Dealing With Emotions: How To Get Them Under Control
Joyce Meyer once said, "Your emotions are very unstable and should never be the foundation for direction in your life." While this is Some were advice, many people find themselves daily struggle with their emotions for many different reasons. And, if you're like a lot of people, you didn't even know that you could learn how to control your emotions. That makes dealing with emotions very hard.
You can get control of your emotions. It's not always an easy process, but it's well worth the time invested in it. The following information will help you learn about dealing with emotions and how to control them.
Learning to identify your emotions
Before you can learn how to handle your emotions, you need to know how to recognize them. This is difficult for some people.
It could be how you were raised
Some were raised in homes where emotions were not something that you talked about. Children in these homes have a difficult time learning how to deal with emotions.
Their parents made it so that emotions were something that wasn't talked about. This isn't usually because they are trying to cause their child to struggle. Instead, it's usually a sign that the parent has low emotional intelligence. They most likely aren't comfortable with emotions because they were raised in the same type of situation. And, it might be more than just not wanting to talk about their emotions; they may not know how to identify what they are feeling.
A common example that many in society are familiar with is the saying, "boys don't cry." When young boys are raised to follow this mantra, they start to stuff their emotions. They learn to believe that it's not OK for them to show emotions like hurt and sadness because it's a sign of weakness. This is, of course, not true, but for those boys, they believe that it is.
Alexithymia
Alexithymia is a condition that "refers to a person's inability to identify or verbally describe his or her feelings. The psychiatric syndrome is prevalent in patients with psychosomatic problems, substance abuse, and anxiety disorders, but Alexithymia symptoms occur along a continuum." But just because you don't struggle with one of the problems listed here doesn't mean that you don't struggle with this condition. According to Spectrum News, it's believed that as many as one in ten people falls on the alexithymia spectrum.
This means you could struggle with feeling any feelings at all, or you might have a hard time expressing them. At the end of the spectrum, people don't feel the emotion that is normal in a situation and instead learn what their emotional response should be from watching others and then act in that same way.
How to identify emotions
The emotions that we are most familiar with are the same ones that appear in the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out. They include:
- Happiness
- Sadness
- Fear
- Disgust
- Anger
If you want to control your emotions, you have to become good at identifying what you're feeling. Take time to learn about the different emotions and the different degrees that they can happen. Watch how other people show and talk about their emotions. Look for examples of appropriate and inappropriate responses. Keep a journal of your emotions for several days. Write down what happened and how it made you feel. You don't have to show this to anyone else. It can be completely just for your eyes.
Pay attention to causes and responses
Once you know how to identify what emotion you're feeling, you need to start learning what your normal responses are. The journal that we just talked about is an effective way to help you do this. By tracking your feelings and responses, you can begin to see what areas could use a little improvement.
Besides your responses, journaling can help you learn to identify what causes some of your more intense or extreme emotions and responses. If you can find out what upsets you, you will start doing a better job of catching your emotions before they are out of control.
Let's use the example of road rage. If, after journaling for a few days, you realize that you often deal with arguments as soon as you get home from work, you will want to look at what's causing those arguments. Maybe you discover that you are constantly stuck fighting your way through bumper-to-bumper traffic on your way home from work. As soon as someone cuts you off, your anger skyrockets, and you are filled with road rage. If you don't have your emotions in check, it can be hard to dial it down. That means you get home from work and you are already angry. If you walk into the house and there is anything else frustrating, such as arguing with kids or a messy house, it can be just enough to push you over the edge, and you lash out in anger.
But, as soon as you realize that traffic is a trigger for you, you can learn to be aware of it. As you drive home, you can pay attention to your anger levels and even proactively do things to reduce your anger. This could include listening to an audiobook that you enjoy, practicing breathing exercises, or repeating a favorite saying, mantra, or verse in your head.
When you learn about the causes behind your emotions, you can start to recognize your emotions faster and learn what changes you can make.
Understanding the power of your thoughts
You can learn how to control your thoughts. But if you don't realize that you are capable of it, your emotions will control your thoughts. That means if you're happy, then you will have happy thoughts. But if you feel sad or angry, your thoughts will go in the same direction. This can cause us to go to extreme thinking.
