What Are the Leading Causes Of Divorce In The United States?
Medically Reviewed By Karen Devlin, LPCSometimes love doesn’t last forever. People often get divorced for several different reasons. A couple might fall out of love, or they might wind up having irreconcilable differences. There are many different causes of divorce in the United States, but you might be wondering which causes are the most common. Read on to get information about the leading causes of divorce in the US.
Incompatibility
It might come as a surprise, but the most prevalent cause of divorce listed in the United States is actually basic incompatibility. A recent survey of CDFA professionals showed that as much as 43% of people list “basic incompatibility” as the cause of their divorce. This is a very broad cause that could encompass many different marital problems. For example, a couple could list this as the reason for their divorce due to arguing all the time. It could also be listed as to why a couple decides that they want different things in life.
Sometimes people get married too soon, and they wind up discovering that they aren’t as compatible as they originally assumed. This can lead to many marital issues, and it can eventually wind up causing two people to grow apart completely. Incompatibility is such a broad topic that it can encompass many common marital problems, so it makes sense that this would be the number one reason why couples get divorced in America.
A married couple could discover that they have incompatible sex drives. A wife might find out that she wants to pursue a career while her husband really wants to have children. Many potential problems can occur when two people get married without really thinking things through. Some people have been able to overcome compatibility issues to save their marriage.
It really just depends on how committed the two people in the marriage area. Some marriages will fall by the wayside faster than others due to both parties’ willingness to move on. Other married couples might cling to the marriage due to personal ideals or even true love. Just know that if you’re going through marriage problems, it isn’t completely impossible to overcome issues that make you incompatible.
Infidelity
Infidelity is another very common reason for a marriage going south. When one partner cheats on the other, it can be very difficult to figure out how to move forward. For many people, the act of cheating is seen as something unforgivable. Depending on your thoughts, you might not even consider trying to save the marriage if your spouse cheats on you.
There are situations where people have been able to overcome infidelity issues, though. Sometimes the cheating occurs due to inherent problems with the marriage. One marriage member might not feel like their physical needs are being met, or someone could be feeling shunned due to their spouse working long hours. There is no good excuse for cheating on your spouse, but some couples have been able to fix the issues that lead to the cheating episode.
Another thing to keep in mind is that professional marriage counselors can work with couples dealing with infidelity issues. One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when someone has cheated on you is learning to trust them again. The act of cheating destroyed the years of trust that you built up, and getting that back isn’t going to be simple. It takes time, and having the process guided by a marriage counselor is a very good idea.
Money Issues
Perhaps the saddest reason why a marriage could fail is due to money issues. Money can become a real problem for certain couples. For example, if one member of the marriage is simply not pulling their weight financially, this might not be something that a couple can overcome. Financial struggles can put a lot of stress on a marriage, and no one wants to feel like they are not financially secure.
Examples of money issues include someone struggling to keep a job, having a spending problem, or not sharing financial responsibilities within a marriage. All of these issues can lead to the eventual breakup of a marriage. Money issues are among the leading causes of divorce in the United States, and many people struggle to make ends meet. Even people who really love each other sometimes wind up having marital problems due to financial concerns.
Having money issues isn’t something that a couple cannot overcome, though. It is possible to work together to figure out a budget or financial path that will work for your situation in many cases. Sometimes a career change will be necessary, and it might also involve both members of the marriage working full-time. This could be too much for some marriages to overcome, but others will move past these issues.
Emotional or Physical Abuse
Marriages also sometimes dissolve due to one spouse being abusive toward the other. There are several different types of abuse, and it is not okay for anyone to abuse another person. If you are in an abusive marriage, then you should know that there are resources that you can take advantage of. Whether you’re physically abused or if you’re emotionally abused, it is not okay. Sometimes spouses feel trapped in abusive marriages, and they feel afraid to leave, but you can move on with the help of people who care about your well-being.
Abuse is something that many people deal with in silence. Finding the strength to divorce your abuser finally can be very difficult at first. Please understand that life can go on from here and that many people have moved past abuse to find brighter days. It might not be easy, but consider reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or the authorities so that you can get help with leaving your abusive situation.
Parenting-Related Problems
It’s also true that marriages in America sometimes come to a halt due to parenting-related issues. Sometimes two people will not be able to agree on how to raise a child. Having children isn’t always going to be smooth sailing. You might find that parenting will be tumultuous at times, which may even put you into conflict with your spouse.
Some people even discover that they don’t like being a parent. This is very unfortunate as you want to love your children and give them the best upbringing possible. Parenting might not come naturally to you, or you might feel that your spouse is not a good parent in certain ways. Eventually, issues like this can start to form cracks in the foundation of a marriage, leading to divorce.
Parenting-related problems aren’t the most common reason people get divorced, but they can certainly contribute. If you are going through parenting-related issues right now, it might benefit you in getting into counseling. Some couples need to learn how to work together as a parental unit, and some professionals can help you out with that. You can also learn to work on anger issues if you’re having problems keeping your cool when your children throw tantrums.
Alcohol or Substance Abuse
One final problem that is among the leading causes of divorce in America is substance abuse. This can also encompass alcohol abuse. When one member of a marriage develops some substance abuse problem, it can send them down a dark path. People who become alcoholics or drug addicts don’t often think about the consequences of their actions.
Some marriages can overcome substance abuse issues, but getting professional help is highly recommended. The person with the drug or alcohol problem needs to get the right help to move forward. It can be very tough to watch someone that you love fall into these habits, but it doesn’t have to be the end for them.
