The Different Types Of Domestic Abuse And How To Get Help

Updated March 20, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse or domestic violence, is a serious issue that can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, age, or culture. Unfortunately, this type of violence happens often. In fact, research and intimate partner abuse stats show that in the United States, every nine seconds, a woman is beaten or assaulted. Sadly, one out of every three women and one in four men worldwide has experienced physical violence from their intimate partner. This can include anything from pushing to slapping to punching. Spousal abuse can be more than just physical abuse, though. There are many forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, sexual, controlling, and financial. Learning these types of domestic violence can help you identify the signs and how to keep yourself safe. Let’s get started!

Physical abuse

Physical abuse can happen early in a relationship, or it may start so gradually that you do not even realize it is happening. It can start with pushing or shoving and escalate to shaking, slapping, kicking, and even punching or strangling. In many cases, the abuser is loving and caring at first and may not show any signs of abusive behavior for years. They may apologize and say it will never happen again. But, often, it does. Nobody has the right to do that to anyone. It is against the law, and you need to prioritize your safety and get away.

Verbal abuse

Whether it is threats, name-calling, yelling, or terrorizing, verbal abuse can be just as frightening and damaging as physical abuse. Threats and cursing at you are not healthy or acceptable-no one deserves to be treated this way.

Emotional abuse

Emotional or mental abuse includes intimidation, insults, accusations, ignoring, belittling, manipulation, and more. Like verbal abuse, emotional abusers tend to insult or humiliate their partner in an attempt to make them think they are worthless or to scare them into doing what they want. Your abuser may threaten you or tell you that you are crazy and that everything is your fault. They may ignore you for days or neglect your needs, not letting you talk to or see anyone. Emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercing you to behave how your abuser wants you to.

Sexual abuse

Sometimes sexual abuse does not even feel like abuse. You may think that your partner is having sex with you because they love you and that a change in your sex drive means you are the problem. Being touched you or talked to about sex can be a form of sexual abuse. In the past, many people thought that if you were married or in a relationship with someone that you were obligated to have sex with them. However, this is not true; your body is always your own, regardless of your relationship status. If someone touches you against your wishes, that is sexual abuse.

Controlling

Like other types of abuse, being controlled by someone can begin so gradually that you may not even know it is happening. It may begin with your partner asking you where you have been or checking your phone or the car's mileage. They may start questioning your family and friends as to what you do when you are with them. Eventually, your partner may prevent you from hanging out with friends or family and may even stop you from working. They can cut you off from everyone by taking your car, money, and phone so you cannot get help. Do you feel that you have no other choice but to do what they want, or as though you are walking on eggshells around them? If so, you may be experiencing abuse in the form of controlling behaviors.

Financial abuse

Also known as economic abuse, this is a way to control someone by controlling their income. Your partner may not allow you to have any money or may take your paychecks. They may spend your money on whatever they want and blame you for not having the money to pay bills. It may start as your partner simply asking you to deposit your check into their account to combine your income and pay shared bills. They may say they will pay the bills, so you do not have to worry about it. However, eventually, it can be a control issue as your partner does not allow you to the account and does not pay the bills or buy groceries and other needs.

Your abuser may also make it difficult for you to find or keep a job. This type of abuse can make it difficult for you to get money to get away from your abuser. That is part of the plan as your partner knows that if you have no money, it will be hard for you to leave.

Isolation

This can seem innocent at first as your partner wants to spend time with you "alone" and keeps you at home with them rather than visiting family or friends. They may tell your family and friends that you do not want to see them or may even threaten to hurt them or you if they keep trying to talk to you. Eventually, you notice that you have nobody to turn to when you need someone to help you. However, there is always someone to turn to. Even if you do not have money or cannot get in touch with family or friends, someone can help. Professionals such as police or a social worker can help you get away from your abuser, and a counselor or therapist can help you heal.

Get away

Safety should be your first priority. You may want to call the police. If you’re not sure where to go, there are plenty of domestic violence shelters that can help you, even if you have children. 

If you are being abused, no matter what type of abuse it is, you should prioritize getting out of the situation. Sometimes it can be difficult to prove that your abuser has hurt you, especially with emotional, verbal, or financial abuse. In these cases, it is best to get away from them. If you do not have any family or friends nearby, go to the nearest police station or hospital. Find a shelter that helps abuse survivors and visit them. They will help you or find someone who can help you.

Get help

Once you get away from your abuser, it is important to stay away from them. Many abusers will apologize, and might promise to get help and change. However, until you are sure you’re safe, and until the abuser has proven that they have changed, you should not continue to put yourself in danger. Stay away from them, and surround yourself with loving, supportive friends and family. Of course, you may want to believe that they are sorry and will never do it again. You might love them and want your relationship to work. But for them to change, they need to acknowledge that there is an issue and that they need help to change.

Couples counseling

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