How To Use Confident Body Language To Attract Others

Updated April 6, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Being human means we are able to use our advanced cognitive abilities, such as judgement and decision-making, to perform complex behaviors. We are also able to fine-tune our choices after experiencing mistakes or variations in outcomes caused by these decisions and confidently move forward. Some people are better at this than others. While the perfect person does not exist, we are more likely to be drawn to individuals who look like they have it all together. These individuals are confident in who they are, the choices they make, and the way they carry their body. You probably have known people who exude confidence without words. Their confident body language is visible in the way they carry themselves and how they interact with others.

Body language plays a significant role in communication

Confidence is seen by many as an attractive trait, especially when first meeting someone. There is an inherent trust and appeal that emanates from a person who is comfortable with who they are and the choices they make in life. However, many of us may not have these same qualities and you may find yourself associating with people who are not confident, even insecure. In a sense, like attracts like. If you are hoping to build your self-esteem and confidence, consider learning how to carry yourself accordingly and cultivate self-assurance. 

Do you struggle with confidence and find that your body is reflecting this quality? If so, here are some body language pointers to assist you in your social interactions along with with some confidence-building tips as well.

Confidence-building strategies

Our mouths speak words, but our bodies ultimately tell the truth, which is why changing your body language is such a necessary part of the process of attracting others. Body language is a nonverbal form of communication that plays a pivotal role in how other people perceive who you are.  For example, a person who slouches and carries their head down does not appear in control or confident. Whereas an individual who stands straight with their shoulders back and head held high will exude confidence. By simply changing your posture, you can automatically appear more confident. There are several other subtle (and not so subtle) forms of body language you have control over that will help change the way you feel about yourself and your appearance with others. 

To help get you started, here are some ways you can begin building your self-confidence and transform into the amazing person that you are.

Take better care of yourself

How you treat yourself and your body directly impacts how you feel on a day-to-day basis. If you fuel your body with unhealthy food, live a sedentary lifestyle, and do not make an effort to get out or look your best, it is only natural that this will reflect on who you believe you are as a person. When you eat healthier, get moving, and look like the person you are trying to be, you will feel much better about yourself. Self-care is vital to your overall well-being and self-confidence. Ensure that you are getting what you need to thrive as a person, and you will see results.

Make a list: What you love and what you can work on changing

No matter how negatively you may feel about yourself, there are always things that we love about who we are. Whether that is your eyes' color, how your hair falls, or the kind heart that you have for others, you want to emphasize these qualities to build yourself up. When you notice all the great things about you, this becomes a habit that further identifies the many other amazing traits you have. If there is anything that you do not like about yourself and you are unable to change it, embrace yourself. When this part of yourself is something that you can improve upon, set small goals each day to boost your confidence as you progress continually.

Challenge your negative thought patterns

At times, we lack confidence when we perceive ourselves negatively. Over time, these thought patterns and behaviors become ingrained into who we are and how we think. Changing that perception begins with recognizing those thoughts and stopping them in their tracks. Once you are aware of your negative thought patterns, you can stop them from being repeated and replace these negative thoughts with positive ones that are truthful. If you need help with this aspect of healing, seek the support of a professional therapist who can help you modify these types of thoughts and behaviors for the better.

Push yourself outside of your comfort zone

You can also build confidence by pushing yourself and prove that you can exceed your expectations. Whether you lack confidence in your career, in your finances, or even in your social life, know you have the ability fight for what you want and prove to yourself you are capable of success. One way that confidence is built is through resilience - the process of successfully adapting to challenging life experience through emotional, mental, and behavioral flexibility. You can build resilience by keeping a positive outlook when faced with a difficult task at work. Once you complete the task, celebrate your ability to have worked through it, even if you were not successful. Push your boundaries and test yourself little by little. When you see what you can achieve and succeed with these small victories, you build your confidence and open the door for further wins.

Learn more about who you are and what you want

It can be hard to be confident about who you are if you are unable to see yourself clearly. A lack of self-awareness can often be a major contributing factor to low self-confidence. Studies have shown that people who are self-aware make sounder decisions, communicate more effectively, and are generally more confident than people who lack self-awareness. To build self-awareness, set aside some time to figure out what you want out of life, your passions, and where you see yourself in the future. Identify your values, your internal thoughts and behaviors, and how your actions impact others around you. Next, make a plan that can set you on the path that will allow you to manifest what you desire. When you are successful and happy with the course you have charted, it is hard to be anything but confident in yourself.

