Do You Have to Get A Name Change After Divorce?
Even in the best of circumstances, divorce can be painful and difficult. When you divorce someone, even if your marriage lasted a short time, you are letting go of what were likely years of hope, excitement, and promise, all of which have been removed in favor of starting over and building your life up again without your partner. Divorce involves numerous checklists and to-dos, including the decision of whether to change your last name. In this article, we’ll be discussing several considerations you may want to keep in mind as you decide on changing your name or keeping it as is.
The practice of changing your name after marriage
Taking a spouse's last name following marriage is a long-held tradition. Although that tradition is rejected or tweaked in some marriages— i.e., one spouse hyphenates or keeps their name, or the other spouse takes the traditionally feminine spouse's name— it is still far more common for a woman to take their spouse’s last name after marrying.
This tradition is little more than that: a tradition carved out of convenience that grew into standard practice or, in some cases, law. In the 9th century in England, women were required to take their husbands' last names to delineate their heritage or family line. Women were not allowed to hold property or in any other way express their independence from their husbands, so lawmakers created the impetus that led to giving up your birth-given name in favor of your husband's name.
While it is not law, women are often expected to change their names after getting married. Divorce can be far more nuanced. Some people keep their married names for the sake of ease, while others are more than happy to go back to their pre-marriage monikers. Still, others are ecstatic at the prospect of putting even greater distance between themselves and their marriage.
Do you have to change your name after a divorce?
You do not have to change your name upon divorce, nor do you have to change your name after marriage: both are dependent entirely upon your choice and your personal preferences. However, when deciding to keep your married name or revert to your maiden name, there are some things to consider.
Just as changing your name after marriage is an option, keeping your name after divorce is an option. There are no longer legal precedents dictating how your name functions concerning marriage and divorce. The choice is a very personal one that can depend on your unique circumstances, your relationship with your married and birth names, and your feelings about your divorce and your family.
There are some positive aspects of changing your name following a divorce. Some people find such a declaration to be liberating, giving them a chance at forging a new identity and helping their marriage to truly feel over. Changing your name back to your birth name can be a reclaiming, of sorts, of your independence and can be just one way for you to gain closure on your relationship and help you work toward getting through the divorce. Changing your name can help you create distance between your ex-partner and their family, too, particularly in contentious situations.
That being said, there can also be negative aspects related to changing your name. Losing career headway, having a name different from that of your children, and feeling as though you are starting at square one in your work and social lives with a name you'd long ago discarded, can all make changing your name a poor decision, and one that can undermine the progress you've made in deciding to divorce.
A name is an important thing in a person's life; your name is a strong marker of who you are, where you came from, and how you see yourself. When someone calls your name, it is usually an instinct to turn and look, and seeing your name can create a feeling of comfort and familiarity. Far from being a token response, changing your name can be an important decision to make and may not be one to take lightly or without weighing all the possible pros and cons.
Changing your name and moving on
Reverting to your maiden name may be an important part of getting over the divorce and leaving your marriage behind. The name of your former partner can be a daunting reminder to keep tucked in your wallet every single day, and having to answer to your former partner's name can be painful. That said, relinquishing a partner's name can be an important step in moving forward and leaving your relationship behind.
Moving on from a divorce can already be challenging enough; you decided to devote your life to someone, and learning how to navigate your day-to-day in the absence of that commitment can be difficult. Changing your name might be just one of the many ways you can help yourself move on and leave your relationship in the past. It may allow you to move on from your marriage and get through to the other side of grief and pain. Even if your married name was one you loved, treasured, and were excited by, changing your name back to your maiden moniker can empower and uplift you, and be an effective agent for change.
On the flip side, however, changing your name can mean changing many aspects of your life without the actual need or desire to do so. If you and your former partner are on positive terms, the divorce was amicable, and your life is well-established using your last name, it might make more sense for you to keep your married name. Whether or not you are pining over lost love, too, might factor in. If you are ready to move forward and let your marriage go, changing your name might not be an important step in healing.
The challenge involved in keeping your name
Keeping your name can prove challenging; differentiating yourself from your spouse might be more difficult if you keep your married name. There is some power and recognition in reverting to a maiden name; it allows those closest to you to see and know that your marriage has ended, without you explaining or agonizing over the decision. Conversely, if you keep your name, you might find yourself having to have an uncomfortable conversation detailing your decision to split more often than you might like.
