How Knowing What Causes Divorce Can Save Your Relationship
Although divorce rates have been declining, it’s still a possibility when you choose to get married. Many people wonder if there is more that can be done to save their relationship from demise and want to know how to prevent divorce. Preparedness can be one of the most powerful ways to safeguard your relationship. Namely, understanding the most common causes of divorce can help you take extra steps to prevent these same issues from occurring in your own marriage. In this article, we’ll be exploring the leading cause of divorce and discussing how knowing this could save your relationship.
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The leading causes of divorce
To safeguard your relationship from ending, it can be crucial to know what could threaten it. The leading causes of divorce are:
- Issues with Self
- Infidelity
- Money problems
- Communication Problems
- Constant Arguing
- Lack of Intimacy
- Unmet Expectations
Each of these is explored in more detail below.
Issues with self
If you polled a group of people and asked them about what causes divorce, this one may not even be on the list. This is because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that it must be because of some outside force or the other person’s fault when things fall apart. Sometimes, this is the case, but there are many instances when well-meaning individuals get into relationships, unknowingly dragging their issues from childhood or past relationships behind them.
When we take care of core wounds before getting involved in a serious relationship, we can save ourselves from heartache down the road. Working on ourselves can be essential since it is impossible to change someone else’s behavior. That isn’t to say that it is too late if you are already married. If you discover that there are issues you’ve never resolved within yourself, you can still choose to work on healing from them.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples choose to divorce. While some relationships make it past instances of cheating, other couples find that the trust cannot be restored, making a marriage (or any relationship) challenging to maintain. Cheating does not always entail having physical relations with another person. Some people consider watching pornography cheating. Others believe that having deep emotional conversations with someone else could be cheating as well. Even if you are maintaining a relationship over the Internet, you may still be cheating on your partner in their eyes. This is why it can be vital to discuss boundaries with your partner and ensure the two of you are on the same page.
Money
Financial problems are among some of the most common reasons for divorce. This could entail fighting about money or disagreeing about money management. If you and your partner are constantly at one another’s necks about money availability, consider starting a budget. If one partner lavishly spends to the other’s demise, financial literacy classes might be in order. Although this may seem inconvenient for the time being, it may be a small price to pay for your relationship’s longevity.
Communication problems
Couples are bound to face conflict at some point while married. Not knowing how to talk problems out in a healthy way can make the situation worse. Effective communication skills can be one of the most important things for a relationship to have because it allows partners to understand one another and come up with solutions as a team.
If you notice that you and your partner are not communicating as well or as often as you’d like, take action sooner rather than later. The longer you let this issue go on, the harder it may be to solve the problem later down the line. Recognizing and solving communication issues can help safeguard your relationship from divorce. Instead of letting problems ruin your marriage, you can talk them through and fix them together. This can reduce the stress and strife in your relationship, greatly improving your quality of life and happiness level overall.
Constant arguing
Many couples feel like they can hardly get through a day without arguing. Even when the issue is about something minor, it can turn into a huge argument. While it is normal for couples to argue, arguing every single day can be problematic and could indicate an underlying problem. Use your advanced communication skills to identify and solve these problems before they have the chance to erode your relationship.
Constant arguing doesn’t have to be the theme of your relationship, but if you feel resentment or anger toward your partner, it may not be easy to refrain from. Remember that speaking with respect and love can help you communicate clearly with your partner and get past the issues you two are facing. Identifying the root cause of your arguing may help you both resolve the problem and move forward.
Lack of intimacy
Problems in the bedroom are some of the most overlooked within marriage and often contribute to divorce. Lack of intimacy and sex can ruin a relationship, particularly when it causes one or both partners to feel unwanted, unloved, or undesirable. Although some couples don’t give this department of their relationship the recognition it deserves, it can still be important.
When you are in a relationship, intimacy and sex are among the only things that separate your partner from a close friend. Humans have a basic need to feel loved and cared for and sex is one of the ways that is expressed, especially in a marriage. When this is broken, it can leave the marriage feeling stale and boring.
There are many ways to solve this type of problem. If boring sex is the issue, spicing it up with a new game or toy can be just the solution. Lack of sex can be remedied by making an honest attempt at showing your partner love and care and being more intimate with them. When you put the effort in to fix these issues, you are putting work into your marriage. If you can’t solve this problem on your own, consider enlisting help from a sex therapist.
Unmet expectations
When we are in a dating relationship, the expectations can be wildly different from marriage for some people. The permanency, along with the vows taken when you marry someone, can make this even more apparent and true. If one person in the relationship isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, it can inevitably cause problems. Marriage is typically fifty-fifty, but this isn’t always the case. Disagreements surrounding missed housework and solo parenting are among the top complaints about couples who struggle in this area.
It can be crucial to talk about the expectations that you have for one another and how you will solve problems together. Have a game plan in place for what you will do if an expectation is unmet or not met to its fullest potential. Above all, when you see a problem, avoid ignoring it and choose to speak up if you can. Unexpressed expectations can be just as detrimental to a relationship as those that are unmet, and you owe it to your partner to be honest about what you need from them.
