Finding Your Way Forward Through Domestic Violence Counseling

Updated March 16, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Experiencing violence and abuse from someone you care about can be disorienting, frightening, and deeply painful. In addition to the immediate negative impacts on your happiness and safety, domestic violence can be damaging to your mental health. Overcoming these hardships may be much easier with help from a counselor trained in assisting those affected by abuse. This article will discuss how domestic violence counseling works and how it could help you.

Therapy can help survivors of domestic abuse process their traumatic experiences and let go of anxiety and depression. It may also assist with rebuilding self-esteem and letting go of unhealthy relationship patterns. In addition, many domestic violence counselors can help people exiting abusive relationships find crucial resources such as housing and childcare.

Get help navigating abuse and its aftermath

Who is domestic violence counseling for?

People in unsafe or unhealthy relationships can sometimes be reluctant to describe what they’re experiencing as abuse. They may worry that they’ll be perceived as overreacting, or that others will judge, blame, or stigmatize them. Some may feel that because their situations don’t fit a particular stereotypical image of an abusive relationship, what they’re experiencing doesn’t “count” as domestic violence.

However, domestic abuse (sometimes called intimate partner abuse or intimate partner violence) can take many forms. Not all of them involve bodily harm. For example, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that forced sexual acts, stalking, threats, and intimidation can all be considered forms of intimate partner violence. 

An abusive partner may also attempt to tear you down emotionally, convincing you that you’re unintelligent, unattractive, helpless, or a bad person. Some abusers might seek to isolate you from family and friends or control your career and finances. 

All of these things can be psychologically damaging, and if you’ve experienced any of them, domestic violence counseling may help. If you’re currently in a relationship you think may be abusive and you need immediate help, you can find counseling resources and advice through the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can get in touch through the linked website or by dialing 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The trained volunteers there will be able to advise you on planning for your safety and help you find the assistance you need.

If you’ve been abused by someone close to you, you’re far from alone. Reports suggest that roughly 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience intimate partner violence at some point in their lives. Receiving help from a domestic violence counselor can help you recover and move forward.

What are the benefits of domestic violence counseling?

You may still be wondering what exactly domestic violence counseling can do for you. Here are a few specific ways it can help:

Identifying warning signs

Most people don’t choose partners knowing in advance that they’ll be abusive — in many cases, the relationship seems wonderful at first. Controlling and violent behavior may creep in slowly, sometimes causing the abused partner to be uncertain or confused about what’s happening. However, there are often warning indicators that a domestic violence counselor can help you recognize, enabling you to take action.

Planning for safety

Domestic violence can escalate over time, sometimes to the point of murder. For example, reports suggest that almost half of all female victims of homicide over the past decade were killed by their partners. The numbers are lower for men, but the risk is still there. Counselors can offer time-tested advice on developing a plan for how you can safely separate yourself from a violent abuser.

Opportunity for self-expression

People in abusive relationships may feel unable to honestly express their thoughts and feelings for fear of triggering their partner’s rage. Even after separating from an abuser, the feeling that it’s unsafe to open up may persist. Therapy can offer a safe space for those who have experienced intimate partner violence to share their emotions, thoughts, and stories.

Improved self-esteem

Research indicates that many people who have been affected by intimate partner violence may struggle with a negative self-image. They may have difficulty trusting their own abilities and judgment. Sometimes, they may not believe that they “deserve” happiness, security, or a loving relationship. If you’re grappling with issues like this, domestic violence counseling may help you build up a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence.

Connection with resources

Controlling and violent partners frequently attempt to cut their partners off from money, social support, transportation, and other potential sources of independence. Counselors can often help survivors access the resources they need to build a life separate from their abuser, such as:

  • Temporary shelter
  • Permanent housing
  • Protective orders
  • Legal services
  • Childcare
  • Medical assistance
  • Job training

An experienced domestic violence counselor may be able to offer referrals to other social services, sometimes acting as a liaison with the relevant agencies. They can help fill out forms and navigate bureaucracy, and may also appear in court to advocate on a survivor’s behalf.

