Marriage Infidelity & Divorce: Common Cause Of Divorce In The United States
Although the divorce rate in the United States is declining, many couples still decide to split for a variety of reasons. Every relationship is different, and what feels like too much to handle for one couple may be just a bump in the road for another. The type of problems couples face may not matter quite as much as how they work through them together. A couple’s communication skills, trust levels, and ability to listen can all play a role in deciding whether a couple calls it quits or decides to stick together to make the marriage work. If you’re wondering what the number one cause of divorce is in the United States, keep reading to find out. You may be able to apply this information to your own life and use it to your advantage to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
What is the leading cause of divorce in the United States?
Couples cite several different reasons as their cause of divorce. A lack of commitment is the number one reason for divorce, followed by extramarital affairs, too much conflict, and getting married too young. Here are the top ten reasons for divorce in the U.S. as of 2014, according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information:
- Lack Of Commitment - 75.0%
- Extramarital Affairs - 59.6%
- Too Much Conflict - 57.7 %
- Getting Married Too Young - 45.1%
- Financial Problems - 36.7%
- Substance Use - 34.6%
- Domestic Violence - 23.5%
- Health Problems - 18.2%
- Lack Of Support From Family - 17.3%
- Religious Differences - 13.3%
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Understanding the rates and cause of divorce: Legal dissolution statistics in the US
According to national statistics, U.S. divorce rates have climbed steadily over the last 150 years, although certain factors have disrupted that steady climb. Due to the Great Depression in the 1930s, many couples chose to stay together because they couldn't afford the cost and substantial life changes that would occur after a divorce. It wasn't until the unemployment rate decreased that the upward divorce trend continued.
After World War II, there was a distinctive spike in the rate of divorce; in 1944, the divorce rate was 29%. In 1945, it rose to 35%, and in 1946 it increased another 8 percentage points to 43%. A few factors played into this increase, including the stress of deployment, which strained some marriages to their breaking point. Wives left husbands for new partners while their spouse was fighting overseas, and husbands left wives for the English or German mates they met while on deployment. Additionally, women who worked during the war to support the war effort found freedom in working and didn't want to give that up.
The next big jump in the rate of divorce was in the 1970s. In 1970, the divorce rate was 35%, while only nine years later, it jumped to 53%. Changes to divorce laws, including having the option of no-fault divorce and the ability to cite irreconcilable differences as the reason for the divorce, made obtaining a divorce much easier, thereby contributing to the increase.
The U.S. divorce rate slowly began falling in the early 1990s and has since continued an overall downward trend. In fact, Americans today in their late 20s have a less than 50% chance of getting divorced, and their chances of staying married have increased. The falling divorce rate may have a lot to do with millennials' attitudes toward marriage. Unlike baby boomers who marry young regardless of their circumstances, millennials choose to marry once they have completed their education, established their careers, and have sound finances.
What is commitment?
Commitment is defined as an intention to maintain a relationship over time. The initial commitment is when a couple decides to get married, and they offer each other their initial promise to the relationship through their vows. Next, they keep this commitment by staying true to the words promised on the wedding day. Over time, a couple that is dedicated to one another upholds their vows despite the ups and downs. This keeps them faithful to their marriage and strengthens it, too.
When a couple starts experiencing financial problems, jealousy, adjustments because of having children, or intimacy problems, their commitment to each other may be affected. If they have assumptions about marriage, such as believing that it should be easy, this could also cause them to neglect to uphold their vows when times get tough. Shifts in the level of commitment within a marriage can have disheartening outcomes, including divorce. Even the healthiest, happiest marriages take effort, and it can be important for anyone married or considering getting married to be aware of this.
How does a lack of commitment affect a marriage?
Since lack of commitment is the number one reason for divorce, it can clearly be a crucial aspect of any relationship. One way in which a lack of commitment may develop is when couples begin to take one another (or the marriage) for granted. The idea that one’s spouse is the most special person in the world may no longer be nurtured. When one or both spouses are no longer receiving the care, attention, and love they once did, it could make it more difficult to maintain one’s commitment to the marriage. When someone starts feeling neglected, unhappy, or uncared for, they may start to question the marriage altogether. These feelings can have a negative impact on the relationship. Without working on it and fixing the issues at hand, couples may find themselves headed toward divorce.
Lack of marital commitment can lead to infidelity in marriage
A lack of commitment in marriage may also lead to infidelity, which is the second most common cause of divorce in the U.S. A person who doesn't feel responsible for committing to their vows could be susceptible to different types of temptations, including cheating on their spouse. Although there isn’t an excuse for infidelity, it can be a common problem that people who are married face.