Online counseling for marital problems
Some relationships struggle to solve one or more of these causes of divorce on their own. When this happens, therapy can offer practical tools to help. Regain is an online platform that offers individual and couples counseling for a fraction of the cost of traditional offices. You can receive services from anywhere you have a phone, tablet, or computer and an internet connection. There is no shame in reaching out for help in your marriage. Sometimes, the problems just feel too big to handle on your own. The guidance and wisdom imparted upon you by a trained professional can be a valuable tool in safeguarding your relationship. Whenever you feel ready, reach out to get started.
The efficacy of online counseling after divorce
Those who have gone through a divorce may be impacted in a number of ways. It’s common to experience anxiety, depression, grief, and more after a separation, but online counseling can help mitigate many of these effects. In one study, researchers assessed a year-long study of the effects of an online divorce platform on anxiety, depression, and somatization and found that divorcees experienced reductions in all three areas. Researchers followed up with participants one year after their divorce and found that the levels of each of these three outcomes matched those in the general population, suggesting the lasting impact of online counseling.
Takeaway
Being aware of some of the common causes of divorce can be valuable information to have. However, keep in mind that every relationship is different, and what one couple can work through another may decide to part ways over. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding a divorce, the emotional consequences that can accompany a separation can be challenging to work through alone. Online therapy can be instrumental in the healing process. If you’ve experienced a divorce or are having problems in your own marriage, working with a licensed therapist could be beneficial. Whether you need to talk things out alone or alongside your partner, Regain p
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What are the top 5 causes of divorce?
Most studies cite divorce rates between 40-50% of all marriages in the United States. While there are many reasons for divorce or explanations as to why marriages end in divorce, divorce statistics suggest that the five top reasons people get divorced are:
- Arguing and conflict
- Lack of commitment to each other
- Cheating
- Lack of physical and emotional connection with each other
- Lack of communication
Do ex-wives miss their husbands?
Yes, it’s possible for someone to miss their husband after getting a divorce, just like husbands might miss their ex-wives. While there are many reasons for divorce, both partners often go through the emotional stages of divorce, including denial, anger, depression, and stress, before moving on. Some common signs that your ex-wife may miss you could include:
- They try to get in touch with you without needing anything.
- They like and comment on your social media posts.
- They want to hang out with you as a friend.
Do most couples regret divorce?
Approximately 45% of people get divorced in the U.S. for a variety of reasons. Statistics reveal that up to 54% of people regret getting a divorce. To avoid regretting a divorce, it can be essential to ensure that you are prepared for the life that may follow. If you say you want a divorce in the heat of the moment, you and your partner may consider giving your marriage a second chance if it is safe and reasonable to do so. Sometimes, getting close to a divorce can be a wake-up call that allows a couple to make changes and create a stronger, healthier union. If you and your partner wish to work on your marriage before seeking a divorce, seeing a counselor could be beneficial. Knowing that you did everything you could to save your marriage can help you avoid regretting your divorce later.
Will my husband regret leaving his family?
While a husband's reason for divorce and leaving his family can differ among specific families, some people do regret leaving their families for someone new. When a husband has left, he may realize that the relationship for which he left his family was not what he expected. He may also regret leaving his family too quickly or in an immature manner. While some people regret leaving their families, the degree to which this feeling is felt can differ according to each man and his circumstances. It is also possible that some do not feel any regret at all for leaving their families, which can be hurtful to process if you’re their ex-spouse.
Can a relationship work after a divorce?
While the common cause of divorce may vary, it is common for people to have relationships after separation. However, sometimes relationships after divorce are not successful for many reasons. Here are some reasons people could end up having unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships once they are divorced:
- They rush into a new relationship, which is one of the leading causes of why relationships don't work.
- They haven't fully healed themselves from the divorce. Their self-esteem may still be damaged, and they may bring baggage from the divorce into their new relationship.
- They may have difficulty trusting others, worry about how their children will react, and have the wrong expectations about dating in general.
If you are considering a relationship with your ex-spouse, use caution. There is no reason that relationship would be impossible but remember that things were once bad enough to require a divorce. Examine your motivations and be sure you are not returning to a harmful relationship out of loneliness or the temptation of familiarity.
Are second marriages more successful?
Divorce statistics in the United States indicate that more than 60% of second marriages end in divorce. In comparison, the rate of marriages that end in divorce during your first marriage is frequently cited to be 40-50%. While these statistics are quite high, that does not mean that your second marriage won't be successful. Use the following skills to help manage your marriage the second time around:
- Try not to criticize your partner (within reason). A common reason people get a divorce is that partners criticized each other often and they feel attacked.
- Learn how to confront conflict head-on as soon as it occurs and establish a sound communication system. Common reasons for divorce include a lack of communication, which can be essential for your next marriage.
- Keep the affection and romance alive every day. People often divorce because their partner doesn't provide them with adequate affection or attention.
- Be vulnerable and open with your partner.
- Own accountability for the times when you make a mistake.
- Apologize for your wrongdoings and practice forgiveness.
- Second marriages fail because people get married too soon after their first marriage, and they were not emotionally available or prepared to deal with a second marriage. So, give yourself time to heal.
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