Many addicts have been able to get help, and they have been able to save their marriages in the process. Whether or not your marriage can be saved is up to you to decide. If you and your spouse want to move forward together, then you can attack this problem as a unit. Just remember to do so with the help of a skilled addiction therapist to get the best results.
Remember That Couples Counseling is an Option
If you are going through complications with your spouse, then remember that it might be possible to fix things. Depending on what types of issues you’re facing, you might find that couples counseling will be able to help you out significantly. Online couples counseling is a very convenient way to get help for problems that might be causing your marriage to fail. You’ll be able to work on issues that are holding you back while learning to love one another again.
Those who aren’t ready to give up can count on licensed counselors to work with them. It might take time to address the issues that your relationship is facing completely. Still, you’ll be able to do so in a safe environment while feeling confident that you’re working with professionals who care about your well-being. Please reach out today if you need help with saving your marriage.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
Although declining, the United States’ divorce rate is still at 45%, making the nation one of the world’s leading countries for the highest number of divorces. While the common reasons for divorce differ from couple to couple, research indicates that the top reasons for divorce can be categorized into three categories:
- Socio-economic background
- Gender
- Age
That being said, the top reasons why marriages end in divorce in the United States are due to conflict and arguing. When couples argue constantly, they cannot communicate effectively, often minimizing the other person and gaslighting each other. This, in turn, will lead to couples creating more and more distance between them as it ultimately drives a wedge through their relationship. When couples are unable to communicate and speak compassionately towards each other, this, in turn, can be a significant risk for divorce.
What are the top 10 reasons for divorce?
Marriages end in divorce for a variety of reasons. However, extensive research published by the Journal of Divorce throughout the United States has indicated ten major reasons for divorce. The ten most common reasons for divorce are as noted in the Journal of Divorce:
- Couples engaging in conflict and arguing daily. When a couple argues, it is common for people to gaslight one another, diminish each other’s feelings, and blame the other person. While fighting in a relationship is normal, couples that fight constantly and who use arguments as an excuse to belittle each other can have serious consequences. One of these consequences could be filing for divorce.
- The lack of commitment. Another common reason people get a divorce in the United States is that either partner exhibits a lack of commitment behaviors. Lack of commitment can manifest in various ways, including lack of commitment to being a supportive partner, parent, and even commitment to being a part of the family as a whole.
- People cheat. Cheating in marriages is widespread these days. Often one of the partners feels unfulfilled in their marriage. Instead of deciding to file for divorce right away, choose to have an affair.
- Distance within the relationship/lack of physical intimacy. While lack of physical intimacy plays different roles and levels of importance in each relationship, many people are often unable to stay in a marriage that doesn’t have any intimate aspects.
- A lack of communication. Communicating in a relationship is critical. Without proper communication skills, couples often end up feeling isolated in their relationship and feel unheard. Once that communication channel is broken, this contributes to one reason couples decide to get a divorce and one of the common reasons for divorce.
- Domestic violence. Domestic violence is a serious matter within the United States and one of the most common reasons for divorce. Dangerously, the partner abused by their spouse often finds it difficult to leave the marriage as they fear that their life may be in danger.
- Different values and morals. Another common reason couples end up divorcing is that they lack shared values. When couples are unable to see eye to eye with one another, such as how to raise their children, it can lead to conflict and the dissolve of their marriage over time.
- Substance abuse. This is another severe yet common reason for divorce for couples in America and can cause a great deal of strain within a marriage.
- Lack of intimacy. When people feel a lack of intimacy between their partners, it can often cause them to feel isolated within their marriage. While other couples may live happily without intimacy within their relationship, others see this as one of the major reasons for divorcing their partner.
- Not carrying your weight. Marriages are supposed to be 50/50. One of the reasons for divorce is a lack of effort from both partners within the relationship. This can manifest as not cleaning up around the home, taking care of the children, and even not putting in the effort to being on good terms with your spouse.
What year of marriage is divorce most common?
Researchers and marriage psychologists have performed countless studies to see which year of marriage divorce is most common. While there are conflicting accounts that vary between each research average, divorce rates tend to spike within the first to second years of marriage and the fifth to eighth. These periods are considered high-risk areas; however, researchers cannot pinpoint what causes marriages to fail during these years. That being said, when you look at divorce statistics as a whole in the United States, researchers state that these risk periods can be attributed to common reasons of divorce such as lack of commitment, cheating, lack of intimacy, inability to communicate, and differences in morals and values like other divorce periods.
Why is moving out the biggest mistake in a divorce?
The common reasons for divorce will vary between couples. And regardless of the reasons you are divorcing your partner, some people feel that they need to move out during their divorce. However, moving out can be one of the biggest mistakes you can make when getting a divorce. First, it’s important to note that you are not legally obligated to move out of your home until the divorce is finalized. So, if your spouse tries to kick you out of your home, know that they cannot do so legally. Here are some reasons why moving out is a big mistake:
- If you don’t have a place to stay for free, moving out on your own will be expensive, and divorces are already costly.
- If you have kids and decide to move out, it is unlikely for a judge to grant you custody as it is typically in the child’s best interests to stay at their residence closest to their school.
- Depending on the state you live in, it could affect your grounds for divorce.
- If you move out of the house, you have no control over what happens to the home, complicating things during your negotiation. For example, if your partner decides to destroy your items.
What is the most challenging year of marriage?
While there are leading causes of divorce within the United States, these reasons for divorce tend to affect couples differently depending on how long they have been married. That being said, research has indicated that the first to second years of marriage are the hardest. It’s one thing to be in a relationship with someone; it is another thing to live with them full time, possibly have kids, a mortgage, and other external stressors that can accumulate divorce reasons.
