How To Overcome A Fear Of Trust After Being Hurt In A Relationship

It can be challenging to look past the pain of being hurt by someone you love. You may wonder how you can trust someone without getting hurt again. Perhaps you assume a partner will be unfaithful or find yourself jumping to conclusions while thinking the worst. Maybe you doubt the people you’re dating and feel like you can’t trust people at all anymore. Fear of trusting others can sabotage or otherwise seriously interfere with relationships. It can be essential to acknowledge these feelings so that you can learn how to overcome them. In fact, building stable, healthy relationships can ride on your ability to overcome trust issues stemming from the past.

Acknowledge your vulnerability 

When feeling vulnerable, it is common to be cautious when moving on with a broken heart. Some may develop a fear of abandonment or struggle to trust people due to past relationship experiences that went wrong. This vulnerability often leads to building walls to minimize the risk of getting hurt again. You may feel abandoned or fearful of experiencing rejection once again, so you avoid putting yourself out there. In a sense, you may be running from your emotions instead of processing and dealing with them so that you can move forward. Learning how to cope with your emotional vulnerability can change the course you’re on. You can do this by talking openly with someone, such as a therapist, and practice trusting them with your feelings. 

Self-acceptance of your vulnerability can be vital. We all have aspects about ourselves that we dislike— physical flaws and imperfections or past mistakes and embarrassing moments. Most of us have insecurities that we wish we could change. You are not the only one who feels this way, and people often forget this. Trusting others again usually requires taking risks. You have to put yourself back out in the world instead of hiding behind the walls you’ve built around your heart. Gaining love from another involves trusting someone with your heart. Although this can be scary, the payoff of trusting someone enough to let them in can be worth it. 

Trust yourself 

Learning to trust yourself may matter more than you realize. Being able to trust that you can make wise decisions can impact your life moving forward. You may feel guilty about how things happened in the relationship or feel ashamed for assuming something about a person you’re dating without proof. Although your fears may be unfounded, it can still be essential to trust your instincts. Just because you had a painful experience doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust your feelings. Of course, there are times when your past experiences could be clouding your judgment, but these can be discussed with a close friend or therapist. Learning to trust yourself all over again can be a process of figuring out what’s important to you, what type of boundaries you’d like to set for yourself, and what your needs are.

Change your thinking

After being hurt by someone you love, it is common to experience negative thoughts. Some may even develop a fear of dating. Paying closer attention to your thoughts and choosing those that are uplifting instead of unhelpful can allow you to stay open to experiencing something new, different, and fresh. How you feel about your past can influence how you face the future. Try not to assume your past will repeat itself with someone new. Practice confronting the emotions bothering you instead of holding them inside. Changing your thinking can help you avoid bringing baggage from a previous relationship into a new one. It can then allow you to give new people a chance without assuming they will hurt you, too. 

Your previous relationship is likely to be different from your new one. After all, everyone is not like your ex. When you assume someone will hurt you again, especially without evidence, you may sabotage the relationship before it jumps off. For example, you might think that your partner doesn’t want to talk to you right now because they didn’t answer your call or text. Instead of running with this thought, switch your thinking around to assume that they are busy with a priority and that they will return your call or text when they can. When you have trust issues, changing your mindset can be a challenge, but it is often worth the effort. 

Learn how to forgive others and yourself

Forgiveness can be difficult, but it can help you move on and let go of vulnerabilities holding you back in the long run. It may be hard to forgive the person who caused your pain, but you can start by forgiving yourself. Self-blame or thinking you should have known better are honest thoughts, but you are not responsible for your partner’s actions.

Allow time for self-healing

If you do not want to continue the relationship, take time out from dating to allow yourself to heal and grieve. Sometimes failed relationships result from rushing into them while still dealing with emotional pain from a previous partner. Allowing time for yourself lets you prepare yourself for a healthy relationship. Giving time to yourself can reduce your feelings of fear and getting hurt again because you can focus on yourself while waiting for someone who’s right for you.

Grieving lets you reflect on the relationship, the person you thought you knew, and how they became a different person. It can be common to experience denial, anger, and depression, but these feelings can lead to an acceptance of the situation so that you can let go of the emotional pain. It can be scary to allow yourself to feel difficult emotions fully, but once you do, they tend to pass with time.

Learn from the experience

What lessons did you learn from your experience? Thinking about your past relationship may spark red flags that you didn’t notice before. Doing so can help you to take responsibility for your part in what happened. Placing the blame on your partner can be easy but consider what you would have done differently. Would you have changed how you communicated to your partner about your needs? Were there warning signs about your partner’s trust?

After thinking about it, people often conclude that the relationship would have ended anyway or were not surprised at how it ended. You may notice signs to help you identify the traits of a person considered untrustworthy. Whatever lessons are learned, use them to establish direction in your next relationship. Your experience can allow you see how to trust yourself to make healthier decisions moving forward while also making it easier to trust someone else.

Online counseling with Regain

If you’re struggling to trust people in your life or in your relationships, it may be helpful to pursue online counseling. Whether you’d like to receive counseling alone or with a significant other, Regain provides both. You can talk to your counselor at a time that’s convenient for you and choose any meeting location that has a stable internet connection. You and your significant other can even access support from the comfort of your couch, which may make it easier to get care when you both have busy schedules. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Sometimes, people lose their trust for others in traumatic ways, such as through surviving abusive situations. It’s not uncommon for conditions like PTSD, anxiety, and depression to develop as a result. Researchers have discovered that online counseling can be just as effective as face-to-face counseling for mental health concerns such as these. In one study, those participating in an online intervention experienced an improvement in their PTSD symptoms. These results were maintained even at a one-year follow-up, with similar results to the face-to-face group.

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Takeaway

It can be important not to let the fear of trusting someone keep you from experiencing a healthy, loving relationship. While it is natural to build emotional barriers to prevent heartbreak, particularly after getting hurt, hiding behind them could prevent you from connecting with the love you deserve. Your trust was disrupted, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be reestablished. No matter how badly you’ve been hurt, it is possible to learn how to trust someone again. Online therapy can be beneficial during this process by teaching you how to overcome your past and press on toward what’s in store for you in the future.