Cultivating confident body language

Once you have improved your confidence, the next step to take is to adjust your body language to match this new attitude. You may have already naturally changed certain aspects of your body language simply because you feel better about yourself. However, years of poor posture and learned behaviors may be difficult to change overnight. If you are not naturally confident in the way you carry yourself, it can help have a guide that will give you all the right ideas. If you are trying to find the right body language to attract potential partners, here are some of the most common cues that will improve your odds.

Stand taller

Having a presence when you walk into the room gets the attention of everyone. When you are hunched, you may appear as though you are trying to hide from people and gives the impression that you are attempting to avoid social interaction. Also, slouching is hard on your spinal system and can cause you problems as you age. If you can, remind yourself to walk proudly up to people you are trying to interact with. When they see that you care about moving and walking with confidence, they will be drawn to you and your confident nature. 

Open up your body

This tip helps with both presences as well as approachability and body language attraction. When you take up more space, you attract more attention, appear more trustworthy and inviting.  Being more open in the way you present yourself makes it easy for others to speak with you. For example, someone who is closed off by crossing their legs or arms and shrinking themselves down will get little to no attention. Why? Those who are closed off in their mannerisms make people feel that you are not open to conversation. When you expand your body and open yourself up, it gives off the impression that you want to speak to others. Do your best to open up your body, and you will notice how much more people want to speak with you.

Keep your head up and smile

People want to approach positive people. If you are not keeping your head up or smiling when you speak with others, you may not be perceived as inviting. Individuals who often smile are generally thought of as warm and welcoming. Additionally, those who look up and make direct eye contact with others while speaking with them will attract the attention they want. If you are someone who may be self-conscious about your smile or other aspects of your face, add this to your list of ways to improve your social ability and confidence. You may find by smiling more that you naturally feel confident and open to others. 

Be more engaging with your hand gestures and movements

When your body is not moving along with the conversation and emotions, it can be strange to other people. Being expressive is attractive to others because it shows them that you are engaged and listening to what they have to say (and that you are in tune with yourself). You can improve this body language cue by moving around your hands and your body when telling a story to your friends. If it helps, pretend that you are acting out your story as you are telling it. Once you manage to master this, you will become more dynamic and expressive and will be able to captivate others while speaking.

Be aware of nervous ticks and remove them

If you are someone who struggles socially, the chances are that you have picked up some nervous habits that have helped you to cope with social situations along the way. These kinds of habits may include anything from constantly putting your hands in your pockets to moving around a lot or even scratching your face and neck. Confident individuals are calm, cool, and collected. Do your best to be more aware of any behaviors you may have when speaking with other people and attempt to stop them when you find yourself engaging in these habits.

Body language plays a significant role in communication

Practice closer proximity when speaking with people

Not wanting to be close to people you are having a conversation with may give the impression that you are overly self-conscious or unfriendly. When you trust someone enough to stand near them as you are talking, you let them know that you are confident and are not worried about being close to them. If this is someone you are potentially attracted to, this body language will also indicate that you are interested in talking to them. Be sure you are being respectful and that you know how to read body language as well!

Seeking professional advice?

Attracting the right individual may seem easy when you are fully yourself and confident in the way you move. However, many people do not find this a simple manner of being and may need additional support to help build their self-awareness and confidence. Some may have self-esteem issues or history that impedes their ability to feel comfortable in getting  out there and socializing. You may simply be a reserved person and need to learn how to open your body language to others but do not know how. A therapist can be helpful in all these situations. 

Online therapy is an accessible and effective option for people who are managing confidence and self-esteem obstacles. You can attend therapy sessions in a space where you feel most comfortable without having to commute to and from a physical office. Research has also shown online therapy to be a beneficial alternative to in-person therapy and is equally effective, especially for people with anxiety-related disorders. 

If you feel online therapy will be helpful, visit Regain to connect with a professional counselor who can help you work through these issues and build up your confidence.


Having and practicing confident body language can directly influence the way people perceive you on a day-to-day basis. Therefore, learning how to exhibit confident body language and learning how to improve your body language, in general, can soon help you gain more control over your feelings of self-doubt and improve your confidence. Standing taller, practicing positive self-talk and affirmations, and building resilience are all strategies you can use to express more confidence with your words and body language. 

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