The Number One Cause Of Divorce In The U.S. - Legal Dissolution Statistics
Medically Reviewed By Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMHWhen he put that wedding ring on your finger on that special day, you thought for sure you'd be together forever. Life was perfect and surreal; you and your spouse never fought and always agreed on everything. A decade has passed, and you realize that your marriage is on autopilot. Spontaneous dates and flirtation has given way to long days at the office and picking up kids from daycare. Where you once had all the time in the world for each other now succumbs to a kiss before bedtime, or an "I love you," which in itself is rare. You've lost interest in your spouse, your marriage, your future, and divorce-the one word you swore would never enter your marriage-now takes the forefront of your thoughts.
Legal Dissolution Statistics In The U.S.
According to national statistics, U.S.divorce rates have climbed steadily over the last 150 years, although certain factors have disrupted that steady climb. For example, due to the Great Depression in the 1930s, many couples chose to stay together because they couldn't afford the cost and substantial life changes after divorce. It wasn't until the unemployment rate decreased that the upward divorce trend continued. After World War II, there was a distinctive spike in the rate of divorce; in 1944, the divorce rate was 29%, in 1945, it rose to 35%, and in 1946 it increased another 8 percentage points to 43%. A few factors played into this increase: the stress of deployment strained some marriages to the breaking point. Wives left husbands for new partners while their spouse was fighting overseas, and husbands left wives for the English or German girlfriends they met while on deployment. Also, women who worked during the war to support the war effort found freedom in working and didn't want to give it up.
The next big jump in the rate of divorce was in the 1970s. In 1970, the divorce rate was 35%, while only nine years later, it jumped to 53%. Changes to the divorce laws, including having the option of no-fault divorce and the ability to cite irreconcilable differences as the reason for the divorce, made obtaining a divorce much easier, thereby contributing to the increase.
The U.S. divorce rate slowly began falling in the early 1990s and has since continued on an overall downward trend. In fact, Americans today in their late 20s have a less than 50% chance of getting divorced, and their chances of staying married increase. The falling divorce rate may have a lot to do with millennials' attitudes toward marriage. Unlike baby boomers who married young regardless of their circumstances, millennials choose to marry once they have completed their education, have established their careers, and have sound finances.
What Is The Leading Cause For Divorce In The United States?
A lack of commitment is the number one reason for divorce, followed by extramarital affairs, too much conflict, and getting married too young. Here are the top ten reasons for divorce in the U.S. as of 2014, according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information:
1. Lack Of Commitment - 75.0%
- Extramarital Affairs - 59.6%
- Too Much Conflict - 57.7 %
- Getting Married Too Young-45.1%
- Financial Problems-36.7%
- Substance Abuse - 34.6%
- Domestic Violence - 23.5%
- Health Problems - 18.2%
- Lack Of Support From Family - 17.3%
- Religious Differences - 13.3%
What Is Commitment?
Commitment is defined as an intention to maintain a relationship over time. First, there is the initial commitment, or the promise, when a couple decides to get married, and they offer each other their initial commitment to the relationship through their vows. Next, there is keeping the commitment or keeping true to the words promised on the wedding day. Over time, the strong and dedicated commitment will not only keep you both faithful to your marriage but will strengthen it, too. But this dedication can shift and cause a lack of commitment. This shift occurs because we're making promises about behaviors and outcomes but diminishing or ignoring the process necessary to achieve those goals. It's like wanting to be a professional baseball player but not willing to put in the time and effort required to achieve that goal. When a couple starts experiencing financial problems, jealousy, adjustments because of having children, and intimacy problems, there are chances that one's commitment will also be affected.
What happens when a spouse who used to be committed starts to change? What happens when there's a lack of commitment to marriage? How does that lack negatively affect the foundation of the marriage?
How Does Lack Of Commitment Affect A Marriage?
One of the primary contributors to the lack of commitment is that one spouse or the other begins to take the other spouse and the relationship for granted. The idea of you or your spouse being the most special person in the world is no longer being nurtured, and this lack of attention or lack of feeling special is what fosters and feeds the feeling of lack of commitment.
One of the primary reasons why lack of commitment causes the downfall in a marriage is that once the spouse begins to take their partner for granted, one or both of the spouses begin to drift away from the relationship.No longer feeling loved or important will have a direct negative effect on your marriage. The bottom line is that if one refuses to work on the relationship, nurture the relationship, and put continuous effort into keeping the spark alive, the marriage will not be saved.
