Are My Partner And I Compatible? Examining Your Relationship

Updated February 1, 2023by ReGain Editorial Team
There’s a lot of contradicting information when it comes to who you should be dating. Things like “opposites attract” and “you need to have a lot in common” both seem to make sense. So, which is true? How do you know if you and your partner make a good match? Instead of continuing to wonder, here are a few signs to help you decide. If you're having trouble parsing through your compatibility with your partner, it may be helpful to speak with an online therapist to talk about your feelings or you can try some compatibility test for relationships.

You Have Things In Common

Talk To A Couples Therapist About Your Compatibility

Yes, opposites might attract, but if everything about the two of you is different, there just isn’t going to be anything for you to connect over. This doesn’t mean that you need to have everything in common.

You may have separate interests, but if you both stand for the same thing and care about the same things, having different interests won’t be as big of a deal.

But even if you don’t have things in common, it’s important to support one another in the things that you like.

You Accept Each Other

Are we compatible? Another sign that you and your partner make a good match is if you want to be with one another exactly as you are. You can accept each other even with your imperfections. If you are with your partner but secretly hope that eventually there are certain things you don’t like about them that will change, you will be disappointed.

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of compatible is “capable of existing together in harmony.” It doesn’t say anything about needing to have things in common; you need to exist together in a good way. When you can accept the differences that the two of you have, it makes a big difference in helping you understand each other. You don’t have to be exactly alike as long as you are both OK with how each of you is.

You Balance Each Other Out

Being a good match means that you go well together. Together you balance each other out. It’s not that one of you has more control over the other. You have balance within your relationship. This is important for compatibility. If one of you is trying to control the other or have the upper hand in the relationship, it will cause trouble.

When you balance one another out, your strengths cover their weaknesses and vice versa. This creates a nice unity that helps the relationship to be even stronger.

You Like Each Other

This seems obvious in a relationship, but there are times when two people are drawn together based on pure attraction, and they don’t realize right off the bat that they don’t really like one another. They may have a strong attraction to one another, but the more they get to know the other, the more they realize they don’t like the other person.

It doesn’t matter how much you are attracted to the other person or how well your strengths and weaknesses balance each other if you just don’t really like one another at the end of the day.

Part of being a good couple is enjoying being in the company of the other person. If you would prefer your own space more than you would prefer to be with your partner, you probably aren’t a good fit.

You Feel Like You’re A Better Person Because You Are With Them

When you’re a good match for someone, they help bring out the best in you. You can feel yourself becoming a better person because you are with them. You’re motivated to do things that you wouldn’t normally think about doing on your own. And, you care more about things that you might not have cared about before you met them.

You Aren’t Afraid To Argue With Each Other

When you're compatible with someone, you feel free to be yourself around them even when you agree. These couples aren’t afraid to argue. They feel confident in having a healthy relationship, making them unafraid, to be honest with one another even when they don’t agree.

This honesty allows couples to build trust with one another. They don’t try to hold their feelings because they are afraid of what the other will think. Working through arguments of a difference of opinion is important for helping a couple be more compatible.

You Can Learn To Be Compatible

Are some people more compatible than others? Sure, but that doesn’t mean they are the only ones that should be together. If you find out that you aren’t naturally compatible with your partner, it doesn’t mean that you need to plan on splitting up. You can learn how to better understand one another. Here are some things that can help:

Create Goals

When you are working on becoming more compatible with your partner, then, even if you don’t have a lot in common, you create something important to both of you. 

Try New Things Together

Just because you feel like you don’t have a lot in common right now doesn’t mean that you don’t have anything in common. If you feel that you’ve both tried to like what the other does and haven’t made any progress, then it might be time to try new activities. Work on finding new things to try together for the first time until you find a few things you both enjoy.

Work Through Differences

Talk To A Couples Therapist About Your Compatibility

If you and your partner have differences standing between the two of you, you need to address them. This could be simply agreeing that there's some things you aren’t going to agree on. It could also mean working through past hurts and arguments so you can be a stronger couple together.

If you feel that you used to be more compatible earlier in your relationship, but things feel differently now, it might be worth exploring what’s standing between the two of you. Then, you can work on addressing those areas.

Be Empathetic

Learning to see things through your partner’s eyes can go a long way in helping you to connect. If you're struggling with compatibility, stop trying to see everything from your perspective and try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Please do your best to feel what they're feeling. Being empathetic can go a long way in helping to make you understand each other.

Talk To A counselor

Couples counseling can be very effective at helping you and your partner to become more compatible. A licensed professional can also help you decide if you don’t think that the relationship is right for you. It may be that when you stop and look at your relationship, you can see that you aren’t a great fit for one another. You may look at your relationship and see that you aren’t naturally compatible but still want to make it work.

A counselor can help you find the areas in your relationship that you can improve upon to build a strong foundation. If you don’t feel that you and your partner are compatible, but you love them and want to make it work, involving a licensed therapist can help you find ways to make it work. A therapist isn’t going to tell you what the outcome of the relationship should be. They are going to help you arrive at the decision that you want to make healthily.

Counseling can help whether you individually are looking at your relationship’s long-term success or if you and your partner want to work on it together.
There are plenty of compatibility questions and tests that you can do online, but they aren’t necessarily going to give you a good prediction of your relationship’s success. Well-matched couples can split up, and couples that aren’t a good fit can work on their relationships and end up happy together for years to come. It’s up to you and your partner.

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