Manipulation In A Relationship: Signs To Watch Out For

Updated March 15, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Content warning: This article includes references to abuse and other topics that may be considered triggering. Please proceed with discretion. If you are experiencing or witnessing any form of abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

Manipulative behavior can be subtle, but its effects can be profound in any context. Manipulation can lead to feelings of anger, confusion, and stress, as well as reduced self-esteem. Things can become even more problematic when the person manipulating you is your significant other, a situation that has the potential to create feelings of resentment and lead to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. But how do you know when your partner is being manipulative?

In this article, we will explore manipulation in relationships in more detail: what it is, common warning signs of manipulation, and how therapy can help you move forward when you feel your partner is being manipulative. 

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Have concerns about manipulation in your relationship?
"Manipulation can happen to the best of us, so don’t feel bad if it happens to you. Manipulation does not come with a loud roar, it usually creeps quietly into a room until you are under its spell. If this happens to you, don’t feel ashamed, rather acknowledge the manipulation and seek out a counselor for guidance on how to set boundaries to avoid falling into the manipulation trap again. It’s definitely doable!" - Dr. Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPCC

What is manipulation in a relationship?

Manipulation is the use of calculated emotional and mental tactics in order to get another person to behave in a certain way. It is often a way of exerting control and power over another person by influencing them to act or react in a way they otherwise wouldn’t. Manipulation may involve exploiting a person’s weaknesses and feelings, using psychological tactics to push them in a certain direction, or even making them question their own instincts and memories. 

In a relationship, manipulative behavior can be insidious. Your romantic partner is often one of the closest people to you in your life, meaning there is potential for them to exploit your emotions and take advantage of their closeness to you in order to get what they want. In some cases, manipulation in a relationship may even be considered a form of emotional abuse. According to a study from 2020, emotional abuse can have a range of potential negative side effects, including stress and anxiety, low self-esteem, fear, and depression. But how do you recognize manipulative behavior in your relationship?

Warning signs of manipulative behavior

The warning signs of manipulation can be subtle and difficult to spot. That said, manipulation tends to take a few common forms, which it may be helpful to be aware of if you have concerns about manipulation in your relationship. Some warning signs of manipulation to watch out for include:

  • Guilt trips: Guilt-tripping is the act of trying to make another person feel bad or ashamed in order to make them change their mind about something, apologize for something, or change their course of action. This could involve bringing up past mistakes, implying or stating that something was hurtful, or otherwise trying to create feelings of shame or guilt.

  • Making you question your sanity: Also known as gaslighting, this form of manipulation involves making someone question their recollections or perceptions. Someone engaging in gaslighting may insist that a lie is actually the truth, stand by an incorrect version of events, or respond to those who question them with statements like, “You’re crazy,” or “You’re making things up.”

  • Coercion: Coercion is the use of threats in order to get a person to act a certain way. A common example of coercion in a relationship is when one partner threatens to leave the other in order to make their partner do what they want. 

  • Giving you the silent treatment: When your partner emotionally or physically withdraws from you, this may be a sign that they are trying to manipulate you. They may stop talking to you altogether, or otherwise withhold physical or emotional affection until you act the way they want you to. 

  • Love-bombing: This form of manipulation involves an intense demonstration of love and affection that often happens earlier than expected in a relationship. It may also include excessive flattery, extravagant gifts, or moving forward too quickly, which can then later evolve into other forms of manipulation or abuse. 

These are just a few examples of manipulative behaviors to watch out for in your relationship. It’s important to note that it’s common for most people to engage in occasional manipulative behaviors, sometimes unintentionally, and not all signs of manipulation necessarily point to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. However, if a pattern of these behaviors develops in your relationship, that may a potential warning sign. 

Couples therapy: A resource for navigating manipulation

Because of the closeness of romantic relationships, it can be difficult to figure out if behaviors you’ve noticed are genuinely manipulative or not. Manipulation is not always intentional, and it can stem from other causes besides malicious intent. A licensed relationship therapist can provide useful insight into whether what you’re experiencing is a cause for concern. 

Relationship therapy can allow couples to strengthen their communication, get to the bottom of potentially unhealthy dynamics, and determine the best course of action for their situation. That said, couples with busy schedules may find it difficult to attend in-person relationship counseling. In these cases, online relationship therapy through a platform like Regain may be beneficial. With the ability to attend counseling from wherever is most convenient, online therapy provides an element of flexibility that may make it more accessible for couples juggling commitments at home and at work. 

Studies have shown that online couples therapy is an effective alternative to in-person counseling. According to a 2022 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, couples who attended therapy via videoconferencing saw similar results to in-person therapy. Meanwhile, a study from 2020 found that therapy delivered online led couples to feel closer to their therapists.

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Have concerns about manipulation in your relationship?

Takeaway

Manipulation is the use of emotional or mental strategies to influence another person’s behavior. In relationships, manipulation can be difficult to spot, but it can have a variety of negative mental health consequences, and it may even be considered a form of emotional abuse. Possible signs of manipulation in a relationship include the silent treatment, coercion or guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and love-bombing, among others. If you are concerned your partner is showing signs of manipulative behavior, a licensed couples therapist, such as those on Regain, can help you unpack what you’ve experienced and find a strategy for moving forward. 

If you are experiencing or witnessing abuse of any kind, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

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