Management of PTSD

Being subjected to violence, emotional abuse, sexual coercion, or controlling behavior from a loved one can be a jarring, traumatizing experience. Many people develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result. Counseling can include trauma-based therapy to help survivors process their experiences and substantially reduce symptoms of PTSD.

Mental health treatment

In addition to PTSD, domestic violence appears to be a major risk factor for depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other severe psychological disorders. The intense stress of an abusive relationship may significantly impair mental health. Domestic abuse counselors are generally trained and licensed mental health care professionals. They can provide evidence-based therapies to help clients overcome these disorders and improve their well-being.

Care and healing for children

In many cases of domestic violence, the romantic partner of the abuser is not the only one affected. Children may also develop psychological and behavioral problems when they witness one of their parents harming the other, even when they themselves were not abused. If your children have been affected by the violence you’ve experienced, a trained counselor can teach you effective strategies for helping them recover emotionally.

Better relationship skills

As you move on from an abusive relationship, you may wish to find new romantic connections. But your past experiences of domestic abuse may have negatively affected your confidence or distorted your ideas about how relationships work. Counseling can help you develop healthy, effective ways to look for love and relate to future partners.

Connection with support groups

Individual therapy can be enormously helpful for survivors of domestic violence. However, it can also be beneficial to get support from a community of other people who have undergone similar experiences. Support groups can bring survivors together to offer each other companionship, assistance, advice, and a chance to share experiences and be understood. A domestic violence counselor can often help you find groups in your area or online.

Can domestic violence counseling help abusers?

Most counseling resources for intimate partner violence focus on assisting survivors. But what about the people responsible for the abuse? Can psychological treatment help them reduce or eliminate their violent behavior?

Although there are a number of treatment programs that aim to correct abusive behavior, the evidence for their effectiveness is limited. Many attempts to evaluate how well these programs work at reducing future violence have found only small effect sizes.

Some people experiencing domestic violence may be interested in pursuing couples therapy. They may hope that they can develop healthier relationship dynamics and convince their partners to stop their abusive behavior. Many counselors and assistance organizations don’t recommend this type of treatment, however, because they’re concerned that the discussion of sensitive issues in counseling may result in further violence from the abuser in retaliation.

There’s controversy about this issue among psychological researchers. Some studies suggest that couples therapy might help in cases where violence is infrequent and situational. However, more research is likely needed to recommend this type of treatment. And in cases where a partner is showing a sustained pattern of controlling, violent abuse, there’s a strong chance that couples counseling could do more harm than good. 

It’s generally best to prioritize your safety over trying to salvage the relationship. If you’re concerned that therapy might provoke a violent response in your partner, you may not want to encourage them to attend.

Getty/Vadym Pastukh
Get help navigating abuse and its aftermath

Online counseling may help

Attending therapy can be difficult if you’re in an abusive partnership with someone who monitors your whereabouts or restricts your access to transportation. And if you’ve recently left a violent partner, you may be living in transitional housing or an unfamiliar location. In situations like these, online counseling may be easier to access.

Remote therapy is a somewhat newer treatment approach for survivors of intimate partner violence, but early research suggests it can help. A randomized trial of one Internet-based therapy method showed substantial effects on symptoms of PTSD and depression. Many of these positive effects were still evident when researchers followed up 40 weeks later. And research into other types of therapy has found little difference between online and in-person treatment.

Takeaway

Counseling can provide a wide range of benefits for those who have experienced intimate partner abuse. It can improve self-esteem and help with mental health difficulties like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Domestic violence counselors may also be able to help with the pragmatic challenges of exiting an abusive relationship, such as safety planning and accessing social services. Working with trained counselors may significantly improve outcomes for survivors.

For Additional Help & Support With Your ConcernsThis website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.