Was It A Date? 12 Ways To Tell

Back in the day, dating used to be a bit simpler; you likely went out with someone who lived nearby, that you had perhaps even grown up with. Cell phones were not around, and the internet could not connect you to anyone you wanted to hear from. Then, dating apps were created, allowing people to swipe left and right and match with people within a certain radius from where they were standing. Whether you’re meeting someone in person or online, there are so many options out there that sometimes dating can seem a bit overwhelming. With the dating scene changing often, it can be tough to tell whether you’re being asked on a date or invited to a get-together as friends. However, there are some clues that can help you tell the difference.

Was it a date? 

In addition to the various ways to find someone in today's world, a dating vernacular has popped up. Terms such as ‘cuffing’ sprouted up and became a movement; the idea of being with someone just for the cold months and a holiday where you want to kiss someone at midnight became appealing and non-committal. There are friends with benefits, terms such as "Netflix and chill," and everything in between. As a result, sometimes, it is hard to know exactly what is going on.

Are you and the person you are interested in dating? Exclusive? In an open relationship? Just friends? While communication can be very important, sometimes it can feel uncomfortable to be direct in the beginning. Perhaps you and someone you just met, or someone you have known for a long time, have gone out for a meal, drinks, or an outing. As you return home, you start to wonder: was this a date?

You could find yourself in a dilemma. While you don't want to lead them on if they had romantic intentions while yours are just friendly, you also don’t want to invest feelings in this relationship if they just want to be friends. It can be essential to ensure that the two of you are on the same page. Before you do ask, though, you may want to assess the time you just spent together and try and figure out if it could possibly be a date. Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to reflect on the situation:

How normal is the scenario?

This completely depends on your relationship with the person that you had before the outing took place. Is this a friend that you regularly go out and grab drinks with? If so, this situation may not be too much out of the ordinary, and it likely was not a date. However, if you usually go to dive bars with this person and tonight it was a dimly lit, romantic restaurant, that could indicate something out of the ordinary and point to a potential date. If you just met this person, and they suggested dinner and a movie, a picnic in the park, or any one-on-one time, then there could also be a chance of it being a date.

Were you nervous?

How did you feel? Was the outing casual for each of you? Or were you a little bit nervous? Was your date acting nervously? Those nerves could be first date jitters, meaning that one or both of you were hoping it was a date. If your energy matched your date’s, they could be on the same page.

What did you do?

Certain activities could be date activities, especially if they’re one-on-one: a fancy dinner, drinks at a bar, or a gondola ride could all be examples. If what you did seemed to be more of a date activity, then chances are, it was. That does not mean that something such as hiking was not a date - for many, a hike is the perfect date activity – but there may be less of a chance of a date taking place here than somewhere else that’s more romantic. If it was a group outing (aside from being all couples), this could also indicate that it was more of a friendly hangout than anything. 

What is the mood?

This partly has to do with what you did with this person. If you went to a romantic movie or a nice restaurant, the mood was likely more romantic. Did you and your possible date put effort into how you looked? Was everyone dressed a little nicer? This usually means that you are trying to make a good impression, which often happens when you are going on a date.

What was discussed? 

Reflect on the conversation that you had with this person throughout the night. Were they trying to get to know you in a meaningful way? This is usually an indicator of someone trying to test compatibility with you. If they asked about your dating history, they may have wanted to know what kind of person you are and if you might be ready for a relationship. If they brought up a current significant other or talked about other people that they are trying to become involved with or are attracted to - this is a sign that you were likely not on a date.

Were there any telltale words or phrases said? 

If your possible date spent time complimenting how you look, your intellect or your personality, or perhaps your sense of humor, then there is a chance that you were on a date. If it seemed as if they were acting chummier and more like friends - perhaps they called you "dude" or "my man" or something along those lines - then it is likely a much more casual friendship that they are looking for.

Was there any physical touch? 

