How Knowing What Causes Divorce Will Save Your Relationship
Updated February 26, 2020
Reviewer Karen Devlin, LPC
Preparedness is the best way to safeguard your relationship from divorce. We all do what we can to keep our partners feeling happy and secure most of the time, but is it enough? Many people wonder if there is more than can be done to save their relationship from demise.
If you want to take extra steps to protect your relationship, educating yourself is a great option. Understanding what causes divorce is one of the best things you can due to ward it off. If you know the leading indicators that divorce will be in the picture, you can take extra steps to make sure these things don't occur in your relationship.
The Leading Causes Of Divorce
To safeguard your relationship from ending, you must know what threatens it. The leading causes of divorce are:
- Issues with Self
- Communication Problems
- Constant Arguing
- Lack of Intimacy
- Unmet Expectations
The first step to protecting your relationship from these issues is understanding them. We will go over each cause in more depth in this article.
Issues With Self
If you polled a group of people and asked them about what causes divorce, this one probably wouldn't even be on the list. This is because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that when things fall apart, it must be because of some outside force or the other person's fault. Sometimes, this is the case, but there are many instances when well-meaning individuals get into relationships, unknowingly dragging their issues from childhood or past relationships behind them.
Here's a typical example therapists see play out over and over again:
Guy meets girl, and they fall in love. Both think that this is the right relationship for them, and they decide to get married. Things look great on the outside. He is high achieving, and so is she. Everyone around them thinks, what a great couple!
A year or two into the marriage, things begin to shift. Guy finds keeping up a relationship and providing for a growing household to be overwhelming. Because his father was never around, his mother was too controlling (insert childhood issue ______) he doesn't feel as if he is good enough. He uses work, drugs, alcohol, other women, porn, or some other vice to calm these feelings. During the process, he pushes his wife further and further away. He doesn't know this will cause divorce, and he isn't thinking about saving his relationship. He is trying to deal with his pain.
Girl, now a woman, is dealing with her feelings of inadequacy. She sees her own emotionally disconnected, alcoholic father in her husband. She feels abandoned and not good enough. Just like her husband, she fails to realize that childhood issues are at play here. Instead of dealing with her inner wounds, the wife blames her husband for the failure of the marriage and files for a divorce.
When the same thing happens with her second and third marriage, she finally realizes that issues with self may be what causes divorce. It is only then that she seeks help from a professional.
When we take care of core wounds before getting involved in a serious relationship, we save ourselves heartache down the road. That isn't to say that it is too late if you are already married. Working on ourselves is always the best course since it is impossible to change someone else's behavior.
Infidelity is one of the most common answers to the question, "What causes divorce?" When you or your partner cheats, it is almost always a death knell for your relationship.
Cheating does not always entail having physical relations with another person. Some people consider watching porn cheating. Others believe that having deep emotional conversations with someone else could be cheating as well. Even if you are maintaining a relationship over the internet, you would still be cheating on your partner.
If you avoid this type of behavior, you can be surer that your relationship is protected. When you are faithful and loyal to your partner, your connection will flourish. We all need to feel loved and prioritized. Don't waste away a good relationship in favor of looking for love in the wrong places. Remember the importance of your marriage and the trust your spouse has put in you. This will surely keep you on the right track.
Financial problems are among some of the most common reasons for divorce. This could entail fighting about money or disagreeing about money management.
This one is a simple issue to fix. If you and your partner are constantly at one another' necks about money availability, consider starting a budget. Should you choose this route, it is equally as important to stick to the budget at all costs. On the other hand, if one partner lavishly spends to the demise of the other, financial literacy classes might be in order. Although this may seem inconvenient for the time being, it is a small price to pay for the longevity of your relationship.
If your only worry in your relationship is money, you can protect this easily.
The only thing you must do is put the extra effort in. When you solve your financial problems, you will find your relationship much more harmonious and fulfilling. As a bonus, fixing the financial problem which causes divorce will remove you from that statistic. That is always a positive thing.
What causes divorce? Not talking things out in a healthy way. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship to have, hands down. If you and your partner aren't communicating effectively, you are almost bound to fail.