If your marriage is already at a fracturing point and you aren't committed to saving your marriage, you may not make the necessary time and effort to draw you and your spouse closer. In addition, you might not be as willing to seek help to fix any problems your marriage may be experiencing. Without commitment, you may disregard your spouse's needs, your responsibilities, and the quantity and quality of time required to repair and restore the relationship. On the other hand, spouses who maintain a commitment to each other ensure they work through whatever comes their way together.
Ways to strengthen commitment in your marriage
If you’re looking for ways to make your marriage stronger, consider the tips listed below. They may help strengthen the commitment you and your spouse have to make the relationship work.
Work as a team
Instead of viewing each other as enemies, imagine that you’re a team trying to accomplish the same goals. Work together to fix issues in your marriage instead of trying to tackle them individually.
Communicate
Healthy communication involves being open and honest even when it may be uncomfortable. Talking to your spouse about the problems in your marriage can help the two of you come up with solutions together. It can also build a foundation of trust in your marriage.
Hold each other accountable
If you have set goals for your marriage with your spouse, it can be important to hold each other accountable to them. Without being critical, try to remind your spouse when they aren’t upholding their end of the agreement and allow them to do the same. Be sure to notice and encourage them when they do get things right.
Try reaching out to a divorce lawyer or divorce financial advisor
These tips on strengthening commitment may help you to improve your relationship with your spouse and preserve your marriage. However, not all marriages can be saved and sometimes divorce may be desired or inevitable. In these cases, you might consider reaching out to a divorce lawyer or divorce financial advisor to get the best outcome from the divorce. You can also seek the support of a therapist or other mental health professional to help you through the emotional difficulties of divorce.
Online counseling with Regain
If you're struggling with a lack of commitment in your marriage or another marital problem, seeking help from a mental health professional could be beneficial for the long-term health of your marriage. Divorced couples may also benefit from therapy to help resolve conflicts such as those involving co-parenting. Regain is an online counseling platform that provides services to individuals and couples. A therapist can guide you and your spouse toward more effective communication, greater intimacy, or other goals that you have in mind. Online counseling allows you to speak with a therapist 24/7, seven days a week. With chat, phone, and video options, you can connect with a therapist in a way that is most convenient for you and your partner.
Since divorce is correlated with negative mental health outcomes, online counseling could be helpful for those who have separated from their spouse. In a year-long study, researchers found that an online counseling intervention reduced participants’ symptoms of anxiety, depression, and somatization. The results of these three outcomes were found to be large in effect size. In a 1-year follow-up, researchers also discovered that the symptom levels of all 3 outcomes were close to population norms for those in the intervention group. These findings indicate that online counseling could be efficacious in “reducing adverse mental health-related effects of divorce and thereby offer long-term human and public health benefits.”
Takeaway
The reasons for divorce can vary widely. Still, being aware of some of the common causes of separation may be helpful for those trying to preserve their union. Conflict in marriage is normal, but it can be important to know how to resolve it. If you’re struggling with marital problems and don’t know how to get past them as a couple, online counseling could be helpful. You can connect with a marriage counselor through Regain and learn how to build a stronger, healthier foundation for your relationship.
What is the leading cause of divorce?
Research suggests that the most common reason for divorce is a “lack of commitment.” Of course, this is a general phrase. It could be interpreted as one or both people no longer feeling the desire or motivation to put the time and work into the relationship that it requires. That lack of commitment could also be either perceived or concrete, meaning that if one person feels the other is not committed, that may be just as damaging as one party consciously not being committed to the union.
There are many reasons people may choose to get divorced, and the leading cause can vary depending on the country, state, or specific study referenced. The big umbrella of irreconcilable differences is sometimes used to encompass some of the top reasons couples get divorced. More common reasons in this category could be general fighting or arguing and habitual conflict.
Leading causes of divorce that are more concrete could be infidelity or domestic violence. Substance use also tends to be listed among the common causes of divorce. There is often not just one reason for divorce but a combination of emotional and physical issues within the relationship.
What are the top reasons for divorce?
Common reasons people get divorced can include constant arguing, cheating, and infidelity, while other marriages end in divorce due to emotional issues like incompatibility or lack of commitment. Communication problems can lead to an inability to get along, and some get divorced after realizing the relationship isn’t working anymore.