For example, if you're feeling lonely and sad, your thoughts might start to be things like:
- No one likes me
- Everyone else has friends, and I'm all alone.
- No one cares about me or what I do.
These thoughts can spiral out of control and contribute to unhealthy thought processes. And, this can work for any emotion; it doesn't have to be sadness. If we allow our emotions to control our thoughts, then it's likely that we will go the extremes in our thinking.
But if you are aware of this, you can stop the cycle. Instead of letting your emotions be in control, you can put your thoughts in control. You can purposefully choose what you're going to think about. So, if you feel sad and lonely, you can choose to think something like, "I am loved and cared for. I can enjoy this time on my own."
It's OK to choose things that you don't feel at first. If you choose the thoughts and continue to focus on them, eventually, your emotions will start to work to match your thoughts. This is not a process that takes place overnight. And, it might feel like a lot of work at first. But if you stick with it, you will be able to gain control of your emotions.
Understanding that your emotions can lie to you
Your emotions aren't always accurate for the situation. This is why you don't want to allow them to be in control. An example of this is fear. This emotion holds many people back from doing the things that they want to accomplish in life. They feel fear, but there isn't something threatening that's happening to them.
When you understand that your emotions are not always telling you the truth, it's even more motivation to start choosing your thoughts and allowing them to impact your emotions instead of the other way around.
A therapist can help you get control
If you have been struggling with emotions for years or have been through a situation that has left you feeling out of control, talking to a licensed therapist is helpful. They are trained to help you process through the situations in your life and learn how to identify your feelings. They can also teach you important coping skills that you can use when you feel like your emotions are starting to take control.
This can help you when you're in the early stages of learning how to control your responses.
Gaining control of your emotions can change your life. You can notice an improvement in your confidence levels and your relationships. The process might take time but stick with it and don't be afraid to ask for help.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you cope with your emotions?
Coping with negative emotions like fear, sadness, and anger is a basic part of life, but sometimes we can struggle to deal with them effectively. When it comes to coping with negative feelings, it is important to develop healthy coping mechanisms so that your emotional health doesn’t suffer. Some of the harmful ways people deal with negative emotions include denial, withdrawal, bullying, and substance abuse. While these outlets might seem to make the uncomfortable emotions go away, when you choose to avoid your emotions rather than understand your emotions, it can lead to detrimental consequences down the road. The good news is that when you’re feeling negative emotions, you can practice coping in a healthy way, which will help you understand your emotions over time and make it easier for you to overcome future negative emotions.
One way to deal with unpleasant emotions is for you to try the PATH method. PATH stands for pause, acknowledge, think, and help. Pausing is important because instead of acting on your negative feelings right away, you stop yourself and think things through. A good way to actively pause is to count to 100 or say the alphabet backward, as this will give you time to begin to manage emotions you may be feeling.
Acknowledging your feelings will help you deal with negative emotions. For example, if you feel sad because a friend moves away, you can acknowledge that it’s ok to feel that way because that friend is an important person in your life. By accepting how you’re feeling, you are working on your emotional health and preventing having to feel overwhelmed by your negative emotions.
Now that you have taken a few moments to acknowledge how you’re feeling, you can begin to further manage emotions by thinking about how you can make yourself feel better. Once you have thought about managing emotions by thinking about making yourself feel better, you can help yourself based on what you came up with. For example, you might take the action step of telling your friend that you’re sad they’re moving away and that you hope to set up monthly video calls so you can keep in touch with one another. Other ways that you can help yourself include reading a book, playing with an animal, eating a healthy snack, taking a nap, making a gratitude list, exercising, and many more. The goal is to find something that helps you manage emotions that arise for you in a way that is productive, healthy, and able to move your emotional health forward and help you healthily cope with uncomfortable emotions.
What are the 5 emotional signs of stress?
Stress is a normal reaction to the pressures of everyday life. It is not uncommon if you’re feeling worried, afraid, angry, sad, or any other emotion in response to the stress you’re feeling. However, if the stress you’re feeling interferes with your ability to do the things you want or need to do, the stress has become more than just unpleasant emotions; it’s become unhealthy. There are physical and emotional signs of stress. Some of the physical signs of stress include heaviness in your chest, headaches, shoulder, neck, or back pain, shortness of breath, feeling tired, anxious, or depresses, sleeping more than usual, grinding your teeth, among others.
