Seven Ways To Thrive As A Step Family

Learning how to flourish as a stepfamily could be considered an art. It can take a significant amount of trial and error, not to mention patience. Still, if you build a strong foundation from the beginning, your family may have a better chance of thriving. Depending on which parental role you play, there may be some things you can do to ensure your stepfamily is successful.  

Put the kids first

Children are fully reliant on their parents to keep them safe and happy. Thus, every decision that you make as a stepfamily has the potential to affect the kids in the short and long terms. Recognizing this early on can help you keep your priorities in line and work as a team to achieve the goals you have for your family.  It may take a bit of practice, and you may stumble and fall, but together, you can find a way. 

Find common ground

Adding a stepparent (and possibly stepsiblings) to the family unit can cause tension. Perhaps the best way to ease these tensions is to find common ground. Find something that you have in common such as a hobby, sport, or passion, and run with it. Think of it as a tool you can use to build connections and trust with your new family member. 

Form a routine

It may not be their favorite thing to admit, but children thrive on routine. On the other hand, a child without structure is often a stressed-out child. Stressed-out children may have trouble focusing, communicating, and expressing their emotions. When you have a stepchild feeling this way, it can have a negative impact on the entire family.

There may be an easy solution for this. Establishing a routine for your household can make a world of difference. There are many ways you can implement a household routine. If the kids are visual learners, consider making a graphic for the fridge. Here, you can list the schedule for the day or detail individual chores.  

For some families, it might be easier to set up a group text. This can work especially well for stepfamilies with older kids. You can use the group text to communicate activities for the day, expectations, and reminders. This could be a good option for stepfamilies who want to stay connected even when they’re not all together.  

Focus on individual relationships

When we think of a family, we may focus on the group as a whole. A solid team mentality can be important, but consider that individual bonds are also necessary. Here's an example:

Lori and Johnny married when Johnny's daughter Lu was just six years old. Lori didn't have any children but was itching to start a family. The relationship with Johnny's ex-wife was strained, causing tension with all of the adults. This made it hard for Lori and Lu to bond. When Lori got pregnant right away, Lu felt pushed to the side and ignored. Everyone was so excited about the baby. Lu was so proud when her first little brother was born. By the time her second brother was born two years later, she felt like everyone had forgotten about her.

Was Lu really abandoned and forgotten about? Maybe not, but she felt that way, and perception shapes reality. This story has a happy ending, but only after years of hurt feelings and therapy. Perhaps these problems could have been solved sooner if the grown-ups had spent some time bonding with Lu individually. 

Consider that the family members who are having trouble connecting are the ones who may need the most one-on-one time together. If others are around during these bonding times, it might be too easy to get distracted and shift the focus. You may want to make solo plans instead, even if they seem a bit awkward. 

Strive for effective co-parenting

Another part of thriving as a stepfamily may require the cooperation of the other biological parent. If they are still in the picture, effective co-parenting is a must. This can be a particularly difficult subject for many new stepfamilies. There might be unhealed wounds or unresolved conflicts between the previous couple, which can get in the way of being effective co-parents. Getting along while co-parenting or stepparenting may require you to put your pride aside. 

When you are dealing with a difficult ex, co-parenting can be a challenge. Although old wounds may be difficult to get past, it is necessary for the children's mental health. Kids need to see both of their families getting along and working together. If the parents cannot get along with each other, they can decide to practice parallel parenting to avoid further conflict in co-parenting the kids.

Eat dinner together

Perhaps one of the best ways to encourage communication and closeness is to make it a point to gather at dinner time. You can use this time to talk about the day or focus on family issues that need resolving. Having dinner together presents many possibilities for communication. If anything ever comes up, your children will know that dinnertime is a time when they can come to talk and be heard. 

When you decide to implement this strategy, you can use a couple of pointers to get the most out of your time. First, consider implementing a no-technology policy at the dinner table. Cell phones and tablets can be distractions that lead to unproductive or reduced conversation. Additionally, you may want to make sure that everyone has a chance to speak their mind. Even if this means staying seated for a while after finishing your dinner, consider doing so. This may ensure each member of your stepfamily feels equally valued and respected.

Enlist some professional help

If you are still struggling with issues with your stepfamily, it may be time to reach out for help. A licensed counselor or therapist could be a good person to have on your team. These trained mental health professionals can help you navigate the complex dynamics that sometimes cause conflict within a stepfamily. 

When you’re trying to manage life as a stepfamily, though, it can be hard to juggle everyone’s schedules and make time for therapy. Online therapy can save you time since you can access it from home. You can skip the commute and attend sessions wherever you have an Internet connection. It may also prove more convenient since appointments are available outside of normal business hours. 

Online therapy has been proven effective by researchers in the field of mental health. A recent meta-analysis found that internet-based counseling for couples and families yielded similar results when compared to in-person treatment. 

Takeaway

The counselors and therapists at Regain could be a good resource for your stepfamily. They have thousands of hours of collective experience helping families just like yours reach their full potential. The online platform makes it easy to match with a compatible therapist for you and your family. Reach out for support today, and you could be well on your way to enjoying life as a thriving stepfamily.