90% of communication is nonverbal, meaning that any type of physical touch could be one of the more telltale signs of a date. Was there any hand-holding? A prolonged hug? Perhaps you both put your arms around each other while you were walking. There could have even been a goodbye kiss. If this is the case, then it is likely that you were on a date. Be careful not to mix up dating with someone who may want to be physical friends – being friends with benefits is a real thing that some people search for. If there was any physical connection made, the chances are high that you were on a date, or at least hanging out with someone who wants something more with you. 

Who paid? 

Having a male pay for the meal is a more archaic practice, noting that women had no income, but it can also be a sign of chivalry. While nothing is wrong with splitting the check, if the other person offered or did pay for your meal/drinks/ticket/etc., there is a chance that they considered this a date. If they asked you on this outing and then paid afterward, it is usually because they considered it as taking you out somewhere. This also is not restricted to gender - the person who "hosted" (asked you out) and paid could be any gender.

Was  a gift given? 

Bringing your date a gift - flowers being the most traditional example – could be a clear indicator that you may have been on a date. This also includes if something was bought during the outing and given to you. For example, a stuffed animal at a carnival is won, or perhaps chocolates or wine from a shop. If your date brought you something special, it could have been a token of their interest in you. 

Was there follow-up communication? 

Many times, after a date is over, someone sends a follow-up text or calls the other. A lot of the time, the text is something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for tonight; I had a great time." It is a text that opens communication lines for a future date and lets the person you were with the know how much their time and company were appreciated that night. If you get a text or call like that, it shows that the person you were with cared and appreciated the day, and it may be more likely that you were on a date.

Does it look, feel and sound, like a date? 

After you have gone through it in your head and made a possible conclusion, you can ask people close to you, such as friends and family, for their opinion. Tell them what happened that day and see if they, as an outside party looking in, think it seemed like a date. If so, then it probably was. Of course, an outsider’s perspective can be difficult to trust because they don’t know all the details and may have never met this other person. Since they can’t know the other person’s intentions for sure, it can be important not to place your entire opinion of the outing on someone else’s perspective of it. 

Was there flirting? 

Some people may be obvious flirts, while others can be a little more covert. See if you can tell. Was either of you flirting with the other either before, during, or after the evening? Flirting tends to mean there is some type of romantic interest, so if it seemed flirty, chances are you were on a date.

Once you have concluded whether you may have been on a date, you can try asking or hanging out with the person again to further assess the dynamics between the two of you. Direct communication can often lead you right to the answer you’ve been looking for. While it can be intimidating to ask someone if an outing was a date because you run the risk of rejection, the benefit can be getting your answer— even if it’s not what you wanted to hear. On the other hand, they may confirm what you’ve been suspecting, and this could lead to a fulfilling dating relationship. 

Online counseling with Regain

Dating and eventually entering a relationship can be rewarding, but it doesn’t always come without stress. If you need help navigating problems in your dating life, a Regain therapist could help. Regain is an online counseling platform that provides services to individuals and couples. This means you can get individual counseling while you’re single and then transition to couples counseling once you’re in a relationship. Regardless of the issues you’re facing in your life, you can find a therapist who specializes in that area. This can take much of the pressure off you to find the appropriate support. Whenever you feel ready, reach out to take the next step in your mental health journey. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Dating isn’t easy for everyone. In fact, many people struggle with things like shyness, social anxiety, and depression, which can make them want to withdraw from people in general. This can make it difficult to meet new people and enjoy a fulfilling dating life. A recent study conducted by researchers in Hong Kong found that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) delivered over the internet was efficacious in managing and treating social anxiety disorder. 73% of the participants no longer met the diagnostic criteria for SAD once the intervention was complete, compared to 9% of those in a waitlist control group.

Takeaway

Dating isn’t always a seamless process, and it can be difficult to gauge someone’s interest in you at times. If you’re confused about whether an invitation is a date or a hangout between friends, it can help to look for certain signs. Ultimately, though, you may get your answer by directly asking for clarity— and don’t underestimate the power of trusting your gut. If you’d like more guidance in your dating life, it could be beneficial to connect with a relationship therapist. An online dating coach can offer you advice and support you as you search for your special someone.