Keeping your name can also prove difficult regarding any marriages you might enter in the future; if you remarry, do you keep the name of your former spouse or change your name again? When entering a serious relationship, do you revert to your birth name, then move on to a new married name? The logistics of keeping your name if you hope to remarry might grow complicated, particularly if your new partner feels uncomfortable or apprehensive about you keeping the name of your former partner.
Name changes: Children, careers, and impacts
A person's name is essentially a calling card. Your name is likely inextricably tied to your children, partner, career, and family, and either decision can bear significant weight. Although social convention dictates that women change their names, the initial reason for doing so was left behind long ago and is no longer a viable reason for the following tradition. Nevertheless, many women feel pressured to take their partner's name, whether they feel pressure from society, their partner, or their family. When making a decision, there are many factors to take into account.
If you and your partner have children, you might want to keep your name to have the same last name as your children. Many parents worry about the implications of divorce on their children and their children's future due to the considerable evidence suggesting that divorce is detrimental to children and fear that changing a parent's name is yet another change that can prove harmful or at least problematic for their kids. Some mothers mitigate this issue by having their children's names hyphenated or hyphenating their own birth and married names.
Your career might also have a role in determining whether or not you change to your birth name or retain your married name. If you have built a career under one name, it can feel like you’re starting from scratch when you change your name. Having to fill out scores of paperwork, alter your driver's license and other forms of identification, and change all your mail and means of correspondence can be quite a hassle, particularly in the aftermath of everything else that accompanies a divorce. Some people might choose to keep their name to preserve the legacy they have built for themselves.
The impact of changing your name after a divorce can be substantial. Your children might be angry, your partner's family might be angry, and your partner might grow resentful and unkind in the face of you changing your last name back to your birth name. For some families and couples, keeping a well-established married name is the right course of action, but this decision can vary for everyone.
Online counseling with Regain
Since the decision to keep or change your name on the heels of a divorce is a big one, and because the implications can be far-reaching and long-lasting, it may be helpful to consult with a therapist to gain some perspective. A therapist can help you determine which of these routes is right for your unique situation, your needs, and your own personal set of values. The therapists from Regain can assist you and your family in determining which of the two options is right for you and empower you to go through with this decision. Regain provides counseling entirely online. Since the divorce process is often time-consuming and emotionally heavy, it may be useful to have the option to connect with a therapist through phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging instead of having to drive to an office and attend sessions in person. Whatever assistance you need during this difficult time, a therapist can be here for you to offer support.
The effectiveness of online counseling
Online counseling can be beneficial for those going through a divorce. In one study, researchers discovered that a controlled trial study of the Cooperation After Divorce online intervention significantly reduced anxious, depressive, and somatization symptoms among divorcees over a one-year period. When researchers followed up with participants one year after their divorce, they found that symptom levels of all 3 outcomes were close to the population norms for those in the intervention group, but “still considerably elevated for participants in the control group,” suggesting the long-term efficacy of online counseling.
Takeaway
Whether you choose to change your last name after a divorce is a personal decision that everyone has different feelings and opinions about. Making the choice that feels right to you without being influenced by others can help ensure that you are happy with your decision and don’t have regrets down the road. Professional counseling can be beneficial during this process if you need guidance in figuring out what may be the right choice for you. Further, counseling can help you cope with any difficult emotions you may be experiencing during or after your divorce. No matter the challenges you’re facing, a therapist can help you remain true to yourself as you work through them and look forward to what’s next in your life.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How hard is it to change your last name after a divorce?
Before taking any steps, confirm your specific state or country’s laws. Each state and country can have different rules related to legally changing your name after a divorce. At the end of a divorce settlement, the court issues a divorce decree. A divorce decree covers many of the answers to how a couple will interact after a divorce, especially with children or property. Some people who are thinking ahead will include a name change request for themselves or their children so that the court can include those deliberations before the divorce is finalized. The less you must deal with after your divorce case is settled, the less stress you may face, so try to include as many problems as you can see arising in the future as possible in the divorce decree. Legally changing your last name may be easier if the divorce decree includes the request for a name change.