Some of the reasons couples provide for divorce can include growing apart with time and finding it more difficult to communicate. Another common cause of divorce can relate to money problems. Some studies have shown that if a couple argues about money more than once a week, they have a higher chance of getting divorced.
Life stressors like money, bad moods, or drinking can build up with time into common reasons people get divorced. Touchy subjects can quickly worsen when communication has broken down, and even after trying therapy or mediation, some couples find that divorce is the right option.
Emotional and physical domestic abuse
Some spouses may have a very serious reason for divorce, such as domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can be emotional or physical. If you feel that you could be in such a situation, do not hesitate to seek help. The substance use habits of a partner can also be a common reason for divorce. Drug and alcohol misuse can be frustrating for a spouse and could increase the risk of physical escalation while arguing.
Will I be happier divorced after experiencing marital infidelity?
Some people certainly do feel happier after a divorce, and many will even come to find that the divorce was one of the best decisions they ever made. However, most studies show that most people who are unhappy in their marriages are still unhappy after divorce. Of course, our quality of life is not always judged by our “happiness” level. Moments of emotional distress are sometimes a sign of growth and improvement.
However, since many of the common reasons for divorce relate to emotional well-being, every person’s situation will be unique. If you find yourself incompatible or fighting with your spouse, you may be happier once divorced. However, if you value company or familiarity over those feelings, you may also prefer to try working through your problems. Some of the common reasons people get divorced could be helped by therapy. While some couples are assisted by counseling, others are happier when their marriages end in divorce.
Cheating/Infidelity: Deal-breaker for divorce
Everyone has their own hard lines when it comes to divorce. Cheating/infidelity is usually among the common reasons for divorce; this can be a deal-breaker for many people. If you reach a final straw or encounter a situation in which you truly feel you should not stay married, you may be happier divorced. If you are in a situation of emotional or physical abuse, then leaving your marriage is imperative, even if that means going through a period of unhappiness and pain.
What year of marriage is divorce most common?
Research suggests that first marriages that end in a divorce usually last about eight years. Studies can vary in their assessment of when divorces occur in marriages. Not only can divorce be a drawn-out process, but a person’s history of divorce can affect the statistics of any future marriages.
“Getting married too young” as a cause of divorce
One of the common reasons people often give when surveyed or interviewed about their personal leading causes of divorce is getting married too young. Some people cite a certain “hump” they find critical to get over, often two or five years of marriage, after which it is rumored that marriage is more likely to last. While many of these marriage rules are attributable to gossip or myth, marrying young can be a common reason for divorce. While young couples are in no way doomed, the lack of maturity and financial stability more likely to be present in a very young couple could lead to stress, fighting, or regrets about the future of a relationship.
People may tell you that one stage or another is the most difficult for a couple, but everyone has a different opinion. When possible, try to focus on your marriage without worrying about years of the marriage when divorce is more or less likely to be common, according to hearsay. A common reason for divorce is not guaranteed to apply to your marriage.
What is the most common age to get divorced?
Research suggests that for people going through their first divorce, the average age is 30 years old. Most divorces involve people or a person between the ages of 25 and 39.
Any list full of common reasons people get divorced will often attribute marriage problems to emotional or physical problems within the relationship. While these may ebb and flow with the stages of marriage in general, everyone gets married at different ages and therefore experiences their own marriage stages uniquely. One couple may get married young and have children much later in life, and differences in parenting techniques could cause divorce. Another couple may wait until they are older to be sure about the relationship and decide that combining finances is too difficult and is their reason for divorce.
One who is stressed about marriage may start looking up statistics, wondering if they fit a mold or type that could explain the struggle. Rather than searching for common causes of divorce and blaming being at a certain age or year of marriage, try to really explore the underlying issues at the heart of marriage problems. Whether you try to work through things, seek counseling, or get a divorce, looking at the specifics of your marriage with an unbiased eye is likely to be more efficient than calling it quits or sticking it out due to some idea of the age at which people should get divorced.
What is the number one cause of divorce?
It should not come as a surprise to know that according to a study from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, infidelity is at the top of many leading causes of divorce. As many as 25 percent of married men and 15 percent of married women have had extramarital affairs.
Who initiates divorce more?
What causes marriages to fall apart?
Why is the divorce rate so high in America?
What percentage of divorced couples get back together?
What are the major problems that usually lead to divorce?
Why does miscommunication result in divorce?
Why is divorce a stressful event?
What is the impact of divorce on various relationships?
How is the family affected by divorce?
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