How To Build Confidence And Improve Your Relationships
Confidence and self-esteem are considered essential for high-quality social relationships. Self-esteem and confidence are two sides of the same coin; self-esteem refers to whether a person values themselves, and confidence refers to whether they believe in themselves. The connection between self-esteem and social relationships is reciprocal; strong social connections support high self-esteem, and high self-esteem increases the strength of social connections.
Although the reciprocal relationship between self-esteem and social relationships may make it seem that self-esteem requires preexisting social relationships to improve, that is not the case. Improving self-esteem without strong social relationships is possible, both alone and with the help of a therapist if desired. Improving confidence and self-esteem can also have lasting effects on other parts of a person's life besides their social interactions, such as self-motivation.
Confidence vs. self-esteem
Confidence and self-esteem, while closely related concepts, aren't quite the same thing. Confidence refers to a positive attitude about your own skills and abilities. Confident people know their strengths and weaknesses and can work within their limits. A confident person can communicate assertively and handle critical communication. Confidence can vary from topic to topic. For example, you might be very confident about your academic achievement but need more confidence in social relationships.
Self-esteem refers to how someone feels about themselves as a person, not their abilities. Being confident in certain areas and still having low self-esteem is possible. For example, a person with a poor view of themselves may still be confident in their ability to complete work-related tasks. The relationship between confidence and self-esteem becomes especially important in social relationships. If you don't hold yourself in high esteem, it is challenging to recognize when others acknowledge your strengths.
If you struggle to acknowledge your good qualities, it may be difficult to perceive how others would see you as worthy of social interaction. If you don't value yourself, you are likely to think others will not see you as a person of value, which makes socialization much more challenging. Building confidence in social situations begins with improving self-esteem; it is much easier to form strong social relationships if you know you are a person of value.
The consequences of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem affects many areas of a person's life. Social relationships are significantly impacted, but low self-esteem can lead to other consequences. Research indicates that low self-esteem can lead to addiction to drugs or alcohol. Most theories suggest that the use of drugs is a form of escape behavior undertaken by people who want to avoid the negative feelings they have about themselves. Substance use can further lower self-esteem, creating a cycle wherein substance use lowers self-esteem, subsequently increasing substance use.
Low self-esteem is also strongly correlated with diagnoses of depression and anxiety. Low self-esteem introduces a cyclical relationship that reinforces both a negative self-image and mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety can both be caused by or the cause of, poor self-image. Sometimes, a person experiencing a mental health condition feels low self-esteem because of the stigma surrounding mental health. Conversely, the effects of depression and anxiety can introduce feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, which lowers self-esteem.
Improving self-esteem
Self-esteem can be improved through effort, but it is often much easier to work with the help of a professional, especially if a significant mental health concern may be the cause of low self-esteem. If your attempts to improve your self-esteem don't seem to be working, or if you struggle to find the motivation, consider speaking with a therapist to help get you on the track to confidence in social relationships.
There are several methods that you can try to improve self-esteem; two are described below:
Increase self-compassion
Taking time to recognize that you are not alone and that many people feel the same way you do can be beneficial. Low self-esteem can make people feel like they are worse than everyone else or inferior to most people. It is unlikely that is actually true, and gently reminding yourself of that can help.
When practicing self-compassion, you should follow one primary rule: talk to yourself in the same manner as you would talk to a person you respect and love. You may find that you are much harsher towards yourself than you are to others. You may also find that being gentler in your own self-talk can help alleviate some of the negative thoughts about your self-image.
Manage cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are harmful and unhelpful thought processes that can potentially decrease self-esteem. Distortions are based on emotion, not fact, and often do not accurately reflect reality. Below are some common cognitive distortions that are likely to lower self-esteem:
- Labeling. Labeling yourself restricts you to a specific definition. For example, if you label yourself as a person who "isn't good in social situations," you are less likely to pursue opportunities for socialization.
- Disqualifying the Positive. Those with low self-esteem tend to disqualify the positive frequently. In this distortion, you focus only on the negative and find reasons to disregard positive traits.
- Should-ing. It can be easy to get caught up in what you "should" be doing rather than what you can actually accomplish. For example, a person may feel they have less value if they feel like they should have accomplished more career milestones by this point in their life.
- Personalization. Sometimes it's easy to take things too personally. If you feel like all negative interactions or events occur because of who you are as a person, it will be challenging to develop self-esteem.
Managing cognitive distortions begins with noticing when they occur. Don't worry about addressing and changing every distortion you experience immediately, but try to recognize when they occur. When you're ready, you can refute the distortion and replace it with a positive, rational belief.
Improving confidence
Becoming confident requires activities that allow you to improve or recognize your abilities in a certain area. If you'd like to improve your confidence in social situations, you will need to put yourself in social situations and practice your social skills. Here are a few things you can do to help boost your confidence when you join social situations:
Work out regularly
One of the best antidotes for a poor self-image is an exercise routine. Not only will you be in better shape, but regular exercise is especially effective at combatting depression and anxiety. Working out is also likely to improve your confidence regardless of your appearance. Exercise releases chemicals in the brain associated with achievement and accomplishment, boosting self-esteem and confidence.
Adopt a new style
The clothes you choose affect how others perceive you but also how you perceive yourself. Try a new wardrobe for a confidence boost. It doesn't need to align with the latest fashion; the goal isn't to demonstrate how trendy you are. Select clothing based on how you feel about your appearance while wearing it. If you think you look good, you will likely behave in a more confident manner.
