How Knowing What Causes Divorce Can Save Your Relationship

Although divorce rates have been declining, it’s still common for marriage and divorce to go hand in hand. Many people wonder if there is more that can be done to save their relationship from demise and want to know how to prevent divorce. Preparedness can be one of the most powerful ways to safeguard your relationship. Namely, understanding the most reasons for divorce can help you take extra steps to prevent these same issues from occurring in your own marriage. In this article, we’ll be exploring the leading causes of divorce and discussing how knowing this could save your relationship.

The leading causes of divorce

There is no single reason for divorce. Instead, there are several common reasons, which often occur in combination with one or more other reasons. To safeguard your relationship from ending, it can be crucial to know what could threaten it. The leading causes of divorce are:

• Issues with Self
• Infidelity
• Money problems
• Communication Problems
• Constant Arguing
• Lack of Intimacy
• Unmet Expectations

Each of these is explored in more detail below.

Issues with self

If you polled a group of people and asked them about what causes divorce, this one likely would not be on the list. This is because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that it must be because of some outside force or the other person’s fault when things fall apart. Sometimes, this is the case, but there are many instances when well-meaning individuals get into relationships, unknowingly dragging their issues from childhood or past relationships behind them.

When we take care of core wounds before getting involved in a serious relationship, we can save ourselves from heartache down the road. Working on ourselves can be essential since it is impossible to change someone else’s behavior. While many people worry that marrying too young can limit one’s ability to improve themselves, it’s possible to work on your own challenges when you’re already married. If you discover that there are issues you’ve never resolved within yourself, you can still choose to work on healing from them. 

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common reasons that couples choose to divorce. While some relationships make it past instances of cheating, other couples find that the trust cannot be restored, making it difficult for a marriage to regain trust and commitment. Infidelity does not always entail having physical relations with another person. Some people consider watching pornography cheating. Others believe that having deep emotional conversations with someone else could be cheating as well. Even if you are maintaining a relationship over the Internet, you may still be cheating on your partner in their eyes. This is why it can be vital to discuss boundaries with your partner and ensure the two of you are on the same page. 

Commonly, infidelity is driven by fear or lack of commitment. Alternatively, some spouses turn to extramarital partners due to boredom, mismatched libido, or feeling emotionally disconnected from their spouse. 

Money

Financial problems are among some of the most common reasons for divorce. This could entail fighting about money or disagreeing about money management. If you and your partner are constantly at one another’s necks about money availability, consider starting a budget. If one partner lavishly spends to the other’s demise, financial literacy classes might be in order. Although this may seem inconvenient to invest time and resources into address your financial problems, it may be a small price to pay for your relationship’s longevity and your overall stress.

Communication problems

Couples are bound to face conflict at some point during their marriage. Not knowing how to discuss problems in a healthy way can make the situation worse. Effective communication skills can be one of the most important things for a relationship to have because it allows partners to understand one another and come up with solutions as a team. 

If you notice that you and your partner are not communicating as well or as often as you’d like, it may be a good idea to act sooner rather than later. The longer you let this issue go on, the harder it may be to solve the problem later down the line. Recognizing and addressing communication issues promptly can help safeguard your relationship from divorce. Instead of letting problems ruin your marriage, you can talk them through and fix them together. This can reduce the stress and strife in your relationship, greatly improving your quality of life and happiness level overall.

Constant arguing

Many couples feel like they can hardly get through a day without arguing. Even when the issue is about something minor, it can turn into a significant argument. While it is normal for couples to argue, arguing every single day can be problematic and could indicate an underlying problem. Use your advanced communication skills to identify and solve these problems before they have the chance to erode your relationship. 

Constant arguing doesn’t have to be the theme of your relationship, but if you feel resentment or anger toward your partner, it may not be easy to refrain from. Remember that speaking with respect and love can help you communicate clearly with your partner and get past the issues you two are facing. Identifying the root cause of your arguing may help you both resolve the problem and move forward. 

Note that if arguing ever escalates to physical violence or emotional abuse, it’s considered domestic violence (DV). DV is another common reason that marriages end in divorce, and it can be a very serious and dangerous one that few marriages can successfully recover from. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Lack of intimacy

Problems in the bedroom are some of the most overlooked within marriage and often contribute to divorce. Lack of intimacy and sex can ruin a relationship, particularly when it causes one or both partners to feel unwanted, unloved, or undesirable. Although some couples don’t give this department of their relationship the recognition it deserves, it can still be important. 

When you are in a relationship, intimacy and sex are among the only things that separate your partner from a close friend. Humans have a basic need to feel loved and cared for and sex is one of the ways that is often expressed, especially in a marriage. When this is broken, it can leave the marriage feeling stale and distant.

There are many ways to solve this type of problem. If boring sex is the issue, spicing it up with a new game or toy can be just the solution. Lack of sex can be remedied by making an honest attempt at showing your partner love and care and being more intimate with them. When you put the effort in to fix these issues, you are putting work into your marriage. If you can’t solve this problem on your own, consider enlisting help from a sex therapist. 

Note that some people do not experience sexual attraction, have an underlying medical condition, or otherwise experience low libido. In many cases, people can have fulfilling and healthy marriages with infrequent or absent physical intimacy. When physical intimacy is unsatisfactory for one or both spouses, however, is when it can become problematic for the relationship.

Unmet expectations

When we are in a dating relationship, the expectations can be wildly different from marriage for some people. The permanency of marriage, along with the vows taken when you marry someone, can make this even more apparent and true. If one person in the relationship isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, it can inevitably cause problems. Marriage is typically a fifty-fifty effort, but this isn’t always the case. Disagreements surrounding unequal split of household duties, parenting, income, or other responsibilities are among the top complaints about couples who struggle in this area.

It can be crucial to talk about the expectations that you have for one another and how you will solve problems together. Have a game plan in place for what you will do if an expectation is unmet, or an agreement goes unfulfilled. Above all, when you see a problem, avoid ignoring it and choose to speak up if you can. Unexpressed expectations can be just as detrimental to a relationship as those that are unmet, and you can often avoid these disputes by being honest and forthcoming about what you need from your partner.

Online counseling for marital problems

Some relationships struggle to solve one or more of these causes of divorce on their own. When this happens, therapy can offer practical tools to help. Online therapy platforms, like Regain, offer individual and couples counseling services that can be more easily accessible and cost-effective than in-person therapy. You can receive services from anywhere you have a phone, tablet, or computer and an internet connection. 

The guidance and wisdom imparted upon you by a trained professional can be a valuable tool in safeguarding your relationship and building healthier communication strategies, whether you’re newly married or you’ve been together for decades.

The effectiveness of online counseling after divorce

Those who have gone through a divorce may be impacted in several ways. It’s common to experience anxiety, depression, grief, and more after a separation, but online counseling can help mitigate many of these effects. In one study, researchers assessed a year-long study of the effects of online divorce therapy on anxiety, depression, and somatization and found that divorcees experienced reductions in all three areas. Researchers followed up with participants one year after their divorce and found that the levels of each of these three outcomes matched those in the general population, suggesting the lasting impact of online counseling. 

Takeaway

Being aware of some of the common causes of divorce can be valuable information to have. However, keep in mind that every relationship is different, and what one couple can work through another may decide to part ways over. Regardless of the circumstances surrounding a divorce, the emotional consequences that can accompany a separation can be challenging to work through alone. Online therapy can be instrumental in the healing process. If you’ve experienced a divorce or are having problems in your own marriage, working with a licensed therapist could be beneficial.