The five emotional signs of stress include being more emotional than usual; you feel overwhelmed or on edge, having trouble keeping track of things or remembering, having trouble making decisions, solving problems, concentrating, or getting your work done, or using alcohol or drugs to relieve your physical and emotional feelings of stress.
Given that there are physical and emotional manifestations of stress, it is important to learn how to manage emotions around stress. Some of the ways you can practice coping with emotional stress include taking time to relax, practicing mindfulness, distracting your mind by focusing on something else, journaling, meditating, or anything else that allows you to calm down and help you manage emotions around stress.
How can I fix myself emotionally?
Everyone struggles with the emotional processing of difficult life events and challenging emotions. While talk therapy and prescription drugs are great options for emotional processing, don’t feel like these are the only two options. There are plenty of ways to work on yourself to manage your emotions better. One way that you can begin to work on yourself is to get to know yourself. Begin asking yourself what you would do or who you would be if nobody else cared or gave you their input. By asking yourself questions such as these, you’ll begin to develop a better sense for what it is you want out of life, which will then allow you to ask more difficult questions such as, what is getting in your way and why have you allowed it to get in your way for all this time? By diving into your fears and concerns, as well as what your ultimate life goals are, you’ll begin to be able to understand why you feel the way you do and what steps you need to take to achieve those goals.
How do you handle difficult emotions?
Difficult emotions are a normal part of life, and learning how to deal with them as they arise is an important life skill. Many people will try to run from their emotions, and while at the moment, it might seem like the emotions have gone by the wayside and are no longer an issue, if you never deal with the initial problem, it will fester and cause bigger issues in the future. One of the best ways to handle difficult emotions when they arise is to pause and acknowledge how you’re feeling. Sometimes, simply acknowledging that you’re feeling a certain negative emotion allows the intensity of that emotion to dissipate. Other times, the intensity might still be there, but by acknowledging the emotion, you’re able to think of a plan for how to overcome the emotion. For example, if you’re feeling angry because a person upset you, you can pause and acknowledge that you are feeling angry and that it’s okay to feel angry. You can then begin to think about ways to calm your anger, such as going for a run or playing with your pet. Once you quell the initial intensity of the anger, you can then think of a path forward, such as talking to the individual who upset you about why they made you angry.
How can I control my emotions and anxiety?
When it comes to controlling emotions and anxiety, you can overcome several negative thoughts. It is common to ruminate about negative things when negative feelings or experiences occur. Oftentimes, we get into a cycle of playing out what happened or what could have happened over and over and over again. These cyclical thoughts are not productive and lead to more negative feelings. The best way to overcome this thinking is to take control of these emotions. One way to do that is by naming different objects that you see around the room – this can help you redirect your thoughts to more mundane things and bring your focus back to reality.
Another way to control your emotions and anxiety is by practicing acceptance. By accepting the things you cannot change, you are to put yourself in the driver's seat of the situation by acknowledging and then accepting that the negative emotions you’re feeling cannot change unchangeable things.
Taking deep breaths is also beneficial because the simple act of taking a deep breath activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm high-arousal negative emotions, like anxiety or anger.
Another great way to try to control your emotions and anxiety is by exercising. Exercise is an effective way to boost your mood. In fact, the higher the intensity of the workout, the greater the impact on your mood. The physiological changes that happen to your body during exercise make it a great solution for intense emotions that you’re having a difficult time overcoming.
What happens if you hold in your emotions?
Holding in your emotions can be detrimental not just to your emotional health but also to your physical health. When you suppress your emotions, the chronic stress from the unresolved emotions can trigger your sympathetic nervous system’s fight or flight response, which can slow digestion and result in gas, bloating, constipation, vomiting, and occasionally ulcers. You may also experience headaches and migraines due to the tightening of muscles in your forehead and brown, which leads to reduced blood flow to the brain, which results in a headache.
Holding in emotions can explode in the form of anger, which may put you at an elevated risk for heart disease. In one study, the heart attack risk was 8.5 times higher up to two hours after an extreme anger episode and 9.5 times higher two hours after extreme anxiety.
What are the five steps for dealing with emotions?
What are the 4 steps to manage strong emotions?
How can I control my negative emotions?
What is the first step to dealing with emotions?
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