Get out of your comfort zone
Building confidence in social situations is difficult without putting yourself in uncomfortable positions. Try finding something that takes you out of your social comfort zone, like a new class or hobby group with unfamiliar people. You can also try socializing where strangers are encouraged to mingle and interact, like bars or nightclubs. Try approaching individuals to initiate a conversation and test your heightened self-esteem.
How can online therapy help?
An online therapist is well-qualified to help you address low self-esteem or confidence concerns. Therapists who practice online have the same qualifications and training as traditional in-person therapists and use the same evidence-based techniques. They can provide interventions for low self-esteem and confidence, helping you along as you grow in your journey. Accessing therapy online can make getting help from a qualified professional easier by removing some of the barriers associated with traditional therapy, like traveling to an office or being restricted to nearby therapists only. Although therapy is provided remotely, evidence indicates that online psychotherapy is just as effective as traditional in-person therapy.
Takeaway
Confidence in social relationships rests on a foundation of good self-esteem. People who do not value themselves will likely have difficulty improving their social confidence. Building self-esteem begins with practicing self-compassion; treating yourself gently is important. Catching and addressing harmful, negative thought processes is also an important component. Confidence can be built by practicing social skills. Venture out of your social comfort zone, meet new people, and try new things. You should also consider adopting an exercise routine, which is strongly associated with feelings of accomplishment and achievement. You may also consider a new wardrobe; it doesn't need to be fashionable, but you need to feel like you look good wearing your new clothes.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs):
How do I build my self-esteem and confidence?
You can build your self-esteem and confidence by first believing in yourself and reminding yourself that you can become confident in any situation.
Building confidence involves looking inward and understanding who you are as a person. Sometimes, you may not like the person you see. You may also have to accept what you may consider your weaknesses and faults to move forward with self-improvement.
A confident person understands their strengths and weaknesses. For more guidance on confidence how to build it, consider the following tips:
- Conquer your fears
- Perhaps the best way to feel more confident in various situations is to confront the things that might usually make you nervous, anxious, or otherwise distressed.
- Constantly ask questions
- If you are more curious about your surroundings, you may discover new things about the world around you and be open to new experiences. How can you improve your self-worth? How can you challenge yourself?
How do you develop extreme confidence?
You can develop extreme confidence by focusing on promoting a positive mentality in all aspects of your life.
The best way to attain this positive feeling is to identify any negative beliefs you may have about yourself. After identifying them, you can then challenge yourself to face these beliefs and overcome them.
If a part of you thinks you cannot do a job, then provide evidence that proves the contrary. So long as you have one positive thing to say about yourself, you can gradually overcome your negative beliefs about yourself.
Another good idea is to consider the experiences and interactions you’ve had with others. Perhaps one of the best ways to become a better person is to listen to those with opinions that you trust.
Ultimately, the best advice for developing extreme confidence is to have faith in yourself, surround yourself with positive and supportive people, and continuously strive to become your best self.
How do I stop being so insecure?
You may be able to lessen feelings of insecurity by practicing self-care and positive self-affirmation techniques. You can do so in the following ways:
- Focus on your passions
- Some people may have trouble building confidence because they may believe that they are not good at something. One of the best ways to gain confidence is to find something that you love and spend time improving your craft.
- Take care of your health, both mental and physical
- When you focus on your health and see improvements, such as having more stamina or feeling more energized, you may gain confidence in yourself. It can feel really good to live a healthy lifestyle, and it’s likely to boost your wellbeing overall.
- Write in a journal
- Spend some time writing in a journal each day. The journal entries do not have to belong, and they can be about anything you want to write about. You can discuss your feelings, a favorite part of your day, or talk about your passions. Your journal can allow you to vent about an annoying situation, and by writing, you can understand why you felt uncomfortable.
Another great way to overcome your insecurity is by reminding yourself that others feel the same way. In fact, most young people experience some degree of insecurity, and many of them experience it to a great degree.
What does confidence look like?
The look of confidence differs from person to person. However, confidence is more than just looking like you are confident. For many individuals, being confident means understanding who you are as a person.
Thus, confident people look confident because they know themselves well, and they’re firm in their belief that their actions are beneficial and reasonable. Many confident people aren’t afraid to express their opinions, speak to new people, or otherwise, go outside of their comfort zone. Still, every individual’s personal limitations and goals will be different.
Some people may have a sense of insecurity because they are afraid that they are not good enough. One great way to overcome this sort of insecurity is by not letting others decide if you are good enough - instead, base your successes and improvements on your own goals and desires.
Remember that, in many cases, the most crucial part of being confident is taking care of yourself and working at your own pace. If you feel that you may never gain confidence, you can rest assured that it is indeed possible; it just takes time for many people.
Is being confident attractive?
Many may find confident people to be attractive and alluring.
As a result, other people feel happy around a confident person or may even be inspired to build confidence.
The most confident people can often make you smile, feel happy, think about yourself in a more critical and positive spotlight, and push you to become your best self. When it comes to confidence in building it and maintaining it, though, things aren’t always straightforward.
Working to maintain your confidence as an individual throughout different parts of your life can certainly be challenging. It can also be a challenge to be surrounded by confident people when you feel insecure yourself. In either case, working with a mental health professional may be a great way to get the guidance and support you might need.
What does quiet confidence look like?
A person exhibiting quiet confidence is confident in their words and actions even though they are not especially vocal.
Instead of being the loudest person in the room, they may be quiet, observe surroundings, and be curious about people’s lives apart from themselves. Those who seem quiet or reserved aren’t necessarily less confident or self-assured than those who are vocal.
However, people who are loud and make their presence known can possess somebody with quiet confidence as well. Ultimately, it depends on the person and what they feel is the best way to express themselves.
What are the 3 tips to boost your confidence?
What builds confidence the most?
Why is it important to build confidence?
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