How To Live With A Dysfunctional Family

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What are the characteristics of a dysfunctional family?

No family is perfect. Imperfections and quarrels are normal, whereas dysfunctional family dynamics can have long-lasting effects and turn into harmful cycles that negatively impact family members if left unaddressed. Characteristics of a dysfunctional family include pervasive conflict, substance use or mental health disorders, difficulty setting boundaries or no effort in setting boundaries at all, verbal physical or emotional abuse, lack of emotional support, a controlling parent or controlling partner, poor communication, or withholding love.

All dysfunctional families will hone different characteristics and will need to be addressed differently as a result. Dysfunctional families can heal and establish healthy family dynamics. One of the best ways to do so is to attend family therapy. In family therapy, all of your family members will see a mental health provider together and collaborate to work through concerns within the unit, whether related to a specific family member or the unit as a whole.

What defines a dysfunctional family?

Generally, a dysfunctional family is categorized by dysfunctional family patterns. If family problems are pervasive and last long term, it may be the case of a dysfunctional family. The word dysfunctional in and of itself means the opposite of functional. If something is functioning correctly, it may have issues occasionally, but for the most part, it operates healthily. When it comes to a functional family, family members generally work on conflict resolution together and have communication skills that allow them to work through arguments without yelling, becoming aggressive in any way, and so on. Concerns are dealt with head-on, and family members will be supported when someone goes through a mental illness.

Additionally, family members will work on their mental health and behavior on an individual level if necessary. There will not be abuse, neglect, or attempts to hide problematic behavior in a functional family. All families go through hard times, but when a family's problems show up in a functional family, family members will feel heard, supported, and know that they're loved. There's no withholding of love or affection in a healthy relationship or family dynamic, which is one potential trait of toxic family members or dysfunctional families. Withholding love or affection is a form of emotional abuse that can leave deep psychological scars.

Various things can lead to a dysfunctional family, such as substance use disorder or other untreated mental health disorders that affect the family, communication issues, frequent disagreements, ugly spousal arguments, divorce or separation, etc. It may even be an issue where toxic family patterns have been passed on from generation to generation. The good news is that these patterns don't need to continue. Know that many dysfunctional families heal and that you can heal on an individual level, too.

How do you deal with a dysfunctional family?

The best way to deal with a dysfunctional family is to see a licensed counselor or therapist for family counseling. In family counseling, you'll get together as a family and make a genuine effort to let your walls down and work through concerns that may be affecting family members or the family unit as a whole. As an adult, you might decide to cut ties with your family or family members in some cases. If you have disengaged from family members that either harmed you or were toxic for you, there will still be healing to do after you have distanced from these family members. In this case, you can see an individual counselor that can help you deal with a dysfunctional family. They can also help you manage setting boundaries and navigating concerns with family members that are still in your life. Additionally, you can address patterns in your family to heal from them and so that you won't continue these patterns in your relations moving forward.

How does a dysfunctional family affect a child?

Living in a dysfunctional family can prompt a variety of concerns for a child. Children with dysfunctional family patterns often reenact these patterns, either in real-time or later in life. This is part of why it is so important to get help if you live with a dysfunctional family, even if it does exist under the surface primarily. Here are some of the things that a child in a dysfunctional family may face:

• Behavioral issues
• Difficulty in school
• Trouble regulating emotions or emotional outbursts
• Higher likelihood of an attachment disorder
• Low confidence or self-esteem
• Emotional numbness or trouble validating one's feelings
• Anger
• Difficulty maintaining friendships or other relationships.

If a child has undergone or been exposed to some form of abuse, it can lead to long-term PTSD or C-PTSD. 5.5 million children are involved in CPS reports annually, with 65% of those cases related to neglect and the others related to some form of abuse.

Is it okay to cut family out of your life?

It is okay to cut family members out of your life. As an adult, you have complete control over who is in your life and who isn't. Although it may be a difficult decision to cut family members out of your life, there are cases where people find it necessary. For example, you might choose to cut family members out in cases of abuse and neglect. No one deserves to undergo abuse and neglect, but every victim deserves to heal. Once you're of age, you get to decide what your life looks like moving forward. Suppose you have a controlling parent or a family member that gets angry easily, for example. In that case, it's perfectly reasonable to deal with them by setting boundaries or distancing yourself from them. You may have your own family one day, whether that's a chosen family or one that you build with a partner. You get to break the cycle by being aware of the issues within your family and making sure that they don't continue. A family member's struggle with anger does not have to become yours. The same is true for families with a history of substance use, abuse, neglect, or poor communication. If you don't feel safe around a particular family member, you must maintain distance from them.

How can a dysfunctional family be happy?

If family members are invested in working through and negating dysfunctional patterns, they can establish a happy and healthy family dynamic. Family counseling can help families address dysfunctional behavior. It can help family members understand each other's thoughts and feelings and offer emotional support. It can also address poor communication and mental health concerns that impact one or more family members. When it comes to repairing any kind of relationship, familial or otherwise, spending time together is important. More specifically, spending time together in enjoyable and low-stress ways can help a bond solidify. Of course, if abuse or neglect is present in the family dynamic or you don't feel safe around your family, you must maintain an appropriate distance from them. Family issues are sensitive, and every family is different, so it's important to do what's right for you. To remember about family issues is that it's a collaborative effort to change anything that's gone awry in the connection. If you are the only one who wants to see a change and your family members won't go to counseling or aren't open to facing the issue at all, it is smart not to depend on their change for your stability. Unfortunately, there are some cases where you will have to go through the healing process on your own, and your family will stay stuck in their patterns. As difficult as it is, you should always be proud of reaching out for help. Working through dysfunctional family patterns is complex, especially since they're often ingrained deeply, and you are strong for doing so.

What causes a dysfunctional family?

There are different types of dysfunctional families. A dysfunctional family is characterized by dysfunctional behavior and dysfunctional family patterns. However, dysfunctional families don't need to wear the label for the rest of their lives. It is possible to work through dysfunctional patterns and dysfunctional family behavior. Family counseling or therapy is extremely effective in helping families work through a variety of issues. To find a family therapist or licensed counselor, you can search the internet for a provider in your local area or check with your insurance company to see what mental health professionals they cover near you. You can also ask your doctor for a referral or take advantage of an employee assistance program at work. Sometimes, people can access free or low-cost counseling services through religious institutions, educational institutions, and community centers. Low-income families are often eligible for insurance that will cover all or most of their therapy costs when they see certain providers, whether for individual counseling or family counseling. Another option is remote therapy, which can be particularly helpful for individuals or couples struggling with family issues and any other mental health, relationship, or life concerns. Regardless of what form of counseling you choose, you and your family members can work together to establish a healthy dynamic and support each other.