Many newlyweds live in a honeymoon bliss with no children to take care of, no heavy demands or pressures. After the honeymoon phase dissipates and a few children are added to the mix with changing diapers at 2:00 in the morning and finding time and energy after a full day at work to help the kids with homework and cook dinner, not to mention cleaning up the kitchen afterward, the attention is normally given to each other, and the relationship is compromised. Marriage is tough. It requires both spouses to work hard at keeping it alive. If only one spouse is dedicated to this, it will not work.
The lack of commitment in marriage may lead to infidelity, which is the number two cause for divorce in the U.S. A person who doesn't feel responsible for committing to their vows could be susceptible to different types of temptations.
If your marriage is already at a point of starting to fracture and crumble and you aren't committed to saving your marriage, you won't make the necessary time and effort to draw you and your spouse closer. In addition, you might not be as willing to seek help to fix any problems your marriage may be experiencing because you won't desire to put your heart into making it work. In essence, without commitment, you'll most likely disregard your spouse's needs, your responsibilities, and the quantity and quality of time required to resurrect your marriage.
Ways To Strengthen Commitment
According to a focus on the Family, here are some ways to strengthen and nourish your marital commitment:
Say It With Actions. Back up your commitment with action. Be intentional. Make yourself available when your spouse wants to talk. Open up your calendar to spend quality alone time with each other. Laugh together like you used to. Date each other as if you're still counting.
Say It With Words. Communicate. Find time alone with no distractions and tell your spouse that you are committed to your marriage for the rest of your life. Assure your kids that you and your spouse are committed to each other and them through thick and thin.
Remind Yourself. Remember all the positive aspects of your marriage. Think back to the beginning and remember why you fell in love with your spouse. Reminisce when you dated and how you couldn't wait for the phone to ring.
Set Goals. Envision how would you like to see your marriage grow. What areas would you like to see improve? Work with your spouse to create a game plan to achieve those goals and consistently work toward those goals. Celebrate together on the weekend away when you've reached a goal, no matter how big or small it is.
Get Others Involved. Surround yourselves with supportive individuals who share the same values and want to see your marriage succeed. Form accountability partners and those who will encourage you. Seek out an older married couple who have been married a long time to mentor and encourage you both.
Renew Your Wedding Vows. Publicly express your continued commitment to your spouse. Please invite friends and family to witness and pledge their support for your marriage.
If you're struggling with a commitment to your marriage or any other marital problem, seeking help from a mental health professional can be beneficial for the long-term wellbeing of your marriage. Regain is always available to those in need of help. With lack of commitment being the number one cause of divorce in the U.S., you can be assured that you are not alone and that we at ReGain are here to help you work through it. With Regain, you can speak with a therapist 24/7, seven days a week. With chat, text, phone, and video chat options, you can speak with a therapist in a way that is most convenient for you.
You can contact ReGain by clicking here.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is the leading cause of divorce?
Research suggests that the most commonly listed reason for divorce is “lack of commitment.” Of course, that may be most commonly listed because it is a very general phrase. Still, it could be interpreted as one or both relationship members no longer feeling the desire or motivation to put the time and work into the relationship that it requires. That lack of commitment could also be either perceived or concrete, meaning that if one person feels the other is not committed, that may be just as damaging as one party consciously not being committed to the union.
Many other common reasons people may choose to get divorced, and the leading cause can vary depending on the country, state, or specific study being referenced. The big umbrella of irreconcilable differences is sometimes used to encompass some of the top reasons couples get divorced. More common reasons in this category could be general fighting or arguing and habitual conflict.
Leading causes of divorce that are more concrete or less mental can be infidelity or domestic violence. Substance abuse also tends to be listed among the common causes of divorce. There is often not just one reason for divorce but also a combination of emotional and physical issues within a couple.
What are the top reasons for divorce?
There can be conflicting top reasons for divorce based on different location’s statistics or specific research. Common reasons people get divorced can include constant arguing or cheating and infidelity, while other marriages end in divorce due to emotional issues like incompatibility or lack of commitment. Communication problems can lead to an inability to get along, and some people get divorced after realizing the relationship just isn’t working anymore.
