Is Your Inner Child Ruining Your Adult Life?
Do you constantly find yourself in hot water with your family, employer, friends, and everyone else? If you feel like you have been doing the right things, but you’re still getting negative results, there is a chance your inner child could be interfering with your life.
People with unresolved emotional childhood issues can carry scars that continue to affect them for the rest of their lives — until they acknowledge and resolve the issues that upset their inner child. An unhealed inner child can prevent you from having the life you want and the support you need as people constantly criticize you for your perceived “bad behaviors.”
In this article, we explore the concept of the hurt inner child; we talk about whether the inner child exists and define the term “inner child.” At the end of the article, we provide realistic strategies to heal your inner child and restore fulfillment to your life.
Understanding the effects of childhood trauma
Can you imagine a six-year-old driving a car, going to work every day, or raising a family? Not very realistic when you think about it, right? In effect, people who live with a hurt inner child are asking and even “demanding” themselves — to do exactly that. It’s almost impossible to move forward productively in your life when the unmet needs of your inner child are in the driver’s seat. But what is the inner child, and how much control can a hurt inner child have on our adult lives?
Many people question whether the inner child is real and if your inner child can control your adult life. The concept of the inner child is genuine, and if left unhealed, the inner child can cause severe problems in your adult life.
Psychology experts and medical professionals have likened the concept of the “inner child” to an internal mental health complex that is very real. The inner child is the younger part of ourselves that was too small to have a voice and too young to express our childhood pain in a way that most adults could comprehend.
The first step to healing your inner child is understanding what drives the inner child’s thoughts and behaviors which are negatively impacting your life. You have to determine what the inner child looks like, what triggers negative behaviors from your inner child, and how to gently coerce your inner child beyond the realm of emotions and feelings — and into adulthood.
Your “inner child” results from behaviors, emotions, and thought patterns you developed in early childhood. We all have an inner child that holds on to fond (and not-so-fond) memories from early childhood. The inner child is the younger version of “you” that never entirely grew up. When children are affected forms of childhood trauma, mental health, and substance use disorders often develop. It is important to notice when you recognize when and how your behaviors and personality traits are damaging your life.
In some adults, a hurt inner child can show up in damaging disorders and mental health syndromes like “Peter Pan syndrome.” This condition that causes adults to act out like children is genuine and is the driving force behind many issues relating to your inner child. Whether your inner child refuses to allow you to grow up out of fear, insecurity, or not having the right tools to do so, inner child work is critically important to your overall well-being and your ability to lead a successful and productive adult life.
If you find yourself (or your inner child) acting out in ways that you don’t understand or can’t seem to control, it’s time to seek professional help to soothe your inner child. Talking to a licensed mental expert can help pinpoint behaviors and potential triggers for undesirable behaviors associated with a wounded inner child. A licensed therapist can help you do the necessary “inner child work” to address the issues and concerns from your past that led to the pain of your inner child.
Taking part in this “inner child work” is critically important as the primary behaviors that you learned as a child may still be running (or ruining) your life today. You and a professional mental health expert can do the work to make your inner child feel safe enough to move on from the wounds of the past. Once you clearly understand what drives your undesirable or childlike behaviors, you can learn to implement behavioral strategies that replace negative behaviors with more productive behaviors.
Six signs that your inner child is in control of your adult life
If you’re looking for signs that your inner child may be in control of your life, you’re not the only one. The following are examples of behaviors and decision-making skills that often present when a hurt inner child dictates your adult life. Developing awareness of the ways your inner child is negatively impacting you can be the first step towards seeking support and getting your life back on track.
Sign #1. Using emotional vs. logical thinking
Sometimes in life, things don’t go our way. This can happen for many reasons. You may find yourself frequently becoming angry, upset, or feeling victimized by how certain situations play out. If you quickly react from an emotional place and find it difficult to assess situations from a logical perspective, this is one sign that your inner child may be running the show.
Sign #2. Having challenges with taking responsibility
Do you find yourself experiencing difficulties conducting your everyday tasks and responsibilities? It’s normal to have a misstep or make a mistake from time to time. However, if you have consistent challenges with taking responsibility and fulfilling your obligations, it could indicate that your inner child is in control of your adult life.
Sign #3. Engaging in repetitive harmful behavior patterns
If you notice similar behavior patterns play out in your relationships or workplace, this could be something to note. Even if these patterns are not serving you or even causing harm, it may seem like they are extremely difficult to break. This could be attributed to your inner child calling for attention and care.
Sign #4. Partaking in substance use
Many people struggling with a hurt inner child may cope with their pain by using drugs or alcohol; turning to unhealthy forms of coping, such as substance use, may be a sign that there are underlying emotions that have not yet been confronted.
Sign #5. Experiencing ongoing legal troubles
Do you consistently find yourself on the wrong side of the law? If you have a pile of unpaid traffic tickets, repeated court dates, arrests, and other legal-related troubles, this is another sign that your inner child could be wreaking havoc on your adult life. While some of us may have an occasional issue, ongoing legal troubles may indicate that something is amiss in our life that needs to be addressed. This could point to a wounded inner child who is yearning for resolution.