Lack of communication or lack of effective communication is a good way to make sure your relationship ends.
If you are noticing that you and your partner are not communicating as well or as often as you have been, take action. The most important thing you can do is act sooner rather than later. The longer you let this issue go on, the harder it will be to solve the problem later down the line.
Recognizing and solving communication issues is a great way to safeguard your relationship from divorce. This will enable you to talk freely to your partner at any time you are having an issue. This way, you can talk it through and solve your problems instead of letting them ruin your marriage. This will cause less stress and strife in your relationship as well, which will greatly improve your quality of life and level of happiness overall.
Many couples feel like they can hardly get through a day without arguing. Even when there are only small things that make a person angry, it can turn into a huge argument.
We all go through rough patches in our relationships. There will never be a relationship that goes off without a hitch at one time or another. The key thing to look out for here is repetition. It is normal for couples to argue. It is not normal to argue over small things every single day. When you notice this is going on, there is likely an underlying problem. Use your advanced communication skills to identify and solve these problems before they erode your relationship away.
Constant arguing doesn't have to be the theme of your relationship. If you are feeling constant resentment or anger for your partner, this can be difficult to refrain from. Remember that speaking with respect and love to your partner will be the easiest and best way to solve problems, no matter what they are. If you can get on the same page in this department, you will save yourself a lot of grief later down the line. Additionally, you will be protecting your relationship from what causes divorce.
Lack Of Intimacy
Problems in the bedroom are some of the most commonly overlooked marriage problems. They are also an example of what causes divorce for many couples.
Lack of sex or lack of exciting sex can ruin a relationship. Although some couples don't give this department of their relationship the recognition it deserves, it is important. When you are in a relationship, intimacy and sex are among the only things that separate your partner from a close friend. We need to feel loved and cared for. Sex is one of the ways that is expressed, especially in a marriage. When this is broken, it can leave the marriage feeling stale and boring.
There are many ways to solve this type of problem.
If boring sex is the issue, spicing it up with a new game or toy can be just the solution. Lack of sex can be remedied by making an honest attempt and being intimate with your partner more. When you put the effort in to fix these issues, you are putting work into your marriage. A lot of people don't consider the weight that sex has on a relationship. It is often overlooked for this reason, but it shouldn't be.
Remember why sex is so important in a relationship at all costs. If you pay close attention to keeping this up, you can protect your relationship from ending.
When we are in a dating relationship, the expectations are wildly different than marriage for some people. The permanency, along with the vows taken when you marry someone make this true.
If one person in the relationship isn't holding up their end of the bargain, it will be inevitable to cause problems. Marriage, ideally, should always be fifty-fifty, but that isn't always the case. When you share your life with someone, it is reasonable to assume that they will do half the work. Disagreements surrounding missed housework and solo parenting are among the top complaints about couples who struggle with this.
The best way to protect your relationship from this is to have a conversation. Talk about the expectations that you have for one another and how you will solve problems. Have a game plan in place for what you will do if an expectation is unmet or not met to its fullest potential.
Above all, when you see a problem, speak up. You can't expect your partner to apply changes that they aren't aware they need to apply. Part of your job as a spouse is to keep this in line.
Understanding and keeping up with the expectations in your marriage is key to keeping it healthy and happy. If you follow all the steps, you won't have to worry about divorce as a result of this problem.
When To Seek Help
Some relationships struggle to solve one or more of these causes for divorce on their own. When this happens, therapy can offer wonderful tools to help.
The counselors and therapists at Regain are a great resource to keep in mind. Their online platform offers individual and couples counseling for a fraction of the cost of traditional offices. They also offer the convenience of being available anywhere you have a phone or computer and an internet connection. Their therapists boast thousands of hours of experience helping people in similar situations as yours.
There is no shame in reaching out for help in your marriage. Sometimes, the problems are just too big to handle on your own. The guidance and wisdom imparted upon you by a trained professional can be a valuable tool in safeguarding your relationship. What are you waiting for? Sign up today!