Some of the reasons couples provide for divorce can include growing apart with time and finding it more difficult to communicate. Another of the common causes of divorce can relate to money problems. Financial security can be hugely important and personal, so disagreements about money can become heated. Some studies have shown that if a couple argues about money more than once a week, they have a higher chance of getting divorced.
Life stressors like money, bad moods, or drinking can build up with time into common reasons people get divorced. Touchy subjects can quickly worsen when communication has broken down in a couple, and even after trying therapy or mediation, some couples find that divorce is their best option.
Cheating is often listed as one of the common causes of divorce. While this is one of many common reasons people get divorced, infidelity often comes with another more emotionally common reason for divorce.
Some spouses may have a very serious reason for divorce, such as domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can be emotional or physical. If you feel that you could be in such a situation, do not hesitate to seek help. The substance abuse habits of a partner can also be a common reason for divorce. Drug and alcohol abuse can be frustrating for a spouse and could increase the risk for mental or physical escalation while arguing.
Will I be happier divorced?
Some people certainly do feel happier after divorce, and many will even come to find that the divorce was one of the best decisions they ever made. However, most studies show that most people who are unhappy in their marriages are unhappy after divorce. Of course, our quality of life is not always judged by our “happiness” level. Moments of emotional distress are sometimes a sign of growth and improvement.
However, since many of the common reasons for divorce relate to emotional well-being, every person’s situation will be unique. If you find yourself incompatible or fighting with your spouse, you may be happier once divorced. However, if you value company or familiarity over those feelings, you may also prefer to try working through your problems. Some of the common reasons people get divorced could be helped by therapy. While some couples are assisted by counseling, others are happier when their marriages end in divorce.
Everyone has their own hard lines when it comes to divorce. Cheating/infidelity is usually among the common reasons for divorce; this can be a deal-breaker for many people. If you reach a final straw or encounter a situation in which you truly feel you should not stay married, you may be happier divorced.
If you are in a situation of emotional or physical abuse, then leaving your marriage is imperative, even if that means going through a period of unhappiness and pain.
What year of marriage is divorce most common?
Research suggests that among first marriages that end in divorce, they usually last about eight years.
Studies can vary in their assessment of when divorces occur in marriages. Not only can divorce be a drawn-out process, but a person’s history of divorce can affect the statistics in any future marriages. However, one of the common reasons people often give when surveyed or interviewed about their personal leading causes of divorce is getting married too young. Some people cite a certain “hump” they find critical to get over, often two or five years of marriage, after which it is rumored that marriage is more likely to last. While many of these marriage rules are attributable to gossip or myth, marrying young can be a common reason for divorce. While young couples are in no way doomed, the lack of maturity and financial stability more likely to be present in a very young couple could lead to stress, fighting, or regrets about the future of a relationship.
One of the other common causes of divorce can be irreconcilable differences in parenting styles. Regardless of the ages of the actual spouses, the first few years of raising a child can be particularly stressful or can expose new, unexpected problems within a marriage. This could coincide with the social stereotype of a midlife crisis, in which one or both partners may feel an urge to reevaluate life and its relationships. People will constantly tell you that one stage or another is the most difficult for a couple, and everyone has a different opinion. When possible, try to focus on your unique marriage without worrying about years of the marriage when divorce is more or less likely to be common, according to hearsay. A common reason for divorce is not guaranteed to apply to your particular marriage.
What is the most common age to get divorced?
Research suggests that for people going through their first divorce, the average age is 30 years old. The majority of divorces involve people or a person between the ages of 25 and 39.
Any list full of common reasons people get divorced will attribute marriage problems to emotional or physical experiences within the couple. While these may ebb and flow with common stages of marriage in general, everyone gets married at different ages and therefore experiences their own marriage stages differently. One couple may get married young and have children much later in life, and differences in parenting techniques could cause divorce. Another couple may wait until they are older to be sure about the relationship and decide that combining finances is too difficult and is their particular common reason for divorce.
One who is stressed about marriage may start looking up statistics, wondering if he or she fits a mold or type that could explain the struggle. Rather than searching for common causes of divorce and blaming being at a certain age or year of marriage, try to really explore the underlying issues at the heart of marriage problems. Whether you try to work through things, seek counseling, or get a divorce, looking at the specifics of your marriage with an unbiased eye is likely to be more efficient than calling it quits or sticking it out due to some idea of the age people should get divorced.
