakup, you may feel tempted to withdraw from others and spend more time alone, but leaning on your support system can be very important as you try to heal. Try to spend time with friends and family who love and care about you; it may help you to cope with the pain and find a new perspective. 

Seek help through therapy

If you would like additional support, a trained therapist can help you process your breakup and work through the grief process. A therapist can also help you better understand yourself and the patterns you bring to new relationships. And, research has shown that online therapy can be effective for a range of concerns, including for improving self-esteem and forgiveness after a breakup. 

After a breakup, you may feel emotionally drained and exhausted, and the thought of a potentially long commute to an in-person appointment may seem daunting. With online therapy through Regain, you can speak with a therapist from wherever is most convenient for you so long as you have internet—no commute necessary.

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“Nadja was very supportive and listened to my concerns in a non-judgmental way while offering helpful advice to get me through a very rough time in my relationship. Ultimately she helped me see that that the relationship hadn't been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!”

Takeaway

Walking away from a relationship can be very hard sometimes, especially if you feel you have invested a lot into the relationship. But if you are feeling like it may be time to break up, you can consider some of the signs detailed above that it may be time to walk away. If you would like support as you navigate these and other relationship concerns, an online therapist can help.