Sign #6. Having difficulty maintaining healthy relationships
One of the most glaring indicators that your inner child is ruining your life is the inability to form (and maintain) stable, healthy, and lasting relationships. If you constantly lose friendships, relationships, and jobs, your inner child could be playing a role.
Learn how to soothe your inner child
Now that you understand some of the effects that a wounded inner child can have on your adult life, you are probably wondering, “What can I do to heal my inner child today?” The best thing you can do to start healing your inner child is to reach out to trained professionals to walk you through the healing process.
Start by seeing a medical doctor, who can rule out any medical issues that may be contributing to your issues. It’s not uncommon for medical or mental health disorders to cause us to act out of character. Suppose no medical issues are discovered in a visit to your primary care provider. Then it may be worthwhile to seek help from a therapist.
Talking to a licensed therapist can help you learn how to heal your inner child and move towards healthier functioning and improved relationships. As long as you have a secure internet connection, you can meet with a Regain therapist from a preferred location and during times that are convenient for your schedule. The licensed therapy providers at Regain can help you learn what’s driving the issues of your inner child and how to address them. Online therapy sessions are conducted with board-certified therapists using the Regain platform via live chat, telephone, video chat, and SMS messaging.
Online psychotherapy sessions provide the same benefits as in-office therapy sessions with a board-certified and licensed therapy provider. Many people seek inner child therapy due to attachment issues stemming from childhood. In a ten-week study, researchers employed an online psychotherapy treatment method in order to understand its impact on participants experiencing a wide range of issues stemming from insecure attachments. The 22 participants from the study showed significant increases in self-esteem and reductions in perceived stress, avoidance, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness.
Takeaway
Getting started with online counseling is as easy as registering for your free therapy account on the Regain platform, completing a “getting to know you a questionnaire,” and logging in for sessions with your online therapy provider using the Regain therapy matching service.
Once you begin your therapy sessions, if you find that you’re uncomfortable with your selected therapist, you have the option to choose a new therapist with no questions asked — at any time and for any reason. Regain can help you take back control of your life by healing your inner child. The goal of the therapists at Regain is for you to feel better. Learn more about getting started on the Regain platform and how to heal your inner child by taking the first step today.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if my inner child is wounded?
Maybe you are noticing how much your inner child impacts your adult relationships, behaviors, and decisions. This is one clear sign that your inner child may need some attention and care.
Other signs that you may have a wounded inner child include constant self-criticism, fear of abandonment, inability to express emotions, deep distrust of others, conflict avoidance, and being a people pleaser.
How do you treat a wounded inner child?
The key to healing our internal childhood wounds is understanding how we have been wounded and how this affects our patterns even today. Many individuals benefit from doing inner child work with a licensed mental health professional who can help them process the pain, fear, and deep-rooted beliefs that they may continue to carry due to past childhood experiences.
What does it mean to heal your inner child?
Strategies for healing the inner child include conversing with our inner child, allowing the space for whatever emotions arise, giving voice to the emotional pain that your inner child feels, or writing a letter to your inner child.
Various inner child healing exercises may be helpful, including identifying what you needed as a child but never got and learning how to cultivate a sense of safety within yourself. It may be helpful to engage in inner child healing exercises with a licensed mental health professional who can help you process the difficult emotions that may arise with confronting negative childhood experiences.
What is the inner child theory?
Our inner child is the part of ourselves that embodies creativity and curiosity. Many individuals find that unresolved childhood trauma continues to impact their adult relationships significantly. Inner child work can help individuals identify what they needed as a child and never got, and how to give that to themselves and meet their own needs in adulthood.
How do you let go of childhood trauma?
Letting go of childhood trauma is often very difficult but not impossible. The first step is being willing to acknowledge the traumatic childhood events that you experienced. Many individuals spend years suppressing painful feelings and experiences and doing whatever they can to run from acknowledging their inner child. However, the only way to truly let go of childhood trauma is to confront the past head-on.
Working with unresolved childhood trauma can be emotionally distressing, so it can be beneficial to work with a licensed mental health professional. During sessions, a therapist can guide you in connecting to the inner child who lives inside you and help you give voice to your inner child’s emotional pain due to past experiences. They can also teach you inner child healing exercises and strategies for nurturing your inner child.
The most important thing to remember is that inner child work can be extremely emotionally taxing, and the healing process takes time. Be gentle with yourself and your inner child every step of the way. Your inner child is only doing the best they can in the way they learned how when they first needed to fend for themselves; while their mechanisms may have helped you in that moment, they may not be serving you now. Healing is hard work and involves helping your inner child understand that their current patterns are no longer productive or necessary, even.
What type of therapy is inner child work?
Inner child work and healing unresolved childhood trauma is incorporated into many different types of therapy such as trauma therapy, EMDR, Parts Work, narrative therapy, and Gestalt work.
How does your inner child affect your life?
What happens if you don’t heal your inner child?
How do you know if your inner child is broken?
How do you fix a broken inner child?
What happens after you heal your inner child?
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