Court or mediation is over, papers are signed, and you have taken off your wedding ring. The divorce is final. But where do you go from there? After it’s all said and done, moving on after a divorce is not always an easy thing to do, even if you’re the one who initiated the divorce. That said, it can be a positive experience that you can grow from. If you are moving on after a divorce, there are a few important things that you should remember.
Getting Over Divorce
Getting over a divorce is often difficult, and it will usually take time. But it is a process that you can get through with help and the right coping strategies. It is a process of rediscovery, a process of growth, and a process of transition. You will mostly likely go through the stages of grief. Though it may not be easy,if you follow these tips for getting over a divorce, it could be a fulfilling process and an opportunity for growth.
Though letting go can be a process that varies in length, it’s often a vital step toward acceptance. Bargaining, one stage of grief, is where you might think, What could I have done differently?or,If things were different, could we still be together?You have a new life ahead of you now, and you can build it up to be something even better than what you envisioned. You don’t need to push yourself into that space of optimism preemptively; just know it’s there and start with the process of acceptance. Learning about radical acceptance (i.e.,I don’t like this, but I accept that this is true.) may be a helpful initial step.
Cut Off Communications
To get over your ex and let go of the past, it is often best to cut off communications with them, at leastto the extent that you can. Do not allow yourself to be sucked into lengthy, unproductive conversations or arguments about marriage and divorce. If you have children with your spouse, you will have to communicate with them for their sake. However, you can insist that all conversations revolve around the children and that nothing else will be discussed. If you’re still in the decision-making stage as far as the logistics of the divorce, a professionalmediator might be helpful in this. A divorce therapist could also be helpful in coming to an agreement about the terms of your communication.
Allow Yourself Time To Grieve
We talked about letting go, and acceptance is a major necessary step, but it’s also vital to move through the other stages of grief that come up for you and acknowledge your emotions.
Grieving is a process, and it is one that you must go through when moving on after divorce. Grief is something that you will feel after divorce because you have lost your life partner. It is similar to the grief that you go through when someone you love passes from this world. There are five steps to grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each step of the grieving process will be different for everyone.
As you go through the grieving process and move on after a divorce, it can be valuable to do something to distract yourself. Start a new hobby or pick up a hobby that you used to enjoy but let go of in the course of your married life. Even if it is just diving into a good book series or binge-watching your favorite shows on Netflix, it is important to find things that make the world, and life, feel a little brighter. What can you do in your life that’s enjoyable? Can you reach out to friends, old and new, to catch up? What else?
How Long Does It Take To Get Over Divorce?
The amount of time it takes to get over a divorce varies by individual and the circumstances surrounding the breakup and divorce. There are many factors that could affect this, like a person’s level of social support, divorce-related trauma or complications, and personality or past experiences. Some experience more negative impacts than others. The important thing to remember is that this process of moving on after divorce is unique to everyone, and you need to let yourself experience it in a way that is right for you.
How To Get Through A Divorce
Getting through a divorce is made much easier when you think about your future instead of dwelling on the past. Getting through a divorce should involve taking a present-centered outlook on life, with a forward-looking view, adapting to your changed circumstances, and reinventing yourself and your life as a single person. Here are some ways to reinvent yourself and your life to have an identity as an individual instead of as the couple you have been for years.
Learn From Experiences
It is okay to think about your marriage and divorce critically as you get through a divorce. In fact, it is very healthy and can help you in future relationships. By analyzing your marriage and divorce and what led to the end of the marriage, you will recognize patterns from both yourself and your spouse. It will help you prevent making the same mistakes in a future relationship. If there were things that your ex did that may have precipitated the divorce, looking back on your marriage can help you set boundaries and know what you want out of your next relationship. Challenge thoughts of limitation (e.g., I’m too old;No one will like it if I do that), and ask yourself, What do I want from life and the connections in it?