Ideally, a divorce attorney asks if a spouse will want to revert to a former name from before the marriage. A request for a name change is common during a divorce, and it shows initiative to bring this up early. If the final divorce decree includes an intention to change one’s name once the divorce is finalized, it can be used as documentation for the legal change. In some states, you can fill out an application for the court to restore your name or use the divorce decree or court record when you apply for a name change after the divorce is final. When a divorce is final, already having the court’s approval to go ahead and change a child’s or your own name can make the process more seamless. If you do not include a request for a name change in your final divorce decree, you will most likely need to change your name the way anyone else in your state would, usually by filing a formal name change through the state. Within a court divorce, changing your name is often bundled with other factors your divorce attorney can help you handle.
Does a divorced woman have to change her name back?
While there can be many emotional attachments to one’s name complicated by a divorce, there is no legal reason divorced women must change their names back. A name change can be included in the divorce decree and used to easily change her name once the divorce is final. They can also choose not to include that request. Later in her life, she may choose to change her name and can do so by simply following the state’s procedure for a regular name change.
During a divorce, changing a name can become a heated issue. Some women prefer to keep their married name to avoid changing a child’s name to match one parent or the other. Many parents try to avoid arguing over the decision to change a child’s name, and a mother may resist changing her name if she feels more connected to her family that way. Or she may not be prepared to make this decision during the divorce case, where emotions can run hot, so she may delay the choice and not include the name change request in divorce papers or put it into the final divorce decree
Can I still be a Mrs. after a divorce?
A woman cannot be forced to change her name after a divorce is final. Technically, she can choose to be called whatever she prefers. Typically, during an ongoing divorce case, a lawyer will encourage spouses to decide if they want to change their names since the easiest way to change their names is by including this request in the divorce decree. However, for a woman going through a divorce, changing a name might take more time and consideration, or she might prefer to keep her married name. Even after the divorce is final, she can still be a Mrs. This is true both legally and even from an etiquette perspective.
While some may prefer that their ex go back to their former name to confirm the separation symbolically, a person is under no obligation to do so. They may remain a Mrs. or they may not, according to their preferences.
Can I start using my maiden name again?
While many people go by informal names that may seem very different from their official name, like someone named Margaret who prefers Peggy, technically, your legal name does not change simply by going through a divorce. Even if you encourage friends and family to call you by your maiden name, the legal name that you use for banking, employment, or any official documents, would need to be changed legally if you want to use it for any practical purposes.
Once your divorce is final, if you requested a name change as part of your final divorce decree, you can take that decree to any official state office and legally use your maiden name again. If you did not request a name change within your divorce papers, you could legally change back to your maiden name by applying for a name change according to your state’s laws. Some people change their names right when a divorce is final, whereas it may take others some time to realize they want to use their maiden name again.
Why would a divorced woman keep her married name?
There could be many personal, professional, or emotional reasons a divorced woman would prefer to keep her married name after her divorce is finalized. These same considerations often go into the choice to initially take a partner’s name. Some women like the name that is most familiar to them. They are used to being called that name by friends and family, and maybe even colleagues. If a woman has become known by a certain name in a professional setting and has built a reputation or maybe even published materials by one name, it can be confusing and could even negatively impact their reputation to change it. They could miss out on getting referenced or included in new research if others are unaware of the name change.
Some women may expect to be stigmatized or shamed for getting a divorce in some cultures, classes, or families. Some people with old-fashioned attitudes may blame a woman for a divorce. In such a case, keeping a married name or getting called Mrs. could avoid some discomfort when introducing oneself to new people, catching up with old neighbors, or showing identification while enrolling a child in a new school. Even though divorce is becoming less of a stigma in many countries and families, one’s individual circumstances could be made easier by not reverting to a maiden name.
If children are involved with the couple getting divorced, the child’s name forms an emotional complication for some mothers. Some legal aspects of raising a child can become complicated when a parent has a different last name. Rather than change a child’s name, or risk being stigmatized as less a part of a family that once existed together, a woman may find it simpler to keep her married name. Parents of younger children who fear the effects of disruption on a child’s world may also prefer to keep their married names to lessen the child's changes. Minimizing the changes to a child’s day-to-day life can be enough reason for some women to keep their married names.
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