Eight Reminders For Divorcing Men

It’s no secret that getting divorced can take a toll on a man. Going through a divorce is almost never easy, and you might feel overwhelmed at times. Even so, there may be some things that you can do to make things a bit easier on yourself. Consider the following eight things divorcing men should keep in mind. They may just help you to get through this process relatively unscathed.

Getting over divorce takes time

Getting over a divorce may take time. It might take you many months to get over your divorce, and some men have even struggled to get over what happened for years. You may need to give yourself time to heal. Consider that it’s normal to mourn the loss of your marriage. You also might be wondering how divorce changes a man. 

Even if divorcing your spouse was the right call, it can still be a difficult thing to accept. At one point in time, your spouse may have meant the world to you. You might have shared many special moments together that you won’t soon forget. Sometimes relationships can go sour, and people have been known to change. Your goals might not have been in alignment, and that could have sounded the death knell for your marriage.

Feeling upset about losing someone that you loved (or maybe even still love) is normal. Those emotions that you feel welling up inside you are to be expected, and you may need to deal with them. You might feel sad one day, only to feel angry the next. It may take time to move on from divorce, and that’s okay.

Having a support system is crucial

One of the most important pieces of divorce advice for men involves having a support system. Having a support system in place allows you to draw on others’ strengths when you’re feeling weak. Some men might be fiercely independent. They may feel like showing weakness will make people think less of them. Consider that this is not often the case, though. Everyone needs help sometimes, and it’s important to have people who can be there for you during the darkest days.

You may feel an immense sadness about your marriage ending. You could also have some unresolved issues that may cause you to struggle going forward. You might just need to vent sometimes, and other times, you might be looking for advice. Either way, knowing that you have people in your life who care about your well-being can be comforting. Life after divorce might not be easy, but it can be easier with the right support system in place.

Bottling up emotions can be detrimental

You might think that simply trying to ignore your feelings about the divorce is the best course of action. After all, you need to be able to get up and go to work in the morning. You might not want to sit around moping all the time, but it may not be healthy to ignore what is going on inside you. If you continue to bottle up your emotions, though, they may explode eventually. This can lead to severe depression, episodes of anxiety, or other mental health challenges. 

Having a support system in place can be helpful. Speaking to friends about how you feel can help you relieve some stress. Venting might even be crucial to avoid mental health complications. If you’re having a particularly tough time, then you might even want to reach out to professionals for help. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings over time, and you can gradually feel better.

Divorced dating might not be easy at first

Some divorcing men look forward to getting back out there meeting new people.  Consider that you might not be ready to start dating again right away, though. Everyone handles this differently. While one man might be able to move on from divorce in a few months and start dating again, another might not feel comfortable with dating for years. You might want to keep in mind that dating before you’re emotionally ready can be problematic.

When you start dating someone new, you want to be able to be a good boyfriend. This won’t be possible if you aren’t at your best. If you aren’t over your ex, then you might wind up simply using a person instead of becoming a committed partner. You may not want to hurt anyone else or put yourself in an uncomfortable position.  Instead, try to give yourself a bit of time so that you won’t feel too emotionally vulnerable to have a good dating experience.

Being promiscuous might not be a good idea

Some men may decide to be promiscuous after getting out of a marriage. You might feel like this is some way to get revenge on your ex, but consider whether this is the best approach. Sex can be great, and it’s an important part of life. Still, you may not want to use it as a salve for your emotional wounds. Sleeping with various partners might make you feel good in the moment, but this type of sex life often leaves men feeling hollow.

Perhaps a better approach is to work on building something new with a compatible partner. It can take time to find someone you connect with, but you may not want to rush things. Avoiding promiscuous sex may be better for your physical and mental health. 

It’s fine to be alone for a while

Consider that being alone for a while is reasonable after a divorce. You might not want to date again for quite some time. Some men might avoid dating for fear that the relationship will end up like their marriage. Closing yourself off to love might not be a good idea, but learning to love being alone can be healthy. You may find that you don’t need a significant other to be happy and fulfilled.

Your children need your love more than ever

If you have children, consider that they will need your love and support now more than ever. Kids are often the true victims of a divorce, and they don’t always understand what is going on. Some kids might even blame themselves for their parents splitting up. It’s important to show them love and let them know that you’re going to be there for them no matter what.

Your custody situation may change once you’re divorced. You might not see your kids every single day like you used to. Consider making the most of the time that you do have together. Try to help them realize that everything will be fine. Be the best father you can be and try to cooperate with your ex as much as possible for your children’s sake.

Self-care is important

As you’re going through a divorce, consider that self-care is important. This could mean eating healthy food whenever you can and getting enough exercise. This might be a good opportunity for you to focus on your physical fitness as well.

Getting into better shape can make you feel better about yourself, and you might also have more energy. Exercise can combat symptoms of depression and give you a positive outlet for any pent-up emotions or negative energy you might have. 

Don’t hesitate to talk to an online therapist

There are many reasons men going through a divorce might consider counseling. Many men develop symptoms of depression post-divorce, for example. You might be experiencing anxiety, or you could just need someone to listen to your problems.

Still, it could be difficult to be vulnerable with a stranger (even a therapist) in person. This may make it hard to attend counseling sessions in a traditional office-based setting. Online counseling could prove a better alternative. Many people report feeling more comfortable in a web-based setting, especially when it comes to discussing sensitive topics like relationships and divorce. Online therapy is also more convenient since you can attend your sessions from home and schedule appointments whenever they fit into your calendar. 

Internet-based counseling has also been proven effective for various populations. A recent study determined that therapy delivered via videoconferencing was beneficial for not only individuals, but couples and families as well. 

Takeaway

Divorce can take its toll on all parties involved. For men who are struggling to move on after divorce, a professional counselor like those at Regain can help. In therapy, you can process any negative emotions you have due to the loss of your marriage. You can also learn coping strategies, build your self-confidence, and prepare to date again. If any of these are goals you have for yourself post-divorce, reach out today.