The more you fight against change, the harder it can be to get through a divorce. Accept the changes that are occurring in your life. Embrace the change and go with the flow. Allow things to happen in their own time. Let go of the past and look to the future, with a primary focus on the present and how you can embrace this time of change to help you grow for the better. Again, you don’t have to love or like change yet — it’s more about internalizing that it is there without judgment.
Reinvent Your Life
For your entire marriage, you and your spouse were like one entity. You were a partnership. You might have identified yourself as a spouse or a parent, with less of a focus on who you are as an individual. Now that your marriage is over, it is time to reinvent your life and arrange it to your liking. If you married young, you might feel as though you don’t know who you are outside of the spousal relationship. This is a time and process of self-discovery that is very significant.
Moving On From Divorce
You have an excellent opportunity to reinvent yourself whenmoving onafter divorce. It can be a helpful cognitive reframe to think of it this way: Rather than divorce being a loss of identity, it is a chance to explore who you are outside of your marriage. Here are some additional ways that you can work on reinventing yourself and your life.
Learn To Like Yourself
If you don’t have the time or resources for in-person therapy, there are additional options to get help. Online therapy platforms such as ReGain are great for allowing you convenient access to a therapist. ReGain counselors and therapists specialize in relationships and divorce. They can give you the tools and support to help you work through your divorce and move forward. Contact them today to get started.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How long does it take to move on after divorce?
The time it takes to move on after divorce can vary dramatically from person to person. Studies have shown that healing after a divorce takes 18 months on average, but of course, it can take much longer (or even much shorter) for some. It can be especially difficult to see your ex seemingly thriving in a new relationship while you are still hurting post-divorce. Just know that divorce can be difficult in these situations, and healing after divorce looks different for everybody. You will eventually come to a place where you are content or developing a new relationship, but it can take some time. If you would like support, free divorce support groups exist online and in many cities worldwide.
Who moves on faster after divorce?
Everyone moves on at a different rate post-divorce. While there are stereotypes related to gender and other factors, the truth is that divorce can be difficult for everyone and that the moving on processes is unique. If you had divorced parents, you might have noticed that one parent wanted to get into another relationship right away, and for the other relationships, love, and a new life was far off. It’s not the case that the former parent had moved on by the time they found a relationship, but rather that they processed differently. If you need help processing your divorce, there are many free divorce support groups. Finding divorce support can be a relatively easy way to help you process or prepare for divorce.
Is it hard to move on after divorce?
It can be very difficult for some people to move on after divorce. Many marriages last for a long time and create a very strong bond, but in the end these marriages end in divorce for any number of different reasons. Though it can be extremely difficult to move on, it is possible to find contentment after a divorce. General social support and professional support can make things more manageable. A healthy lifestyle can also help you cope with the complicated feelings you may be experiencing.
Is life better after divorce?
For some people, life can be a lot better after divorce. There is no shame in leaving a relationship that offers you few positive benefits. Many women can finally do the things that they’ve always wanted after their divorce. Many women have started businesses or bought houses after their divorces when they wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. Though processing a divorce can be difficult, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Do husbands ever regret divorce?
While many people often regret divorce, it is more likely that they regret the actions leading up to the divorce. If you find your relationship on the edge of divorce, or you have begun to prepare for divorce, be sure to check in with your partner and see if they are willing to go to marriage therapy. If working on the marriage is something you both want to do, you can begin to figure out where the issues are in your relationship. This can help you both avoid any regret.
What does a divorced man want?
Regardless of a person’s past, assumptions or generalizations can hold you back from understanding a person’s true wants. If you are dating someone who has been divorced, it is important to take the time to learn about them and their situation — to show them you care, pay attention to what they have to say and ask questions about what they want. If they have kids, be sure to show them that you can see yourself being a part of their lives. At the end of the day, people who have been divorced, like those who have not, often want to find love and affection above all else. Open communication and working toward a place of deep emotional understanding and mutual appreciation can help.